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Gaydars and asexuality


Teavana

Asexuality and Gaydars  

  1. 1. Which of the following describes your physical appearance?

    • I'm assigned female at birth. Some of my physical traits are very feminine and others are less feminine than usual.
      101
    • I'm assigned male at birth. Some of my physical traits are very masculine and others are less masculine than usual.
      36
    • None of the above describes me
      41
    • I'm not asexual
      2
    • Unsure
      6
  2. 2. Have people confused you to be straight or gay? Did people have a hard time figuring out what your sexual orientation is? Did you confuse their gaydars?

    • Yes
      144
    • No
      41
    • I'm not asexual
      1

This poll is closed to new votes


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My brother came out as gay. My other brother, in talking to me, told me he was surprised it wasn't me.

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People already thought I was gay.

Lolz xD

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Yes, I've been mistaken for gay here and there. I think a lot of it deals with my androgyny and haircut...*shrugs*

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Void in Color

My cousin thought I was gay (though to be honest, he had some slightly more solid evidence than just me not dating).

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So far everyone has either assumed I was straight or didnt comment on my sexual orientation.

I do have so traits that could labeled "butch" and kind of fit the lesbian serotype, but no one really comments on it. I guess they assume that since I dated a guy once (even though it barely lasted a month and I hated every second of it) I /must/ be straight.

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iamphoenixfire

the number of people convinced i am lesbian is a very large number.

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Captain Darkhorse

My brother and a large handful of others are utterly convinced I'm transgender.

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Oh, I'm sure people have thought I'm gay. I'm fairly non-masculine in most ways, and I've never been in a relationship, so there's a lot of ammo for heteronormative people to assume I'm gay.

I've said this elsewhere on AVEN, but one time I reposted a post about asexuality from Have a Gay Day, on Facebook, and someone saw that it was from Have a Gay Day and just thought it meant I was gay. And this was a person who knew me fairly well. So that's how I'm so sure other people think/have thought I'm gay.

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I was teased for being gay for a good while in highschool, but I'm not terribly sure if this had anything to do with gaydars or with my physical appearance, or with the fact that I didn't really date or behave like I was particularly attracted to anyone.

I'm pretty sure my dad thinks I'm a lesbian, though.

Edit: Oh, and I would go with 'assigned male/female at birth' for the poll, as opposed to 'genetically male/female', since genetics + sex can be a tad complicated.

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I've had multiple friends outright ask if I'm secretly attracted to women. One in particular was out to prove it, though of course there wasn't any evidence to find.

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Touchofinsight

Gaydar is nothing but a guess, its so dumb that people really think they can guess sexuality by looks. Stereotypes exist for a reason but most of them are overwhelmingly exaggerated.

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Okay, I've got a story that I must tell.

So I was in sport class at school. Now, this year, for some random reason, they decided to completely segregate the sport classes by 'gender'.

I was, of coarse, in the girls' class, which was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me, being FtM, (especially when I was 'praised' "Good girl." they would say "Young lady," Ugh!).

Anyway, one day I decided enough was enough. I had to tell someone about my gender and start to socially transition.

After bursting into tears and a lot of help from friends, I finally told my teacher that I needed to go to the office to sort something out. She asked me what it was, but I was to scared to tell her. She asked me if it was to do with other people, or me. I told her it was about me. She asked me if it was about my sexuality. I told her no. She asked me if it was about what sex I liked. I told her that was the same thing as sexuality, and, no, it wasn't about that. After a while she said "I think I know what it is. It's okay to like girls." So, apparently I was in denial about being a lesbian, even though I've never liked a girl sexually, or romantically, or even queerplatonically...

It was a 'fun' experience. Also, I hate 'gay-dars'--And 'trans-dars'. Who's with me?

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Gaydar is nothing but a guess, its so dumb that people really think they can guess sexuality by looks. Stereotypes exist for a reason but most of them are overwhelmingly exaggerated.

It's more a chemical connection. Locking eyes, people's gazes in general. Also body language. I would not believe in it would I not be experiencing it. I can sniff out lesbians from afar, always been that way. It's quite the useful skill to have!

