How do you deal with people who are sexually attracted to you?

[Zash]

Drjohnwatson's post

I generally don't cotton on to people being attracted to me. I've had both genders do it when I have become aware (read: been told), and for this one girl who was attracted to me, I wasn't really genuine with myself at the time. I hadn't come to terms with my asexuality and I told her it wouldn't have worked because I wasn't a lesbian (technically true :P ), and I didn't even know she had a thing for me until she came right out and told me. I just assumed we were talking more and more (this was an online thing) across multiple platforms because, hey, that's what good friends do, right? Right? At any rate, she took it very very very poorly--nastily--and called me a b*tch and then eventually sent my mother an anonymous letter (after looking up our address somehow online, I think. I can't remember giving it to her because I just got an uncomfortable vibe!!) saying that I needed professional help because I was a sociopath and I was going to hurt myself and others. She then cut off all ties to me and blocked me where she could. That was a mess and made me rather wary of people for some time.

Then "in real life", as one might say :P, I had a co-worker start working there. We liked to prank others and each other and I often said we were like Jim and Pam from The Office (American) but without the love. We talked about a number of things we both liked. Then he started inviting me to his place. I said no. He asked me to a party. I declined. I'm not very social and it makes me anxious, plus he'd be the only person I would know, which makes it worse. Add in the face that he lives in the middle of nowhere down a long drive-way and I don't drive. If I had to bail--and quickly--I would really have no way to get out of a bad situation unless I just went running for miles in the dark in a wooded area. Can you hear slasher music playing?? Because I can. He admitted after I turned him down for the party that it was "probably" a good idea because I'd be the only girl there and that they'd all be drinking heavily. . Because yeah, it's such a good idea to invite a woman several years younger than you to what is, essentially, a sausage-fest. What even??

I continued to think "Oh, I'm just one of the guys!!" which has happened in the past at the job. They just treat me like a younger brother. He invited me to his place to watch Moulin Rouge and he'd bring wine. I was like "uh..." and declined again. I asked if this is a romantic thing to some friends, who assured me he was just being a friend, even though I thought it odd to go to his place to drink wine and watch a (romantic) musical at night?? He just kept asking me to do things, I just kept politely saying no, and things came to a head on his birthday.

He likes to read our horoscopes, and he wasn't working so he asked me to text him one. Which, by the way, the way he got my phone number was to look off the board where we have it in case you need someone's number (did NOT ask me) then casually told me he knew my number but wouldn't immediately tell me his, which put me massively off. I ended up texting a fake one to him as a joke, using the Hobbit's plot as a baseline, like "You will set out with a company of men to find great treasure. Beward the dragon that lurks ahead" etc. and so forth. He called me (which I dislike) and only a little into the conversation did he bother to tell me I was on speaker because he was with friends and wanted them to understand how "awesome" a person I was. This gave me a bit of an alarm-bell, and I ended up getting off the phone.

He is a massive drinker, and he called me at like 3 am, drunk, and told me he loved me repeatedly. I told him to stop and no and he just kept saying it. I finally got him to stop and I hung up. The next day at work, he told me he smashed his guitar (he's a musician) and wrecked exercise equipment and broke a mirror because of my rejection and he was so angry. I was perturbed, to say the least. This doesn't stop. He just keeps calling me at like 3, 4 am (keep in mind I have to work at 10 and be up at 9 to get ready for work), asking why I won't hang out with him. Why won't I love him. He leaves me voice mails when I ignore his calls. Multiple voicemails, and I can't turn my phone off because it's my alarm in the morning.

Finally, it reaches a head when he calls me repeatedly one night. I can't remember if I picked it up or not, but I know he called and left me voice mails like three different times between two and five AM, and I can't sleep because every time I start to fall asleep, my phones ringing and then I have a voice mail. I woke my mom up, crying, and then I didn't go in to work the next day because I didn't want to face him. When I saw him again, I told him it needed to stop and that I was really serious. He laughed it off, and I got really angry and very straight-forward about it and how it wasn't on between us and he was just a co-worker.

