Toddler years

[Safe]

This is for a theory of mine, that your social interactions in your toddler years can somewhat influence your sexual orientation. This may or may not have a connection to Asperger's and Asexuality.
I, for one, am asexual and hardly ever interacted with the other kids in pre-school. There was one boy I played with, but it was only sometimes and when we were outside, and we weren't even that much of friends.
I know two pansexuals, and they both say that they were social and friends with practically everyone.

Remember, I'm not saying that it completely determines it, I'm just theorizing that it can somewhat influence it. I could be wrong, which is why I'm here to find out.

So, I'd like you guys to say your sexual orientation, how social were you, and the sex/gender of your friends.

[SuperHorace]

Asexual--Repulsed--Heteroromantic

Hardly social. No schooling. Very few friends.

Gender didn't matter, but still about 60% guys if that works as a number (And there weren't enough for 60% to work)

Nowadays, most of my friends are female, though.

The theory makes a lot of sense. The first time you really test the waters with your equals.

[The Great WTF]

You may want to keep sample bias in mind when you're looking at this information. Introversion is a lot more common on the internet (and thus in this community) and disinclination towards socializing, large groups of friends, etc. even at a very young age are common in introverts.

I spent most of my toddler years in my father's mechanic shop with him and his coworkers. I refused to go to pre-school after the first week because all they did was watch Barney (and being the precocious brat I was, I refused to watch something that absolutely ruined dinosaurs) and, after a nasty incident that involved the teacher trying to tell me that it was my job as a girl to be a mommy and a wife some day, my father opted to bring me out to the shop with him every day instead. So, most of my socialization at that age was with a bunch of mechanics and occasionally their wives and children. As an adult, I can't believe none of them ever protested watching kids' shows or listening to audiobooks all day at work. And, take it from me, you haven't lived until you've heard six grown men singing along with the Transformers theme song or talking excitedly about which book they're going to do in Wishbone today.

I didn't get along with most other kids my age anyway, the boys all thought I had cooties and all the girls wanted to play princesses and Barbies while I wanted to play Transformers, Power Rangers, and dinosaurs (not that I particularly cared if I had other people to play with or not), but I did have a few close friends, all but one of them male and that particular one turned out to be more of a semi-benign bully than a real friend. <.<

On the other hand, my brother's gray-a and he was a socialite from day 1. He loved being around other kids and had a ton of friends.

[Shoryu]

I didn't enter public education until 5th grade (obviously was homeschooled prior). Once I attended school, I exploded with socializing with various people! I didn't really like defining myself to one group (although it's fair to say I was more associated with the 'geeky' crowd) as I liked to rotate myself between many cliches. It was largely my priority to make peace with all people (I never really got bullied nor found myself in a fight).

Vast majority of my friends were guys and were straight. I had a gay and a bisexual acquaintance, both guys as well.

The only rough estimation of my asexuality being influenced from my much younger years in school was due to me wanting to be friends with everyone and didn't exactly want to be tied to one or few people. Perhaps in retrospect, I thought of sex/intimate relationships as a way that ties you down to one person (which is an understandable observation).

No idea if this helps or detracts from your theory, but that's my experience!

[LeeBree]

I'm a cisfemale nonlibidoist asexual and I'm not sure what my romantic orientation is, or if I even have one at all.

In preschool I wasn't very social, I just played with blocks or whatever alone. In kindergarten I had one male friend and one female friend, the male was my classmate and the female my neighbour. I suppose I was relatively antisocial, though at that time I hadn't noticed nor cared. I can't remember the quality of our friendships too well though, but the girl was completely horrible, always saying I must agree with her or we can't be friends.

[That Ginger Kid]

I was extremely social as a child. I made friends with everyone, despite being really shy; I've seen a lot of kids like that, too. In pre-schooling I wasn't SO social, but once I got into kindergarten and began to know everyone, I never really stopped talking to them. I was home schooled for first grade, then got back into my private school with the same old friends. I was only close to maybe ten of the fifty people my age at the school, but that's a pretty large percent.

It wasn't until my parents got a divorce and I moved seven hours away from my friends that I began to be all antisocial and introverted. Maybe I always was that way and I was only extroverted because of my mom, or maybe it was the shock of a completely new freaking life. Who knows.

Anyhow, as a small child I was super-social, and around fourth grade (what is that, like age nine or ten??) I began being introverted and awkward and all. I'm much better now, but still cannot talk to people without panic attacks and fun shiz. I identify as asexual demi-hetroromantic. My friends were all female until I moved, and now I can't bring myself to be friends with other girls (they all seem so bitchy, mind my language!!!).

