Forms of intimacy

[wirklich]

Hello. I have issues with getting and feeling close to people and I'm sure there are others who share this experience.

A thing I've found helpful is trying to have non-sexual intimacy with people I want to get closer to so I thought I would compile a list and maybe make a little zine with different ideas for intimate activities. I'm confident many of you got experiences with non-sexual intimacy so I'm just going to ask whether you have anything to add.

Some things I already thought of: caring for somebody when they're sick, reading or singing to sombody, cooking for somebody, doing somebody's hair, sharing clothes or jewlery, going to the doctor's with somebody.

Any more ideas?

Thank you!

[Beyourownspotlight]

I work as a carer, so I know there are loads of forms of non sexual intimacy.

some you've already mentioned...

• bathing someone
• preparing a meal for someone
• feeding someone
• doing someone's hair (brushing, or washing)
• holding someone's hand
• sharing personal thoughts, feelings, goals, dreams
• hugs
• stroking hair
• massages -- or a gentle caress of skin (like stroking someone's arm or hand, or cheek)
• sharing a bathroom-- and doing tasks like brushing teeth together or getting ready for the day/bed together

there are so many forms.

[Exosk]

...Learning how to play instruments together and collaborating or having a jam session...

...Learning the constellations and taking the time to plan/observe phenomenon or search for familiar systems...

[Beyourownspotlight]

I think travelling together too counts.

And shopping. For clothes, or for food. I think there's a certain level of intimacy and trust in nearly everything we do now I think about it.

[Arf]

This thread has a lot of ideas. It's aimed at romantic couples but some of them are widely applicable.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1i1ktk/couples_of_reddit_what_are_some_of_the_non_sexual/

[ranting ferret]

...Learning how to play instruments together and collaborating or having a jam session...

...Learning the constellations and taking the time to plan/observe phenomenon or search for familiar systems...

those are great! most any collaborative project is good for getting close to someone. intimacy doesn't always have to be physical or tangible. learning something together, crafting/creating art or learning a technique.

going to an art exhibit or museum together.

volunteer at a place.

[AWhiteGyrfalcon]

OOh good idea and topic!

All of the above I like the sound of and enjoy doing for special people close to me.

But a few I can't see and love:

Someone falling asleep with their head on your shoulder or lap and vice versa

Sleeping next to someone- ie 2 people in the same bed.

Spontaneous spur of the moment day trips or just showing up at my house/vice versia with no warning..

Someone doing the dishes/cleaning a house for you.

Writing simple love letters or inspiring notes and leaving them around the house, or sneaking in a person's lunch

Washing someone's feet or hands - and vice versa

[Vivaldi Ives]

Ones that come immediately to mind for me:

Sharing living quarters

Sharing a bed (sleeping and/or cuddling)

Touching/brushing hair

Giving a massage

Sharing secrets

Talking about serious subjects without fear of rejection

Discussing movies/books/etc. that you both love

Attending religious activities together

And I found this list a while ago and bookmarked it...it's really long--have fun reading! http://ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com/1968018.html

[FiddleKid]

The only things I can think of

Handshakes

Watching TV together (separate sofas)

Going out for a meal

Someone teaching me how to do something

Going out to observe animals (only talking about the animals)

ALL platonic

[wirklich]

Thanks a lot for your answers! Does anyone else have something to add?

[gymgirl]

In gymnastics training there are exercises you cannot do by yourself, without a partner, because you cannot stretch your limbs far enough just by your own effort. Doing those requires a lot of trust, as it can hurt very much if your partner goes too far, and it is ineffective, if she stops too early.

[yeahoriginal]

Okay! This is exciting for me. I'm a people nerd so I do this kind of thing pretty much as a hobby xD

1. So! I'd say, first off, if you have a specific person in mind, find shared interests.

a) Do activities, go on outings, and have conversations that centre around that shared interest. Woohoo!

b) If there's no strong interests you share, but they have interests you think you could spend your day going about, do that. (I'm very lucky in that all I need is someone who's interested in something there with me for me to be interested too so I'm sorry if my advice in inapplicable).

c) If you're not sure of their likes or dislikes, next time you're chatting with them, ask the wonderful question "So, what do you do in your spare time?" or "Tell me of your interests." (I like to say the second one in a comically pompous voice because it helps me mask the fact that I can never think of a casual way to ask.). In my few adult interactions, I find that those questions garner much more interesting conversations than questions about their work.

2. If you can, find friends who you can say pretty much what you said at the beginning. If they're cool with that then you're golden and coming up with an adventure list together will be an awesome bonding activity in itself :D

(I started out writing this without totally understanding the initial post and I'm sorry if most of this turns out to be unnecessary.)

3. How to get close to people? Perhaps host a little party of 5 people or something that you know want to meet new people and you think will get along. (And have board games or cards, whatever they seem into) That way, there's lots of chance to talk with lots of people. And learning about what they're into and seeing if you have anything in common is an awesome starting point. And even if you're not into the stuff their into, pass along any link/article/something you may find and think they'll enjoy.

4. And weekly hang outs! :D I play D&D twice a week and those peeps are some of my closest peeps! It could be movies, cards, baking, [whatever thing y'all have in common] (and snackie potluck style is really nice) and if you're not sure what to say when throwing the idea around, something like "I need more people time in my life and this would be a brilliant way to have as little planning and scheduling between me and a room full of awesome people."

And I say this because going from seeing a peep all the time to feeling close to said peep is just a heart-to-heart conversation away. And for that, be open-minded and open-hearted and all that good stuff :)

And on the note of heart-to-heart convos, see if you can surround yourself with people who understand or at least respect your asexuality. (I'm from a pretty open-minded town tho. I don't know how hard this would be for other people.)

Well I highly enjoyed writing that. I hope it was useful and not completely irrelevant/obvious >< aaaand now I realize that I don't know if intimacy is just romantic or just friendship-based but I was writing on the assumption of friendship.. Well, if you want me to ramble on, lemme know. Otherwise, I've typed quite enough potentially boring stuff.

[pralfred]

This is a wonderful topic with many great suggestions! I'm a huge fan of co-sleeping, though sadly my girlfriend prefers to sleep alone. Still, we share a bed occasionally and that makes me happy enough. We also trade massages frequently, I cook for her all the time, we shop together (generally grocery shopping, though occasionally other types), and we frequently cuddle. We've gone out picking fruit together (to make jelly), and we've gone camping together. All of these things are wonderful experiences for us and I'm sure would be for others as well. Intimacy does not require physical contact in my opinion. It's more of an emotional thing, and that can be experienced through many activities outside of physical contact.