He's not done it since then, but he still acts really odd toward me from time-to-time. There's a new female co-worker that he's bothering, and she seems receptive. Might sound awful, but I'm so thankful he's found a new target, especially since she doesn't seem to mind. I was literally on the verge of buying one of those knuckle weapons and mace. And where I work is a family-owned (not my family) restaurant, so complaining wouldn't have done anything. We're so short-staffed that we have to work together; they have no one else to do the positions and those time slots .

Sorry for spilling my guts out. I really needed to tell the story to get the whole effect, I think. At any rate, I haven't had luck with people who've thought me attractive. I've even had a man who was a good 20-30 years older than me befriend me on a Sherlock Holmes board because of multiple common interests, and we chatted a lot so I grew quite happy, and then he started asking me what my bra cup/size was and if I masturbated and if so, how often and oh, it's perfectly natural. He stopped talking to me when I wouldn't "put out", haha. He never said it but I strongly suspect that's the factor in his gradual distance.

So, yeah. People either block me or forget me when they realise I won't have sex with them or send them nudes or what have you, or they get aggressively in my face, trying to get me to change my mind. I try to say no, even though I'm meek, but often I have to repeat myself again, and again, and again until I'm basically shouting in a rage for them to get the message and just stop.

You might want to keep the mace handy... He may come back later if/when the new girl realizes his level of crazy. Always good to be prepared. Also, if he starts calling you in the night, call the police. It's what they are there for. The fact that he smashed stuff because you turned him down sounds like he may have some anger management issues too, along with the drinking. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live, because that would be even scarier.

But yeah, you seem to have the same crazy stalker attraction that I do... I think it is because we naturally rebuff most people, so we seem available (read: single), we seem to make friends with people, and the normal people take the more subtle signs of rejection (as in the no-selling of flirting) well, the nutjobs ignore the rejection and just become more and more overt and insistent.

Keep an eye out for him, if he starts 'accidentally' bumping into you at places outside of work, call the cops.

[JohnSC]

Is there anyone here who managed to put off a person who's attracted to them and remain friends with them for more than a few weeks, and without them attempting to make you try sexual things again?

I only managed to do it once, and since I'm trying really hard to make friends this is a huge issue for me- almost anyone who remains in touch with me on topics other than homework is interested in me, and once they show it and I have to decline- I lose another friend.

Any suggestions on how to avoid that?

i didn't really manage it, but i find that if you continue to give them attention (for example have your body face them when talking and such) but then you keep a physical distance and not look at them and carry on with your work when they are too close it kind of works.

Basically eye contact at long distance and no eye contact at short distances from yourself.

Well I've learned something new today!

*note to self* Do not look boys in their eyes, especially up close. Turn body at angle from boy when speaking.

i'm hoping there was not any misunderstanding.

It is important to look them in the eye once in awhile to maintain the friendship.

Eye contact is an important sign of attention, friendliness, respect, etc. (basically connecting with the other person) I avoid eye contact to let the "heat" die down because lack of eye contact (depending on body language combined by a lot of other factors) can express anything from neutral responses to very cold responses.

so if i look away at the ceiling it can appear as if i am lost in my own thoughts. (more neutral)

if I look away in general it can appear as if i am less interested. (more cold)

Turning your body towards someone gives them your attention which is respectful and helps to build relations. I combine this with low amounts of eye contact so as to achieve a friendly and respectful result. Too much angling away from the person sends messages of disinterest because you do not show the other person your attention, when combined with low amounts of eye contact it can make the other person feel like you do not pay attention to them (wrong result achieved).

Seems i need to be more clear in my grammar and typing.

No, I understood your post. I thought it was enlightening. I tend to stare men in their eye, and I don't want to give any of them the wrong signal-- the signal of romantic/sexual interest. I don't like eye contact anyway, I force myself to do it since people think I'm not paying attention if I don't look at them.

A way around that is look at their eyebrows or their forehead (depending on the distance from them).

If you are say presenting something looking at foreheads can prevent eye contact but also make you look like you are engaging them.

At much closer distances of say 1m where the conversations are more personal looking at the eyebrows can prevent eye contact while showing you are paying attention.

