Gaydars and asexuality

[Ortac]

During the years when I was at school, I used to get bullied for being gay. Constantly, incessantly, and without respite. For eight years, I had to endure it. For eight, wretched years. It was absolute hell. :(

I remember it started when I was 10. At that time I didn’t even have a clue what gay meant. I had absolutely no concept or idea of anything sexual.

Being bullied for being gay must be bad enough for a youngster who actually is gay and who knows it, but for me the fact that it was not actually true made it even worse. I have no idea why my peers wrongly picked up the idea that I was gay. It just confused the heck out of me because even through senor school I was very much naïve and lacking knowledge in all matters sexual and probably even then didn’t fully understand what their insults were implying. I completely gave up saying I wasn’t gay because I would just get called a liar.

I liken my lack of understanding that I had then to a situation where there is a popular new movie that everyone else has seen, and everyone is talking about it, quoting lines from it, but I have never seen it or even heard of it.

I even for a time thought I was gay. Not because I had any feelings or understood anything about it; I just concluded that because so many cruel people told me I was, it must be true. At least I know now categorically that I am definitely not.

The fact that I apparently confused peoples’ “gaydar” caused me years of sheer hell and completely screwed up my mental state for a time. Some have indicated that they find it fun to confuse people’s gaydar and I fully appreciate that and have no problem with that, but please be aware that there is a serious side to this topic, and it is not always something to be viewed in a humorous or amusing way. .

[SirenDragon]

Okay, I've got a story that I must tell.

So I was in sport class at school. Now, this year, for some random reason, they decided to completely segregate the sport classes by 'gender'.

I was, of coarse, in the girls' class, which was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me, being FtM, (especially when I was 'praised' "Good girl." they would say "Young lady," Ugh!).

Anyway, one day I decided enough was enough. I had to tell someone about my gender and start to socially transition.

After bursting into tears and a lot of help from friends, I finally told my teacher that I needed to go to the office to sort something out. She asked me what it was, but I was to scared to tell her. She asked me if it was to do with other people, or me. I told her it was about me. She asked me if it was about my sexuality. I told her no. She asked me if it was about what sex I liked. I told her that was the same thing as sexuality, and, no, it wasn't about that. After a while she said "I think I know what it is. It's okay to like girls." So, apparently I was in denial about being a lesbian, even though I've never liked a girl sexually, or romantically, or even queerplatonically...

It was a 'fun' experience. Also, I hate 'gay-dars'--And 'trans-dars'. Who's with me?

I see where you're coming from, that sure must have been annoying. To say the least.

I guess that's the one major downside of gender-variant minorities and sexual minorities being lumped together.

My teacher probably didn't even know what transgender meant, but I never found out. This is more a case of sheer ignorance and assumption-making. I bet the only reason that she thought I was a lesbian was because she couldn't think of anything else, or maybe because I had short hair?

I don't even want to think about what goes on in the minds of queer-ignorant people.

I think I'll just have some .

[Ziggy_G]

I have a very female body (which is fine cos I'm female) so nobody ever gets confused there. Often told to dress more to show it off, but that's a whole other issue.

People sometimes mistake me for bi or gay but that's because of my lack of interested in guys and all the 'girls be hot' jokes I make. But mostly ppl just assume I'm straight. Guys pretty much always assume I'm straight but I think that's mostly a reflection of their own desire to bang me. ...it gets creepy.

[kiaroskuro]

The fact that I apparently confused peoples’ “gaydar” caused me years of sheer hell and completely screwed up my mental state for a time. Some have indicated that they find it fun to confuse people’s gaydar and I fully appreciate that and have no problem with that, but please be aware that there is a serious side to this topic, and it is not always something to be viewed in a humorous or amusing way. .

I think you were referring to my post … My apologies. I certainly didn’t want to make it sound like it’s always a fun experience to know that people are mistaken (or much worse: deliberately spreading rumours) about your sexual orientation.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through such an ordeal.

I don't even want to think about what goes on in the minds of queer-ignorant people.

I think I'll just have some .

Me neither ... And yes, do have some cake. Cake is the answer. ;)

[MystiqueSister]

All my life. But I suspect many aces have this problem due to the "you're not dating/married to someone of the opposite gender therefore you MUST be gay" default assumption in society.

[iff]

there has definitely been a number of people who have said it to me that i am gay, some more direct than others i hasten to add

[Amy Ghost]

People thought I was gay, but that was because I'm Trans. But they still know nothing

[Ficulnean]

People thought I was gay, but that was because I'm Trans. But they still know nothing

Well then, I suppose it's good for you that you confused people. I actually laughed at reading this, :)

[Guest]

Funny story, I was at a fancy dinner with my mother several months back and out of the blue, between forkfulls of pasta, she asked "Are you lesbian?"

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing so hard....

