Jump to content

I Identify As Gay, But Am Not Into Sex


Recommended Posts

Yes yes, I know it's another one of those "Am I Asexual" posts, but I don't really know what else to do.. Like.. I'm not attracted to girls at all. I find guys attractive and that's it. I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now, and he took my virginity (I'm 18). I had always been worried I wouldn't be very into sex and well... I was right. I've never really had a sex-drive. And whenever I think about sex, I'm just like... ew. Thing is, I've always identified as gay, but I've looked more into asexuality and I don't know.. maybe I'm asexual. When I see a cute guy I don't think "Oh man I want him to fuck me so hard." I think "I wish I was in his arms." I seem to seek affection rather than sexual actions. I've never been so confused with my sexuality. And my boyfriend is like, horny all hours of the day and I'm genuinely never horny.. I feel like telling him I'm not into sex would probably end the relationship, so I'm just lost right now. Thoughts?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're probably homoromantic asexual, meaning you can only have romantic feelings for guys but no sexual feelings for anyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Amatista, but you have to talk to your boyfriend. Nothing breaks a relationship like keeping things like that from each other and letting feelings fester and grow into discomfort and things like that. You have to talk about it and explain how you feel. Maybe the two of you can reach common ground where the relationship can continue. Relationships are hard work and a lot of maintenance. It's not good to neglect important emotional discoveries by keeping them from your partner.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SunlightOnTheGarden

Hey! Just thought I'd post as someone who's (slowly!) getting a bit more confident about calling themselves homoromatic :)

So I've sort of come at this the other way round (I realised I was asexual, and then realised I was homo[romantic]), but if you want to talk or whatever about anything feel free to PM me.

I've not done a vast amount of the dating malarkey, but talking is always best. The LGBTQ community tends to be more clued up on ace stuff, so that can be a real help, but I'd stress talking about what it is, and also what it isn't. There's a lot of myths out there. So you might feel right now that you don't find men or women sexually attractive. That doesn't necessarily mean you're anti-sex, prudish, frigid, unromantic. You never know, he might understand and be ok with that.

Anyhow, *hugs*, and I hope you're feeling ok! It's never an easy discovery, but it can be a pretty darned happy one eventually.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When I see a cute guy I don't think "Oh man I want him to fuck me so hard." I think "I wish I was in his arms." I seem to seek affection rather than sexual actions.

nice :)

I frequently daydream about cuddling up with a cute guy in my arms...occasionally the daydream will be cute girl instead of guy

(oh and 'frequently' being almost every night while waiting to fall asleep)

I definitely I see myself as more interested in love/affection (whatever you call it) than sexual stuff.

That all said I've never dated or cuddled or been close with anyone...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Shattered-Glass

Wow, this is just like me. I previously identified as homosexual, but I realized that I actually don't usually think of people in a sexual way unless my fetish (which is male related) is involved. I identify as a bi-romantic grey-aseuxal now. I see myself falling in love with people of either sex, but I don't usually think of people in a sexual way (even if I do think they are hot). I'm a bit worried for the future where I'm in a relationship and my partner wants sex, but I'm not too interested. I'm more likely to want sex with a guy though, because all the sexual attraction I do get is towards males. I am completely incapable of being aroused by a female.

Plus I'm a bit repulsed by the idea of anal sex. I would probably do it, but things would have to be clean. :P

I know what you mean when you say that you see and cute guy and think that you wouldn't want to fuck him, but rather be in his arms. I'm like that too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Advice on telling him . . . well, are you still willing to have sex with him? If yes, phrase it as a decrease in his oppritunities for sex with you. If no, it gets a little bit harder. Try to find things you can compromise on, and based on his libido, these might need to be big things like helping him masturbate. Also, can we here at AVEN come up with a code word for masturbate? I'm not against it, it's just that typing it out is so odd. At least with sex we have the ubiquitous "it".

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...