minimcwitch Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 People always tell me, "there is plenty of time. You will find the right person. Just get yourself out there and meet people." But my problem is, I just can't seem to do that! I'm shy, I'm introverted, and I just can't meet people without giving the impression that I just want to be friends. I've tried things I never thought I would; apps, this website, other websites... and no luck on any of them. I am so ready to meet someone, and I want more than anything to meet the right person. But it never happens, and it feels like I never will. I'm just too shy to say what I want to say and make people realise that I want more than just mild friendship! I think half the problem is that I worry about what they think. I do have a specific person in mind who I want to talk to. I want to tell them that I want more than friendship, and even ask them if they want to go out sometime, but I can never find the words (this is even online, I would never dream of doing it in person) and I'm worried that they will think me desperate, or weird, or just not want to go anywhere with me at all. I just needed to get this out of my system. Does anyone else have the same problems? Link to post Share on other sites
EmotionalAndroid Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Like you, I am incredibly shy as well and always worry about people mistaking my desire for friendship as something more. My social anxiety prevents me from even talking to people I see on a daily basis, and I am not the type to go to bars or events where meeting people is the goal. I often wonder if I'll ever find someone, too. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice for you, since I am stuck in the same position. Still, you've got a good start and have found someone you like! Maybe you could drop some hints that you think they are really important to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Exanimis Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Why it feels like you never will? Have you ever thought that maybe there are people harboring the same feelings about you, but feel the same shyness and can't let it out to you? Shit, I would love to tell you to not worry, give it time. But I know how it feels to hear these words, so I won't do that. Try to pay a little more attention to who are the people around you. Maybe you are just not noticing, maybe there is something happening, be open to situations. I'm not telling you to become extrovert out of nowhere, just be a little more attentive to your surroundings. Try it. No how to know if it will work or not without trying. :cake: :cake: *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I'm just too shy to say what I want to say and make people realise that I want more than just mild friendship! I think half the problem is that I worry about what they think. I do have a specific person in mind who I want to talk to. I want to tell them that I want more than friendship, and even ask them if they want to go out sometime, but I can never find the words (this is even online, I would never dream of doing it in person) and I'm worried that they will think me desperate, or weird, or just not want to go anywhere with me at all. It doesn't have to come across flawless and perfectly articulate. People usually can detect, and often appreciate, heartfelt honesty. Just try it out, and say everything you're feeling. If what you're feeling is so wild that you're having a hard time putting it into words, say that too. If it helps, rehearse the important things you want to get across to yourself before sending it his way. I'm worried that they will think me desperate, or weird, or just not want to go anywhere with me at all. I think a lot of shy people worry about this, but really, this isn't how it usually turns out... at least not in my experience. I have come clean, as it were, to a handful of people over the past 12 years (the point where I first experienced anything resembling a crush) and the "worst" thing that's happened (I say "worst" because, it really wasn't even anything bad in my mind) was that the other person admitted that they were flattered, but that they did not experience those same sorts of feelings back toward me. Every time that's happened, there was no awkwardness and we remained friends. Simply put, if they were worth your affections in the first place, they'll probably be understanding! Link to post Share on other sites
minimcwitch Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 All of these comments are so supportive, thank you so much! EmotionalAndroid, I have social anxiety too so I know exactly how you feel with that! I'm so glad that people in this community understand exactly what I mean, and I appreciate it so much. I think I will rehearse a message to send to them and see how it goes. Eeeeek... Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I don't know if it helps, but you're cute as a button ^^ 25 and counting. No relationship for me either, and no confidence left to boot. You're certainly not alone Link to post Share on other sites
minimcwitch Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Heheh why, thank you! ^_^ I like that we're all in the same boat here. Makes me feel less alone. Love this community to bits! Link to post Share on other sites
minimcwitch Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Um, guys... I did it. I just let my fingers type what they wanted to type and sent them a message on facebook about how I'm feeling. Ohhh god my heart right now. Feel so shy and awkward!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Lol, when do I not have this problem is a better question. I get so flustered when I am attracted to someone, granted, the good thing is it doesn't happened very often. But then again I was dumb enough to fall in love with a lesbian, so I would say with all confidence I am not good at this relationship thing, aside from my gray a. I feel you, and I want you to know you are not alone. Welcome to AVEN. Have a beautiful day. Link to post Share on other sites
minimcwitch Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you, and I hope you have a good day too :)I got a reply straight away and.... not as resounding as I thought. kind of "oh right okay, that was out of the blue". Don't think there will be anything going on there then! the search continues... look forward and be positive, that's what I need to tell myself! Link to post Share on other sites
LassyD Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Great job on getting it out to them though. I've never been able to tell someone I was squishing on that I liked them. I am proud of you, ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
minimcwitch Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you!! It's one of the most nerve wracking things ever to do, I'm still shaking, kinda disappointed... but hey. Head up and look forward. And cake. Link to post Share on other sites
Hobbes! Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 First time I plucked up the nerve to ask a girl out, I was eighteen and my best friend bullied me into it. Unfortunately seconds before I managed to say so, she told me she'd just got back with her old boyfriend. Talk about anticlimactic. Ahem. Anyway, point I'm trying to make is that it'll probably never play out the way you expect Link to post Share on other sites
Exanimis Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 That's the spirit! Good luck out there. @}- You're young, a lot can happen. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Once you try to figure out what you're doing wrong (or just not seeing). you're on your way to getting your heart unbroken. For me, once I realized I was trying to play a game that was not meant for me, I started getting somewhere. Now a local dating coach wants to bring me into his meetup group to help him expand his base to include asexuals. IMO one more lonely person is one more lonely person too many. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Even if it didn't work out, you still done good. And it will get easier for you to do in the future. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
EmotionalAndroid Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 It's great that you gathered your courage and tried it! That's a wonderful step in the right direction. I'm sorry to hear it did not turn out as you wanted, but now you know you have the strength to ask someone again in the future! Link to post Share on other sites
justme72 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 me too! people think im a bitch because im so anxious i look away or avoid any social contact with strangers, then of course theres the big asexual thing, what if he likes me then what? sorry but i probably wont have sex with you much and it will be boring and awkward! ugh! i overthink everything. Link to post Share on other sites
NJMoose Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 I feel very much the same way. I've tried sites, and they've felt very... awkward to me. I'm rather shy, introverted, and socially awkward. It's not that I don't want a relationship, it's that I don't really know what I'd do with one. I want to find a best friend of some sort, one that I can spend my life with. However I still want to be able to enjoy being myself, my commitments (my interests, travels, hobbies, etc.) without them feeling like it's ruining the relationship. Some days I want to go out and explore, and I'd like them to be like "Yeah! Awesome! let's go!" and other nights like tonight where it's cold, I'd like them to be like "hey. it's cold. come curl up and play videogames with me under my crappy falling apart blue blanket" I come over, and we'd play computer games side-by-side in my bed under the falling apart blanket and we'd be laughing at eachother's fails, and happy. I don't know. It seems corny but I feel like my hypothetical "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship is more of a best friend relationship than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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