Do People Really Get Discriminated Against For Being Asexual?

[Wiseja1987]

It really baffles me why someone would be that cornered with how many I may or may not be sleeping with. I usually deal with it by trying once to explain what being ace means, and if they push back, then the snark comes out. A friend of mine once put her perspective on prejudice beautifully:

"I don't have a problem with people who don't know, I have a problem with the ones that won't know."

That sums Up the way I feel about it pretty well.

[NotAUnicorn]

On 2014-9-29 at 2:24 PM, Zash said:

In one of the asexual problems thread, this was posted:

Another one from the LGBT "exclusive" community:

 

"True asexuality is the result of trauma or chemical imbalances. asexuality is more like no one chooses to have sex with your ugly fat-assed slovenly self. So instead of calling yourself a loser and a future pathetic old cat lady, you’ve gotten this bright idea of being ace/aro. Nah. You’re not a special snowflake. You just can’t get laid, sweetie."

 

 

That strikes of discrimination to me.

I agree but, It also seems like hatred or just ignorance. personally, I think that if asexuality and other sexuallites was taught better in schools It could fix a lot of discrimination.

[Guest]

Moved from Asexual Relationships to Asexual Musings and Rants

 

Serran

Asexual Relationships Moderator

[LeChat]

As an asexual who hasn't had sex, experienced sexual attraction toward another person, nor had anyone interested in being in a serious relationship with me, I'm at a disadvantage when it comes to submitting short stories, poetry, and short plays to literary magazines, theaters, and contests, because I've noticed that a significant amount of the work the editors or theaters choose, features sexual characters in comedies or dramas, and/or are about older, heterosexual couples with children, etc., basically sexual relationships and experiences that I don't have in my life, can't relate to (because I'm asexual, and the characters in the stories talk about sex or romantic relationships), and can't write about as convincingly as sexual people who have experienced these things because I haven't experienced sexual attraction for another person.

 

Whenever I've attempted to write romantic scenes, I just feel weird, as though the scene might not be convincing or realistic enough because I don't have any real life experience to base it off of.

 

Sexual people who experience sexual attraction are able to write these things better than me, bringing more detail, because they have, and do, experience sexual attraction to others. So, it feels unfair and frustrates me that it seems as though editors want all writers to write about the same things: sexual (especially heterosexual) relationships, when not everyone's life is the same or like that.

[Luftschlosseule]

1 hour ago, sg06 said:

As an asexual who hasn't had sex, experienced sexual attraction toward another person, nor had anyone interested in being in a serious relationship with me, I'm at a disadvantage when it comes to submitting short stories, poetry, and short plays to literary magazines, theaters, and contests, because I've noticed that a significant amount of the work the editors or theaters choose, features sexual characters in comedies or dramas, and/or are about older, heterosexual couples with children, etc., basically sexual relationships and experiences that I don't have in my life, can't relate to (because I'm asexual, and the characters in the stories talk about sex or romantic relationships), and can't write about as convincingly as sexual people who have experienced these things because I haven't experienced sexual attraction for another person.

 

Whenever I've attempted to write romantic scenes, I just feel weird, as though the scene might not be convincing or realistic enough because I don't have any real life experience to base it off of.

 

Sexual people who experience sexual attraction are able to write these things better than me, bringing more detail, because they have, and do, experience sexual attraction to others. So, it feels unfair and frustrates me that it seems as though editors want all writers to write about the same things: sexual (especially heterosexual) relationships, when not everyone's life is the same or like that.

 

But sexual and romantical relationships are not all that is to life - and you do not have to have experience to be able to write something, other than experience in writing. Or crime authors would be criminals, all of them.

Write what you want to write, what you feel that needs to be written. If everybody else already seems to cover an area, you don't have to, because we already have people doing that.

 

I write myself and plan on having a published work some day, but I don't feel that my asexuality is a real hindrance.

[LeChat]

1 hour ago, Luftschlosseule said:

 

But sexual and romantical relationships are not all that is to life - and you do not have to have experience to be able to write something, other than experience in writing. Or crime authors would be criminals, all of them.

Write what you want to write, what you feel that needs to be written. If everybody else already seems to cover an area, you don't have to, because we already have people doing that.