Although constantly using this may look like your are "zoned out" a lot because it only imitates eye contact.

Its just a lot of body language stuff, I suggest to do your own research on it.

[drjohnhwatson]

Drjohnwatson's post

I generally don't cotton on to people being attracted to me. I've had both genders do it when I have become aware (read: been told), and for this one girl who was attracted to me, I wasn't really genuine with myself at the time. I hadn't come to terms with my asexuality and I told her it wouldn't have worked because I wasn't a lesbian (technically true :P ), and I didn't even know she had a thing for me until she came right out and told me. I just assumed we were talking more and more (this was an online thing) across multiple platforms because, hey, that's what good friends do, right? Right? At any rate, she took it very very very poorly--nastily--and called me a b*tch and then eventually sent my mother an anonymous letter (after looking up our address somehow online, I think. I can't remember giving it to her because I just got an uncomfortable vibe!!) saying that I needed professional help because I was a sociopath and I was going to hurt myself and others. She then cut off all ties to me and blocked me where she could. That was a mess and made me rather wary of people for some time.

Then "in real life", as one might say :P, I had a co-worker start working there. We liked to prank others and each other and I often said we were like Jim and Pam from The Office (American) but without the love. We talked about a number of things we both liked. Then he started inviting me to his place. I said no. He asked me to a party. I declined. I'm not very social and it makes me anxious, plus he'd be the only person I would know, which makes it worse. Add in the face that he lives in the middle of nowhere down a long drive-way and I don't drive. If I had to bail--and quickly--I would really have no way to get out of a bad situation unless I just went running for miles in the dark in a wooded area. Can you hear slasher music playing?? Because I can. He admitted after I turned him down for the party that it was "probably" a good idea because I'd be the only girl there and that they'd all be drinking heavily. . Because yeah, it's such a good idea to invite a woman several years younger than you to what is, essentially, a sausage-fest. What even??

I continued to think "Oh, I'm just one of the guys!!" which has happened in the past at the job. They just treat me like a younger brother. He invited me to his place to watch Moulin Rouge and he'd bring wine. I was like "uh..." and declined again. I asked if this is a romantic thing to some friends, who assured me he was just being a friend, even though I thought it odd to go to his place to drink wine and watch a (romantic) musical at night?? He just kept asking me to do things, I just kept politely saying no, and things came to a head on his birthday.

He likes to read our horoscopes, and he wasn't working so he asked me to text him one. Which, by the way, the way he got my phone number was to look off the board where we have it in case you need someone's number (did NOT ask me) then casually told me he knew my number but wouldn't immediately tell me his, which put me massively off. I ended up texting a fake one to him as a joke, using the Hobbit's plot as a baseline, like "You will set out with a company of men to find great treasure. Beward the dragon that lurks ahead" etc. and so forth. He called me (which I dislike) and only a little into the conversation did he bother to tell me I was on speaker because he was with friends and wanted them to understand how "awesome" a person I was. This gave me a bit of an alarm-bell, and I ended up getting off the phone.

He is a massive drinker, and he called me at like 3 am, drunk, and told me he loved me repeatedly. I told him to stop and no and he just kept saying it. I finally got him to stop and I hung up. The next day at work, he told me he smashed his guitar (he's a musician) and wrecked exercise equipment and broke a mirror because of my rejection and he was so angry. I was perturbed, to say the least. This doesn't stop. He just keeps calling me at like 3, 4 am (keep in mind I have to work at 10 and be up at 9 to get ready for work), asking why I won't hang out with him. Why won't I love him. He leaves me voice mails when I ignore his calls. Multiple voicemails, and I can't turn my phone off because it's my alarm in the morning.

Finally, it reaches a head when he calls me repeatedly one night. I can't remember if I picked it up or not, but I know he called and left me voice mails like three different times between two and five AM, and I can't sleep because every time I start to fall asleep, my phones ringing and then I have a voice mail. I woke my mom up, crying, and then I didn't go in to work the next day because I didn't want to face him. When I saw him again, I told him it needed to stop and that I was really serious. He laughed it off, and I got really angry and very straight-forward about it and how it wasn't on between us and he was just a co-worker.

