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TMI Warning! Does anyone else have this problem? Is it normal?


Boo Cat

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I don't think I've ever told anyone about this, so I'm a little embarrassed to be writing this post. But I want to know, and this is a pretty understanding community, so I'm gonna do it. I can't talk to anybody else about this stuff. So then -- Commence awkward backstory and explanation. *blushes in advance*

Um... So, I started self-pleasing at around thirteen. I didn't even know what it was called yet or why I did it except that it felt good. The first time I had an orgasm I freaked out because it felt so weird but so nice at the same time. Soon after that I got a book from the library for girls (I think it was called "Deal With It") that spoke openly and plainly about masturbation, sex, and other female stuff. I was interested because I'd never been exposed to that kind of information (my mom has never given me the Talk), and I felt better knowing what I did was normal. Strangely, even after reading that book, I never consciously thought of what I did as "masturbating" because it made it sound sexual, and I didn't think of it that way... if that makes sense at all.

Anyways, I was going through puberty and lots of not-so-nice things were happening in my life, so this self-pleasure was a nice little escape from my worries and slight depression. Once I was about fifteen or sixteen I did it a lot less because it was harder for me to become aroused. Now I'm seventeen, and I just can't seem to get aroused at all, by anything. I don't know why. I've tried fantasizing, but I don't like thinking about the actual act of sex, and it never helps anyways. I only ever self-please anymore because I just have this feeling that I should, to release some energy or whatever, and also because it helps me sleep. But it's really become a boring chore and it takes FOREVER. I keep thinking about other stuff! And the weirdest part is, after I've finally had an orgasm, my lower stomach aches like I'm having period cramps or something, even though that's never what it is since I only have my "monthly" for about three days every other month and I totally lose interest in self-pleasure while I have it. These aches after achieving orgasm has only started happening in the last six months, by the way.

I'm just wondering, is this almost complete lack of arousal normal? And what about the awful cramps afterward? Does anyone else have a problem like this, where self-pleasure is just no fun? I'm assuming it has something to do with hormones. I could just be losing all my "libido," if that's the right word anyways, because I'm not going through puberty anymore. What do you say?

*still blushing* :redface:

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The lack of arousal has been common on these forums. I wouldn't worry about that. However, I have not heard of cramps after, and if it is causing you pain I would be concerned. For me, it's only fun after a long time of it not being fun.

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Does anyone else have a problem like this, where self-pleasure is just no fun?

While I can still get aroused easily, for being a guy and all, I definitely dislike masturbation since, as you put it, is a like a chore.

In my early teen days, I did it so I could fall asleep quicker. It no longer seems to serve that purpose anymore (and maybe I get more restless nights after doing so...)

So where I'm trying to cut ties with this arousal business, you're wishing to gain it back, if I understood that correctly?

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I am by no means an expert on any of the above, but I would probably go to a health professional with your concerns just to be on the safe side.

Yeah, with the whole self pleasure thing, I've taken to creating elaborate stories in my head just to make the experience more interesting.

I hope you find some kind of solution to your dilemma.

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Maybe you don'\t fantasize because you can be aromantic asexual but your masturbation problem sounds as if you had a problem with an acceptance of your lifestyle. There are still many people who think masturbation in no good despite of the fact we're living in XXI century. So maybe you could heard anything like that and it impacted your view on self-pleasure. You can talk to any health professional or therapist about this problem.

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Not having regular periods may be a contributor. Having it every other month is great (I miss it; its such a hassle now), but it actually means something's wrong with your hormones (which can cause other health problems), so I would go to a gynecologist; especially because of the pain. Mine caused ovarian cysts and achne. Now its fixed with birth control pills. Its significantly helped my acne, to be accurate, but I can never get it to fully go away despite skin care. Taking a pill daily is also annoying, or maybe its just the individual pill casing that I dislike.

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Not having regular periods may be a contributor. Having it every other month is great (I miss it; its such a hassle now), but it actually means something's wrong with your hormones (which can cause other health problems), so I would go to a gynecologist; especially because of the pain. Mine caused ovarian cysts and achne. Now its fixed with birth control pills. Its significantly helped my acne, to be accurate, but I can never get it to fully go away despite skin care. Taking a pill daily is also annoying, or maybe its just the individual pill casing that I dislike.

PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome) has no relation to libido, and certainly shouldn't be contributing to cramps out-with a menstruation cycle.

I would echo others and recommend that you see a doctor - I doubt it's anything to worry about significantly (irregular periods would indicate PCOS, but that is a fairly common, manageable condition). A sudden change in libido may be the result of things like stress (including stress about lack of arousal) or depression - but may also just be who you are.

The fact that you are experiencing pain is worrying - and it is that primarily that you should see your doctor about.

For the record, I have PCOS, I am asexual and aromantic and have a relatively usual (i think) libido. These things aren't connected - if you want to see your Doctor but are worried about mentioning your sexuality, I do not think it would be an integral part of the issue (unless you are worried about it).

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Does anyone else have a problem like this, where self-pleasure is just no fun?

