Dimonaire Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Hey guys, So recently I've been wondering about a few things that involve sexual attraction....or something like that (it's so confusing). And since I have no one I can talk to about this, I was wondering if you guys could help? I'm still trying to figure out who I am. (even if i've already identified in some types) Anyways, the thing is that whenever I meet a guy and get to know them a little, I feel the need to cuddle and hold hands and just be close to them. But afterwards, it kind of goes away. And sometimes I do feel the sexual attraction, like I want to do sexual things but never the actual act of sex. It just never comes to mind, and when I imagine or think about having sex with a guy, the thought just goes away. I don't know how to handle this, and I've been struggling with this for a while now. There was a time once though, where I could imagine myself having sex with this one guy I had a thing with, and I always always wanted to be close to him and kiss and stuff like that. I think that was because I was in love with him. I don't know if this would make me demisexual. I've also been in relationships with a few guys, but the thought of holding hands and kissing just made me want to run away. But then afterwards when I broke up with them and started getting to know them better as friends, I really wanted to hold hands and cuddle and kiss. But never sex. Ugh i feel like I'm inconveniencing whoever reads this, sorry Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Nope, no incovenience. Because of that one guy, I would agree with where you say demisexual. At the dame time, one guy is close enough to asexual that you should be picking whichever one you feel reflects best where you're at now. And wanting to hold hands and cuddle and kiss can be sexual, yes, but they can also be purely romantic or even sensual. I'd say none of those desires should be the deciding factor for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I suppose you can be demi. I've the same. I'm not going to be in any relationship but if I hypothetically met this right person maybe I'd have sex but not with those 'fireworks', just normal one . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
argar Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 I know in my case I have a libido, it just isn't focused on anyone. There was one time that I felt my libido coincide with someone, but I had fallen in love with this person. I had loved her for months, she was the only person I ever even thought of being intimate with in that way. I spent the night with her at her home, and in the morning asked her shyly if I could relieve myself in her shower. She said no, then proceeded to walk around almost fully dressed, but just wearing a bra, that always seemed odd to me, until this day. That was the first and last time I have ever been that close to someone. She discovered earlier that I did that she was a lesbian, it took a lot of years later until I had a name for who I am. I think the important thing to remember that you give yourself time to explore who you are. As you live an experience life, who you are will evolve to become the best happiest comfortable you possible. Give yourself time to grow, whatever you call yourself is there to help you, not confine you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 It sounds perfectly healthy to want cuddles, kisses and possibly sex once you are really comfortable around the person while not wanting any of it otherwise. I think it fits with demisexual but only you can see what label you're comfortable with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
specialsnowflake Posted October 14, 2014 Share Posted October 14, 2014 Have you heard of lithromantic? I don't know if it fits but the defintion basically says that one can feel romantic attraction towards others but not needing it reciprocated or that they stop feeling the attraction once in a relationship or stop enjoying it. In my case I stop all feelings as soon as it is reciprocated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dimonaire Posted October 14, 2014 Author Share Posted October 14, 2014 Thank you guys, for responding! I honestly don't like labels, but this is so knew to me that i want to find my place so that then I can just let go and be comfortable with myself, and i agree that I shouldn't confine myself by whatever i decide. Again, thanks, this has helped a lot! :lol: @Sarahwein, yeah, that's what usually happened where I would just not want to be touched at all or feel any kind of attraction once i was in the actual relationship. I'm kind of confused about the "feeling romantic attraction towards others but not needing it part", does that part relate to the pre-relationship? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
specialsnowflake Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I'm no expert on this.. but how I see it is in general you feel the attraction until they either reciprocate the feelings (as in my case) and then you lose interest never entering into a relationship or you feel the attraction until you enter the relationship, once in the relationship lithromantic person will lode interest. I think it will depend person to person. Also keep in mind that for some lithromantics don't lose interest upon reciprocation but just don't feel they need it. lose* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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