Do you ever doubt your asexuality?

[~Emmie~]

There are times when I'm super confident in my sexuality and feel certain that I'm asexual, but when I come out to people and they say things like "are you sure?" or "I guess you COULD be," I start to doubt myself and I think, well maybe there right. Maybe I'm just confused and maybe I'm not asexual.

I guess I'm just wondering if this happens to any of you, too.

Thanks.

[RoswellValentine]

Recently, I've been asking myself if I really identify as asexual or if I am anywhere on the spectrum. I've also been questioning if I actually do have some attraction to women or what my [romantic, aesthetic and sensual] orientations are.

[5_♦♣]

I used to, but not anymore.

[Sally]

Experience tells me I'm asexual. Other people have no sayso in what I am.

[Sundance_]

Oh man, all the time. I'm really dissociative. It's kind of difficult for me to hold onto my personal identity at all, as I get really easily swept away into potentials and imaginings. So I can totally imagine a person liking sex and having sexual attraction really well, and sometimes I forget that I don't personally experience it in my own life. It's a weird problem.

Also, yeah, it's harder when you have to deal with people constantly trying to talk you out of your asexual identity. Maybe they are right, maybe some day in the future you'll be attracted to someone. MAYBE. I'm not going to sit around waiting for it though. And me declaring that I don't feel that attraction right now and up to now is totally valid.

But if I ignore all that confuddling sexuality and concentrate, I feel nearly 100% sure I'm asexual. So I just have to trust that sometimes.

[Méshie Péshie]

I am starting to think you and I would get along extremely well :) Even in my current relationship of 5 months, I question it. I used to hope that I would discover that I'm not totally ace, but that I'm Demisexual. It didn't turn out that way and the hope messed up my relationship for a little while because he got used to me having sex with him and I had to stop cold turkey and give in to the reality that I don't like sex, I don't like making out too much if at all, I don't like feeling something poke me in my back with a moan, I hate all of it. It was and still is hard to accept. It will take time.

[Maven2014]

No. I've identified as asexual later in life (44) and after starting my sex life at the age of 18 (much later than my friends!) it is the only thing that has made immediate sense to me. I think I've had more than enough time to work out that A&E really isn't my thing. So I'm firmly in the ace camp! :)

A&E?!! No, autocorrect, I really did want to type 'ace'!!!

Sorry....

[Ficulnean]

Yes. I might be demiromantic. But hetroromantic covers it well enough anyway.

And for asexuality, yes. But then I reference back to my first post here asking this question. And I realize that when I question my asexuality, I don't develop that anxiety that maybe I'm lying about it somehow. I just know that I'm not. I don't want to have sex, or to think about having it with other actual people based on their characteristics. Of course, it's perfectly acceptable that I might be demiromantic, but I'd actaully have to experience something that leads to that conclusion to know that. It's theoretically possible anyone of us could be very minorly demisexual. Still, what matters is what I identify with at the moment.

[Breathing....]

All the time.. It's so new to me as a term. But even before I had a name for it I wondered if I was just ridiculously old fashioned or a massive prude but when I think about it I know that I have no issue chatting sex but don't want to do it myself or know that people I know do it. I like it to remain an 'abstract' something not quite real.

I think this is why I would like someone IRL who knows me well to discuss this all with but also exactly the reason I don't want to. I know this fits me.

[Tenebrae]

I question myself all the time about this. I have no other basis to go on.

My partner, sweet though he is, seems skeptical and keeps bringing up the past and says "You used to like it" and I try to tell him that no, it was never that big of a deal for me. I was 19, in love with him and omg I get to experiment?

Fast forward 14 years and I know enough now that I am 90% sure that I'm asexual. But I get confused and worried. I've been through a lot of changes in the past year so I ALWAYS think that that has skewed my perception.

Making out is still gross. Having any kind of genitals touching is gross.

Hugging, kisses, and cuddling are fine. I think.

So am I asexual? Pretty sure.

[Xavy]

Yeah, I doubt my asexuality a lot, but the doubt only lasts for about 5 seconds, then I am like, who am I kidding .... I am definitely asexual.

[iff]

i doubt many things about me and my life but my asexuality is not one of them.

[butterflydreams]

All the freakin time. Which is cute, because the facts and my history are pretty clear cut. So go ahead self, keep doubting.

