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Before You Knew You Were Asexual . . .


Ficulnean

Before You Knew You Were Asexual . . .  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. Did you think you were gay?

    • Yes
      99
    • No
      361
    • I always knew
      11
  2. 2. Did you think you were bi?

    • Yes
      187
    • No
      274
    • I always knew
      10
  3. 3. Did you think something was wrong with you?

    • Yes
      302
    • No
      190
    • I alway knew
      10

This poll is closed to new votes


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Quintus Crinis

Wait a second, has no one always knew they were asexual? Or is my wording confusing. And yeah, if your answer isn't here then just post it in the dicussions.

It's rather difficult to know you are something you don't know exists. Seriously, we have a visibility problem. I had no idea. there wasn't a SexEd class in which the discussion focused on *Why sex is not always part of a relationship.* We didn't speak of homosexuality either, not much, but it was mentioned in passing. Asexuality wasn't. Not in literature either, or culture, or humanities, or science and I can keep listing classes in which this wasn't mentioned, whereas sex of all kinds was. I thought it was of all kinds at any rate. I never knew there was such a thing as pansexuality either. I blame my education for that too. And don't even get me started on the concept of trans*. These are all things I have later found useful in learning about and understanding myself, but I never knew until I was 17. I'm guessing a lot of us have that problem. We didn't know it existed, so how could we know we identified with it? This is the only reason I think labels are important, actually.

This - I can only talk about the UK, but education on sex and relationships here is basically "this is how heterosexuality works - oh and there's something called homosexuality apparently". I guess my brain assumed that some must like both sexes (and most people in Roman/Greek history seem to have been bisexual or at least bi-romantic).

Can't remember where I first came across the concept of transgender, but I think it might have been from reading the "Famous Five" series with the character George (even thought the term isn't directly used). Nearly everything else I only realised about when I discovered that asexuality existed (via Swankivy and HotPiecesOfAce on youtube) and then joined AVEN.

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I thought I was completely normal and everyone else was weak-willed until I was 22, when I got married and engaged in sex for the first time. I thought something was wrong with me for a couple years after that before discovering what asexuality was. Now I know I'm just weird. =P

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I just thought I was a very busy person, working constantly. Had no time for that dating stuff.

When I finally got together with my partner and tried to have sex, I thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe he wasn't attractive to me enough. But I didn't want to lose him.

Then I thought that I was depressed and stressed out. It was a terrible downward spiral.

Now I know and we are both very happy. (apparently, I am much more relaxed and accepting. Who knew?)

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For the majority of my life I assumed I was straight since that's the default sexual orientation. A few months before I realized I was asexual I realized that I wasn't sure if I actually was straight. At that point I would circle between wondering if I was straight, bi, or gay. I considered each one equally and never developed a preference to any of those identities. During that period I just had no idea and didn't identify as anything.

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Since discovering my homoromanticism came first, I definitely thought I was gay. The end of high school was terribly confusing once I started to realize that I probably wasn't.

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no, no, yes.

I have always been attracted to boys and have wanted to date boys, but when it came time to be sexual during my relationships, I could never get into it. I never felt sexual desire when I knew I should've been feeling it. This always led to either me trying to break the sexual situation or me going along with it and feeling very violated and uncomfortable. I never went beyond anything other than touching/being touched, though I made sure it never lasted more than a couple minutes, cause it was not pleasurable for me either way and it made me feel upset. Upset because, here I am doing something sexual and I'm not feeling good at all...I felt absolutely nothing except uncomfortable and upset, which isn't "normal" for a "hormonal teenager" like myself to have felt.

I'm 20 now and only just discovered the term asexual, and that I was asexual this summer. It was a hard realization to come to (mainly because I am heteroromantic, and I didn't know for the longest time that romantic and sexual feelings are separate, and I felt that since I was interested in guys and wanted to date guys that I had to be straight...and I wasn't comfortable with being heterosexual BECAUSE I was lacking the sexual part).

Looking back on it with my knowledge of asexuality now though, I have always been this way, but before I knew of asexuality I definitely did feel broken and abnormal, like I was always missing SOMETHING that everyone else had that I could never understand no matter how hard I tried.

