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Has anyone actually found another asexual in real life?


Whirleh

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I mean, of course we have online or without knowing it, yes. But expanding on my question, has anyone ever found another asexual because they were wearing the black ring or the flag colors? Or even because they made some obscure reference to cake? Or even more interesting, has anyone ever found out that they knew a fellow AVENite in real life?

I'm curious if the "subtle signs" we put out have actually worked in reeling anyone in.

Thanks in advance :cake:

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Nope. Going to a workshop on the 28th, but that's not the by chance type thing that you're describing.

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That really sounds highly unlikely, if I saw someone with a black ring I wouldn't assume they were asexual unless there'd be clear other signs (like black/violet pants, just sayin')

But hey, why not, we can dream :)

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It would be super unlikely in my case.

I really don't think there would be any asexual around my parts, even less AVENites.

Shame :(

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I live in small town ontario... with a large mennonite community. I HIGHLY doubt I will find an asexual here.

I don't think I even found a homosexual.

Or maybe I just need to get out more.

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SorryNotSorry

No. That's what meetups are for.

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When someone wore the colors of the sexy flag, it was a giveaway to me.

*introduced myself*

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I've met some asexuals (and AVENites) in real life. But it was at an ace meetup. And one of them (@seletrielle) actually found me because I was wearing a black ring!

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I've never found another asexual in this way. I don't think I've ever even met another asexual at all in real life. There's one person I suspect might be, but I really have no idea, and I have no business guessing unless she decides to talk to me about it.

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RoswellValentine

Last week, there was a student in some of my classes that was wearing a black ring, but when I brought it up they asked "Is it symbolic?" Turns out their ring was actually just a mood ring that stopped working. So I'm pretty sure they aren't ace. I don't know any asexuals outside of my group of friends.

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butterflydreams

Hrm. I haven't, and I tend to blend really well, so it's unlikely people are going to recognize me. I rock an ace flag pin on my bag. That'll have to do, pig, that'll have to do. If I got bold, maybe I'd slap the pin on my jacket or something and walk around Burlington for a while. I bet I could find somebody. Though that requires walking among hipsters as well. An acceptable compromise ;)

I have a refrigerator box propped up by a ruler with a piece of cake inside that's tied to the ruler, but it just sits there. Empty :(

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I met one at my school's "50-50" club (our LGBTQ club). It's not an ace-specific club, so it was still unexpected.

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Weirdly enough, a whole bunch of my uni friends happen to be asexual. Some I knew about before I found out about myself, one of which got me onto researching asexuality in the first place; with one the topic never came up until she asked about my black ring and then said she agreed with me about sex; one has been thinking about asexuality since some of my AVEN friends did a presentation at uni; and the other is a jaffy who thinks he's all alone in being ace, on that note perhaps someone should reassure him... So yeah. By complete coincidence, I know three people who are definitely asexual, and two who are possibly so.

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passionatefriend61

Yup. When I was in college, I met a few aces or people who were ace-questioning, just by identifying myself openly as asexual. They came to me privately and wanted to know more about asexuality because it resonated with them. One person, I'm close friends with to this day. She's asexual but didn't know it when we met. I came out to her right away and we had a bunch of conversations about it. Eventually, like within a year, she told me she was pretty sure she's ace.

I also had friends in childhood who identified as "straight" but once we reached adulthood, they basically implied they could be ace, even though they won't use the word to identify themselves. That was weird because I knew these people for years and just read them as vanilla-heteronormative-straight-as-hell the whole time because that's what they let the world believe. And they're hetero-romantic, or at least open to being in romantic relationships with people of the opposite sex. But in reality, they don't actually want or need sex and could live forever without it. Sounds pretty damn asexual to me.

But there again, if it wasn't for me being so out as ace, they probably never would've been aware of asexuality, let alone contemplated the possibility that it applies to them.

So that's why I feel strongly about being as out and open as you can be, if it's comfortable for you. It increases the odds of meeting other aces and also does a good job of spreading awareness of asexuality, without formal activism work.

We're taught to assume that everyone is sexual and straight until proven otherwise, but that's bullshit. I wouldn't, if I were you. Unless someone identifies themselves, you can't really know what they are.

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Artemis Fowle

I've been told that my friend is friends with another asexual though we haven't met.

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When someone wore the colors of the sexy flag, it was a giveaway to me.

*introduced myself*

That's awesome! Did they know about AVEN?

It seems like a bunch of us have meet other aces by coincidentally befriending them. I have a demiromantic friend and another one who may be asexual. I made some ace bracelets to wear so I could discreetly reveal myself to others, but so far, none have come forth.

I wish there were meet-ups near where I lived (not that I'd be able to go without outing myself to my parents). I typed in "asexuality meet ups in Maryland" on google and all I got as a result was a meet-up for nudists/naturalists. I laughed, I'll admit.

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I found one of my IRL friends (we're not super close, but I'd say we're more than acquaintances) on AVEN, which led to me sending her an awkward Facebook message to see if her AVEN username sounded familiar (I wanted to make sure it was really her before outing myself). We then had a great conversation about ace stuff, because neither of us knew the other was ace, and yeah, now she's one of the two other aces I know :) (The other is someone I knew before I even knew asexuality was a thing, and after I started identifying as ace I remembered seeing a flyer-thing on her wall during awareness week and connected with her. It's interesting the things we subconsciously remember!)

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The Cakemeister

I'm reasonably open about my ace-ness, so in the middle of game night it came up. Turns out, three of my friends are also ace.

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Saw one of my teachers the other week with the black ring but I doubt it's because they're asexual

Pretty sure one of my friends is though, and one of my other friends might possibly be, she doesn't seem like the type to question her sexuality though. I do it constantly.

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Contrarian Expatriate

I have found 2 or 3 who have said, "I'm like that too" or "so and so is like that too."

I'm convinced that these people are simply celibate rather than asexual, but I was not inclinded to dig for details.

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I'm not sure, actually. I mean, there was an old friend of my mother's who turned 50 without having had a stable relationship that I know of, plus one of my friends here at university who got pretty excited when I came out, but no one else 'in the wild', outside GSRM spaces. So far, at any rate.

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PurebredMuggle

Oh wouldn't that be great!

No I haven't. Not even intentionally. I know they're out there and I'm sure I probably know some who aren't out or doesn't even know they are ace themselves. I've been suspecting for some time that my cousin is ace/aro. He's in his thirties and have never been with anyone that I know of. BUT that could be for other reasons as well. Asking him about it would be super awkward though, as we're not that close even if we see each other weekly.

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I'm still hoping. But I figure I won't seen any aces until Con season, which doesn't start til the spring.

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I have not, but I'm pretty sure one of my friends may be demisexual.

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Mysterywriter221

Two people on my quidditch team are asexual. One asked me if my ring was for asexuality and asked where she could get one. The other told me he's ace after there was a really bad sex scene in a movie the team was watching.

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I've met two openly asexual people. Sad because both of them were also aromantic. It's sad because this lowers (statistically) the chance i'll run into one i can have a relationship with. 1% of people, so for fun sake, lets say i've met 200 (a very high estimation) people who i've gotten close enough to, to learn such facts about them. That means i'd have to meat 100 more people before meeting up with another. Statistics don't stack up well against reality i know but still. Niether of them wore black rings but i do, just in case. I do hope someone will notice it and take a chance on someone recognizing it.

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