cheeringselenator Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Okay so I learned about asexuality in my sociology class earlier this year, and I have been thinking about it a lot. After coming to this site and learning more about asexuality and thinking it over, I think I may be asexual. I am a 19 year old girl and I have never had a boyfriend, never had my first kiss. And I am okay with that. While all my friends started dating and having sex I just didn't care about all that stuff. I don't really ever think about sex or masturbate. When I was in my younger teens, I thought maybe I would just grow into liking boys and wanting to be kissed and go further, but I still am not interested. I don't think I'm a prude or anything, I can watch sex scenes on tv/film or read them in a book, but it doesn't do anything for me. Its just like another scene in the movie. My cousins all talk about sex and stuff so its not like I'm surrounded by a family that is anti sex. I just don't have any sexual attraction or sexual interest. I used to think something was wrong with me. I've had crushes but they've usually been celebrity crushes, I don't really get crushes on people I actually know. I'm not against dating but I don't really want to do anything more that just cuddle or kiss on the lips. I've never been overly romantic. I keep seeing posts that are about still enjoying sex just not having an attraction to it. That sorta confused me. Like I am not interested in sex at all. Or kissing. When I was younger I thought I'd maybe grow into having more of an interest but I haven't. Everyone at my university is always talking about sex and I never had my first kiss but I am okay with that. I have no need to be kissed or have sex. I don't know I am just really confused. I thought maybe I am asexual but then I saw some people say they enjoy sex, and I just don't think I would enjoy it at all. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I just discovered asexaulity (you always hear about LGBT but how come not really ace?) I'm just trying to figure this all out. I know the other posts here that are like "do you think I'm asexual" always get the answer that only I can decide, but I'm just confused. I'm not like everyone else and I just don't know why. Did anyone else go through the same things? Do you think its possible that I am asexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Shoryu Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Hey there! No need for confusion once you think of asexuality as a spectrum rather than one solid definition. Asexuality is a very introspective and personal call from your end and therefore no one has the privilege to label you, except you. So really, once you accept that asexuality is a very flexible term, and one that's unique between multiple asexuals, the easier it is to realize why not everyone is the same here. Some asexuals just enjoy sex after (emphasis on "after") a strong emotional bond is established (demisexuals), and others simply neither desire it/enjoy it while others can still enjoy sex but doesn't automatically mean that person desires it/needs it. No doubt us Aces are rather unknown, but hey, this is why awareness is key! I believe Asexuality Awareness Week is next week in fact! ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gizamaluke Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Well I can't speak for everyone but there's different 'levels' of asexuality, there's many ways to explain it but... This is difficult to really explain. Some asexuals see no connection between sex and romance, some see it as an expression of romance. Some aces (asexuals) don't want sex because; it feels wrong, they have issues with physical contact, it's disgusting to them, it's unnecessary or they just don't want to. Some are sexually active because; it feels good, they want to help their partner, they like the connection it creates... Then you have aromantic asexuals who don't even want partners so sex is a deeply personal thing, and possibly something they'll never experience due to their personal reasons. Essentially you don't need to not have sex to be asexual. Some people identify as asexual because, like myself, they have no physical attraction to either sex, or no urge to act upon sexual desire. It's like... the body is willing but the mind is disinterested, if that makes any sense at all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Welcome! We're not well advertised because most people don't know about asexuality. I'm surprised your soc class covered it. All of mine have only covered homo, hetero, bi and occasionally pan. We are in the spectrum but it's LGBTQQIP2SAA full, and people hardly ever make it longer than 4-6 letters. There are some aces (asexuals) who enjoy sex, and others don't. There are sex-repulsed and sex-averse aces, and there are some with libido and fetishes. Being ace just means we don't experience sexual attraction. I'm only 20 and started calling myself ace a year ago, so I think I was similar to you. I don't really like kissing or cuddling (a little is fine, but too much is just physically uncomfortable) and the idea of sex still weirds me out. But feel free to look at the threads and read about others' experiences. We're a welcoming community and you're always welcome here. Cake for all! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Welcome Surely, you are an ace. Asexuality spectrum is very wide, there are aces who like to masturbate as well as sex repulsed and so. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cheeringselenator Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 Thank you all for replying to me! I feel very welcomed here, this is a great site. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted October 21, 2014 Share Posted October 21, 2014 Welcome! As many others said, the asexual community is diverse, and what we all have in common is not experiencing sexual attraction. Some can enjoy having sex, while others of us are completely repulsed, others indifferent to the idea, and anything else in between. The posts you saw about enjoying sex but without having an attraction to it don't apply to everyone.You can know that sex doesn't appeal to you without trying it; people can intuitively know what their orientation is, and whether sex appeals to them or not before ever having it. While asexuality may have always been around, there haven't been any asexual communities for as nearly as long as there have been LGBT communities. Asexual visibility only began to spread in the past decade. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheBeatlesPkmnFan42 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 You sound very much like me, actually. I'm an aromantic asexual, meaning I'm not interested in either romance or sex. So yeah, it sounds like you're ace to me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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