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I thought heterosexual, followed by bisexual and eventually pansexual. All three were just thoughts and I didn't really looked them up because they seemed to fit best while my I just thought "I don't care what body someone has, as long as they are nice". When I discovered asexuality however I started spending many hours a week learning about it. Discovering romantic attraction changed it al for me.

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Okay . . . obviously I've done something wrong wiht my poll to have one "I always knew" because that one applies only to always knowing you were asexual. If somebody answeres that it should be for all three categories. Whoever that was that answered that on the last one only, nothing is wrong with you.

It's all my questions fault.

By the way, I never knew. I still doubt it even know, and whats worse with the idea that I just haven't found the right person.

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I've always known that I'm romantically attracted to at the very least the opposite sex. It wasn't until after discovering asexuality and romantic orientations that I kind of accepted that I'm romantically attracted to all genders, though I do tend to gravitate towards masculinity. (I always think back to the time I had a huge gay crush on this girl I met at church camp one summer when I was 11 and I laugh because even then, I used to think I was straight lmao.)

But I never thought that there was anything wrong with me. I thought everyone else was weird and I was the only sane one.

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I answered yes, yes, yes, cause that's the closest thing to what happened to me, I guess.

By default, I thought I must've been straight once I started getting squish-type feelings for a male in my late teens. Then after repeated issues with the close encounters of the sexual kind with males in the years that followed, I decided I must've been gay. Then when my girlfriend was as sexual as any male I'd met and I was clearly still *not* interested in sex, I decided I must've been broken and had serious issues.

Cause of my squish-type feelings for both sexes, I had decided then that I was a broken sort of pan-something without a desire for sex. Then I decided that relationships were pointless if all they were were gateways to sex for people, and gladly unlabelled myself from everything. *Then* I finally found AVEN and realised I was asexual all along. And *then* I finally worked out I'm also aromantic, and now everything makes sense :)

And I now know that I'm not broken, and relationships don't have to just be about sex, and it's perfectly okay if I still don't want to participate in them anyway. Huzzah AVEN :D

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Quintus Crinis

Actually thinking back to my post about education in the UK, there was a piece of very controversial legislation in place - until 1998 - that explicitly forbade schools to mention homosexuality which might explain why even in my middle school (left 2006) it was only mentioned as an aside. :(

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Triple yes.

When I was 13 or so I started wondering why I wasn't really interested in girls. I assumed I was gay, at first. Of course I eventually realised I wasn't interested in boys either, but for some reason that lead me to believe I was bisexual (that's how unknown asexuality is).

I still wonder to this day, but I'm slowly getting used to the idea of asexuality and it seems to fit my identity, my feelings. Only time will tell, I guess.

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I also thought I was heterosexual, then bisexual then pansexual. Now I identify as an asexual.

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I answered yes, yes, yes, cause that's the closest thing to what happened to me, I guess.

By default, I thought I must've been straight once I started getting squish-type feelings for a male in my late teens. Then after repeated issues with the close encounters of the sexual kind with males in the years that followed, I decided I must've been gay. Then when my girlfriend was as sexual as any male I'd met and I was clearly still *not* interested in sex, I decided I must've been broken and had serious issues.

Cause of my squish-type feelings for both sexes, I had decided then that I was a broken sort of pan-something without a desire for sex. Then I decided that relationships were pointless if all they were were gateways to sex for people, and gladly unlabelled myself from everything. *Then* I finally found AVEN and realised I was asexual all along. And *then* I finally worked out I'm also aromantic, and now everything makes sense :)

And I now know that I'm not broken, and relationships don't have to just be about sex, and it's perfectly okay if I still don't want to participate in them anyway. Huzzah AVEN :D

Well, at least I hit on a posting of questions that is chronologically accurate. Odd.

I was No, Yes, (Yes and No. Ahem. Ambivalent. I hope no one was thinking that this one question was multile answer for no reason). I never thought I was gay, but not really being into anything made me think that maybe I was bi. Then, if ever I thought I was broken I'd scold myself and go no.

