What is my romantic orientation?

[TheMadAtcher]

I am in desperate need of your help.

I know I am asexual. Point closed, ive know this for quite a while and ive come comfortable with the fact that I am, a couple of my friends even know. But there is something I am very lost about and that is my romantic orientation. Ive always thought that I had to like guys, because im a girl and I was raised in a Christian home, and I do, I find some of them attractive. Just recently ive discovered that I also find girls attractive, and this is recent because I think ive been repressing it so long that I thought it wasnt a possibility. Ok cool, so I thought I must be biromantic. But thats just it. I dont know if this suits me. I just turned 18 and ive never been in a relationship in my life, never even when I was little. Now, this is where it gets tricky... Ive had LOADS of crushes throughout my life, or what I thought were crushes, at least. I would think they are cute, or funny, or whatever and I would think that the idea of being with them would be nice. I would never actual ly experience being with them for some reason though. For the past few years, middle school and high school, I have had a couple chances to be in a relationship with a couple different people that I really did like, but once they started showing that they liked me, something inside me would change. Say I had a crush on someone and I REALLY liked them and wished they liked me back, and wished that we would be together, yadda yadda, but once they started to like me and show affection and what not, my body would feel sick and it didnt feel right. I knew I was aexual and that I didnt want anything to do with sexual relations, but even the sign of equal liking would make me feel very uncomfortable and strange. Here is where I need your help. I know what aromantic is, but isnt that when someone has no romantic feeling toward anyone? Like, I have romantic feeling toward people, but when they reciprocate it, it doesnt feel right. I dont know what to do and ive been crying a lot because honestly, I want to finally be in a relationship and experience love, but I dont know if I truly can. Is my mind telling me to be romantic, but my body is telling me otherwise? Everytime I think about it my chest hurts so bad. Like, I have a crush on one of my best friends right now, and recently shes been acting lkke she lkkes me back, but something in me tells me that being romantic is wrong and I hate it. Help.

[Shoryu]

but once they started showing that they liked me, something inside me would change. Say I had a crush on someone and I REALLY liked them and wished they liked me back, and wished that we would be together, yadda yadda, but once they started to like me and show affection and what not, my body would feel sick and it didnt feel right. I knew I was aexual and that I didnt want anything to do with sexual relations, but even the sign of equal liking would make me feel very uncomfortable and strange. Here is where I need your help. I know what aromantic is, but isnt that when someone has no romantic feeling toward anyone? Like, I have romantic feeling toward people, but when they reciprocate it, it doesnt feel right. I dont know what to do and ive been crying a lot because honestly, I want to finally be in a relationship and experience love, but I dont know if I truly can. Is my mind telling me to be romantic, but my body is telling me otherwise? Everytime I think about it my chest hurts so bad. Like, I have a crush on one of my best friends right now, and recently shes been acting lkke she lkkes me back, but something in me tells me that being romantic is wrong and I hate it. Help.

This honestly sounds very much like a lithromantic orientation. You love showing affection to others, but once you get the idea someone has or wants to return those feelings back, your romantic interest in that person vanishes. You probably are better suited for more platonic relationships; basically relationships where neither side is obligated to reciprocate romantic feelings and each side acknowledges that it's perfectly fine to walk out on it without getting feelings hurt.

Threads of interest relating to a lithromantic orientation:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/108471-am-i-lithromantic/

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/106824-lithromantics-and-relationships/

[Star Bit]

Lithromantics have romantic attraction but reciprocation results in indifference, a turn off, or repulsion which can make some physically feel sick. This can also be an immediate reaction or progressive.

[kelico]

You aren't alone! You got some good info and links already, and I also agree you're probably lithromantic. : ) Here's a ramble of mine about my experience with being lithromantic. Like Star Bit said, too...the reaction to reciprocation can be varied. As for your question:

I want to finally be in a relationship and experience love, but I dont know if I truly can. Is my mind telling me to be romantic, but my body is telling me otherwise?

I wish I could answer that! We are all different...but perhaps if you better understand your romantic orientation, you'll find a way to work with it? I've never been in a relationship, so I can't speak from experience, but there has to be other lithro's that have found the perfect balance of love. Maybe browse around this lithromantic tumblr. Best of luck to you!

[specialsnowflake]

Definitely sounds like lithromantic (which is on the aromantic spectrum). I identify as lithromantic and just feel like running away when my feelings are reciprocated.

[deltaX]

I don't really have much to add, but I do agree with the above comments that what you said sounds like you could be lithromantic. Try looking into the label and reading through the experiences of other lithromantic people on AVEN to see if its something you relate to and identify with. And of course, don't be afraid to come back with more questions if you're still confused! Good luck! :cake:

[Star Bit]

There are options. Either date someone who is ok with not giving verbal and or sensual reciprocation, date an aromantic that's ok with or wants romantic attention, be satisfied with a queerplatonic relationship, or date another Lithromantic. There are Asexual and "platonic dating" sites. (the link and even paste tool isn't working for me on here so if u want a list of them google "asexual dating site AVEN" and it should be one of the top results)

[Guest]

There are options. Either date someone who is ok with not giving verbal and or sensual reciprocation, date an aromantic that's ok with or wants romantic attention, be satisfied with a queerplatonic relationship, or date another Lithromantic. There are Asexual and "platonic dating" sites. (the link and even paste tool isn't working for me on here so if u want a list of them google "asexual dating site AVEN" and it should be one of the top results)

Liths are probably the only orientation/preference where it's actually a bad idea to date someone with the same orientation. If both partners are lith, they'll turn each other off with their respective feelings.

As you correctly said, dating a non-repulsed aromantic would be a far better idea... orientation-wise, that's a perfect match. (Just keep in mind that orientations matching up is not in itself sufficient for a ship to work... just ask every gay person ever who heard the old "hey, [XYZ] is gay too, you two should get together" bit. ;) I can assure you, there are tons of aces right here on AVEN who are not in any way relationship-compatible with me, hehe.)