"Fun" can be a loaded word in relationships

[SorryNotSorry]

I've talked to a LOT of women at speed dating events over the years, and one thing which is a sort of live hand grenade is the concept of FUN.

I don't know if women have to field this same question from men that I get from women: what do you do for fun?

Well, there's adventurous fun, which encompasses things like international travel, motor sports, bungee jumping, skydiving, etc etc, and then there's introspective fun, which encompasses things like reading/writing, crafts, cooking, "homebody" activities in general.

One reason why I haven't been able to click with most women I've met at singles events is they're adventurous-fun kind of people, while I'm an introspective-fun kind of guy. Adventure just doesn't get my endorphins flowing.

Lesson learned.

[Q.T. McWhiskers]

I would like to travel more but not into adventure sports. They might just be saying that because they think you are into those things. Or maybe it's a personality type that is more likely to try speed dating?

[Zash]

It is probably because the adventurous women are the type more likely to go to speed dating. It doesn't seem like an environment that would attract shy people.

[Rising Sun]

I agree with Glitter Smurf and Zash, I think that people who try speed dating like taking risks more and I suppose that they often could be sensation seekers.

I couldn't help you much about what most women find really fun from my own point of view, because I tend to have more stereotypically male than female interests.

[Fulgora]

The question sounds pretty typical for any kind of event where you need to get to know other people.

Have you thought that maybe the 'fun' really depends on the person and not on the gender? Also, you don't need to name only one thing you like to do for fun, you could try saying for example three different things (i.e rock climbing, baking and playing video games) and the person you're talking with might get a better picture of your kind of fun.

[SorryNotSorry]

@ Glitter Smurf, Zash, and Rising Sun: you're all probably right, but that leads right into the catch-22 of why more women (in this case, women with a more introspective idea of fun) won't pursue men even if given ample opportunity to do so. TBH I've gotten so sick of hearing excuses---women don't want to mess with tradition, don't want to deal with rejection, don't want to be slut-shamed, etc etc---that right now I'm cooking up a ground rule for my 2 meetup groups that any sort of shaming behavior will not be tolerated at the meetups.

All I can surmise is that the women who won't pursue men just sit around at home in their spare time, doing crafts and hoping that some guy with ESP will someday knock on her front door and introduce himself...

@ Fulgora: yes, I have at least 4 different interests that I tell women about when I'm given the opportunity to speak to them. Apparently crafty pastimes are deathly dull in their book.

[apokalyptisch]

Most people I've met don't like people to bombard them with individuality right away. I've had to tone myself down a lot.

What do I like to do for fun? I like cooking and reading.

Because that's something people can easily ask about. I like cooking stir-fry. Maybe someday you can try it. I like reading fantasy and science fiction.

There's your first dose of weird, though not so much anymore.

Then they talk about themselves.

Once we get to know each other more, the rest of my fun comes out.

I like karaoke, and I will do it completely sober, in front of total strangers.

I like cats, and I believe I can communicate with them.

Shit like that isn't a way to first approach somebody. I find that often it scares them away. I don't know why. I glob onto people who will start a conversation like that.

[ranting ferret]

in college, i quickly got tired of the usual "getting-to-know-you" questions, where're you from? what's your major? etc.

so i made my own:

what's your favorite breakfast cereal?

became my go-to question after things like names or whatnot. but i had a little too much fun and made lists of all sorts of crazy questions. i filled an outdated planner with questions. it turned into a really entertaining thing to do both with old and new friends once they found out what i was doing. we'd sit around and ask and answer questions for a long while sometimes.

[Ficulnean]

Hmm . . .

@ Glitter Smurf, Zash, and Rising Sun: you're all probably right, but that leads right into the catch-22 of why more women (in this case, women with a more introspective idea of fun) won't pursue men even if given ample opportunity to do so. TBH I've gotten so sick of hearing excuses---women don't want to mess with tradition, don't want to deal with rejection, don't want to be slut-shamed, etc etc---that right now I'm cooking up a ground rule for my 2 meetup groups that any sort of shaming behavior will not be tolerated at the meetups.

All I can surmise is that the women who won't pursue men just sit around at home in their spare time, doing crafts and hoping that some guy with ESP will someday knock on her front door and introduce himself...

@ Fulgora: yes, I have at least 4 different interests that I tell women about when I'm given the opportunity to speak to them. Apparently crafty pastimes are deathly dull in their book.

Hmm . . . men probably don't want to get rejected too, but are socialized not to care about feelings as much, their own included. And, more introverted people tend to think of making friends first, then turning one of the relationships they're comfortable with into that of a romantic type. Which is a perfectly fair way to go about it.