Asexuality and the LGBTQ+ community?

[chisaki]

I'm unsure if this is the right category to post this in, but it seems like a general enough topic.

This probably seems like a stupid thing to ask about and I'm unsure if other threads like this are up, but I have heard many different opinions regarding whether or not asexuality should be included in the lgbtq community.

I do know that it "technically" already is, but I'm referring more to the mainstream. All I hear regarding LGBTQA+ (where most people included I'm sure honestly think the A stands for Ally...ugh) is ALWAYS only the LGBT part of the acronym. Mainstream society (or at least, what I know of it from my own personal experience) doesn't seem to know that LGBT involves many many more sexualities and identities! From the television to the classroom, all I ever hear about is the LGBT community....and with my one more knowledgeable instructor she will occasionally add "oh, and queer and asexual!" at the end....but it's never involved in the actual acronym.

That even said, I've heard LGBTQ more often than I've ever heard LGBTQA.

I guess I have a few questions.

1) Do you think asexuality belongs in the LGBTQ+ community?

(before anyone says anything or "yes of course why would you even ask that?!", I have heard testimonials from many asexual people who do not want to be associated with the community, and would rather just have their own community for many valid reasons like erasure and shaming that is apparent towards asexual people from the LGBTQ community)

I personally think we do belong, but not every asexual or lgbtq person thinks so, and if you're one of them I'm interested to hear your opinion regarding it

2) Do you think the mainstream acronym will ever evolve to permanently be LGBTQA or LGBTQA+ (or some other form, but mainly just involving the A for asexual, instead of being typically shortened to lgbt or lgbtq and having the "a" regarded as an afterthought that's only occasionally held with the plus (+) sign)?

3) Do you think the mainstream average "default" heterosexual person truly believes the A stands for ally? Or do you think more often than not they do know the A is for asexual? Like do they just naturally know that A = asexual, just as L = lesbian, G = gay, etc. And do you think the A will ever be established and well known by EVERYONE as referring to asexual?

Just as lgbtq are all well established with mainstream society...or do you think we will always be majorly regarded as "not a real sexuality" by the community and the public?

I hope I made sense! I have been extensively reading about the debate of Asexual inclusion in the community and the differing opinions/viewpoints/attitudes have astounded me. I'd love to hear firsthand from people here though what their thoughts and feelings towards this are! I know many people are indifferent, but I know others are fighting to establish us as a group people need to take seriously and acknowledge.

[Shoryu]

My opinion? I don't particularly see a need for us to be 'mainstreamed' into the acronym. I just kinda feel like we're the odd bunch since we don't exactly need to fight for marriage/gender equality for just being asexuals. A lot of asexuals do identify in the umbrella of LGBT, so in essence, they're covered already. I'd say the "+" is enough, as there's many other identities, and I don't see why we need to be shoehorned in over the others and vice versa.

It's totally awesome if asexuals are mentioned, but if not, that's okay too; we're not a priority, especially in politics. Simply being a part of acronym isn't the only way to bring awareness.

[Dimonaire]

Hey! I'm not sure how many other people have posted about this topic, but I'm glad you did. I've just recently joined this community, and even though i'm new I love it because you can talk about anything. Recently, I have been thinking about joining the "LBTQ+" community, since they have one here at my campus, but I'm not sure if I should because of the fact that I could be harassed or the like. I know and recognize that not many people know what asexuality is, and some might not accept it as part of the LGBTQ+ community because asexuality is not seen as a kind of sexuality because we "choose" not to have sex. So not true.

I think that asexuality should belong in the LGBTQ+ though, so that we can overcome that invisibility and discrimination. But maybe we should have our own independent group, so that we can stand on our own.

Also, I think that exclusion of asexuality is just dumb. Asexuals go through the same thing that gays and lesbians go through, when we think that we're broken, that we don't fit in because we're not like everyone else. I know I thought that I was broken, hell, to the point where I thought "might as well be lesbian" (nothing against lesbians though) when I didn't think about guys "that way", before I found out about asexuality and that I'm not alone.

I hope that people can change their views on what asexuality is.

P.s. I don't know much about the asexual inclusion debate , so I might be wrong, but that's my opinion on this. Also, I thought it was LGBTQIA? What's the official one?

[Stained Glass]

I feel that more individuals would accept us if they knew more about asexuality.... (seems no one does). Many insist we don't face our own problems, many of which their community experiences. (denial of existance, misunderstandings, judgement, being told we should be "fixed", corrective rape, etc.)

