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Relationship I Want to Keep


Ficulnean

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Nevermind, it's not as important to me anymore. I think. And, identifying infromation considering I'm posting awareness week posters up at uni for people to visit this site.

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you like him as in what? you want to be friends or more than friends? Would you consider yourself friends already or acquaintances? T.A.-ing? teachers assistant? so do you consider him you're peer? is the problem that you seem like friends in class and you want to friends outside of class? People don't consider 40+ minute talks about theories basis for friendship that's kind of true but it's especially true if he's a TA and you're a student.

If you want to be friends you really just need to tell him you think he's cool or whatever. if you have similar interests say that. and ask for his number unless you already have his number at which point you just need to ask to hang out and that basically a friendship well watered down

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you like him as in what? you want to be friends or more than friends? Would you consider yourself friends already or acquaintances? T.A.-ing? teachers assistant? so do you consider him you're peer? is the problem that you seem like friends in class and you want to friends outside of class? People don't consider 40+ minute talks about theories basis for friendship that's kind of true but it's especially true if he's a TA and you're a student.

If you want to be friends you really just need to tell him you think he's cool or whatever. if you have similar interests say that. and ask for his number unless you already have his number at which point you just need to ask to hang out and that basically a friendship well watered down

Same as the first post.

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I'd say that you can go up and say to him that since you have similar interests, you thought that it might be cool to hang out outside of class as friends. You could play a sport together, go to a talk, each lunch or something.

If it were me though, even though it sucks, I would wait until after the class has ended so that he's no longer your TA. Many colleges and universities (at least in the US) have very strict rules about TA-student relationships. Especially if you might become romanticaly interested, I think it's best to wait until he's not your TA, not only because of the rules, but also because there is an inherent power relationship with him being the TA and all, even if you don't always feel it. Things get really messy with romantic relationships involving a teacher and a student. Even if you want to be friends but don't want to pursue a romantic relationship, if he misreads your intentions, he might try to avoid contact outside of class, and if he doesn't tell you why, you might think it's because he's not interested in being friends when there are other issues at play. Just my 2 cents. : )

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I didn't see your response until after I posted. If your tell him up front that you want to be friends - not romantic partners, then maybe you wouldn't have to worry about some of those issues I mentioned in my post. I would maybe suggest getting luch together, and then during lunch you can introduce more casual topics of conversation. For example, if you're talking (after class or during office hours), after a while you could just say, "want to continue this discussion over coffee (or lunch)?" That's a pretty casual move that might work well to bridge the gap between a teacher- student relationship to a friend-friend relationship.

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Hello. Don't know if I can help, but I'm trying to share anyway. Your subject, t.i. "how to make friends" is the top one for me.

I've read once someone saying : "friendship is a hard work to do" - and I thought that was true. Not neccesary hard - I think (depend's on one's skills etc.) but it's a work, it's activity, a responsibility for what you do. It can just happen to children and adolescent (students, yes), - but it becomes different when youre on your own.

Well, I'm putting down just some basic believes of mine, - to have it clear and of more possible use.

For one, you must be lucky enough to meet the right one. No matter how much of attempt you invest in, it won't work if the 'material' isn't right. Like talking to the tree, some say.

Then, know your own "yes-s and no-s" and try to find out about your friend's. Be honest about that, don't push, don't let to be pushed yourself.

Here, the basic of all the basics: frienship insists on equality, symetry. Any other human relation is more or less indiferent to that. (Like some mad love :)

The last for now: friends meet on purpose. Outside of work, and schooling and other bussinesses, - they sometimes do it for the friendships sake.

While I was tapping, three other replies fell in. May I'll be the fourth... And I'll have something to read when I close my writing page. Curious.

I think I would go on with this, if common need developes... Oh, there are four allready. Let's post this too.

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I didn't see your response until after I posted. If your tell him up front that you want to be friends - not romantic partners, then maybe you wouldn't have to worry about some of those issues I mentioned in my post. I would maybe suggest getting luch together, and then during lunch you can introduce more casual topics of conversation. For example, if you're talking (after class or during office hours), after a while you could just say, "want to continue this discussion over coffee (or lunch)?" That's a pretty casual move that might work well to bridge the gap between a teacher- student relationship to a friend-friend relationship.

