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Any asexuals who get bored during sex.


Fire & Rain

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TMI warning!

Is it just me or does anyone other ace feel like they don't understand the level of excitement that allosexuals expereince during sex? I often get distracted and super bored to the point that I have to restrain myself emotionally from doing and thinking about other things. I'm glad that my partner is enjoying it but at best I get all hot and bothered physically. I don't even feel the need to umm get myself off. The arousal passes over time. So I just ignore it. I do have a normal to high libido and I masturbate often.

Are there any ways to be more enthused about partnered sex or at least desire to have an orgasm during it? Maybe there's no answer to this but I want to hear your perspective on it. I do get aroused during partnered sex but not enough to do anything about it.

I made so many grammatical mistakes in this post that it’s not even funny lol well, a little!

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Yeah, because I just don't care. A few minutes of boredom every now and then to maintain a relationship isn't really a deal breaker, though.

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Yeah, because I just don't care. A few minutes of boredom every now and then to maintain a relationship isn't really a deal breaker, though.

lol it just seems really weird to me when allosexuals get really enthused about it. Sometimes from the smallest things. It makes me wonder if I could feel that way too.

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lol it just seems really weird to me when allosexuals get really enthused about it. Sometimes from the smallest things. It makes me wonder if I could feel that way too.

Since you're ace, I don't think you can get motivated to it for reasons besides it simply feeling physically good, or to please a partner, at least not to the extent an allosexual can. Thus, your best bet is to make it as satisfying as possible. If you're never had an orgasm from intercourse before (assuming you're afab, as agender is kinda ambiguous), you could start out by trying to achieve that for the first time. I'm sure that your (most likely allosexual) partner will be happy to help with that.

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lol it just seems really weird to me when allosexuals get really enthused about it. Sometimes from the smallest things. It makes me wonder if I could feel that way too.

Since you're ace, I don't think you can get motivated to it for reasons besides it simply feeling physically good, or to please a partner, at least not to the extent an allosexual can. Thus, your best bet is to make it as satisfying as possible. If you're never had an orgasm from intercourse before (assuming you're afab, as agender is kinda ambiguous), you could start out by trying to achieve that for the first time. I'm sure that your (most likely allosexual) partner will be happy to help with that.

Yes, I'm afab :) You're right. I thought I could get really motivated but comparing myself to my allosexual partner I felt really out of place. My partner tried it every time but it didn't work which is weird because I can do it myself very easily lol

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I haven't had sex. A large part of it is that I know I'd feel this way about it, and am trying to avoid that nice awkward situation.

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If I was you I would make a game out of it, set myself challenges and such, it could be 'achieve orgasm' or getting your partner to make a particular face or noise that they do when their enjoying themselves a certain amount of times, or whatever, with like a point system for when you achieve these things and try and get more points each time. All things aimed to make you and your partners experience better of course, but that way you could be thinking about the particular thing you want to achieve in that moment, could make it less boring and more enjoyable?

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If I was you I would make a game out of it, set myself challenges and such, it could be 'achieve orgasm' or getting your partner to make a particular face or noise that they do when their enjoying themselves a certain amount of times, or whatever, with like a point system for when you achieve these things and try and get more points each time. All things aimed to make you and your partners experience better of course, but that way you could be thinking about the particular thing you want to achieve in that moment, could make it less boring and more enjoyable?

We do similar things to that lol I guess we have to level up our challenges a bit. Thanks for suggesting that :)

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lol yea when I was active it was kind of exciting because I thought being active meant I was doing things right and all that, y'know? and it felt good physically, so I didn't realize I was missing out on something important.

but really, I was most often only able to push forward (most of the time) by focusing myself intently on the activity...

there were a few times when I could be truly into it because of my libido, but most of the time I in the reality would have rather been doing something else and just didn't realize I felt that way. I just thought "oh I am only surprised this is happening now as opposed to some other time"

Yeah, it seems to require a lot of focusing on my part lol My mind is wondering about other things. I like that there's an emotional connection though.

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i dunno if I ever felt the emotional connection really

]unless you mean in the relationship as a whole?

I think we did feel closer. I'm not sure lol

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I used to get distracted during sex all the time (heck, even when I get myself off I have trouble concentrating on what I'm doing most of the time). Usually it turns into frustration--not sexual frustration, but a feeling of "why can't I focus and get into this like everyone else seems to? why is it so hard for me?" Then again, concentrating on the act too much also made it hard to get off.