Being a group often attacked, I can see why the LBTG+ community shuts us out, but the types of people I'm talking about are downright unaccepting and hypocritical. If straight individuals can join as allies why shouldn't we be part of this?

If you can't accept us, you have no place among that community. it is meant to give support, making other sexualities feel less alone. Let us be. We belong.

[chisaki]

Thanks all for your responses!

I feel we need inclusion mainly because we are a marginalized group and an alternative sexuality so to speak, and we do face discrimination just as anyone else does. I'm not going to say any one side has it worse, cause that's not the point. We all have obstacles in life to overcome because of our sexuality, and we should be joining together to bring awareness and understanding towards all sexualities, genders, and lifestyles, because most people probably assume heterosexual is the "default", when it's not. And if people are aware of other sexualities and genders other than cis heterosexual, than they probably aren't too informed.

I think asexuality should be a part of the mainstream acronym (and by mainstream I mean the one most people know...like, technically the acronym is long and inclusive of most everyone, but if you pull any random person off the street the chance is high that they only know the acronym as LGBT, and have no idea what asexuality is). I think just knowing that I struggled my whole life thinking something was wrong with me is enough to justify that I think it needs to be out there for people to know about, cause I would hate for someone else to have to go through the confusion and discomfort I did upon not knowing about asexuality. Politics aside, just having the knowledge that asexuality is a thing that exists is important for others' self discovery and understanding.

[Astrochelonian]

) No, I don't think asexuality belongs in the LGBTQ+ community (it is very pro-all-different-sexualities and I see asexuality as a lack of sexuality).

2) No, I don't think the acronym evolving will get traction because it is unpronounceable as it is and too hard for people to remember. At that point it becomes acronym-soup-OMGWTFBBQ.

3) No, I don't think the average heterosexual person even knows A is part of the acronym, much less the fact that it stands for asexual or ally (and I think if they do, they more likely think ally). My 33 year old friend made a Facebook post the other day saying he had heard the QIA part of the acronym for the first time this week (and was arguing that having Q as an umbrella term in the acronym itself didn't make any sense - like having a BLTF (bacon lettuce tomato food) sandwich).

[apokalyptisch]

having Q as an umbrella term in the acronym itself didn't make any sense - like having a BLTF (bacon lettuce tomato food) sandwich).

This is great!!!

I agree - if the acronym gets too long, we should all really consider just replacing it with a catch-all-word. But by that point, it's just basically going to mean "not heterosexual and/or not cisgender", right? But allies are included in some acronyms. So then it's like..."everyone except phobes". Let's call it "EEP!" lol. /maybekidding

[hamilton]

I can see the arguments for both sides. I also see the arguments on why some trans* folk feel the T does not belong with the LGB, and I get that too.

Personally, I like to be in with the LGBTQIAA+ (or, Alphabet Soup). I've been in quite a few groups, as well as led a few, and it was much easier for people to accept the asexuals in that community rather than having us fend for ourselves. There's a lot more education regarding sexual & gender orientations happening in those circles than in mainstream society. If asexuality were to be taught as a legitimate orientation in health education in public schools, maybe we'd be somewhere else.

(On the topic of the acronym itself, Kate Bornstein did a wonderful seminar on all the letters we'd have to include if the LGBTQIAA+ community would be all-inclusive. And it was a lot.)

[Ortac]

This has indeed been discussed quite a few times before, but don’t worry about raising it again because it is an important topic and it is always worth discussing at any time.

I am of the opinion that asexuals should be included in the LGBTQ community.

We do have an issue with visibility generally, with many people being ignorant or unaware of the fact that we even exist.

LGBTQ however is quite commonly known term, and if asexuals were added to that, it would aid general awareness about asexuality.

Some of us don’t think asexuals should be included, because they feel that asexuality is a different thing to being gay, lesbian or bi, and that we wouldn’t really fit. But consider the “T” part – transsexual. Isn’t this already a sub set of the group which is quite different from the LGB part? Being gay, lesbian or bi is all about what you feel (or don’t feel) towards other people, as is being asexual. Being transsexual however is all about how someone feels in themselves, and is not in itself sexual orientation. To use an analogy, it is sort of like grouping policemen, firemen, and ambulance paramedics together with, say, structural engineers.

The vast majority of people in this world are hetero-romantic and hetero-sexual. Some people are not. I view the whole LGBTQ thing as being an umbrella term to encompass all those who are not within that majority so that awareness can be raised, and also so that all those within the minority can collectively stand up to any discrimination and ignorance that may come from the hetero-romantic-hetero-sexual majority. Whether the LGBTQ people accept us is another matter, but I think that if we as asexuals deliberately exclude ourselves from that group, it can’t really do us any favours in this regard.