He's not done it since then, but he still acts really odd toward me from time-to-time. There's a new female co-worker that he's bothering, and she seems receptive. Might sound awful, but I'm so thankful he's found a new target, especially since she doesn't seem to mind. I was literally on the verge of buying one of those knuckle weapons and mace. And where I work is a family-owned (not my family) restaurant, so complaining wouldn't have done anything. We're so short-staffed that we have to work together; they have no one else to do the positions and those time slots .

Sorry for spilling my guts out. I really needed to tell the story to get the whole effect, I think. At any rate, I haven't had luck with people who've thought me attractive. I've even had a man who was a good 20-30 years older than me befriend me on a Sherlock Holmes board because of multiple common interests, and we chatted a lot so I grew quite happy, and then he started asking me what my bra cup/size was and if I masturbated and if so, how often and oh, it's perfectly natural. He stopped talking to me when I wouldn't "put out", haha. He never said it but I strongly suspect that's the factor in his gradual distance.

So, yeah. People either block me or forget me when they realise I won't have sex with them or send them nudes or what have you, or they get aggressively in my face, trying to get me to change my mind. I try to say no, even though I'm meek, but often I have to repeat myself again, and again, and again until I'm basically shouting in a rage for them to get the message and just stop.

You might want to keep the mace handy... He may come back later if/when the new girl realizes his level of crazy. Always good to be prepared. Also, if he starts calling you in the night, call the police. It's what they are there for. The fact that he smashed stuff because you turned him down sounds like he may have some anger management issues too, along with the drinking. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live, because that would be even scarier.

But yeah, you seem to have the same crazy stalker attraction that I do... I think it is because we naturally rebuff most people, so we seem available (read: single), we seem to make friends with people, and the normal people take the more subtle signs of rejection (as in the no-selling of flirting) well, the nutjobs ignore the rejection and just become more and more overt and insistent.

Keep an eye out for him, if he starts 'accidentally' bumping into you at places outside of work, call the cops.

When I really firmly told him off, he treated it as a big joke. Like, "haha, Devon doesn't like me professing my love for her.". At one point I was like "no, I really don't like you calling me. I've told you that. I use my phone as an alarm (at which point he mockingly repeated me). You should know this. I'm trying to sleep" and he was just like "I know you're trying to sleep but I can't sleep so I call you" ???. I told myself if he did it any more after I went off on him (as much as I go off; I'm pretty placid and it takes quite a lot to get me really raging), I would go to my bosses IE the owners of the restaurant and then I would go to the cops. It super sucks now because if he reverts, I don't have an in with the police force like I did. I knew a cop who came in a lot to eat and was very kind and would be sympathetic to me but he was just killed in a car accident a few days ago. So I'm just hoping everything has dissipated, please.

He's toned it down a bit now, but he jokes about how he would call me to the new girl and she laughed about it but he didn't go into detail. I just wanted to be like "why don't you tell her you didn't call me just once drunk but two or three times in the same night, asking me why I won't come to your place and why I won't love you??" The worst was when I told people and they told me I should give him a chance because he's "a nice guy" and I was just thinking "did you not listen to anything I've just said?". They would say that or that I'm single and need a man. Yeah, I'm single, but I don't really need to be murdered in the night, sooo, I think I'll stay single if my option at the moment is to date him. Even my older sister thought it was funny and came into my work and joked about it, and my mom went to town on her, scolding her.

YES with your friend thing. That's what initially really frustrated me. Everyone stayed away from him for whatever reason, so he was alone at work and I was like "oh, why not reach out to him?? It's sad to be on your own!" Enormous mistake on my part. It's only made me warier than I already was, which is saying something because I'm pretty introverted and basically cripplingly shy. I even cringe a bit on forums like this, wondering if everyone secretly hates me quite a bit, haha.

Unfortunately I do think he knows where I live. I think he sussed it out or maybe I told him off-handedly when I didn't think he was an absolute nutter. He tells me the creepiest stuff too. Like he said he lost his "great love", and he swears she was cheating on him when they were together. She left him for some other guy, you see. She's come into the restaurant a time or two with her husband, and my co-worker sidles over to me and says very calmly that he sometimes fantasizes about murdering both of them. What do I even do with that? It's horrifying, and he expects me to side with him. Yet another "so glad I didn't go down this twisted path" in terms of relationship with him.