While I can still get aroused easily, for being a guy and all, I definitely dislike masturbation since, as you put it, is a like a chore.

In my early teen days, I did it so I could fall asleep quicker. It no longer seems to serve that purpose anymore (and maybe I get more restless nights after doing so...)

So where I'm trying to cut ties with this arousal business, you're wishing to gain it back, if I understood that correctly?

I'm not upset about my lack of arousal - frankly, I don't think I'll miss it. I just wanted to know if it's normal. I guess it's just one less thing for me to worry about now! It was good while it lasted. I really don't need it anymore.

Not having regular periods may be a contributor. Having it every other month is great (I miss it; its such a hassle now), but it actually means something's wrong with your hormones (which can cause other health problems), so I would go to a gynecologist; especially because of the pain. Mine caused ovarian cysts and achne. Now its fixed with birth control pills. Its significantly helped my acne, to be accurate, but I can never get it to fully go away despite skin care. Taking a pill daily is also annoying, or maybe its just the individual pill casing that I dislike.

About the irregular periods, I've gone to the doctor about it before. She said she's going to put me on birth control if the problem persists because I should be having regular periods by now. When I first started menstruating at fourteen I had really heavy flow and AWFUL cramps that medicine didn't help relieve. But now I hardly bleed at all and my now light cramps only happen the first day or two, and the whole thing is over in less than a week. Don't know what that's all about, but it's actually a relief! My hormone levels were normal when the doctor checked, by the way, so we don't know what it could be.

A couple of you mentioned being aromantic, or that I could be aromantic, I think? (I'm trying to hurry because I have to go to bed!) I guess I could be. I'm not sure. How can you tell if you've never been in a romantic relationship? Or is that how you tell? O_O I've never desired a romance with any specific person but I definitely fantasize about it. I assume I'm hetero-romantic because I've only ever fantasized about being in a relationship with a man. Those big, warm hugs... >o<

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My hormone levels were normal before taking the pill as well, so I'm not sure if the "normal" margin is large or what. Not to mention its not really an accurate thing because everyone's body processes hormones differently and requires different amounts despite similar height and weight.

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Though it is still possible for me, it used to be a lot easier.

Disclaimer: I am 17 year old male.

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butterflydreams

I kind of have the catch-22 problem of bastard depression kills libido (and makes it really hard to want to bother). So I take antidepressants. Depression is now under control relatively speaking, but now antidepressants have torched libido and scattered its ashes to the wind. Although, at least now I generally *can* self-pleasure when I decide to, though antidepressants make it a bit more difficult.

Then, sometimes, it just isn't any fun :( No easy explanation why, it just isn't. When I was in my teens, hormones and libido ruled the day, even blasting out depression. So it was a pretty sharp shock when they died down and I was left high and dry.

Ultimately, I'd say if you're not distressed with how you feel, then it's not a problem. In my case, I kind of am distressed, but there's not much I can do about it. Being able to take care of myself, live my life and not fantasize about "ending it before 30" sort of takes precedence.

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I kind of have the catch-22 problem of bastard depression kills libido (and makes it really hard to want to bother). So I take antidepressants. Depression is now under control relatively speaking, but now antidepressants have torched libido and scattered its ashes to the wind. Although, at least now I generally *can* self-pleasure when I decide to, though antidepressants make it a bit more difficult.

Then, sometimes, it just isn't any fun :( No easy explanation why, it just isn't. When I was in my teens, hormones and libido ruled the day, even blasting out depression. So it was a pretty sharp shock when they died down and I was left high and dry.

Ultimately, I'd say if you're not distressed with how you feel, then it's not a problem. In my case, I kind of am distressed, but there's not much I can do about it. Being able to take care of myself, live my life and not fantasize about "ending it before 30" sort of takes precedence.

Gosh, I don't know what to say. I've been depressed before, but I never considered suicide, so I can't honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I am truly sorry you feel that way! Taking antidepressants probably sucks, but it's better than the alternative, right? I'm glad you're trying to get better. I wish my big brother had sought help instead of putting a gun to his head last spring...

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butterflydreams

I kind of have the catch-22 problem of bastard depression kills libido (and makes it really hard to want to bother). So I take antidepressants. Depression is now under control relatively speaking, but now antidepressants have torched libido and scattered its ashes to the wind. Although, at least now I generally *can* self-pleasure when I decide to, though antidepressants make it a bit more difficult.

Then, sometimes, it just isn't any fun :( No easy explanation why, it just isn't. When I was in my teens, hormones and libido ruled the day, even blasting out depression. So it was a pretty sharp shock when they died down and I was left high and dry.

Ultimately, I'd say if you're not distressed with how you feel, then it's not a problem. In my case, I kind of am distressed, but there's not much I can do about it. Being able to take care of myself, live my life and not fantasize about "ending it before 30" sort of takes precedence.

Gosh, I don't know what to say. I've been depressed before, but I never considered suicide, so I can't honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I am truly sorry you feel that way! Taking antidepressants probably sucks, but it's better than the alternative, right? I'm glad you're trying to get better. I wish my big brother had sought help instead of putting a gun to his head last spring...

