Want closer friendships with women.

[Dawg4280]

So I found out that I am Ace about six months ago. Things have been so much better since. One thing that I still am having a difficult time navigating is how my relationships with women will now look and how I want them to look. I had extreme insecurities about my masculinity before due feeling like the most incompetent heterosexual ever, because of this any relationship I had with a girl that became sort of close I would try to pursue her - with no clue what I was doing or even wanted to do - if she was single and leave her alone if not. Basically I saw her potentially being my GF as the only way to access the type of intimacy I wanted, and saw sex and kissing and other stuff like that as obstacles that would keep me from getting to that point and nothing that I really wanted. The relationships I want to have with women would more closely resemble a stereotypical "gay guy and straight girl relationship" than a romantic GF BF thing, Doing some traditional feminine things together like shopping, emotionally intimate, tons of hugs, etc. So far that has not happened as much as I would like it too. When I first came out six months ago I told several girls that I work with, which did work out pretty well. I guess I was just hoping that I would become closer to them than I have. A lot of this may not have much to do with asexuality: I am introverted, I do not drink and am in college I call that "the social kiss of death", I feel a connection to them because of the role they played in a huge juncture in my life that they probably don't share, and for the most part a I am still mostly masculine. Anybody else have similar frustrations, any advice?

[butterflydreams]

Well, I relate a lot to your experience and what you've said here. Unfortunately I feel a lot like you and I don't have much advice. People (men and women) tend to lean on me in hard times, and then disappear when their lives and relationships pick back up.

I'll be very interested to see what other people say though.

[Fire & Rain]

I know this sounds cliche but the best thing to do is just be who you are because you can't pretend to be someone forever. If you don't mind online relationships, sign up to websites that highlight your interests and meet females with similar interests to yours in your area. If you have something in common, your conversations won't be awkward and forced. I'm also very introverted and online relationships work out better for me because I'm more open and talkative online. I rarely ever approach anyone in real life.

Well, I relate a lot to your experience and what you've said here. Unfortunately I feel a lot like you and I don't have much advice. People (men and women) tend to lean on me in hard times, and then disappear when their lives and relationships pick back up.

I'll be very interested to see what other people say though.

ugh! That happens to me all the time too. Another reason I'm sticking to LDRs. I'm like a temporary cuddle pillow for some people lol They only want me around when they are in between relationships and lonely. They throw me away once their life is back on track. I can so relate to this!

[butterflydreams]

I know this sounds cliche but the best thing to do is just be who you are because you can't pretend to be someone forever. If you don't mind online relationships, sign up to websites that highlight your interests and meet females with similar interests to yours in your area. If you have something in common, your conversations won't be awkward and forced. I'm also very introverted and online relationships work out better for me because I'm more open and talkative online. I rarely ever approach anyone in real life.

Well, I relate a lot to your experience and what you've said here. Unfortunately I feel a lot like you and I don't have much advice. People (men and women) tend to lean on me in hard times, and then disappear when their lives and relationships pick back up.

I'll be very interested to see what other people say though.

ugh! That happens to me all the time too. Another reason I'm sticking to LDRs. I'm like a temporary cuddle pillow for some people lol They only want me around when they are in between relationships and lonely. They throw me away once their life is back on track. I can so relate to this!

I'd say that about 50% of my desire to be in a relationship is to prove once and for all that I wouldn't behave that same way to friends.

[Fire & Rain]

I know this sounds cliche but the best thing to do is just be who you are because you can't pretend to be someone forever. If you don't mind online relationships, sign up to websites that highlight your interests and meet females with similar interests to yours in your area. If you have something in common, your conversations won't be awkward and forced. I'm also very introverted and online relationships work out better for me because I'm more open and talkative online. I rarely ever approach anyone in real life.

Well, I relate a lot to your experience and what you've said here. Unfortunately I feel a lot like you and I don't have much advice. People (men and women) tend to lean on me in hard times, and then disappear when their lives and relationships pick back up.

I'll be very interested to see what other people say though.

ugh! That happens to me all the time too. Another reason I'm sticking to LDRs. I'm like a temporary cuddle pillow for some people lol They only want me around when they are in between relationships and lonely. They throw me away once their life is back on track. I can so relate to this!

I'd say that about 50% of my desire to be in a relationship is to prove once and for all that I wouldn't behave that same way to friends.

I've been in romantic relationships and currently in one now but I've never cut off close friends and family because of them. Not everyone is like that. It's possible that I'm unlucky in that department cuz it keeps happening to me.

[Exanimis]

You know, forming an intimate relationship with someone depends on interests and trust.

If you share interests with someone and they trust you enough to give you intimacy, that is going to happen regardless if you are introvert or extrovert.

Of course, if you are extrovert things get easier, but whether you are extrovert or not, is not the biggest barrier you will find in forming an intimate relationship with someone, men or women or batman.

Say you do share interests with most femmes and they are pretty likely to share the interests with you, because sometimes, people might like the same thing but aren't willing to engage in social situations with that person that shares the same interests, I gotta ask you: If you and a woman have the same tastes and likes, but they are not willing to talk about it with you, per example, why is that?

One of the reasons is, you have to make yourself someone interesting. I'm not telling you to become extrovert, or start drinking or become the party dude with a thousand stories, it isn't necessary, all you have to do is to become more open and give them the info, better, make it available, for them to know you, be it because of shared interests or experiences or whatever, you have to make your interests available for people to be able to see it and relate to it. They will eventually get close and with that bonds are formed and then comes trust and all that.

Righty? :3 Hope it helps.

Cheers.