Okay, okay. I'm listening. Issue with that.

If I mention I'm not intersted in anything more than being friends, will isn't that awkard in and of iteslf in that I need to specify this against a sexual intent anyway.

Lunch . . . 1) The class ends super late (which is why we've ended up at the lrt together). 2) I'm a very strict vegetarian. Would eating fries while someone has an actual lunch be akward?

You mention introducing casual conversation topics. I've mentioned that I mainly enjoy theorectical stuff and that's my ideal anyway for friends, so 1) What are casual things. How, very specifically, do I bring these up. 2) Does having already shared anecdotes about the poor marking requirements or wording propensities of teacher count?

EDIT: Also, I'm intending to wait until the last class anyway. I do talk to him enough either before or after ever class as is.

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Hello. Don't know if I can help, but I'm trying to share anyway. Your subject, t.i. "how to make friends" is the top one for me.

I've read once someone saying : "friendship is a hard work to do" - and I thought that was true. Not neccesary hard - I think (depend's on one's skills etc.) but it's a work, it's activity, a responsibility for what you do. It can just happen to children and adolescent (students, yes), - but it becomes different when youre on your own.

Well, I'm putting down just some basic believes of mine, - to have it clear and of more possible use.

For one, you must be lucky enough to meet the right one. No matter how much of attempt you invest in, it won't work if the 'material' isn't right. Like talking to the tree, some say.

Then, know your own "yes-s and no-s" and try to find out about your friend's. Be honest about that, don't push, don't let to be pushed yourself.

Here, the basic of all the basics: frienship insists on equality, symetry. Any other human relation is more or less indiferent to that. (Like some mad love :)

The last for now: friends meet on purpose. Outside of work, and schooling and other bussinesses, - they sometimes do it for the friendships sake.

While I was tapping, three other replies fell in. May I'll be the fourth... And I'll have something to read when I close my writing page. Curious.

I think I would go on with this, if common need developes... Oh, there are four allready. Let's post this too.

Ah, nevermind simply editing my other post. This will help you guys reply to the things I'm directing specifically towards you anyway. That bolded part. That's what I want. Any ideas how to go about this?

Also, I should mention that he probably knows that I know he's gay. Unless he really is just that casual about dropping it into a conversation like he did. That he mentioned htis around me really confused me, because, like some other posters have said, he is a T.A. where-as I'm a student. That shouldn't have been mentioned. And he knows I'm not comfortable with social stuff.

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I think you're making this a bigger deal than it has to be. Most people won't reject an offer of friendship unless they really don't like you, and from what you've said above he at the very least is tolerable of you as a student, but honestly it sounds like you're already damn near friends, there's just a slight awkwardness because he's a TA but yea honestly you just need to get a little courage and say "I want to be friends outside of class" and it might seem awkward but trust me if he's a nice understanding person that's all it'll take he'll say ok then ask for his number. If he's told you he's gay then that's practically him inviting you to be his friend.

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I think you're making this a bigger deal than it has to be. Most people won't reject an offer of friendship unless they really don't like you, and from what you've said above he at the very least is tolerable of you as a student, but honestly it sounds like you're already damn near friends, there's just a slight awkwardness because he's a TA but yea honestly you just need to get a little courage and say "I want to be friends outside of class" and it might seem awkward but trust me if he's a nice understanding person that's all it'll take he'll say ok then ask for his number. If he's told you he's gay then that's practically him inviting you to be his friend.

*Headbang* . . . I'll be with you in one second. *Headbang*. I know I'm making a big deal out of it, but like I said, I've one other person I consider a friend (probably a few more people from classes who'd consider me a friend) and he's antisocial. Because the internet allows for social awkardness, and I've noted about myself that I'm more comfortable being socially awkard once I actually am comfortable, that is to say I hide it until I know people won't judge, for as long as I can anyway (which is another odd thing is and of itself) and I'm comfortable here at AVEN, let me be entirely odd: Can someone here provide a type of script for how to ask to hang out with someone as a friend?