[yomo]

Happens to me a lot lately as well, I'll be reminded of a person that I've been sexually attracted to and I'll wonder if I'm pansexual instead of panromantic grey asexual...but then I remember that when I watch movies with my boyfriend and there's a nude/sexual scene I'll almost always feel extremely uncomfortable and ready for it to be over with. :lol:

[3MILY]

Yes! But I also think confusion and self-doubt are often wired into people.

I used to worry a lot more, but lately I have just been figuring that if the label fits well (which it does), I might as well fully accept it and ignore nagging doubts so I can be a part of a community where people understand.

[Hooded_Crow]

I used to doubt a lot. But it happens less and less nowadays. It's like my mind has stopped trying to reject it or go around it.

I used to wonder whether I was demisexual rather than just plain asexual. But I don't think so anymore. The fact that I could get turned on by heavy physical affection, or the fact that I could be willing to have sex with someone I loved (willing, not wanting) don't make me doubt myself anymore. They don't change the fact that sexual interaction is not an instinct I have. My most primal, physical instinct is to cuddle. So there you have it.

I think it's common to doubt for a while, especially when everyone else doubts you. But I also think that you'll get more and more confident as time passes.

[MadamGlitch]

I've questioned my asexuality from time to time because of the occasional (though on rarer side of occasional) and because of what I've done with a person who will remain unnamed. I still question my asexuality. So don't feel bad, you're not alone.

[Cheery]

I do question it sometimes, but it gets less as time goes on. I've only recently started referring to myself as ace and I keep asking myself if I'm really sure. Sometimes I sit down and think about it, but I always end up with the same conclusion in the end.

[Kindris]

Nah. I'm asexual, end of.

A couple of years ago I did argue with myself whether correlation=/=causation and was it the cause of something or the effect, but then I thought, long before I knew asexual was a thing, it was a sentiment I identified with. I'm not asexual because of anything, I'm asexual because it's part of who I am.

[Teavana]

I used to until I learned some important things in evolutionary psychology. I learned that my sexuality doesn't operate the same way a heterosexual or homosexual woman's does. It takes a lot of exploration of how you actually feel and what your intuition is. I didn't have a crush/obsession on anyone for three years. I learned that my past 'crushes' were not actually crushes, they were obsessions that were gradually built. In the past, I experienced discomfort whenever someone tried to come on to me. I used to wonder if I was demisexual, but I had emotional bonds with people and still didn't feel like having sex with them. I think asexual women have a harder time figuring it out because other women are not open about their sexuality and due to the stereotype that women aren't suppose to be so horny. I think asexual men are more likely to deny it due to the stereotypes that it's not manly enough.

[ficgal]

Nope. I don't really give it much thought. Of course I live under a rock so I'm not around other people so issues don't really crop up.

[knout]

Questionning is my middle name. And it's never influenced by other people but all the what ifs in my head.

But then again, I question pretty much everything not just my identity

[Exanimis]

I ask myself a little sometimes.

I am quite afraid to have to delve into my consciousness again.

Asexuality fit well, I feel better. It explains better how I feel, what happened and how I felt, and reacted to some circumstances, so I won't bother about.

So, I don't ... I try not to worry about it too much.

[Gustav]

I primarily identify as postsexual. meaning I once had a normal sex drive but no longer do.

[if-indeed]

I do question it sometimes. It's hard for me to feel sure, because if you don't know what it's like to feel attracted to someone, how can you be completely sure you haven't? Even though I know that, logically, if I don't know what it's like then I probably haven't felt it, I still question myself.

[InkuuEko]

Maybe we shouldn't put a label on everything...Might help people feeling better about themself. Not having to fit in with the majority^^

[Philip027]

I don't really doubt it, no. It helps that I don't possess any sort of sex drive that I'm aware of.

At the very *most*, it might turn out that something will eventually "click" and I may turn out to be demisexual, to go along with demiromantic or demi-whatever the hell I am. There's a lot about me that's "demi" so that would fall in line with all of that, if it was the case. Even in such a case, to the vast majority of the world, I'd still be effectively ace.

[Vector]

All the time. But then I remember doubting my sexuality was a thing I constantly did when I thought I might be straight, and when I thought I might be gay, and when I thought I might be bi; and that this is the most comfortable I've felt with a label in a good while.

[FiddleKid]

Never, I have always been certain

[Ficulnean]

I now have a poll up adressing an aspect of this--whether before you knew you were asexual, you thought you were something else (gay, bi, ect . . . ). It doesn't adress current doubt, but rather previous thoughts.