[Blinkin]

1) Yes I do think we are part of the lgbtqiapd+ (and I would prefer including a 'h' for heterosexuals too, we're all humans right?).

2) No I think it will grow because there's a reason to make different labels.

3) I think a lot of adults don't even know the term asexuality so that's easy to answer.

4) No I think people will understand it eventually. Because heterosexuals don't feel sexual attraction towards the same sex, let them apply that thought/lack of feeling on all people and they understand asexuality.

[Mioav]

Let me give you my honest answers.

1) Do you think asexuality belongs in the LGBTQ+ community?

No. I'm not against the LGBT, but we are completely different things campaigning against different things, the LGBT community are after an acceptance of a non hetronormatic sexuality, we are after an acceptance of a non sexual sexuality. If you asked most of the LGBT community the same question, they will give the same response.

2) Do you think the mainstream acronym will ever evolve to permanently be LGBTQA or LGBTQA+ (or some other form, but mainly just involving the A for asexual, instead of being typically shortened to lgbt or lgbtq and having the "a" regarded as an afterthought that's only occasionally held with the plus (+) sign)?

Nope, we are a completely different umbrella, maybe under the allies branch but I believe the entire umbrella is already messy without adding Asexuality under it, if anything it will dilute what they already have with hetroromantic aces feeling victimized.

3) Do you think the mainstream average "default" heterosexual person truly believes the A stands for ally? Or do you think more often than not they do know the A is for asexual? Like do they just naturally know that A = asexual, just as L = lesbian, G = gay, etc. And do you think the A will ever be established and well known by EVERYONE as referring to asexual?

I doubt the LGBT community know the A is for Ally, so asking the average heterosexual what the A stands for is silly. As for asexuals receiving any support from the hetronormal crowd, theres entire threads of people explaining their "coming out" horrors, sexuals can't understand people not having any desire for sex, just as we struggle to understand people with desires for sex.

[sighbeans]

On one of my university facebook pages (I'm from Canada), someone posted something about LGBTQA. This lead to people asking what Q and A stood for and 2 people answered it saying it's "Queer/Questioning" and "Asexual". Then, some more comments that joked about how the acronyms are getting longer. Then someone corrected them saying "A stands for Ally", (only got 1 like lol) and someone replied saying "No, A stands for Asexual, not Ally"

Tbh, if more people said A stood for ally, not asexual, I would've been pretty annoyed. I don't see why Asexual shouldn't be included but straight people can. It gets so tiring explaining what asexuality is, and maybe if more people understood it there would be more people that realize that they're asexual, not broken and weird.

[Conscientious Ghost]

1) Do you think asexuality belongs in the LGBTQ+ community?

Asexuality can belong in the LGBTQ+ community, but it differs for the individual and how they identify themselves to decide.

2) Do you think the mainstream acronym will ever evolve to permanently be LGBTQA or LGBTQA+ (or some other form, but mainly just involving the A for asexual, instead of being typically shortened to lgbt or lgbtq and having the "a" regarded as an afterthought that's only occasionally held with the plus (+) sign)?

The mainstream acronym will eventually evolve to be more inclusive with other identities like asexuality, polysexuality, intersex etc. (or that's my hope speaking).

3) Do you think the mainstream average "default" heterosexual person truly believes the A stands for ally? Or do you think more often than not they do know the A is for asexual? Like do they just naturally know that A = asexual, just as L = lesbian, G = gay, etc. And do you think the A will ever be established and well known by EVERYONE as referring to asexual?

The mainstream, average, and heterosexual person often may truly believe 'A' stands for Ally. Heck, I think some people don't even know what LGBT alone stands for if not other identities are now included. The 'A' will probably not be well established and known by everyone as referring to asexuality.

[Guest Sheka4]

I beleive that asexaulity does belong under the lgbtq+ umbrella, but there's a lot of fear there. Many asexuals feel unwelcome due to a number of reasons, such as many people carrying as stereotype or general bias about asexuals that comes off as being phobic. I think the acronym has evolved in its usage to become lgbtq+, but again mainstream media has been lead to beleive the a stands ally and not asexual, like the other day I was looking up colleges and I saw that one has a lgbtq+ club, so as I read the description I thought they would mention asexuals, but to my non surprise the a for them meant ally, I think people need to become more informed or aware about asexuality for people to actively change what the a stands for.