Jump to content

Feeling "Fake"


byebye

Recommended Posts

As someone who gets sexual thoughts only about very specific people (like only one), I don't consider myself all that sexual. However, sometimes I feel like I don't really belong here sometimes. It's a weird feeling since AVEN is so super sweet but I don't know. I feel like I'm trying to fit in somewhere I don't, even though the sexual world doesn't really work for me either. Anyone else feel like this? I think I just need some cake. ;o;

Link to post
Share on other sites
apokalyptisch

It's only one out of oodles.

Plus, there's lots of grays on here. No worries.

Be where you wanna be. :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I personally only find myself sexually and romantically attracted to one person. This is the only person that I would be with long term and is the only person I feel 100% comfortable (and actually enjoy) having sex with. That doesn't make us fakes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry.

I know I am not sexually attracted to people but I have a high libido. I don't feel more or less ace because of that.

It is you who can decide if and which labels you want to use. Just worry about feeling comfortable. ;)

Cheers @}-

:cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel this way constantly. You're definitely not alone. ; ; / :cake:

For me, I find that I can never, no matter how hard I try, have sexual thoughts about the people I know in real life, even if I'm interested in them. My fantasies are composed of strangers in glasses. The concept of glasses is more attractive than the person itself..

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ricecream-man

Mytherna,

To sum it up. It's all okay and you're not alone!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been wondering this recently, like Exanimis I have a high libido and used to think I must be sexual for that reason. But I don't experience sexual attraction even when the person is ridiculously physically attractive, which is different to a sexual person. Wherever you are on the spectrum you shouldn't feel like a fake or like you're not welcome here ^^

Know that labels can be useful to try to understand yourself, but they are approximations and may not fit exactly. Human experience is very varied and complex, after all! That doesn't mean you're a fake, just use whichever terms you identify most with (or none, if you prefer) and know that however you are and whoever you are/aren't attracted to is absolutely fine :) x

Link to post
Share on other sites

I only recently figured out I am asexual, and since browsing this site and finding all the different labels I have been feeling so super confused again! But I think I have finally got to the point in my own mind where I know where I stand, and I think that is all that matters. I have felt a bit like I'm intruding on this site because I'm brand new to this, even though everyone is so welcoming and lovely, so I know exactly how you feel! But only you can know if you should be here or not xxx

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel this way too. I feel like I'll never find someone to be with sometimes, because of being so betwixt and between *sigh* It's like, should I date a sexual person, and perhaps let them down if I don't ever develop any sexual attraction for them and never want to have sex with them? Or do I try and date another Ace person, who I might develop feelings of sexual attraction for down the road and feel like I'm pressuring them with those feelings/desires? Maybe another gray/demi person would be safest, but then how to find someone in such a small pond?

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is me, right now. Until today I wouldn't have said I was Demi. I've dated in the past but no one peaked my interest. Obviously no random encounter on the street will make me curious. Then I get into a relationship with another Asexual (both identifying as such at the time) and my sexual thoughts doubled, tripled, etc. I also had a rude awakening when my thoughts on a subject didn't conform to a group of Aromantic Asexuals and I felt very alienated.

However I notice my thoughts are never personal, selfish, etc. They are always focused on making the other person the happiest possible so there is no further need on my end to continue beyond sensual (like I said, Ace-Ace relationship).

I just feel fake. I entered the relationship claiming to be Asexual, only to develope these thoughts. I'm stuck in limbo as I'm not up to the 'allosexual standard' where 'I want every other person in bed with me' yet I have a quality that seperates me from other Aces. *sigh* one day at a time.

EDIT:


I feel this way too. I feel like I'll never find someone to be with sometimes, because of being so betwixt and between *sigh* It's like, should I date a sexual person, and perhaps let them down if I don't ever develop any sexual attraction for them and never want to have sex with them? Or do I try and date another Ace person, who I might develop feelings of sexual attraction for down the road and feel like I'm pressuring them with those feelings/desires? Maybe another gray/demi person would be safest, but then how to find someone in such a small pond?