 

I write myself and plan on having a published work some day, but I don't feel that my asexuality is a real hindrance.

Yes, I know that sexual and romantic relationships aren't all that there is to life; I only meant that I have sent out my work that features friendships, yet literary magazine editors and theaters have rejected my work, and that, when I've looked on their websites to read the work they've chosen, I couldn't help but notice that most of the work those editors choose features sexual and romantic relationships.

 

So, far, the only work of mine that a literary magazine editor has chosen, was a short poem that was based on a real-life heterosexual woman who chose to cross-dress and be in the army during the time when women weren't allowed, because she didn't want to be away from her husband, where I described her feelings for her husband. That was challenging, and I was able to write that, but in my first post, I only meant that, as an asexual person, it's frustrating to try to write other something LGBT related and serious, or just simply about friendships, only for theaters or small literary magazines to reject it and choose to publish or produce, once again, another piece featuring sexual and romantic relationships, that reads or sounds the same like other work they've published or produced, before: obviously, it means that that's what they favor and have a bias for. That's what is frustrating for me because I'd like to see other types of work represented. 

 

It'd be nice for editors to recognize and choose work that relates more to LGBTQIA+ people and experiences, rather than only heterosexual or heteronormative work.  

 

I haven't attempted to write a large novel, yet, but, maybe editors at larger publishing companies are more open to diverse work.

[Luftschlosseule]

11 minutes ago, sg06 said:

Yes, I know that sexual and romantic relationships aren't all that there is to life; I only meant that I have sent out my work that features friendships, yet literary magazine editors and theaters have rejected my work, and that, when I've looked on their websites to read the work they've chosen, I couldn't help but notice that most of the work those editors choose features sexual and romantic relationships.

 

So, far, the only work of mine that a literary magazine editor has chosen, was a short poem that was based on a real-life heterosexual woman who chose to cross-dress and be in the army because she didn't want to be away from her husband, where I described her feelings for her husband. That was challenging, and I was able to write that, but in my first post, I only meant that, as an asexual person, it's frustrating to try to write something LGBT related and serious, or just simply about friendships, only for theaters or small literary magazines to reject it and choose to publish or produce, once again, another piece featuring sexual and romantic relationships: obviously, it means that that's what they favor and have a bias for. That's what is frustrating for me because I'd like to see other types of work represented. 

 

It'd be nice for editors to recognize and choose work that relates more to LGBTQIA+ people and experiences, rather than only heterosexual or heteronormative work.  

 

I haven't attempted to write a large novel, yet, but, maybe editors at larger publishing companies are more open to diverse work.

Did you get direct feedback or is this based on your own observations?
There are many reasons why somebodys work gets rejected, and every anthology, magazine, theatre has their own list of things they wanna see. Which changes as the people behind it change.

 

Edit: I don't mean to devalidate your experiences. If you feel discriminated, that's bad and nothing will change that.
I've only seen so many people trying to reach something, publish something somewhere, and they had this fixed opinion that it was the editor's fault, that it has to be someone's fault, without really knowing why.

And I've heard about loads of people being rejected countless times, until they found the right place. Did you know that J.K. Rowling had big trouble finding a publisher for Harry Potter?

 

Just because your works don't get picked it doesn't have to mean you've done something wrong, either.
They have limited space, and something in mind what they want to have to fill it. Maybe your work wasn't right for the moment they had it in front of them, but may be for something else in the future.

[LeChat]

The young playwrights in this video had the same feelings of frustration I've felt: they mention how difficult it is or was for their work about minorities or contemporary youth to be produced because most of the theaters preferred producing musicals and/or the same formulaic, already-seen work by older playwrights. Young writers can write something different, but, if older people who are in control of management jobs aren't interested in it and won't publish it or produce it because they can't relate to it, then it's a frustrating struggle for young writers or playwrights, because then, their voices are being ignored.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB4KxvU5wbk

 

It's the same feeling for me, as an asexual writer. In a world where sexual stories and narratives are currently favored and published, and sometimes, other sexual people deny asexuality, it feels like a struggle just to have an asexual voice heard. So, it feels like being discriminated against.