I confuse the hell out of straight people, but I believe it's rather obvious for other lesbians. Never, ever had one come to me and assume anything different. Also, my collection of 20+ flannels gives me away, ya know? Ya know.

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Most people assume I'm straight and just too into my pets to care much about dating. I have however been asked fairly often I'm gay, its usually a guess due to lack of dating however. Though i have been heavily hit on by girls even while ive been with guy friends so I'm not sure if i give off some sorta vibe or what!

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When I was younger, I was an agendered aromantic asexual, but many people thought that I was a lesbian, including my classmates and even my mother told me that I was gay when I was 9 years old...

And then I started to have relationships with men, so almost nobody told me I was gay after that. I had a few friends asking me if I was bi though. I also have a gay friend who felt there was something strange about me, and he thought that for some reason, I wasn't the kind of person who would naturally be prone to have children. I accidentally came out to him later, and he realized that it was why I seemed so weird.

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littleheartsofjoy

Yes, no one has ever assumed that I was gay to my knowledge. I have always been assumed to be straight. At the same time, I never really have people who want one night stands or friends with benefits come to me.

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Waist of Thyme

It's more a chemical connection. Locking eyes, people's gazes in general. Also body language. I would not believe in it would I not be experiencing it. I can sniff out lesbians from afar, always been that way. It's quite the useful skill to have!

I confuse the hell out of straight people, but I believe it's rather obvious for other lesbians. Never, ever had one come to me and assume anything different. Also, my collection of 20+ flannels gives me away, ya know? Ya know.

None of that has anything to do with sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is about who you're sexually attracted to, which has nothing to do with someone's body language, the kind of clothes they wear, etc.

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Yes. They can believe what they want because people will believe what they want to believe.

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I do confuse gaydars of people all the time. Because if you don´t want to sleep with every man who asks for it, "you have to be lesbian! Surely!" :wacko:

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Waist of Thyme

Girls who like girls notice girls who like girls. Trust me.

I once read a blog wrote by a lesbian who hosted an event and another lesbian who attended was confused by why she was hosting the event said that she was clearly straight. (I guess she thought you had to look butch to be lesbian, since the author's clothing was more feminine and this was mentioned as a reason people think she's straight) So, there's an incidence of a girl who likes girls not being able to just tell that another girl likes girls. Someone being a sexual orientation doesn't automatically give them the ability to just know when someone else is the same.

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RoswellValentine

As far as I know, no one's ever told me that they thought I was gay or straight or whatever, though my family probably thinks I'm straight but just not concerned about dating.

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I got confused a little bit now.

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Okay, I've got a story that I must tell.

So I was in sport class at school. Now, this year, for some random reason, they decided to completely segregate the sport classes by 'gender'.

I was, of coarse, in the girls' class, which was becoming increasingly uncomfortable for me, being FtM, (especially when I was 'praised' "Good girl." they would say "Young lady," Ugh!).

Anyway, one day I decided enough was enough. I had to tell someone about my gender and start to socially transition.

After bursting into tears and a lot of help from friends, I finally told my teacher that I needed to go to the office to sort something out. She asked me what it was, but I was to scared to tell her. She asked me if it was to do with other people, or me. I told her it was about me. She asked me if it was about my sexuality. I told her no. She asked me if it was about what sex I liked. I told her that was the same thing as sexuality, and, no, it wasn't about that. After a while she said "I think I know what it is. It's okay to like girls." So, apparently I was in denial about being a lesbian, even though I've never liked a girl sexually, or romantically, or even queerplatonically...

It was a 'fun' experience. Also, I hate 'gay-dars'--And 'trans-dars'. Who's with me?

I see where you're coming from, that sure must have been annoying. To say the least.

I guess that's the one major downside of gender-variant minorities and sexual minorities being lumped together.

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I was assigned male, but due to suspected XXY I'm not very male. The number of people, male and female, who have assumed that I am a gay male over the years has been numerous, and every time it HURTS. Even before being made aware of asexuality I knew without any doubt that males had no attraction of that sort to me whatsoever. :mad:

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