megghan18 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 So, practically all my life (since I was 18 months old) I have had the mother instinct and the desire to be a mom. Having realized in the last few years that I am asexual (and possibly aromantic), I still have the intense desire to have children. I don't know if anyone is asexual and has this strong desire too. I mean it is INTENSE. Is this a common or relatively uncommon thing? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Makalasterlove Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 You can still want children, be asexual, and procreate for the sole purpose of having children or adopt. It might be harder if your are sex repulsed, but it can be done. No, this is common. However, I am not a biological female, and I don't want children. Link to post Share on other sites
LaMaestra Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 Just because one is asexual, it doesn't mean they can't like children or have a maternal instinct. It depends on the individual. I don't have a maternal instinct, in fact I don't even like children! Link to post Share on other sites
Ace of Cakes Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I'm ace, but I've always wanted children. Even the idea of being pregnant is appealing, which is a bit odd, but whatever. While I know I don't have to have sex for these things to happen I think it may end up happening, that is, if I marry a sexual Link to post Share on other sites
Chardog Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I would like to share in the experience of raising a child with someone else, but I don't just want a child for the sake of having a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 It is likely not common to have an INTENSE desire to have children -- especially since you were a toddler. There are ways to have children without having a living partner or even having sex, but the first thing to determine is not whether you want children, but if you have the characteristics needed to give a child a good environment. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 If you have a "motherly instinct," then you can always adopt, foster, or find alternative ways to "mother" a child (or children) than having your own biological child (or children). Link to post Share on other sites
rh1985 Posted October 2, 2014 Share Posted October 2, 2014 I really wanted to have a child but I didn't want to ever have sex, so I had a baby using donor sperm. Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 I have always wanted a child (more recently, I can't see myself raising one, but that's mainly career issues, I still want one) to the point where I have realized I want to adopt (my actual preference towards adopting as opposed to making one really should have helped me figure out I was asexual sooner, but whatever) even if I do not find I romantic partner. I've only recently discovered that I'm asexual. Now I think that so long as I find a romantic relationship, I would love to adopt! (I've reconsidered the prospect of raising a child alone, and realize that I need time and context to make these decisions.) But in short, a child is something I've always expected in my life. . . . But I've never expected to give birth to them. I'm keeping on wanting to hit my head against a desk the more things I realize point towards me being asexual that I never noticed before. Link to post Share on other sites
seneca Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 As a man, I still would like to have a kid, even though I'll never marry. I found out that it's nearly impossible for me. First, the fact that I am a single man sends up red flags. Then, my mental health status (bipolar) basically slams the door in my face. Link to post Share on other sites
Contrarian Expatriate Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 This thread scared the heck out of me. I really wish it were named "An Asexual Desire TO HAVE Children." Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 This thread scared the heck out of me. I really wish it were named "An Asexual Desire TO HAVE Children." Thank you. I clicked on this out of outrage, originally. Link to post Share on other sites
megghan18 Posted October 25, 2014 Author Share Posted October 25, 2014 Oh my, I didn't realize how horribly the title actually is! NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
iamphoenixfire Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 Oh my, I didn't realize how horribly the title actually is! NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!!!!! hahaha it's okay im sure that all of us who clicked it had a good laugh when we realized what it was really about. also if you want you can change it :) that being said i understand the desire. only i dont really want children. at least the natural way. if i were to have kids i would adopt. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I think you can change the title of your thread, but I don't remember how to do it. Anyone????? Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I think wanting children is different from wanting sex. Why are both so distinct when they are so much related, I don't know. But, I can relate to your feeling Link to post Share on other sites
interpol Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Adoption brings up a different set of issues than having your own child. So beware. Link to post Share on other sites
Gizamaluke Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I'm a male asexual, interested in having a family with my biological children, but the fact that so many female asexuals seem opposed to having kids in this way is very disheartening, so it's good to see that it's not all asexual women, and that there's still a chance in the long-term. I'm also worried that this might have something to do with peer-pressure, and that there's a lot of pressure to be sex repulsed, and thereby anything associated with it, in the AVEN community. Link to post Share on other sites
cheeringselenator Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I am like you too. I am ace but I've ALWAYS wanted kids! For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a mom. I was never that big into the whole marriage thing though. While other kids were planning their dream wedding and honeymoon, I was always picking out kids names and stuff. I'm 19, so I don't want kids right now, but I do know that I want them one day:) Link to post Share on other sites
coyote55 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I was pretty sure I wanted kids for a long time, but the whole prospect of getting married and having them seemed an insurmountable cliff before asexuality was recognized. I was lucky to have close relationships with my nephews and godsons, which partially filled that gap. One of them is now married, and his wife recently invited me to be a sort of "great-godfather" to their first son. That's really cool. Link to post Share on other sites
cheapcoffee Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I don't think there's anything strange about that! Some people are just meant to be parents. And you def don't need to have sex to have a child! Adoption, artificial insemination, surrogates! You have options. Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I completely understand your desire. While it's not quite intense (so many other things going on in life), I've always wanted to be a father and raise children. However I've never been able to picture myself being married. It's not that I'm against a long term relationship, but rather it seems extremely unlikely. Link to post Share on other sites
lyricsarepoetry Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I've only identified as Asexual for a few months because before that I wasn't even aware of asexuality as a thing. And I've been having something of a crisis because of this exact thing. I have no interest in having sex at all, ever, but I want to be a mother one day. And of course I know that there are other options. But I found myself thinking a lot of these same things; is it weird that I'm Ace and want to be a mother. And honestly I'm so glad this thread exists and I now know I'm not alone in that. Link to post Share on other sites
redberyl Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I'm 34, always been asexual and aromantic, although i'm just learning the terminology. For me not having a relationship was never a big deal, just got tired of everyone around me acting like its a big deal. I'm ridiculously independent and have always loved kids, so no one was surprised when I decided to adopt alone. I've been a happy mom to a beautiful little girl for a year and a half, amd am in the adoption process again (paperwork should be done soon, hope to start looking for a child by next month). I would love to connect with others who are raising kids alone, lots of questions. Link to post Share on other sites
LibSci129 Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I've only just recently identified as asexual, but I am married and am ready to be a mom. I haven't always wanted to be a mom, but the past 5-6 years the desire has steadily increased. I am not sex-repulsed however, so the idea of having sex for procreation is not entirely out of the question. Unfortunately, it seems that we're facing infertility issues so we're considering adoption. Link to post Share on other sites
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