Like ordering food at a restuarant. You're all saying, just ordder the food. But let's pretend I don't know whether there's a counter or seating first then a menu, and so on and so on . . .

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Okay the last day of class once it's over go up to him after class is over and let him know he was a good teacher and you appreciated him helping you and let him know that you'd like to continue the relationship (friendship) outside of class he'll say that sounds great and then ask for his number and vwala insta-friendship

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I hope you are not about to rush the events ...

It seems you have doubts: wanna get, afraid to loose. Well, having doubts I wouldn't say "let's be friends" to someone, cause different people have different concepts. Very very different at times.

It could cause a rejection because of misunderstanding.That's why I say: know what you want/like and what you never will, know the same about your ... let say candidate.

When ocassion is right, invite for something you like. For a vegetarian lunch, for instance. (That would work nice with me, cause I'm a vegatarian too :))

Another basic: firends help each other. So you could ask for a help outside the classes. People react to that generously, if they are generous. More generously than say to just "share your spare time with me". Asking for some help you must be honest anyway: find out something where you realy need help. Simple and decent thing is a conversation on some item you can't solve yourself. Like: "I would like to talk to you about friendship. Your opinion is of importance to me..."

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I hope you are not about to rush the events ...

It seems you have doubts: wanna get, afraid to loose. Well, having doubts I wouldn't say "let's be friends" to someone, cause different people have different concepts. Very very different at times.

It could cause a rejection because of misunderstanding.That's why I say: know what you want/like and what you never will, know the same about your ... let say candidate.

When ocassion is right, invite for something you like. For a vegetarian lunch, for instance. (That would work nice with me, cause I'm a vegatarian too :))

Another basic: firends help each other. So you could ask for a help outside the classes. People react to that generously, if they are generous. More generously than say to just "share your spare time with me". Asking for some help you must be honest anyway: find out something where you realy need help. Simple and decent thing is a conversation on some item you can't solve yourself. Like: "I would like to talk to you about friendship. Your opinion is of importance to me..."

I just realized the meta humour in asking this person for advice about friendship.

Nevertheless, I think I'm leaning towards simply seeing them as a generous/nice person with no specific interest in becoming friends with me. I've, umm, rethought this since my last post, obviously. I am still open to some advice though.

Even if I don't talk to him I still need to know how to make friends after all. It's just, I've known him for a few months now (with summer break inbetween.) It would be odd to bring it up now.

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I would suggest just being honest, the next time you talk to him, just say something along the lines of, "I really enjoy the conversations we have, and I hope we can maintain this friendship (or some other word) even when the class is over." See what he says! Honestly, I've had a TA (I don't know how it works where you are) who has to be at least 8 years older than me ask me if I wanted to get coffee to talk outside of class. If a TA can ask that of a student, a student can ask that of a TA! :)

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I would suggest just being honest, the next time you talk to him, just say something along the lines of, "I really enjoy the conversations we have, and I hope we can maintain this friendship (or some other word) even when the class is over." See what he says! Honestly, I've had a TA (I don't know how it works where you are) who has to be at least 8 years older than me ask me if I wanted to get coffee to talk outside of class. If a TA can ask that of a student, a student can ask that of a TA! :)

Thank you. Hey, at this point people, can I just have postive encouragment along the tea and sympathy lines or advice (if anyone still has any) would still be awesome. Essentially, I want more replies to this so I'm reminded not to just give up or brush it off, or write it off as the shy person just obviously being more comfortable with people who are to a degree required to be nice.

Because whenever I post I post something like that last sentence which just makes me feel even worse. So at this point I really do need one more post after this just to cancel out my neurotic rambling. Darn.

. . . Despite my post count, time wise I'm still new here and really don't see how to make sure that he knows I'm not sexually interested in him, while letting him know I want to keep talking to him.

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