Questioning Gender

[PlainFunkySiren]

I've always wondered if maybe I wasn't quite in the binary (maybe not quite in those terms because 5-year-old me didn't know what that word meant), but part of me is wondering now if it's just been because different things are marketed differently to boys and girls. I wanted an Easy Bake Oven and a Hot Wheels racing set for Christmas but only ever asked for the oven since that's what girls were supposed to want. I used to think that it was just because I was a normal child who didn't quite understand the idea of gendered marketing but now I'm not so sure. I know I don't care what gender people refer to me as. I got super embarrassed when anyone thought my name was a "boy's" name for a while but I've realized that it's just a name and it's an identifier for me. I present as female because I like dresses and worked hard to get over the fact that my hips are huge, and I don't mind the she/her/hers pronouns, but I can't help but shake the thought that I might be happier identifying as genderless? It scares me because my gender has been a huge part of my life but only because society told me it should. "You're a girl, you can't say that." "You're a girl, you can't wear that." "You're a girl and you never show off your body." I never felt like my body was something to be put on display, but society told me that as a girl I was on show 24/7. I wear makeup but not for people anymore. I wear it regardless of what people say (unless it's all smudgy when it shouldn't be).

Basically, I just wanted a place where I can voice these concerns and thoughts and not feel strange. One of my friends recently said they were genderqueer and I remember when I came out to them as asexual, they said "So that's what you're calling yourself?" and that was probably the most hurtful thing they had said to me in our friendship. I don't feel safe going to them about this and talking to them about my identity anymore. My main concern is that if I start telling people I'm genderless and asexual then I'll just seem like an amorphous blob to them and then with the fact that I still present as feminine and don't mind the feminine pronouns, it might just get confusing. Is there anyone on here who has dealt with this? Like a similar experience? Presenting as the gender you were assigned but feeling genderless or genderfluid or anything else? If you can help to shed some light or if maybe I need to explain some bits better, please let me know!

[Zapstileon]

I'm not genderless, rather I am transgender. But perhaps my experience might help anyway? :)

I present mainly as a female to avoid confusion, despite how much it irritates me to do so. I've recently started telling people how I feel, though. Explaining that "actually, I'm not a girl. I can swear like a drunken sailor if I want to and spit on the damn sidewalk, because I am not actually a girl!" (It surprises me that people tell me to act like a 'lady' when I do things like that.) I know the risk of acting out like that, and I've had some heat for it, but guess what: I'm not a woman. I can't help that my brain doesn't agree with my body. Not my fault. But that's behaviour-wise. I still dress according to my body type as much as I am comfortable with. In other words, I keep the skinny jeans that are assigned to the female gender, I wear sports bras (they hide the boobs, man) and somewhat oversized t-shirts or shirts when I can help it, just so I don't look too feminine. I also keep my hair a little below shoulder length. But I tell people openly now that I am asexual and that I am not a woman in my head. Sometimes, you'd be surprised how understanding most people are. Especially for the gender part. Most will probably keep seeing a girl if that's what your body is telling them, but I haven't met anyone yet who has a problem with it. My mother is a bit on the doubting side, but that's somewhat understandable.
The reason I tell people is because it's easier for me to deal with it when people know about it. I might not want to transition yet, and I don't want to be considered any less than androgynous until I do transition. At the very least, people can see me as a tomboy of some sort and I can live with that. If I had not told people, though, I wouldn't have had friends around me as support. I wouldn't have had anyone to turn to at all, and I'd feel extremely lonely and isolated. Also, AVEN helps a lot. ;)

At any rate, if you want to talk, I'm open to PM's :) Good luck!

[Guest]

Male body here. My mind is kinda out in the middle of a male and a female I think. My roles are that. way. Everyone around me looks at me as a male I do not have problem with it I can fit in. Fitting is hard. I just submit to what other say and do. I am not open about my gender because for one I have no idea what I am so I am not worried about coming out. Because I have nothing to come out to .

[Kelly]

Welcome, PlainFunkySiren.

There are a lot of non-binary people in AVEN. A large thread (Transwhatevers) in gender was all about non-binary AVENites. Feel free to feel at home. And then many joined the TransYadas.

There are many trans people here, too. And there is the A(gender)vengers thread.

[nerdperson777]

Yeah, I feel like a guy but if I'm not expecting to use male pronouns, it'll be confusing so I don't specifically ask people to call me he. The world has to stop telling me I can't do certain things because I'm a girl (or rather that's what everyone sees). I don't want to show off my body and besides, it's too much work to do that. I feel like a blob too because I exist, but not for looking for a partner. I'm just..here.

We're all friends here on AVEN! Talk to anyone of us! ^_^

[Diforto]

If you feel more confortable IDing genderless that not doing so, ID genderless.

If you are not confortable coming out as genderless, if thou choose to ID as such, don't come out.

Thy gender or lack thereof is personal, nobody else need to know if you don't want them to know.