It's just nice to see that you've had problems as well. Not nice that you've suffered, I mean, but nice that you can at least understand where I, and others on here, are coming from. :P.

[Leelian]

I like being seen as attractive once in a while (like if I put effort into my appearance I like it being noticed). But it just feels awkward to know that someone other than my boyfriend finds me sexually attractive. One of my classmates was great to talk to, but was not subtle about his sexual attraction. At least he was honest that he looked at breasts? He kept saying that he wished he could find an older version of me (he is 55, 10 years older than my parents), which got a little creepy. It was flattering to be put on this pedestal, but the pedestal was false. Myself at any age would not want the sexual relationship he wanted. It disturbed me to think of us sexual. And he knew about my sexuality too, we talked in length about LGBTQIA matters.

Being in a relationship already, and for three years helps. Everyone I encounter with some frequency knows that I am happily in a relationship. Unfamiliar people tend to back down after hearing that, and lovingly mentioning the thought of marrying my boyfriend helps (this is a bit of an exaggeration, we are not yet living together, and want to take it slow, but we have thought about a future together). If I was not in a relationship and my example above happened, I might play the asexuality card heavy. "Sorry, you are a brilliant guy, but I am just not interested in you like that. That cannot change." As for anyone getting clingy: I am a black belt, I regularly work out, and have been meaning to get a punching bag. Uninterested means I am not interested, and I am more than happy to send my dad and uncles after you.

[Holy Ghost]

I've been hit on a couple of times before and boy, it's awkward. I just say I'm not interested and they usually leave or I walk away.

[Zash]

Drjohnwatson's post

I generally don't cotton on to people being attracted to me. I've had both genders do it when I have become aware (read: been told), and for this one girl who was attracted to me, I wasn't really genuine with myself at the time. I hadn't come to terms with my asexuality and I told her it wouldn't have worked because I wasn't a lesbian (technically true :P ), and I didn't even know she had a thing for me until she came right out and told me. I just assumed we were talking more and more (this was an online thing) across multiple platforms because, hey, that's what good friends do, right? Right? At any rate, she took it very very very poorly--nastily--and called me a b*tch and then eventually sent my mother an anonymous letter (after looking up our address somehow online, I think. I can't remember giving it to her because I just got an uncomfortable vibe!!) saying that I needed professional help because I was a sociopath and I was going to hurt myself and others. She then cut off all ties to me and blocked me where she could. That was a mess and made me rather wary of people for some time.

Then "in real life", as one might say :P, I had a co-worker start working there. We liked to prank others and each other and I often said we were like Jim and Pam from The Office (American) but without the love. We talked about a number of things we both liked. Then he started inviting me to his place. I said no. He asked me to a party. I declined. I'm not very social and it makes me anxious, plus he'd be the only person I would know, which makes it worse. Add in the face that he lives in the middle of nowhere down a long drive-way and I don't drive. If I had to bail--and quickly--I would really have no way to get out of a bad situation unless I just went running for miles in the dark in a wooded area. Can you hear slasher music playing?? Because I can. He admitted after I turned him down for the party that it was "probably" a good idea because I'd be the only girl there and that they'd all be drinking heavily. . Because yeah, it's such a good idea to invite a woman several years younger than you to what is, essentially, a sausage-fest. What even??

I continued to think "Oh, I'm just one of the guys!!" which has happened in the past at the job. They just treat me like a younger brother. He invited me to his place to watch Moulin Rouge and he'd bring wine. I was like "uh..." and declined again. I asked if this is a romantic thing to some friends, who assured me he was just being a friend, even though I thought it odd to go to his place to drink wine and watch a (romantic) musical at night?? He just kept asking me to do things, I just kept politely saying no, and things came to a head on his birthday.