[5_♦♣]

All I know is that I was more social than I am now. I have no recollection of preschool and even kindergarten, for the most part, is a blur.

[bonny]

I also don't remember much from before I was about 6 years old, but from what my parents tell me, I was happy and sociable when I was little. The problems for me started when I was 7 or 8 and got worse when I was 10-11; that was when other children started hating me and calling me names because I was intelligent. Things didn't really improve socially for me at school until after I was 16, when most of the people who weren't really interested in learning had left. :(

[Rising Sun]

I wasn't really a very social child. I always had dyspraxia and giftedness pushed to the extreme (so much that my own doctor compared me to autistic people). There was a huge shift between other children and me, who loved reading the encyclopedia as young as 3 or 4 years old :-/ I always wished I could find other children who were like me, but I never found one. The only children I played with were neighbours, my brother and sister and my cousins.

I already was a huge nerd who liked dinosaurs, robots and sci-fi more than everything. I wanted to be a boy so I could have my dream jobs : astronaut and fighter pilot (I wanted to be both :lol: ). Of course, in the 80s, and in my country, a girl wasn't supposed to want that kind of job. So that's why I wanted to be a boy, but I must add that I never really felt like a girl. I also hated girls clothes, and I hated dolls. I found girls toys stupid and boring. I wanted robots and computers. The only dolls I liked were Polly Pocket dolls. I must admit that they're very cute (old-style Polly Pocket dolls were only 1" tall).

I don't think that having had less social contacts had any influence on my sexual orientation, but my gender nonconformity certainly had an influence. Or at least, I feel like there is a connection.

[Nightmare-Cat]

Asexual- not so social- mixed

I didn't really get along with people until I was about 11 (Even then I was told to start getting along with people by my mother)

I think it might have been something to do with understanding them all the people in my year were very "ohh so and so fancies so and so," then there was me going, "Why do you think that?" So, technically I saw all of my peers as a social experiment... something there to watch rather than interact with.

Even now I find that I'm just happy with that close group of friends rather than branching out my social circle

[LaMaestra]

Asexual and not social. Still am. Gender of my friends? Never thought about it and couldn't care less anyway.

[Safe]

Your replies are very helpful. Thank you. More replies are more than welcome.

You may want to keep sample bias in mind when you're looking at this information. Introversion is a lot more common on the internet (and thus in this community) and disinclination towards socializing, large groups of friends, etc. even at a very young age are common in introverts.

Yes, I am aware of this, which is why I'm not only going to ask these things on the internet.

[dabishop]

Asexual - demibiromantic - fetishist more than anything else. Finally diagnosed Aspie in 2011.

Even with my IQ and very early mastery of language, I don't think my socializing as a small-town kid was outside of what most would consider "normal" for my situation. Never really had trouble making friends in elementary school, even though I preferred to hang out with adults. Good memories of reading to my kindergarten class (and doing a books-on-tape "Harriet the Spy" for my 4th-grade class). ^_^

Things tapered off in middle school (age 13-14) but got back on track in high school; my crowd was almost exclusively band and theater nerds, equally divided gay vs. straight. I did have an extremely close (if somewhat one-sided) relationship with one of those gay friends, but sex honestly never crossed my mind in four years.

More or less the same thing during the first two years of uni, then increasing isolation...can't say that much has changed (in the long time) since.

[cali87]

Asexual/aromantic- varied by age- varied by age

-sociability- i was very much a loner when i was vary young, i didn't speak or smile(it was often questioned weather i COULD talk) had 2 close friends(both female) around age 6. From 7-10ish i had several close friends of both genders i was very social with them, but not with others..to the point that my school took me aside and tried to force me to socialize outside that group by banning me from speaking to any of them for 1 month. Beyond that i did get a little more social but as in i was superficially social, i wasn't close with anyone except for 1 person. Several acquaintences of both genders. I did find that when my BFF started dating i was spending more time with her BFs then with her lol

[kelico]

I'm a lith-gray-romantic asexual...and I've always been introverted. I was social when I was forced to be lol. When I was little (and even recently) the majority of my friends were/are female.

The only dolls I liked were Polly Pocket dolls. I must admit that they're very cute (old-style Polly Pocket dolls were only 1" tall).

Ah! Polly Pocket!! ♥ I had so many of them (the originals like you showed)! I loved those...the figures were soooo tiny (nothing like today's). I think my dad got rid of most of mine though. : ( Just wanted to say thanks for bringing back that great memory haha. : )

[cali87]

I miss old school polly pockets! I don't understand why they totally changed them! They were awesome, i had one that was a house on the top half and the bottom was outside with a pool and working shower lol. Tiny little choking hazards but so awesome!

