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Hi & help!


you'requitefunny

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you'requitefunny

Hey everyone!


I seem to have been lurking around here for a few weeks, but haven't said a proper hello. I am so, so happy to have found this site because for the first time I have discovered people that share the ups, downs and confusions that I do! It is such a relief from feeling so alone. THANK YOU ALL.



I wonder if you might be able to help me - I would most definitely say that I am not sexually attracted to people and since finding this site I feel ready to start discussing my asexuality with my friends, but there is something getting in the way. At 22 I have never been kissed and although I don't feel ashamed of this, it makes me question how I can be sure about being asexual? I imagine that if I did kiss someone, I would never want it to progress sexually (I'm sceptical that I would even enjoy kissing) but is this a reason to hold back on 'announcing' asexuality? I have waited a long time to try and be sure, but whenever I get close to people I get scared and can't commit to the moment and just end up getting upset and angry at myself, plus confusing the other person.



Maybe time will tell, but I am struggling a lot at the moment (making the situation seem more urgent) because nearly all of my friends are in relationships and it's causing me to shut myself away and lose touch with even my closest friends. Any advice?



xxx


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Hello and welcome to AVEN!!! :cake::cake: Happy to have you!

No, as long as you feel asexual now, it's fine to use. If you feel it would be better to wait until you're more sure to tell others, that's fine too. However, I can tell you that I always thought kissing would be cool for other people, but not for me. And I was right. It's weird and lots of lips and not necessarily unpleasant, but really really weird. Anyway, you don't have to have had sex and not liked it or kissed someone and not liked it to be able to call yourself asexual.

About your other question, there's a lot of trouble around here with friends in relationships, especially among the aromantic crowd. I know it's always been something that has distanced me from those I hold dear. Yet, I haven't discovered the secret to keeping friends who are in relationships. But, if I do, I'll be sure to let you know ^_^

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Hi and welcome to AVEN! I say definitely only tell people when you are good and ready...no need to put yourself in a position of trying to defend your own feelings. There are other people around the site who are in that same position of friends pairing off and I'm sure you will feel less alone as you read some of their stories and get ideas on how to deal with that. I hope you love being a member! :)

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Kissing isn't my favorite, but even if you turned out to love it, you could definitely still be asexual (sensual vs. sexual attraction and all that). If you don't think it would lead to wanting anything more sexual, you're probably right.

Welcome to AVEN! :) :cake:

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: I hope you'll enjoy being a member. : ) As for your concern...well, you don't have to try kissing or dating or sex in order to know whether you are asexual or not. I've never been in a relationship or been kissed, and I'm almost 26! Lol. But regardless, I don't feel like I need to try those things to say I'm asexual. Coming out is difficult...I only recently came out to a couple very close people, with mixed results. It isn't a necessary thing to do. No one has to come out if they don't want to or don't feel comfortable with it. But don't let your "inexperience" hold you back from identifying as ace, either. You never know what the future will hold, but if you feel that asexual defines you perfectly now, then go with it! I wish you the best!

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you'requitefunny

Thanks everyone for the welcome ^_^ I guess I should be more confident in trusting how I feel as opposed to comparing to social norms. I'll try to take your advice on board!

p.s that Halloween cake looks so delicious wow. It's 1 in the morning but I'm thinking about attempting to bake it.

xx

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If this is a sincere concern about coming out to other people, when they point out that you haven't done anything with other people then feel free to point out that you think they might have a bit of a point, but nonetheless where you stand now is asexual. There's no need to let it be something that prevents you from telling them. You are who you are now, not whoever you might be in some possible future.

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Welcome! :cake:

You don't have to do anything sexual to 'prove' that you're asexual, and you shouldn't let that hold you back from talking about it. That's difficult, that you're losing contact with some of your friends because of their relationships. Is there a way you could schedule to see them, and use that time to talk with them about this?

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Thanks everyone for the welcome ^_^ I guess I should be more confident in trusting how I feel as opposed to comparing to social norms. I'll try to take your advice on board!

p.s that Halloween cake looks so delicious wow. It's 1 in the morning but I'm thinking about attempting to bake it.

xx

You're welcome! : ) Hehe, yes, doesn't that cake look good? I wish I could bake that well. If you do make it (whatever time it may be!), let us know how it went!!

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