How do I know what it is I haven't felt?

[gline]

I really considered asexuality starting...well...48 hours ago during a larger conversation on orientation, but how do I know I'm missing something I don't know about? I'm a sophomore in college, and I've never been pyhsically intimate with somebody else (I've never kissed, cuddled, etc., though I appreciate hugs), and there are times I think I'm just waiting for somebody to 'want' me-- because I've also never had a man ask me out or go on a date. Like, I don't think I've experienced sexual attraction, but I also don't know what that means-- to experience sexual attraction or to find somebody 'hot.'

And I think I might be identifying as asexual, because I also can't think of ever actually kissing another person-- though I have a power dynamic fetish, and sometimes I will (when I'm not masturbating) fantasize about domination (and sometimes, that has somebody else's face attached to the fantasy), but I don't think I would ever act on it, and I don't know if that's sexual attraction or just thinking about being turned on by the fetish.

Aie. I don't know if I'm making sense. Guidance?

[Frac]

Do you have any kind of preference for the kind of people you'd fantasize about? In other words, do you have a 'type'? In the end, asexuality is nothing more than not finding people hot, so being turned on about something doesn't mean you can't be an ace. It just means that your 'parts' are working. One of the things that made me realize I was asexual was never getting the appeal of "rule 34", which is the tendency for there to be porn of literally any fictional character ever. Not because it's of characters I don't get being attracted to, but because I don't get having a preference in that regard at all. If your sexual desire is not directed to anyone in particular, I don't see why you wouldn't feel at home in here. Having a fetish or two is irrelevant.

[gline]

That clarification does make sense- thanks. (: I think I'm realizing the difference between desire being directed towards being at a person and desire being directed towards a situation, because I don't have a preference for the type of person.

[Archon]

I've had that state of mind where I think I'll feel attraction as soon as someone shows interest in me. Then I had my first relationship and wow was it a huge disappointment. If you don't want to have sex with another person, then you're ace. You don't have to try anything to be sure, your feelings are already valid. Also, as Frac said, having a fetish or two isn't enough to make you feel sexually attracted to anyone.

You may have brought up a different point when you said you've never kissed or cuddled with anybody. For a lot of people, those things can be part of a romantic but not necessarily sexual relationship. If you have no interest in kissing or cuddling romantically with someone, you may also be aromantic in addition to being asexual. Just keep in mind that some asexuals do like to do those things with romantic partners so you can't really say an ace necessarily doesn't kiss anyone.

Best of luck! :)

[Ficulnean]

Well, if you wanted sex with somebody else you would probably feel like you were missing out for sure, instead of not being sure if you're missing out or not.

[poindexter]

Heterosexuals know they're heterosexuals, even if they haven't tried to get it on with a member of the same sex. It's something you just kind of know - not wanting to involve yourself in sexual relationships is part of that.

[WünderBâhr]

Having a fetish or kissing someone does not automatically exclude someone from identifying as asexual. The way I see it, stimulation can occur without sexual attraction and wanting to pursue a sexual relationship with someone. I believe biology has a part to play in this for a good number of the female sex, especially (TMI) because of the hormonal changes that occur (especially during the menstrual cycle, or so I have noticed being mentioned among many female members on AVEN). In that example, it basically preps you for reproduction, regardless of whether you are experiencing sexual attraction or not.

I wouldn't worry, either way, about what exact label to use, just yet. Take your time, check out more threads/resources and figure it out along the way. I would suggest checking out this Asexual Q&A FAQ thread, which lists resources such as the AVENWiki, as well as terminology and threads which you may find useful. You can also look at some general FAQ and browse through other forums on AVEN. You may find the answers you are looking for and meet people with similar experiences.

Welcome to AVEN! :)