[Winnie_A]

Apparently when I was a baby/young toddler I would cry if a stranger looked at me. I wasn't very social as a preschool/kindergarten age kid, and I was homeschooled, but I did play a lot with close friends and my siblings. I just wasn't in to playing with random strangers.

[Skycaptain]

As a toddler I didn't really have any playmates. I was the first child born in my age-group on the road I lived in. I cannot recall ever playing with other children prior to infant school. part of this is because I was a late developer, walking, potty-training, talking etc. I was months behind the norm, mind due to what we now call AD(H)D I was a brat of the first order. By school age, even though infants and juniors were both co-educational there was a total boy/girl split. The other sex were the enemy from day 1 until we left. I cannot see how this could have lead to asexuality, homosexuality possibly, and sex-bias but not asexuality

[DexM]

I wasn't very social at school. Although I do have friends, they are all on-line, no actual meet-up-and-see-face-to-face kinda friends. I did go out more when I was a kid, but still not very often, and I tend to go out to socialise about twice a year. I prefer it this way and I am 100% comfortable with my almost-hermit-like existence. I have a personality disorder. I do think that part of this was the reason I wasn't interested in girls or boys, as it did make it awkward to get to know people and I wasn't really interested in the existence of anyone except for the few close friends.

[MadRat]

I was introverted asocial as a little child. I think I have Asperger´s syndrome but I haven´t been diagnosted. It wasn´t even a known thing here when I was a child. I was afraid of strangers and going to kindergarden was traumatising for me. I think I had depression but who can notice a 4-5 years old child is depressed?

Other children seemed stupid and mean to me. They didn´t understand my 3D perspective pictures because pre-school kids usually don´t draw in 3D perspective. I was mentally more developed than other children but I was oversensitive (I still am) and had problems with concentrating on things which are not interesting for me (I still have this problem). Watching birds nesting in the park was much more interesting for me than playing with other children.

[Lady Girl]

Moved from Census to Asexual Musings and Rantings.

Lady Girl, Moderator

[Deleted Person]

Asexual - non-libidoist - most likely aromantic

My mum ran a preschool from our home for the first 9 years of my life... so I think I can safely say I was well socialised as a toddler. :D

At school I usually only picked one or two friends to form really strong bonds with however (I always played with anyone but I'd single someone out and usually follow them about). I only really started to become introverted once puberty began and 'everybody changed'. They started talking about things I had no interest in and my ideas of play and imagination were suddenly 'babyish', so instead of trying to adapt I became more of an outsider and just closed the door behind me as I slipped off into my own world. Looking back, I think I often tried to from my own version of a queer-platonic relationship with my best friends right from young, which was maybe why I didn't like to have more then one 'good friend' at a time and even felt a bit awkward about it the few times I did.

Most of my friends were female (always my strongest friendships were), but I don't think it was particularly intentional as I did have male friends, just how it happened to work out.

[Star Inkbright]

I had new-school Polly Pockets. :P I'm only sixteen, so it was just the way it worked - the new ones were the ones being sold. Ohmygosh . . . I loved my Polly Pockets, though. :) I was close to them for years. :P

Ahem. Anyway.

I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, and I think I might be aromantic but I'm not sure.

I have quite a bad episodic memory, and I don't have many memories of being little . . . however, I'm British and English, and both my parents are British, but I was born in the Netherlands and I went to playgroup (Spielgruppe, if that's how you spell it :P) in Switzerland. I didn't speak Swiss-German, so I imagine I was totally lost. :P

I don't remember much about living in those foreign places, but I did have friends . . . I had a female best friend and a male best friend, but I more remember those from my parents telling me, or memories of memories of them . . .

Then I moved to England before I started school, and I think I met some people at playgroup there. Well, my mum became friends with mums of kids my age, and I remember when I started school that I knew who some people were. :P
And yes, then I was in school.

I was a bit of a social outcast even then, but I didn't really realise, and I sort of hung around on the fringes of society as opposed to hanging around away from society. :P I hung out primarily with girls, because I'm female and there was sort of a male-female divide. Males were friends with males, females were friends with females. That's normal for kids that age, I'm pretty sure.

Then I moved to a different part of England when I was about eight, and . . . well. I used to walk aroudn the playground in circles on my own, and when people came up to me trying to make friends with me I wasn't very friendly to them because I thought they were just being annoying. :P But I did end up being part of a friendship group. Females, again.
Then I ended up in a different friendship group when I was about nine. I have no idea how that happened. :S Females, again.

Then I went to secondary school and carried on being friends with the same people except more people occasionally joined our group, all females again, and here I am now.