He likes to read our horoscopes, and he wasn't working so he asked me to text him one. Which, by the way, the way he got my phone number was to look off the board where we have it in case you need someone's number (did NOT ask me) then casually told me he knew my number but wouldn't immediately tell me his, which put me massively off. I ended up texting a fake one to him as a joke, using the Hobbit's plot as a baseline, like "You will set out with a company of men to find great treasure. Beward the dragon that lurks ahead" etc. and so forth. He called me (which I dislike) and only a little into the conversation did he bother to tell me I was on speaker because he was with friends and wanted them to understand how "awesome" a person I was. This gave me a bit of an alarm-bell, and I ended up getting off the phone.

He is a massive drinker, and he called me at like 3 am, drunk, and told me he loved me repeatedly. I told him to stop and no and he just kept saying it. I finally got him to stop and I hung up. The next day at work, he told me he smashed his guitar (he's a musician) and wrecked exercise equipment and broke a mirror because of my rejection and he was so angry. I was perturbed, to say the least. This doesn't stop. He just keeps calling me at like 3, 4 am (keep in mind I have to work at 10 and be up at 9 to get ready for work), asking why I won't hang out with him. Why won't I love him. He leaves me voice mails when I ignore his calls. Multiple voicemails, and I can't turn my phone off because it's my alarm in the morning.

Finally, it reaches a head when he calls me repeatedly one night. I can't remember if I picked it up or not, but I know he called and left me voice mails like three different times between two and five AM, and I can't sleep because every time I start to fall asleep, my phones ringing and then I have a voice mail. I woke my mom up, crying, and then I didn't go in to work the next day because I didn't want to face him. When I saw him again, I told him it needed to stop and that I was really serious. He laughed it off, and I got really angry and very straight-forward about it and how it wasn't on between us and he was just a co-worker.

He's not done it since then, but he still acts really odd toward me from time-to-time. There's a new female co-worker that he's bothering, and she seems receptive. Might sound awful, but I'm so thankful he's found a new target, especially since she doesn't seem to mind. I was literally on the verge of buying one of those knuckle weapons and mace. And where I work is a family-owned (not my family) restaurant, so complaining wouldn't have done anything. We're so short-staffed that we have to work together; they have no one else to do the positions and those time slots .

Sorry for spilling my guts out. I really needed to tell the story to get the whole effect, I think. At any rate, I haven't had luck with people who've thought me attractive. I've even had a man who was a good 20-30 years older than me befriend me on a Sherlock Holmes board because of multiple common interests, and we chatted a lot so I grew quite happy, and then he started asking me what my bra cup/size was and if I masturbated and if so, how often and oh, it's perfectly natural. He stopped talking to me when I wouldn't "put out", haha. He never said it but I strongly suspect that's the factor in his gradual distance.

So, yeah. People either block me or forget me when they realise I won't have sex with them or send them nudes or what have you, or they get aggressively in my face, trying to get me to change my mind. I try to say no, even though I'm meek, but often I have to repeat myself again, and again, and again until I'm basically shouting in a rage for them to get the message and just stop.

You might want to keep the mace handy... He may come back later if/when the new girl realizes his level of crazy. Always good to be prepared. Also, if he starts calling you in the night, call the police. It's what they are there for. The fact that he smashed stuff because you turned him down sounds like he may have some anger management issues too, along with the drinking. Hopefully he doesn't know where you live, because that would be even scarier.

But yeah, you seem to have the same crazy stalker attraction that I do... I think it is because we naturally rebuff most people, so we seem available (read: single), we seem to make friends with people, and the normal people take the more subtle signs of rejection (as in the no-selling of flirting) well, the nutjobs ignore the rejection and just become more and more overt and insistent.

Keep an eye out for him, if he starts 'accidentally' bumping into you at places outside of work, call the cops.

When I really firmly told him off, he treated it as a big joke. Like, "haha, Devon doesn't like me professing my love for her.". At one point I was like "no, I really don't like you calling me. I've told you that. I use my phone as an alarm (at which point he mockingly repeated me). You should know this. I'm trying to sleep" and he was just like "I know you're trying to sleep but I can't sleep so I call you" ???. I told myself if he did it any more after I went off on him (as much as I go off; I'm pretty placid and it takes quite a lot to get me really raging), I would go to my bosses IE the owners of the restaurant and then I would go to the cops. It super sucks now because if he reverts, I don't have an in with the police force like I did. I knew a cop who came in a lot to eat and was very kind and would be sympathetic to me but he was just killed in a car accident a few days ago. So I'm just hoping everything has dissipated, please.

