What should I know getting into a relationship with an asexual?

[Guest]

My new girlfriend identifies as heteroromantic sex-repulsed asexual.

What exactly does this mean, and what should I know about this orientation?

[Touchofinsight]

My new girlfriend identifies as heteroromantic sex-repulsed asexual.

What exactly does this mean, and what should I know about this orientation?

The person you should be asking is her not us. What we think these labels mean will have little to no bearing over your relationship (and shouldn't).

We may give you information that doesn't apply to her circumstances and most of these labels have general vague definitions so yea talk to her about it.

You guys need to have a talk about your sex life together and how that's going to work etc. She may not even really know and that is something she will have to explore with you and by her self.

Best of luck

Touch!

[Guest]

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[Member54880]

Welcome! Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Heteroromantic is her romantic orientation, and if this is the first time you've seen the concept of romantic orientation, here's an FAQ about it: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/76092-romantic-and-aromantic-lexicon-and-faq/

Sex-repulsed is being grossed out by sex, but to what extent, varies by the person. It includes a range from being repulsed by all things sexual, to possibly liking the idea of sex (i.e: fantasies) in theory, but repulsed by anything that actually involves them.

Here's a poll asking about what extent someone is repulsed: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/94432-sex-repulsion-poll/
A thread asking for definitions: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/107680-what-exactly-is-sex-repulsion/

You should ask her about how these labels apply to her, because asexuals' experiences are diverse.

[Sally]

If she identifies as a sex-repulsed asexual, then she must know what that means, or what she means by it. You should ask her.

[Guest]

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[Guest]

So, if she identifies as sex-repulsed, the chance of her consenting to intercourse is virtually zero.

Pretty much, yup.

[Arte]

Talk to her about it!

[Sally]

I think you've asked this same question in another thread.

[ChainSmokingBob]

Yes, Sexual.

If she identifies as sex-repulsed, that's not a dislike or disinterest of sex. Nothing so minor as that. It's something you are most definitely going to want to talk to her about beyond the general idea, however.

In all seriousness, I do understand if you can't fathom going ahead with it if that's true, but do clarify it with her though, and pursue the relationship if you think it's worth it.

Best of luck.

[Anime Pancake]

Hello!

Most likely it would be best to ask her about how she feels specifically. Her explanations would probably be just as good, if not better and more personal than any advice you can get.

However, hetero romantic means romantically attracted to the opposite sex. Sex-repulsed means really disliking sex.

Also, since she considers herself hetero-romantic, this can be compared to hetero-sexual. Hetero-sexuals are sexually interested in the opposite sex (for lack of a better way for me to word it), while hetero-romantics are not sexually interested. Instead they are romantically attracted to the opposite sex.

Therefore, where some sexual people consider sex to be a part of romance, some of us that are hetero-romantic feel that sex does not have to be a part of romance (at least that is how some of us feel).


I don't really have too much advice, mostly it depends on the individuals involved. My main advice would be for both of you to communicate openly and honestly and talk about what each of you likes and what you two want to happen in the relationship.

Talk about how you both feel about interaction, what both of you hope to get out of the relationship. Do both/each of you want emotional support? Romantic interaction? Sexual interaction?

Talk about what you both want, and see how your viewpoints compare to each others. Communication is one of the biggest parts of it, especially at the beginning of a relationship.


And yes, about the sex-repulsed part, sex-repulsed basically means someone that is repulsed by sex.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. Also though remember that asking her specifically will give more personal insight to how she feels, more than any written definition can.

[Aisntllecxtual]

Linguistic terms invariably have different interpretations. The strict definition of "repulsion" has not to do with strength of feeling or thought against something (in this case, sex), but to rebuff, snub, rebuff, refuse (all synonyms) advances. I consider myself sex repulsed and this does not necessarily give insight into my feelings towards sex (f.y.i., any delusional engagement would quickly yield to languidness when confronted with the naked reality, and subsequently yielding sexually evasive at very best in regard to the person of interest) but the fact that I am adverse to it and wish very much to avoid it, for my sake and the other person's sake. I don't know if this is how your new girlfriend feels, most certainly it is not completely (even, perhaps, she feels quite differently) since there as much diversity in reality of being in the asexual community as the sexual, so it is crucial to talk to her about her feelings. It is so highly complex and a canned answer is worse than no answer at all to your inquiry. But, for what it's worth, that is how I feel and see it in regard to the "repulsion" label in particular, and it just might give you guidance as to how you might approach the subject with her, helpful in possibly framing questions you might ask,

[Ficulnean]

So, if she identifies as sex-repulsed, the chance of her consenting to intercourse is virtually zero.

As was already said, yes. But you should talk to here. Different people who identify as the same thing all have different points which they're willing to compromise or not on.