I feel so confused and lost

[Klaud Zave]

I feel so confused and lost. I don’t even know what I am straight? Gay? Bi? Or simply none?

I’ve never felt anything for anyone. Nor man or woman. I’ve kinda sort of been attracted to people, but never to the extent of lust or real desire. I’ve been kissed a couple of times, always by men, and I’ve never felt ok with it. I thought I was being to prude, so I forced myself into kissing them, but reality is. It has always been kind of awkward.

It just never felt right.

And since I’ve never kissed a girl, nor wished to, I got to the conclusion of asexuality.

But what if I’m a pansexual or a demisexual?. What if a need a strong emotional attachment to get there.

I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never given me the chance to feel something for someone of the same gender. Maybe because thats what’s expected from society.

I’m not saying I’m just gonna try kissing girls all arounf ‘cause I really got no clue of what I am. But it is interesting to think about it.

Do we limit ourselves for society’s sake?

Have I been looking for love in the wrong places all my life?

And if I turn out to be asexual… do I even deserve someone’s love if I can’t give it back the way they want me to?

[Shoryu]

And if I turn out to be asexual do I even deserve someones love if I cant give it back the way they want me to?

The simple answer is to find another asexual. The complex solution is to find such people. Doesn't necessarily have to be an asexual, but just a person whom understands and respects your comfort boundaries. Otherwise you'll waste time and energy beating yourself over not feeling deserved of love if the other person chooses to be more demanding. If no compromise can be made, that person definitely doesn't deserve your love.

As for the rest I can relate similarly by my mild thoughts wondering, "What if I do like sex, but don't know it simply because I've never tried it?" but ultimately, just like you saying how you're not going to go kiss girl after girl to figure out the answer, I'm not going to bother having sex with multiple people just to find out simply because it doesn't truly interest me. Anything's possible, but we also have to consider what's more likely the case rather than what's possible. Sure, it's possible you'll find someone that'll woo you into a relationship, but more than likely, it seems that you're uncomfortable with relationships in general; society is telling you this is not normal. But we're talking about you, not society. If you feel pressured to be in relationships, the pressure itself is usually an indicator that it's not really for you.

With that said, would you agree that you're closely aromantic and instead value plantonic relationships and/or friendships?

[LeeBree]

If you've never felt anything for anyone, I doubt you'd be a pansexual. As for possibly being demisexual, you could be, but until you develop sexual attraction, I think asexuality could be an accurate term for now. Kissing random people wouldn't affect sexual attraction (or lack thereof) anyway… perhaps your kind of sort of attractions have been aesthetic, or a crush?

And of course you deserve love… even if they decide to leave the hypothetical relationship because of your potential orientation, it has nothing to do with what's deserved. No one deserves less for something they can't help. You deserve their love if you care for them and try to make compromises that you both are comfortable with. Until you possibly turn out demisexual though (if that ever happens), perhaps you would be better seeking platonic friendships? It's all up to you in the end, only you can really know what you want.

[Ficulnean]

Well, why place yourself lower than someone else. They can't give you love the way you need either, so by your logic they don't deserve you. I'd say just focus on making relationships, and don't be afriad to allow them to progress, but don't feel like they need to either. The only pressure from aociety here is the one you seem to be feeling to love in the 'right' way.

[Klaud Zave]

Well, why place yourself lower than someone else. They can't give you love the way you need either, so by your logic they don't deserve you. I'd say just focus on making relationships, and don't be afriad to allow them to progress, but don't feel like they need to either. The only pressure from aociety here is the one you seem to be feeling to love in the 'right' way.

I guess you're right, I just never tought of it that way.

I think i pushed my self to belive that love is this thing where a boy and a girl fall in love and yadda yadda, babies happen etc. The crap we've all heard. But recently when I had this sort of epiphany, finding myself to be an asexual, shit just went trough my mind. I didn't know what to do, how to act, or how to think of my self.

My original post was actually written like two months ago. I wrote it down in a word docc when I was at my most chaotic moment, and never posted it until recently beacuse I wanted to see what you peaple had to say! I didn't wanted to feel alone. 'Cause, even tho I've accepted my fate as an asexual, I do still want to fall in love and enjoy my self with another.

So thanks for the reply. I'll remind my self that we all deserve to be loved, one way or another.

[Ficulnean]

I think that my point relates love to a shared feeling, rather than act, so saying each person deserves to be lovbed actually means that each person deserves to feel loved. No point showering people with chocolate if they're diabetic. Just posting this because I think that it's a useful way to think about it, and a good distinction to make: people aren't loved because someone acts a certain way around them, which merely indicates that another person has feeling of love for you, they're only loved when they feel thtey are (which accounts for love having to be something shared between people).