I'm really sorry to hear that :( It's certainly been a very long journey for me, but I'm getting there. Antidepressants do work (yes, even if you're like me and you hate them), and they don't kill off libido for everyone. If they do, and if that is a major issue for you, there are things that can be done to help. I don't have a partner anyway, so the only person who's disappointed is me. But again, better than the alternative.

Anyway, not to deviate too much here. I think you're really asking all the right questions, and it seems like you're fairly young as well. You're so far ahead of the game you may not even realize it yet. You should be really proud of yourself :)

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I kind of have the catch-22 problem of bastard depression kills libido (and makes it really hard to want to bother). So I take antidepressants. Depression is now under control relatively speaking, but now antidepressants have torched libido and scattered its ashes to the wind. Although, at least now I generally *can* self-pleasure when I decide to, though antidepressants make it a bit more difficult.

Then, sometimes, it just isn't any fun :( No easy explanation why, it just isn't. When I was in my teens, hormones and libido ruled the day, even blasting out depression. So it was a pretty sharp shock when they died down and I was left high and dry.

Ultimately, I'd say if you're not distressed with how you feel, then it's not a problem. In my case, I kind of am distressed, but there's not much I can do about it. Being able to take care of myself, live my life and not fantasize about "ending it before 30" sort of takes precedence.

Gosh, I don't know what to say. I've been depressed before, but I never considered suicide, so I can't honestly say I know exactly how you feel. I am truly sorry you feel that way! Taking antidepressants probably sucks, but it's better than the alternative, right? I'm glad you're trying to get better. I wish my big brother had sought help instead of putting a gun to his head last spring...

I'm really sorry to hear that :( It's certainly been a very long journey for me, but I'm getting there. Antidepressants do work (yes, even if you're like me and you hate them), and they don't kill off libido for everyone. If they do, and if that is a major issue for you, there are things that can be done to help. I don't have a partner anyway, so the only person who's disappointed is me. But again, better than the alternative.

Anyway, not to deviate too much here. I think you're really asking all the right questions, and it seems like you're fairly young as well. You're so far ahead of the game you may not even realize it yet. You should be really proud of yourself :)

Yeah, I'm pretty young. I'll be eighteen in March but I don't wanna grow up! :) Anyways, thanks for the input. It's nice to be able to ask questions here, especially since I can't ask anyone IRL. It's a little less embarrassing behind a screen, I guess!

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I don't think I've ever told anyone about this, so I'm a little embarrassed to be writing this post. But I want to know, and this is a pretty understanding community, so I'm gonna do it. I can't talk to anybody else about this stuff. So then -- Commence awkward backstory and explanation. *blushes in advance*

Um... So, I started self-pleasing at around thirteen. I didn't even know what it was called yet or why I did it except that it felt good. The first time I had an orgasm I freaked out because it felt so weird but so nice at the same time. Soon after that I got a book from the library for girls (I think it was called "Deal With It") that spoke openly and plainly about masturbation, sex, and other female stuff. I was interested because I'd never been exposed to that kind of information (my mom has never given me the Talk), and I felt better knowing what I did was normal. Strangely, even after reading that book, I never consciously thought of what I did as "masturbating" because it made it sound sexual, and I didn't think of it that way... if that makes sense at all.

Anyways, I was going through puberty and lots of not-so-nice things were happening in my life, so this self-pleasure was a nice little escape from my worries and slight depression. Once I was about fifteen or sixteen I did it a lot less because it was harder for me to become aroused. Now I'm seventeen, and I just can't seem to get aroused at all, by anything. I don't know why. I've tried fantasizing, but I don't like thinking about the actual act of sex, and it never helps anyways. I only ever self-please anymore because I just have this feeling that I should, to release some energy or whatever, and also because it helps me sleep. But it's really become a boring chore and it takes FOREVER. I keep thinking about other stuff! And the weirdest part is, after I've finally had an orgasm, my lower stomach aches like I'm having period cramps or something, even though that's never what it is since I only have my "monthly" for about three days every other month and I totally lose interest in self-pleasure while I have it. These aches after achieving orgasm has only started happening in the last six months, by the way.

I'm just wondering, is this almost complete lack of arousal normal? And what about the awful cramps afterward? Does anyone else have a problem like this, where self-pleasure is just no fun? I'm assuming it has something to do with hormones. I could just be losing all my "libido," if that's the right word anyways, because I'm not going through puberty anymore. What do you say?

*still blushing* :redface:

I wouldn't worry too much about the disappearing libido or low arousal if I were you; even at 17/18 your body can still change. External factors like stress and even diet can also impact libido. I'm mid-20s, and within the last year my libido basically just dropped off the face of the earth. I'm very much relieved about this because I was masturbating regularly (like multiple times a week) and my libido was still highly distracting, and I hated that it had that effect; now it's just not on my mind at all.

The cramps may be something you should keep an eye on, and seeing a OBGyn certainly won't hurt if you're truly concerned.

Not that I'm an expert or anything, mostly just speaking from experience here.

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