He's toned it down a bit now, but he jokes about how he would call me to the new girl and she laughed about it but he didn't go into detail. I just wanted to be like "why don't you tell her you didn't call me just once drunk but two or three times in the same night, asking me why I won't come to your place and why I won't love you??" The worst was when I told people and they told me I should give him a chance because he's "a nice guy" and I was just thinking "did you not listen to anything I've just said?". They would say that or that I'm single and need a man. Yeah, I'm single, but I don't really need to be murdered in the night, sooo, I think I'll stay single if my option at the moment is to date him. Even my older sister thought it was funny and came into my work and joked about it, and my mom went to town on her, scolding her.

YES with your friend thing. That's what initially really frustrated me. Everyone stayed away from him for whatever reason, so he was alone at work and I was like "oh, why not reach out to him?? It's sad to be on your own!" Enormous mistake on my part. It's only made me warier than I already was, which is saying something because I'm pretty introverted and basically cripplingly shy. I even cringe a bit on forums like this, wondering if everyone secretly hates me quite a bit, haha.

Unfortunately I do think he knows where I live. I think he sussed it out or maybe I told him off-handedly when I didn't think he was an absolute nutter. He tells me the creepiest stuff too. Like he said he lost his "great love", and he swears she was cheating on him when they were together. She left him for some other guy, you see. She's come into the restaurant a time or two with her husband, and my co-worker sidles over to me and says very calmly that he sometimes fantasizes about murdering both of them. What do I even do with that? It's horrifying, and he expects me to side with him. Yet another "so glad I didn't go down this twisted path" in terms of relationship with him.

It's just nice to see that you've had problems as well. Not nice that you've suffered, I mean, but nice that you can at least understand where I, and others on here, are coming from. :P.

Yeah, though, in my case, the stalker in question was more of a threat to herself than she was to me. Though, I got her family to take her to a psychologist and that was the last I heard of her, until I met her brother a few years later, and he said she was doing ok. I am not sure how I would have handled finding out she had harmed herself just because I wouldn't go out with her.

I didn't have to call the police, but, this guy sounds dangerous... Keep the phone handy and if he starts calling you again, I think most phones will allow you to block a number. If not, talk to your phone provider, and they should be able to do it. And if he starts harassing you again, remember, the police are an option and they have methods of preventing him from contacting you again. But remember, if you get a restraining order, follow through on it. Go to the court date and tell the judge what is going on and how it scares you. Especially bits about him fantasizing about killing his ex's husband.

Here is hoping he will leave you alone from now on.

[Leelian]

I like being seen as attractive once in a while (like if I put effort into my appearance I like it being noticed). But it just feels awkward to know that someone other than my boyfriend finds me sexually attractive. One of my classmates was great to talk to, but was not subtle about his sexual attraction. At least he was honest that he looked at breasts? He kept saying that he wished he could find an older version of me (he is 55, 10 years older than my parents), which got a little creepy. It was flattering to be put on this pedestal, but the pedestal was false. Myself at any age would not want the sexual relationship he wanted. It disturbed me to think of us sexual. And he knew about my sexuality too, we talked in length about LGBTQIA matters.

Being in a relationship already, and for three years helps. Everyone I encounter with some frequency knows that I am happily in a relationship. Unfamiliar people tend to back down after hearing that, and lovingly mentioning the thought of marrying my boyfriend helps (this is a bit of an exaggeration, we are not yet living together, and want to take it slow, but we have thought about a future together). If I was not in a relationship and my example above happened, I might play the asexuality card heavy. "Sorry, you are a brilliant guy, but I am just not interested in you like that. That cannot change." As for anyone getting clingy: I am a black belt, I regularly work out, and have been meaning to get a punching bag. Uninterested means I am not interested, and I am more than happy to send my dad and uncles after you.