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verily-forsooth-egads

I tried all of the labels. I simply hadn't thought to distinguish between different types of attraction.

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Breathing....

I answered no, no, yes.

I am still not sure there isn't something wrong with me, on bad days. But now I'm not sure rather than convinced that there is something wrong... if that makes sense. While I did vaguely wonder if I was gay or bi I never truly thought I was so I answered no... tho I did have to think about it to decide which answer to give. (I suppose, I'm more of an 'I just didn't know' what I was category).

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TheBeatlesPkmnFan42

Before I found out about asexuality, I just figured I didn't know yet because I had never felt sexual or romantic attraction toward anyone before. Then I found out about asexuality and realized that's what I was.

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Voted yes, no and no. Thought the only options were gay or straight. Never felt anything was wrong with me. Ever ;)

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  • 2 weeks later...

I thought I was gay for all of maybe two weeks. But what an exciting couple of weeks those were!

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  • 3 weeks later...
wildphoenix1984

No, yes, yes. I still identify as Bi as well as A, but obviously the baulking at the idea of sex is no longer such a hugeissue now I know :)

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Ricecream-man

I'm not a fan of the male anatomy so I never seriously thought I was gay. Although, I did have a serious 3 or 4 months serious introspection after the first few times I had sex. Initially thought I just didn't like the girls enough and then after one session just felt like everything was wrong. After that I thought I must be gay for a weekish, but quickly got over that idea. Still had a solid 5ish years of confusion and another 3ish of pretty serious depression in thinking that I was broken (a lot of things were going on at the time but this was definitely a major one). It wasn't until I dated a gray-a (oddly enough) that I discovered that there was actually an asexual community.

Still a little weird about it and figuring it out, but it's good to know that I'm not the only one. (Although people seem to be everywhere but where I am xD)

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Before I knew, well, for a while I simply thought that "this is me" and I didn't think anything else. At no point did I think I was gay, but I did think I was bi. due to having "something" for girls and guys. But when nothing really registered on the boy-bits-radar, I began to think "What the f**k!" ^_^

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I always "knew" I was asexual, the discovery for me was finding out that everyone else wasn't. And I didn't know the word for it, so I thought I was heterosexual but just hadn't grown into wanting sex yet. And when I still hadn't grown into it, I did for a very short amount of time feel like something might have been wrong with me. Then I found out there was a word for it.

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I thought I was bisexual because I'm romantically attracted to both genders and I didn't know much about asexuality. When I read up on asexuality I realized that I've never felt secually attracted to anyone. As for my disinterest in sex I thought I was sleeping with the wrong people.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Before I found out I was asexual, I felt like I was probably straight but I could control myself unlike most of my peers.

Later on, I read about asexuality and realized that I was never straight to begin with since I genuinely I never felt anything else other than a crush or aesthetic attraction.

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pimathbrainiac

For me I always thought I was bi, then later pan when I figured what that was. The problem was that I thought everyone else had a problem. It never clicked that sexual attraction was deemed "normal."

And then I learned what asexuality was and the rest was me feeling like a derpface for not searching about what I am in the first place.

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Beyourownspotlight

I thought I was gay for a while, but that didn't bother me as much as realising I was ace did (thinking I was gay, didn't really bother me at all). Then I thought for a while I might be bi/pansexual because I didn't care about what gender/sex someone was. Then I found Aven the first time, and things clicked into place, I panicked and ran away and came back five years later and here I am identifying as a panromantic asexual.

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I answered no to all of the above.

I guess in one way I always knew that I was Ace. However, I didn't know that it was a thing, therefore I didn't "really" know.

That said, I didn't think there was something "wrong" with me. Because, frankly, I thought there was something "wrong" with everyone else!!

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I never really thought I was gay. I did seriously considered whether I was bi though, because I don't really prefer one gender over the other in a sense. The third question was tricky for me, but I answered with "no" because I never felt that there was something wrong with my lack of sexuality per se. I did think there was something wrong with me for not pursuing a relastionship, but that has more to do with (a)romanticism and the society I grew up in.

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