Mixed Relationship Success Stories?

[imgone]

I don't know, I feel like there isn't a lot of positive buzz re: mixed relationships. I know a lot of people run into problems, and a lot of them don't work out, but surely this isn't always the case? I was hoping to get a bunch of people currently happy in a mixed relationship, or who have experienced healthy mixed relationships in the past that maybe ended for reasons not pertaining to sexual/romantic disparity, or anything anyone considers relevant, here, to contribute their stories and maybe generate some positive visibility for mixed relationships? Of course it's not always sunshine and rainbows, but I'm sure for anyone who's ever tried to make one of these things work I feel like sharing these stories with each other would be a good experience. I'm an asexual in my first sexual relationship right now, and I for one know I'd like to hear how other people manage. I'm very happy, and I've never met anyone more accepting of my asexuality than my boyfriend, but at the same time as I get to know him in this way I often have a hard time relating to him, and him to me, though we still try. I guess there's my story! Anyone else?

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I have a great mixed relationship success story in my life at the moment.

But unfortunately - for any general "feelgood story" or advice value for others - the success of it is mostly based on being so unconventional that it completely bypasses most of the problems that people usually talk about with mixed relationships. :lol:

[Capslock Cadet]

I'm in a great mixed relationship at the moment. We've been going strong for four-five months now, and this far we haven't encountered a single problem relating to my partner being sexual, and me being asexual.

We had been hanging out for quite some time before our relationship took a romantic turn, and when that happened I made sure to let my partner know about my asexuality. They were so understanding and completely respected my boundaries, and while they are hyper-sexual they spent months waiting for me to feel comfortable in intimate situations, and they've never tried to push me to try things I'm not comfortable with.

I think our relationship works because we've been good at talking things through from the beginning. My partner is very open about their feelings and needs, and while I've always had trouble opening up about things, they inspire me to talk things through rather than bottling up my feelings.

At times I feel disconnected from my partner, because of how differently we think of things like sex. But at the same time we try really hard to understand each-other's POV, and I'm honestly amazed by how our relationship has been worked out so well. I never imagined that I'd be able to live with a hypersexual person, but turned out we're a great match.

[The Great WTF]

There's some mixed relationship success stories in this thread, as well as this one.

And it's always worth keeping in mind that people are a hell of a lot less likely to talk about their successes and happiness than they are to bitch or look for advice when they're upset. There are a lot of happy mixed couples around here, they just don't talk about it as much.

[cenlyra]

Ace half of another successful (so far) mixed relationship.... we've been together just about 9 months now.

There have been a couple short-lived issues, but whenever those issues start to crop up, we take the time to talk about where we stand. Communication is key!

Funny story though... we both struggle with expressing our feelings at times, so we somehow ended up projecting our thoughts onto a toy character. Now, if either one of us grabs that toy, we both know there is a serious conversation coming up.

[Guest]

Six years and happily running. :)

But, just as with KST above - very far outside the usual standard model of relationships. Open/poly, long distance/online forever, nonromantic, nonsexual FWB. About as thoroughly offside the escalator as it gets, I guess... but it works fine for R. and me, and that's all that really counts. ^_^

[Guest]

Relationship are hard to deal with. Even among aces. You must be willing to work hard for it.

[Frigid Pink]

There's some mixed relationship success stories in this thread, as well as this one.

And it's always worth keeping in mind that people are a hell of a lot less likely to talk about their successes and happiness than they are to bitch or look for advice when they're upset. There are a lot of happy mixed couples around here, they just don't talk about it as much.

Yes, definitely. I'm happily partnered in a "mixed" romantic relationship for 8 months now. Not much to say when I'm content and don't need any advice. :)

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Six years and happily running. :)

But, just as with KST above - very far outside the usual standard model of relationships. Open/poly, long distance/online forever, nonromantic, nonsexual FWB. About as thoroughly offside the escalator as it gets, I guess... but it works fine for R. and me, and that's all that really counts. ^_^

Yeah, this.

I actually sometimes even wonder what the point of "relationship success stories" type threads is. Simply because each relationship is unique - and a connection between unique individuals, meaning that the "lessons" of one relationship aren't really directly applicable to another anyway. Well, I guess some might be, but I think it's also a bit dangerous to generalise. Or to put too much stock into the appearances that you can glean from stories, and from the outward impressions of a relationship.

eg. In the past I've found myself envying happy-looking couples, but then as I got to know them and the dynamic of their relationship - it soon became clear that I'd actually be miserable in that type of relationship dynamic myself. :lol:

[The Great WTF]

Six years and happily running. :)

But, just as with KST above - very far outside the usual standard model of relationships. Open/poly, long distance/online forever, nonromantic, nonsexual FWB. About as thoroughly offside the escalator as it gets, I guess... but it works fine for R. and me, and that's all that really counts. ^_^

Yeah, this.

I actually sometimes even wonder what the point of "relationship success stories" type threads is. Simply because each relationship is unique - and a connection between unique individuals, meaning that the "lessons" of one relationship aren't really directly applicable to another anyway. Well, I guess some might be, but I think it's also a bit dangerous to generalise. Or to put too much stock into the appearances that you can glean from stories, and from the outward impressions of a relationship.

eg. In the past I've found myself envying happy-looking couples, but then as I got to know them and the dynamic of their relationship - it soon became clear that I'd actually be miserable in that type of relationship dynamic myself. :lol:

Because people like hope spots and reassurance. *shrugs* Despite the fact that I'm responsible for the pinned success stories thread, I generally don't get the point of it either beyond having something to toss at the people who seem hellbent on wallowing in their firm conviction of forever aloneness.

[JAKQ7111]

My last relationship was very much a success story. I'm ace, my ex is not, but we're both genderqueer and polyamorous, and we were very happily open for somewhere between seven and ten months. Honestly, she was the best partner I've had, (not that I've had many) and she's said that I was one of hers. We broke up around New Year's this past year, but that was largely because of distance, and just general communication breakdowns, rather than any bad blood. We're still friends.

[imgone]

Aaahh my apologies, am new and didn't look at the pinned posts. *sillysillysilly*

Also I agree that of course people in successful relationships don't really have much to talk about, or rather no one's going to make a thread with the subject line "I'm so happy in my relationship!!!" because you'd look obnoxious and there's nothing really to say to that other than "eyy congrats" and that's not a discussion. There's an element of feel-good and reassurance I'll admit, though I also just find it interesting to see how other people maneuver this kind of thing. It's also just as nice to see both people who have never had problems come up as it is to see people who have sorted them out, in my opinion. In general, though, I guess it's just not very well represented, you don't see these kind of relationships in movies, or read about them in books, and it can be very isolating at times. Of course, that can be said about any aspect of asexuality, really. That's why I'm glad I've finally joined AVEN! (I've been lurking for a long time... I decided to stop being shy.)

And uh uh uh since I'm not sure how much this reply is contributing to the thread I'll elaborate on my story: I spent a month or two trying to figure out how to broach the subject of asexuality with my boyfriend, only to find out that I'd told him before we started dating, albeit in joke-form. (I apparently referred to myself as "an asexual robot.") And he didn't care! What a relief! Of course I still had a lot of explaining to do, and I'm still explaining, it's a process especially since I'm still figuring it out. I've become more certain about my asexuality since we started doing stuff and he's okay with that, too. Compromising has never really bothered me for the most part, and he's been respectful of my boundaries. It's working out well, it helps that he is my best friend and I feel comfortable and safe.