tfb Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 the only reason i do not wish to have sex is because i'm ashamed of my body? i think that if i had a different body i would like to have sex but under these circumstances i don't. i'm an 18 yo virgin and i think that at some point i have a what's called Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). (a mental illness that involves belief that one's own appearance is unusually defective (worthy of hiding or fixing), while one's thoughts about it are pervasive and intrusive (at least one hour per day), although the perceived flaw might be nonexistent (BDD's delusional variant).[1] If the perceived flaw is actual, it is minor or perception of its significance is severely exaggerated.) i have distanced myself from relationshpis and boys. i do not wish to have a boyfriend because i do not want to have sex and sex is a requirement if i want to have a relationship. i masterbate but i do not get horny with boys even when we are in bed because i know that i wont let myself have sex. i also do not get horny if i see a hot stranger or a naked boy. i did a test to see if i'm asexual and the result was that i might be demisexual. am i an asexual after all? (sorry for my bad english :P) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sinead Buckley Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 The only person that can tell for sure whether or not you're asexual is you yourself, however being ashamed of your body and having low-self esteem are entirely separate issues from being asexual. If that is mainly what's stopping you from having intimate relationships with other people then that's something you should receive counseling for. Once you gain confidence maybe you'll feel differently about your sexuality. Good luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spec CP Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 am i an asexual if the only reason i do not wish to have sex is because i'm ashamed of my body? If that's true literally (i.e. the only reason you don't want to have sex isn't related to whether or not you are sexually attracted to people), then no: you aren't. Asexuality is lack of sexual attraction directed at other people. (Read the FAQ: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/63080-faq-new-and-improved-version/ ). Not wanting to have sex is a completely different story. Now, that said, as Sinead Buckley said before me: the only person who can decide whether or not you're asexual is you. We can guide you. The FAQ might be useful but at the end of the day only you can tell about your own identity. Plenty of us are still considering whether or not we're asexual. You're not alone. Good luck in your path! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AprilStorms Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 "sex is a requirement if i want to have a relationship." That's a common thing to hear said, but it's really not true. The only requirements for a relationship come from what both people want out of it. Sometimes that includes sex, sometimes not. You don't have to be pressured into it if you don't want to :) Best of luck with getting everything figured out! You've come to the right place. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hazel lights Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Not wanting to have sex doesn't make you asexual, though being asexual can be a factor in not wanting to have sex. Celibacy is very different from asexuality. If possible see if you can separate your feelings towards yourself from physical feelings to others. What's the very first reaction you have to seeing an extremely attractive guy? Also was there a time after you hit puberty but before you got BDD? If so what was your sexual orientation then? Also just wondering, you don't have to answer, why is sex a requirement for you in a relationship? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tfb Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 I forgot to mention that I am heteroromantic. An extremely attractive guy, if I saw him on the street, would leave me indiferrent for other reasons though. Because he is out of my league. I have noticed that my eye doesn't even catch them. A mediocre-good looking guy, I notice him but that's it. If saw him on the screen of my laptop or if he was someone I know (a classmate etc) I would acknowledge that he is handsome, I would admire that but it wouldn't cause me physical feelings never. Romantic (for example to develop a crush on him) maybe. Only if I developed a crush on him I may had sexual thoughts about him. But I don't develop feelings for guys that are just "hot". I have to know him and like his character and mind etc. Also was there a time after you hit puberty but before you got BDD? If so what was your sexual orientation then? Well, we were younger then, I was a kid and we didn't think about sex that much. I had boyfriends then but sex was not an issue because we were little, we made relationships just for fun, we knew we wouldn't be having sex. And that's why I had boyfriends then and I don't now. I think I had more physical feelings though. Now I rarely have physical feelings because as I told you. I'm sure nothing will happen and my body understands that so it doesn't even bother. :p Which leads me to the last question 'why is sex a requirement for you in a relationship?' Well, for me it isn't but for my partner I suppose it is. I would sound crazy I wanted to have a relatioship with someone and told him "I don't want us to have sex though". What would he do? I mean, males especially - all they care about is sex. Cliche but true. So I don't make relationships because I don't wanna waste anyone's time. I hope I answered right, I mean I hope I got the point you were trying to make. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Which leads me to the last question 'why is sex a requirement for you in a relationship?' Well, for me it isn't but for my partner I suppose it is. I would sound crazy I wanted to have a relatioship with someone and told him "I don't want us to have sex though". What would he do? I mean, males especially - all they care about is sex. Cliche but true. So I don't make relationships because I don't wanna waste anyone's time. I hope I answered right, I mean I hope I got the point you were trying to make. There's nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship without sex. Is this a real or hypothetical partner you're talking about? Not everyone of the same gender value sex the same way, so you could find someone who'd be fine with not having sex in a relationship, and there are men who feel that way. Not all of them find sex to be a requirement in a relationship. If your partner does, it'd be best to end that relationship early on, because there wouldn't be any compromise that'd work for either of you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tfb Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 No, I could not. Hypothetical. Though he could be real if I wanted to. There are no men like that, they're like the 0,.. of the population and even if they are out there I would be able to find them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kinzkey Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 It sou D's like you have a similar situation to mine. I'm a co.plete newbie in this area, so take what I say with a grain of salt. You mentioned earlier that your body realized it wasn't worth bothering to have a sexual attraction or something along those lines. If you really and honestly feel that way, that could be a sign that you're asexual. In terms of men, there is hope. I'm dating a hetero-asexual aromantic. He only kisses me and holds my hand because I ask. I didn't think anyone like him could really exist in the world, but there you go. I don't think that there's anything else I can touch on that anyone else hasn't. Good luck! And don't give up the search just because you're concerned about how you look or that you're concerned that no man exists that'll suit your needs. If you find a man that really loves you, he will be willing to work with you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tfb Posted October 21, 2014 Author Share Posted October 21, 2014 thank you all guys, I really REALLY appreciate it. thanks. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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