I've found someone currently and I will do my damned best to work out every problem. The thing is I noticed I was indirectly 'pressuring' them into the idea just by bringing it up as a topic. I noticed the change in vocabulary from 'Absolutly not' to 'Maybe one day' to 'I'll be more comfortable next time'. Now I have no idea what to trust or if I'm doing right. I just don't want to end up one day, months or even years down the road, hurting them. I hate the idea of injuring anyone but those who are exceptionally close is the worst.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Once in a blue moon, I'll experience sexual attraction. I'll see someone and think; "they're beautiful. I can imagine touching/kissing/going out with them in a sexual way". But those usually don't go anywhere, so I'm happy with my labels.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LuckyOptimist

I'm kind of new around here, but I feel that way, also. The sexual world doesn't fit, but I'm not sure if this does either.

I've seen a lot of people talking about how whatever makes you most comfortable to identify with you can, because you know yourself and nobody can decide that for you. I think for now, whatever works for you will be okay; but I definitely understand the feeling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I dont feel like i fit in here very well either, even though everyone is incredible nice and welcoming. As i am sort of "on the fence" wether i am asexual or not which is why i refrain from posting anything Asexual related incase i give misinformation.

And yeah, relationships scare the hell out of me. what if i start a relationship and develop sexual feelings for the person? that would be awful, but then i hate having the obligation to have sex once a week, would rather die alone :mad:

Yup, im going to grow old with five dogs. ^_^

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's all fine :) I myself don't experience sexual and romantic (for the most part) attraction but I will only do romantic and sexual things with only one person because I have deep feelings for them. That doesn't make me any less asexual or aromantic. You don't have to fit into a label :) You're just you!

Link to post
Share on other sites
littlepersonparadox

I've found someone currently and I will do my damned best to work out every problem. The thing is I noticed I was indirectly 'pressuring' them into the idea just by bringing it up as a topic. I noticed the change in vocabulary from 'Absolutly not' to 'Maybe one day' to 'I'll be more comfortable next time'. Now I have no idea what to trust or if I'm doing right. I just don't want to end up one day, months or even years down the road, hurting them. I hate the idea of injuring anyone but those who are exceptionally close is the worst.

Just being clear yes i am the other ace and he's not pressuring me. It's just I've come to actually enjoy arousal and i'm progressively getting more comfortable with the idea of said intimacy, everything i do with him it purely out of I want to, or IDK but i wanna push boundaries and see where that takes me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
deleted_account

Yeah, I feel comfortable being asexual but I don't think other people believe me because I'm good at faking sexual attraction in order to placate men who hit on me, For example a guy will be like "hey baby what's up what are you doing" and I'll be like "I've got a hot date tonight, sorry" and he'll be like "okay I'll see you after your hot date then" and I'll just be like "okay" and move on because they're drunk and won't remember our talk the next day. I know it would be easier to say "I'm a lesbian" or "I'm married" and I've said both things... I lie my face off all the time because these guys (and often women) won't leave me alone. I'm nothing special, it's just they think I'm loose because I used to be a stripper. If I had more money I'd leave town. It's really aggravating. Today I wore a shirt that said "ASEXUAL" and some drunk guy on the bus started talking about me like I couldn't hear. I ended up wearing my headphones all day. I wish people would just leave me alone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

it is only recently that I had a word for how I feel so from time to time doubts do enter my mind that make me wonder if I have chosen the correct label to describe myself

I do think I have a fairly high libido but I'm pretty much repulsed when it gets personal with anyone... so it's not very often in my life I have been attracted to someone even romantically, and out of those few people all of them were people I had got to know fairly well first

I don't really feel fake... I'm fairly sure I'm demi, but I cant exactly really remember how I felt when I was attracted to someone as it was a long time ago... so I sort of sometimes doubt it was actually attraction I felt

I am somewhere on the asexual spectrum and that is pretty much certain to me... and demi seems to fit... but I am a little worried because I really want to find love and that makes me feel a little out of place

(worried in the way that I'm worried I won't find or feel love)

Link to post
Share on other sites

For all of those people not sure about their place here but find us nice anyway, that means you're fine if we kidnap you and force you to stay here because we like you too? Right?

No, I have felt that way myself. Look at the fetishist label next to my name. But, I can't imagine myself being with anyone, which makes me asexual instead of demi. But, the demi label if perfectly open to all of you here.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...