[Janus the Fox]

None of me childhood had any social interaction beyond family. Though find it a challenge to convey a verbal social, complex message I remain disinterested in any social interaction and diagnosed Aspergers and various other things.

I dont connect that to Asexuality as there's many a lot more severely autistic affect than I that are sexual. Though interesting, many things in the toddler years could connect something to anything. Simply the toddler years could be the time to develop a fetish interest like diapers in theory amongst other things, there's never a singular cause for anything in developmental psychology in my opinion.

[haylee]

when I was little I would say I was fairly social, despite the huge introvert I am now. I was always shy and not good at making new friends, but somehow I kept 2 really close ones throughout childhood.

I had 2 best friends that I played with every day from the time I was 4 years old until I was 9, when one moved away. I hung out with the other one every day until I was 13, when I moved towns. We spent so much time together I didn't really get to explore myself as a person, it was like we had almost morphed together. (She is a cis-female heterosexual for all I know, however). After I moved I learned more about myself and found myself spending all my time alone, until now I've reached a point where I only have 2 semi-close friends (including the girl I was with until I was 13) who I don't see very often.

[nerdperson777]

I'm an aromantic ace, only ever interested in having friends, nothing closer.

I don't recall socializing with anyone much as a baby. My best friend was my Lala Teletubby (so crazed that I ended up getting several of them). I still know a lot about the show, it's kinda scary. I really only interacted with family and family friends then. My aunts were the ones to take care of me while my mom went back to work after only a month of having me. I started preschool at 4 since I was one of the youngest people in my grade. My friend there was female. I actually don't remember when I first met her but she says at the preschool so I went with it. She said we were best friends so I still call her that. I had another male friend in elementary school in addition to that friend. Everyone shipped me with him just because we were friends of different sex, including my best friend. Then best friend moved 20 minutes north in 4th grade. Guy friend moved 20 minutes south in 5th grade. Life got pretty lonely after that. I never really had too many friends because then the meaning of friend would deteriorate and I didn't want that. I can actually remember just about everyone I was really friends with.

I was always overly cautious of myself so I was shy and didn't try to make too many friends. I didn't speak very much and even now I have speaking problems since my parents normally had things done for me and I didn't have to ask anything from strangers. Even as a teenager, I wasn't able to ask a waiter at the restaurant for a glass of water. If parents did everything for me, what else did I need? Then I moved to college. Parents were an 8 hour drive away. They can't help me here. I had to learn to be more vocal. I am, but I still mess up my words. I think there must be some relation since I didn't have an opinion of people, so it was hard for anyone to join my friend circle. I think of a partner as a closer friend so if one can't even get in that circle, how can they ever make it to my partner?

Oh yeah, most of the people I made friends with were Asian girls because I was one too. Then there were the boys who didn't mind being seen with girls. So my choice of friends are normally non-girly or androgynous girls or feminine guys since so many girl things gave me so much dysphoria.

[Zash]

Just a point to keep in mind... Coincidence does not imply causality. This could be a case of saying milk spoiling causes lightning strikes because you left the milk out one night, there was a lightning strike nearby, and your milk was spoiled in the morning.

Also, perhaps your asexuality caused you not to interact with people as much as a toddler? Or perhaps both are an effect of another thing?

There may or may not be a connection, but, it is a data point that may be worth investigating by people with actual science degrees in the field.

[flower child]

Hmmmm that's an interesting theory, and I think it might have some validity.

I'm asexual/heteroromantic.

I was always around other kids when I was a toddler. First of all, I have a huge family. 2 older brothers, 2 younger sisters, and 2 younger brothers. I grew up around my 2 older brothers and basically idolized them. I was always around boys, because my brothers had friends that would come over. I grew up seeing boys as great friends, and I was 'one of the guys.' I had female friends too, and my best friend growing up was a girl.

I guess my asexuality might have something to do with how I grew up around boys. I see them as friends, just people to hangout with. Never really developed a sexual attraction towards them.

Who knows, but it's a good theory worth investigating!

[cheeringselenator]

I'm a female, and I have always had all female friends. I was never overly social and always shy and introverted but I always had a few close girl friends(my best friends that I have today are 2 girl-one I met in preschool and the other I met in kindergarten!)

[FOXracingfan]

I'm asexual and possibly demi-heteromantic but still not sure on that.

I didn't go to preschool, I stayed with my aunt while my parents worked. The only kids I was social with up until age five were my three cousins (all male and 2-5 years older than me)

For Kindergarten and first grade I had two close friends, one boy and one girl but then I changed schools for second grade and I made three new friends with a group of girls. The three of us are still friends and I've added a few male friends to that group.