[Aisntllecxtual]

I replied yes. When I was 18 and exchange student to Norway, I took a train trip around the country. I didn't have much of a plan, just bought a pass, bought a big loaf of bread, big chunk of cheese (which lasted me a good potion of the trip), hopped on a train and toured the country for two weeks - did most of my sleeping on the train en route to destinations. Anyway, part way through my tour, the train rolled into Bergen at 2AM in the morning. I thought I would just wander around the streets until dawn, you know, to get to know the city - nighttime, deserted, different perspective. Well, it wasn't so deserted, because it hadn't been but, maybe 15 minutes after departing the train as I was standing looking into a store window that a guy that was probably just a bit older than I - really wasn't sure how old he was - approached me. We exchanged a few words (can't recall what they were) and from that he knew my situation and invited me to stay with him for the rest of the night to get a fresh start tomorrow. At first, I said no but he seemed kind and that it would not be an imposition, so I agreed. He set me up in, of course, a separate bed, perhaps, couch, can't remember, but he was sleeping in the same room not far away. It wasn't but minutes after lights out that he expressed he was cold and would I come over to sleep with him for warmth. I was unnerved, scared really, but, perhaps, it was all just innocent, coldness, shared bodily warmth, made sense, naive though, way deep in the closet ace that I was. Well, you know his hand started to wander, I stopped it, told him I wasn't that way, sorry, left his bed, said I would go. He said no need to, to spend the night and leave in the morning. That is what I did. I set off his gaydar. He was a nice guy, but looking back if his nature had been different things could have transpired in ways regrettable, don't like to think about it, ways worse.

[Tessc]

My own father apparently thought I was a lesbian because I hadn't brought anyone home :/

[DexM]

Male at birth.

Often considered gay.

Blokes who dress nicely, have a hair style (no, not just shaved apparently) and talk politely, are gay. According to most of the knuckle draggers around town anyway. I had interesting teen-years :P Suffice to say, there were a few who did the old double take when I revealed my hetero-ness (I had yet to find my ace awesomeness ) and they still questioned it, no matter how many times I told them.

I do, however, have quite the finely tuned gaydar. It never fails me.

[Hazel lights]

People always assume I straight, but that's because most people are assumed straight. I'm a fairly feminine female. However no one ever seems surprised to hear that I'm asexual so maybe I fit the asexual stereotype if there is one.

[Xavy]

My family thinks I am gay, It doesn't bother me. most other people are confused by me.

[Bronte]

I get the impression that people think I'm a lesbian, and it never really occurred to me until relatively recently.

Even if people hinted at it, it kind of went over my head.. and because I'm independent and have been single for so long, I guess this fits the stereotype.

I suppose I get irritated sometimes by the assumptions people make.

[codebreaker4life]

Sometimes I have a problem with my gaydar, especially with guys I'm romantically attracted to, but a few people do think I'm gay occasionally.

[Merperson]

My whole frickin' family is convinced I'm gayer than Christmas Eve <_<

[Sisky]

I don't think people have ever tried to figure out my orientation. I seem to have this "doesn't apply to me" aura. :D

[Grumpy Alien]

I'm cisfemale and present myself as feminine but have some more masculine features, such as my jaw line and dark body hair. I confuse the hell out of people. I think a lot of people are like "Is she gay? noo... yes? maybe... no. yes. I don't know."

[Miss Anne Thrope]

My own mom has had suspicions of me being gay. When I was in high school, I had a conversation with my mom where I told her that one of my friends was gay. She ended the conversation with a reminder that I can tell her anything and that she'd always love and accept me. I thought nothing of it at the time; I just thought that she wanted me to know that she's a supportive mother.

The next day, she quickly mentioned again that I can confide in her. I found it a bit odd, but again I just shrugged it off.

The following day, after having my gay friend over for a bit, my mom told me "You know, she's cute. I wouldn't mind if she was your girlfriend." It was only then that I realized that she'd been trying to get me to admit to bring gay for the past couple days.

Love you mom. I'm glad you'd support me, but nope, not gay.

[Sally]

Even when I was married and then partnered, I realize now people thought I was a closeted gay, because I guess I didn't seem heterosexual to them.

[Sutaomiiru]

There has only been one person who has accused me of being gay, unless you count the stranger whom he seemed to recruit to heckle me. I have not heard from him since a former parallel classmate lectured him.

[Breathing....]

My family are convinced I'm a very closeted lesbian, though they have never said so to my face. Everyone else seems to just be unsure of what I am, at this point they generally skip over me if conversations about ideal partners or 'sexy' celebs come up. I think they think I'm closeted whatever I am.

[Queen Under the Mountain]

People think I'm lesbian since I was a child but only my mother told it to me, I was 8. I spent a couple of years after that thinking if I was lesbian or not, but I started to feel aesthetically attracted to men and concluded it meant I was straight. For some reason, only when I was 19 people started to ask again if I was lesbian and I'm pretty sure my family is at least suspicious (one cousin actually said to me she thought I was ace until one day when I told her I was jealous of Sherlock and John dating women and she interpreted it as a crush for Benedict Cumberbatch and conviced herself I'm straight). Nowadays I like it when people think I'm lesbian but if they think a crush for some guy I don't deny it, deny will only raise more questions.

PS.: I'm jealous of John and Sherlock with women because I believe they are meant for one another and I definitely don't have a crush for Benedict Cumberbatch, I rather Martin Freeman :p

[Pengwyn]

I have been asked a few times if I saw gay or bi. Possibly because I'm quite sensual with one of my best friends (lots of hugging, saying "I love you", lying down on grass with heads on each other, occasionally holding hands). Even my mam has asked if I was going out with this friend, and since has hinted about being done if I had a girlfriend.

[Reilly Ryugazaki]

I'm pretty sure my entire soccer team thought I was a lesbian, because of some offhand comments I made about not seeing the appeal in men or something like that. They would occasionally drop words of acceptance/acknowledgement, and they were so supportive that I didn't really want to burst their bubble haha They would casually ask me about girls' looks, and would ask me me if I had a "boyfriend... or girlfriend, y'know, whatever". It was sweet, even though they'd kind of missed the mark : )

[Mulan]

Lol! Ages ago, my sister and my cousin asked me if I was gay because I wasn't dating any guy then. I was like "I'm not into boys or girls... I'm just like that."

:p

[Larien]

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