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I had a very sexual boyfriend once... SO BORED... To the point that I'd do whatever I had to to get out of it. I mean, sex does nothing for me, and really chaffed after a while. Blaaaaaah.

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ranting ferret

i wouldn't say boredom for myself. but at different times there will be different thought processes: intentionally trying to focus on just the physical sensations usually, other times how weird things are, self-concious kicks in and i wondered how awkward i am. or when i'm stressed and whatnot, my mind has this incredible ability to not stop thinking about everything at once all the time no matter what. this can lead to me getting so lost in thought i have to kinda bring myself back to the present, ("oh right. this things is happening").

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Spectre/Ex/Machina

I get bored when Im on the bottom, I even zone out and forget Im having sex. I once started thinking about laundry. I much prefer the top.

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I don't get bored, but since I do not feel a whole lot I spend the time oddly focused. I just try to concentrate on making my partner feel good, and I enjoy the feelings I get from that even if it is otherwise quite...lacking. Not the partner mind you, just the whole experience. I do not want to say it feels empty, because that isn't right, but it just does not feel like a whole lot of anything at all.

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If I was you I would make a game out of it, set myself challenges and such, it could be 'achieve orgasm' or getting your partner to make a particular face or noise that they do when their enjoying themselves a certain amount of times, or whatever, with like a point system for when you achieve these things and try and get more points each time. All things aimed to make you and your partners experience better of course, but that way you could be thinking about the particular thing you want to achieve in that moment, could make it less boring and more enjoyable?

This . . . this might work with somebody I trust. I think this is the singularly best advice I've read on this site (as applies to me specifically, of course).

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Yes!! Even when I try to masturbate and feel something from it I start to wander off and forget why I'm even doing it. It's kind of frustrating in a way because there is so much hype for sex and masturbation that I don't understand. The only thing I can do is read smut but even then I'm more emotional over the lovey dovey characters than I am over the sex part of it. But a lot of people read smut who enjoy it for the sex portion and want to try it/get some kind of satisfaction from it???

I don't even know anymore man

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I hate the feeling of sex.I experience no pleasure from it, no matter how aroused I am, and (when I used to have it.. I haven't since 2011) I experience a lot of pain and discomfort during the act and for hours, sometimes days after (I have a condition called vestibulodynia that causes this pain). However,even if I could be offered magical pain free sex, I'd still be.. meh, no thanks. it's just not something I'd enjoy, regardless of pain status. having sex, even without pain, would be for me like forcing myself to eat food that I dislike the taste and texture of, just to fit in with all the other people who love that food. why put myself through something like that?

I am not sex repulsed in any way, and actually enjoy writing about sex and reading about it etc, I even watch kinky amateur porn sometimes ehe..it's just *doing* the act itself that I have no interest in or enjoyment of.

I am very sensual, and kinky, and I feel the pleasures of enjoying sensuality and kink faaaar outweigh.. anything I could ever experience from sex. why eat food I dislike when there is so much tasty food (ie cake ehe) out there for me to enjoy? :)

so yes, for me personally, I find having sex... utterly boring .. and will be endlessly grateful that I 1) eventually discovered asexuality! up until then I figured I was just a broken sexual.. and 2) met my asexual partner here on AVEN :) .. I now have a deeply fulfilling, fun, loving, intimate, sensual, kinky, sex-free relationship!

Once upon a time, I never could have dreamed I'd have a relationship like this.. I didn't think such a thing existed as amazing, loving, intimate romantic relationships that are free of sex, as it seemed that the whole world was having sex and loving it :o

.. I'm so much happier now that I know there are people who just.. don't enjoy sex. not only that, but I'm in love with one of them :D

yay for asexuality! :cake:

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Makalasterlove

TMI

Sex is boring when I'm not aroused. I only bottomed during sex. Only one time I felt sexual attraction and initiated it. Best sex I have had yet, but the rest of the times I tried to get aroused with someone else; I couldn't. I have to go with my libido with another person or I have to arouse myself beforehand in order and try to maintain it if I bottom. I haven't topped yet, but I feel like it would more successful to have good intercourse if prepared beforehand. In the end, I enjoy sex by myself with toys rather than people. I was with the person I had sex with in Spencers and he pointed out a sex toy and remarked "Someone has to be desperate". Obviously, I'm not desperate if I had sex and couldn't enjoy as much with another person than myself. That doesn't make a person desperate.

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