SeaMonster Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hello everyone, My name is Lizzie. I'm a coffee obsessed 20 year old, who spends far too much time wandering around in unknown cities and sitting on seawalls whilst daydreaming about sailing. Though I am originally from the U.S. (Florida, specifically), I am currently studying graduate school in the south of England. I could not live without my laptop (with a Netflix subscription), a library card, and a plane/train/boat ticket to somewhere I have never been before. So, I bet you are all wondering why I'm here... (No? You weren't? Are you sure?) Since you are so curious, here's my story: I just kind of stumbled upon this site earlier today, and thought I'd stay. I've only known the term "asexual" for about a year, but have probably been asexual since I was a teen (so, pretty much when I started having relationships and most people started having sex). I've only had a handful of relationships throughout my life, and each one was ended by a very upset partner who believed I had 'misled' them. My very first relationship (all the way back in my high school years) ended with my boyfriend saying "Well, you are obviously not that into me." My next boyfriend became very confused when I took no enjoyment from his sexual advancements, and told me that I was just "innocent and inexperienced". And so went every relationship I managed to find myself in… each ending for the same reason, just with a differently worded explanation for what was obviously wrong with me. After my first few years of college, I finally reached a point where I withdrew my self from close relationships. My only true loves were my studies and the beach near campus. I had settled with this idea that "not wanting to have sex" was in no way normal, and that I must have been mentally ill. I didn't feel that I deserved a relationship, as I would never be able to give my partner what they truly wanted. I continued to blame myself for every pout and sigh my past partners had made, when I pulled away from a kiss or refused to undress. One day, whilst walking around campus with a friend, I found myself listening to a fully detailed complaint about how my friend could not get laid by his hot lab partner. After attempting to sympathize with him, I finally gave up and simply said: "I never really have that problem." Though I can't remember his exact response, I'm pretty sure it was something like "Oh, please. Like you've never been turned down." "No, not like that." I had tried to correct myself. "I just don't try and have sex with people… I guess… I don't know… Nevermind." (I had probably muttered that last part out of nerves, as it wasn't something I felt comfortable with admitting.) "Let me guess." My friend had said. "You're an asexual." "I'm a what?" "Never mind." Though my friend had refused to give further explanation on what he had "accused" me of being, simply shrugging it off with a sigh of "It's just one of those LGBT things." I decided to look it up on my own later that night (out of curiosity and in an attempt to procrastinate on my school work). I typed "asexuality" into my google search bar, and lo and behold, in between all the weird biology articles about cell splitting, were a hundred or so blog and forum posts by people who were having the same experiences as me. My initial reaction was complete denial (I'd thought something was mentally wrong with me for years, and no amount of blog posts online were going to make me fully believe there were "others like me"). I closed my laptop in frustration, and went to bed. The next day, after a few hours of sleep and plenty of time to stare at the ceiling and think, I reopened my laptop and reentered my google search. This time, I accepted what I saw. I embraced it. Skip a year, and I have graduated with my Bachelor of Science degree and moved all the way to England for graduate school. I have only admitted to three people that I was asexual… and one of them was a complete stranger. Though I can finally can put a name on how I feel and know that it is not some form of mental illness, I still am not a hundred percent happy with who I am. I guess, I'm just lonely. I don't know anyone else who is asexual. In fact, a majority of those I know are practically the exact opposite. Though I love all my friends dearly, I can't always share in their painful stories about their lack of sex the previous night. And as we have gotten older and moved further apart from one another, that seems to be all that is spoken of. Though I still very much want someone in my life who is more than 'just a friend', I find myself still pulling away from any romantic relationship before it even develops (out of fear that I'll have to explain my hesitations to do anything more than cuddling to the other). It is this loneliness that has brought me here. And now we have come full circle! (If you actually read all that, I'll bake you cookies.) I'm here to meet everyone and make some new friends. So, if you want, please do talk to me. Send me a message. Send me a hundred messages. Send me blank messages, or messages I'll need a decipher to read. Let's get to know one another. I'll be around. Your friend, Lizzie Link to post Share on other sites
Phaetion Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 First of all, welcome. :) Second of all, yeah, it can be lonely, being asexual and unable to relate to a lot of what people have to say but, hey, there's a Meet Up part of the forum to take care of that. :p Like yourself, I didn't join AVEN until over a year after I found AVEN. Link to post Share on other sites
truthisbest7 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hi! Welcome! I'm glad u r here. I have only been here about 4 weeks. It has been very good. I have made some friends and hope to make many more. I hope we can be friends too :) I am married and it can be quite the sticky wickit. Oh well. There is nothing that I can do. I am an ACE. I can't change that. Stay a while and read what others have posted. It will do you good:) Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Well, welcome! If it makes you feel any less lonely, your story sounds eerily similar to mine. Knew about asexuality, looked into it hesitantly, scoffed, "pfft, that's not me", slept on it (for like 6 months). Suddenly: you know, yes, that is me, and that's ok. So see, you're already not alone! And I'm sure if you spend some time here, you'll find that you'll start feeling even less alone :) Link to post Share on other sites
Beeze Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Welcome! Hopefully you'll get to meet other aces here and feel less alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Shoryu Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Haha, what a vibrant story!! It really is amazing how just a brief mention of a word + a Google search can completely change the way you view yourself in a way that feels liberating! Welcome to the world of AVEN! ^_^ (Thanks for the cookies!) Link to post Share on other sites
VintageRev Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Welcome to Aven!!! 🍰🍰🍰 I found this community last week and the people here have been so great to talk to. I have been looking for friends to talk to also since most of mine have a hard time understanding anything different. Enjoy your time here! Link to post Share on other sites
eee333 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I'm so glad I saw this post, because your story sounds incredibly similar to mine. I've felt like there was something wrong with me for years because I've never had much interest in sex. I've always felt like I was missing something when I'm around my friends and their boyfriends, especially now that we are older. All of my relationships have ended on bad terms. I keep thinking that if I meet the right guy I will feel differently, but that never seems to happen. I pull away before a relationship can really even develop. I know how you feel, because I've felt lonely for a long time too. I'm still working on trying to find inner peace and happiness myself. Link to post Share on other sites
FindingMe94 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hello welcome. I would love to be your friend. Not just for the free cookies although I'll be expecting those soon. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
LaMaestra Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Welcome to Aven, Lizzie. Great to have you here. Have some :cake: We don't bite or sting here, we're all friendly with the right balance of intelligent conversation and sheer madness. We are not just friends on here, we are actually brethren. Brothers and sisters in asexy harmony. So welcome aboard, sister! Agnetha. Link to post Share on other sites
truthisbest7 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Yes....cookies are always welcome too! Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 Hi and welcome to AVEN! Thanks for the awesome intro. I like oatmeal chocolate chip cookies when you get around to it. I hope you love being a member here! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted October 23, 2014 Share Posted October 23, 2014 Hey. I somewhat hope that that first person is no longer your frind, with a dismissive attitude like that. Albiet, I'm judging based on one thing, so I really mean to say I'm sorry you haven't had good experiences yet with people knowing you're asexual. I will give you cake, if you give me cookies. I'll also give you cake anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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