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Could my asexuality be temporary?


NOrgasm

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I am a 19 year old straight girl with a boyfriend I love very much. I think I am asexual. Lately I've been giving up on sex. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 8 months. I have had sex with someone else before him. Me and my boyfriend have been fooling around many times and have had sex 3 times, but I have never ever in my whole life enjoyed sex. I don't even have interest in making out. I've always felt weird when making out and going further with guys. It just doesnt make me feel anything, and I get bored. After being very dissapointed first time I had sex, I expected I would learn to like it over time. Now I have had sex 7 times and every time it has either hurt or done nothing for me. I can't even get turned on. And I've been trying to have sex with myself, but never quite enjoyed it or gotten anywhere with it at all. Never had an orgasm obviously. And I feel no lust or desire even when it comes to guys I think look attractive. I swear I have been really trying so hard to want sex and to get into it, but now I've just given up because it just feels pointless afterwards anyways. It's not fun having sex when it just hurts and i get no pleasure at all. And I'm pretty much thinking that I'm asexual. However, all my friends tell me that either I have to meet the right guy, or it will come to me when I get older. My boyfriend also thinks we just have to try more.

So... has anyone been where I am now and then found out that they weren't asexual. Or that ... I dont know, i'm just frustrated and confused.

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I think that, if something like this is temporary, there is usually a cause. I don't believe you can become asexual either, just like people don't suddenly become heterosexual or gay... For what it's worth, I find making out and anything sexual really boring as well.

It is import to allow yourself time to get to know yourself well enough and to explore (doesn't have to be physical) to come to a conclusion about whether you're asexual or not, and that's different for everyone. It's perfectly normal to feel frustrated and confused as well. That's probably just because of the uncertainty of the situation I think.I've been there myself long enough, and I'm not the only one on here!!

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Touchofinsight

Never tried sex but I don\t think that sexual orientation could be temporary. I believe it's sth we are born with.

Its possible that shes just had really bad sex, or isn't attracted to the people in that manner. There isn't a certainity that she is asexual who knows. Its just an orientation that many people assign themselves. Anything can change, the likelihood I don't know.

Some people regardless of their orientation just don't enjoy sex or have bad experiences with it.

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Sexuality can be fluid. If it makes sense for you to identify as asexual for now, that's totally okay, no matter what "caused" your asexuality. Labels are just tools to help us understand ourselves, and it's okay to discard them when they're no longer useful. However, it sounds like your experiences are fairly consistent over your lifetime and that asexuality might be the right label for you.

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*hugs* Uncertainty is hard, and it's even worse when no one is willing to believe you. Don't give up. Like everyone said, sexuality is fluid, and asexuality is a spectrum, which can be frustrating when you want a definite answer! But you have to look at it the other way, that it is okay to use whatever label works right now, and it's okay if in a few years, months, whatever, you have done some introspection/have new experiences and find that the label doesn't fit you anymore.

You might have a very low sex drive, in which case I think you still fit under the asexuality umbrella. You mention being attracted to some boys but still not enjoying sex. Have you given any thought to how you're attracted to them? A distinction is usually drawn between finding someone sexually attractive and finding them aesthetically attractive. If you find that you want to have sex with people but can't enjoy it that might be something you want checked out. But if you just appreciate how the person looks, yet still can't muster up any sexual feelings for them, that is aesthetic attraction my friend! There's also romantic attraction. Both are normal and neither necessarily has any part in wanting to have sex with someone, so no worries!

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Sylphgoddess

Sex for some people can be amazing and whether or not they are asexual has nothing to do with it, for some people sex can be dull and lifeless and it doesn't have any thing to do with ones sexuality. it is my understanding that there is a divide between sexuality and sexual behaviour. this is why some asexuals do participate in sexual activities because they get pleasure from it just as some asexuals dont have sex because they find it dull or repulsive. so there is nothing wrong with you not wanting or enjoying sex it simply means that you need re-evaluate what you want out of your relationship be it sexual or not.

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sharpie_mini

Like brotato above me said, consider how you are attracted to people. I personally can't understand the appeal of sex or reproductive organs, so I find jokes like that tend to either go over my head or just be distasteful.

Like Arf said, the labels we choose are just how we identify ourselves. For now, you may choose to identify as asexual. Whether or not that is actually true is up to you to decide. In college, I identified as asexual, then bisexual, then a lesbian, then bi, then finally asexual again. I'm still not sure where I fall on the romantic spectrum, and I'm hoping this forum will help me figure it out. The point is, no one can identify who you are except you, and no label is permanently fixed.

I don't personally think that sexuality is temporary, but that labels are a temporary fix until we figure out what the truth is. In this case, it sounds to me like you're trying, but just not getting it. If you have experienced sexual attraction in the past and it's not been working now, maybe you're demi sexual? I'm still not too sure about demis and grays, but there's a whole subforum on them, so check it out!

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