 

[Luftschlosseule]

But did you mention your asexuality? Before, it just sounded as if you just don't mention sex in your works.^^

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

In my experience, yes, some sexual people can negate asexuality because it's 'other' . I've had someone say to me 'I've never met anybody like you in my life' and I wasn't sure what they meant by that!  I think anything can be a hook for someone who wants to put another person down, whether it's skin colour, orientation, belief...it's all the same at the end of the day and there are individuals who are just discriminatory like that. they all have some 'thing' they are against. Some even define themselves by what they are 'against'. Funny old world.

[Amathy]

I agree with what a lot of other people have said about types of discrimination asexuals face: issues being not accepted in hypersexual/LGBT+ spaces, negative comments about lack of sexual interest (whether out or not), the oversexualized culture being alienating, and the general invisibility/ignorance.

 

One of the things that always makes me feel the most discriminated against is when I am forced to take a survey and the options for sexuality are: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual.  Um... 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Haha! Last time I had to box tick my orientation and there wasn't a box for me, I just wrote one and ticked it! Broke the ice...

[GraysonAce]

Agree with what everyone has said.  

For me, something between confusion and discrimination.  Marginalization or insensitivity.  Not abuse or loss of job or other terrible things; not yet, for me.  I just came out to a friend.  His response:

I don't know that you're actually 'confused' in the way you think you might be.  I think you're more likely a straight male with naturally low sex drive (like me), but with more body image issues.

Here's a question:  Imagine yourself having the body of a greek God and an objectively large and impressive penis... would you still be averse to sex?  
Only you know how you really feel inside...  at the moment I'm leaning toward you not having an actual alphabet problem, but having some issues with the physical act of sex and your own body that maybe warrant counseling.

So ... discrimination? No. But distressing, yes.

[m4rble]

On 6/10/2017 at 10:50 AM, Amathy said:

I agree with what a lot of other people have said about types of discrimination asexuals face: issues being not accepted in hypersexual/LGBT+ spaces, negative comments about lack of sexual interest (whether out or not), the oversexualized culture being alienating, and the general invisibility/ignorance.

 

One of the things that always makes me feel the most discriminated against is when I am forced to take a survey and the options for sexuality are: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual.  Um... 

I've taken surveys that have asked, "Are you satisfied with your sex life?" Technically the answer is yes, but saying so would imply I'm having sex, so I'm not sure how to respond.

 

46 minutes ago, GraysonAce said:

Agree with what everyone has said.  

For me, something between confusion and discrimination.  Marginalization or insensitivity.  Not abuse or loss of job or other terrible things; not yet, for me.  I just came out to a friend.  His response:

I don't know that you're actually 'confused' in the way you think you might be.  I think you're more likely a straight male with naturally low sex drive (like me), but with more body image issues.

Here's a question:  Imagine yourself having the body of a greek God and an objectively large and impressive penis... would you still be averse to sex?  
Only you know how you really feel inside...  at the moment I'm leaning toward you not having an actual alphabet problem, but having some issues with the physical act of sex and your own body that maybe warrant counseling.

So ... discrimination? No. But distressing, yes.

That's a gross thing for him to say. 

[Sally]

On 6/3/2017 at 2:20 PM, NotAUnicorn said:

I agree but, It also seems like hatred or just ignorance. personally, I think that if asexuality and other sexuallites was taught better in schools It could fix a lot of discrimination.

Yup, just ignorant nastiness.  Discrimination is when you are not able to do something (job, housing, marriage, etc.) because you are a certain orientation.  

[Philip027]

I'm sure there's people/organizations out there that equate "asexual" with "closeted gay", and given how I'm sure a number of THOSE groups basically still adopt the philistine mindset of "BURN THE GAYS", well... you do the math.

 

Some of you people would be surprised at just how intolerant others can be.

[Sam K]

While I can see where you're coming from, I have to disagree. I have so many friends who are ace and they get made fun of by their siblings for "not having a boy/girlfriend" or something. They've ignored it for awhile and it hasn't come up in a couple months. In fact, my own grandmother looks down upon me for being asexual, cus I won't be bringing her great-grandkids or whatever.