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Platonic Intimacy


Cereal Tendencies

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Cereal Tendencies

This is a spin-off thread from another one, as I’m curious about this, but didn't want to cause any disturbance in the other thread. I'm not sure if this is the right forum for the topic, so ad/mods please feel free to move it as you see fit.


I was wondering, if platonic intimacy is possible and what might that look like in the real world?


The idea on intimacy was that you are open and vulnerable to another person, who’s also open and vulnerable to you. To expose your true selves to each other. It's my understanding that this would be the preferable type of connection between people.


We seem to be OK with it in the context of a non-platonic relationship and between family members (even if it doesn't necessarily happen in those contexts). Also, a particular situation might allow us to reach that state temporarily (where one has to put full trust in another and the other person opens up while reaching back). What about outside of those situations?


Is it OK to connect with other people and try to maintain that connection? Or should that connection be reserved only to those you are related to or have sex with?


Granted, that last one was me playing a devil’s advocate, but I am really curious about this, because I actually really crave it myself. I crave that intimacy and I can’t get that with my family and starting a long-term relationship with a man requires more practical considerations ((clears throat)).


Is it reasonable to expect to have an intimate friendship relationship with another person (regardless of their gender or sexual orientation)? Would it be acceptable to others?


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I believe that a platonic intimacy can be formed. Granted not to many people would be able to understand that or even follow up to it, because of the uncommon occurrence in society, but I don't think it would to much to ask of the right person. You're right about the fact that non-platonic and familiar relationships are more common ones. But on the same side of that coin there are certain restrictions to it. They are your family and lover, there are things you just know you can't share with them. So I believe that people more than deserve an intimacy with a friend regardless of gender, age, or sexual orientation. It bares less restrictions and to certain people can be better than that of familiar or non-platonic intimacy. So others be damned, and open your soul to one who will open theirs to you.

Those are my thoughts on the subject.

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I imagine it'd be like cuddling and hugging and emotional intimacy, y'know? I just, I don't feel sexually or romantically attracted to people, or even sensually attracted to people, but I do want an intimate relationship like that someday. someone I can trust, and share my life with. not because I need an "other half" or anything, but because of a lot of random reasons like, sharing space is more efficient, and I can't do house cleaning because it just doesn't work to multitask, but if I had someone to talk to I could take care of my space because talking and working is multitasking and will keep my mind from wandering lol.

and I know someone before had said "roommate..." but the thing is that I struggle to connect with people... AVEN has somehow been different, but even though I do feel like I'm successfully connecting with people, I just don't feel a bond... like, if I never heard from someone again... that's kind of worrisome, and makes me feel like a bad person. in the end, I couldn't really have just a roommate, at somepoint drama would develop and one of us would give up and leave... so I'd need someone committed, who we're determined to keep it together in the hard times, and who we feel safe communicating with even when communication is hard and stressful.

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It's definitely possible, sure. I have been what I would call "emotionally intimate" with close friends before without any particular sort of romantic involvement. Physical intimacy could even be possible too, although that's just not something I've ever really done with folks that were just friends, possibly due to them all being thousands of miles away XD

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Totally possible.

I have a few friends that I'm emotionally intimate with, both female and male. There's no romance involved, but we're comfortable with sharing more private thoughts and feelings, and hugs/snuggling/falling asleep on each others' shoulders. It's true that others mistake these for romantic relationships, but since we know what it is, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

In a way, I like to adopt my close friends as surrogate family members. ;)

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I see no reason why emotional/platonic intimacy should be restricted to certain kinds of people.. Take, for example, your family - you're kind of stuck with it, you cannot choose them, and there's no guarantee or requierement for you to get along with all members of your family. You might be close to some, all, or none. You can, of course, find a romantic partner to me emotionally close to, but again, you might just have no inclination to be romantically involved with anyone, and there's also stuff that you just might not want to share with either family or lover. So what then, eh? Nah, personally, I have determined for myself that I simply cannot be as open and vulnerable towards anyone from my family that one could call the connection emotional intimacy, so I'm kind of 'stuck' with looking for that in non-familial, non-romantic terms. The challenge is in finding people you are compatible with.

Now, is it reasonable to look for such connections in friendships? Hell yeah! For me personally, there's nowhere else I can look. And as to what other people may think, what does it matter? What really matters is what the people you are connected to/want to connect to think and that you're on the same, open ground. Anyone not immediately involved can go take care of their own business, as far as I'm concerned.

I have two or so people I could safely say I feel really truly emotionally intimate with atm. Physically possibly, too, if they weren't so far away. They know more about me and know me much better than anyone from my family ever did/ever will. But it took a lot of time and learning to open up and also to accept them opening up to me to get to that point. What I'm saying is, this takes a lot of time and searching and is probably not easier than finding a romantic partner (in fact, since people are so stuck up on romance, finding platonical intimacy may be even more tricky).

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Totally legit, Im searching for the same thing. And Ive foind a few over the years. But it is way more difficult to find, but are way easier to maintain.

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Well, while I think that such non-romantic/sexual or non-familial relationships are indeed as rare as hen's teeth, I do think that they are indeed possible and do occasionally exist. Over the course of this summer and into the fall I have found myself in such a relationship, one that IMO defies classification and is repudiated to not even exist, at least not in popular culture. It shouldn't exist, but yet it does. I met a man earlier this summer thru Fetlife as I was searching hoping to find a kink partner. Well, I got that but I have also gotten along with it a very emotionally and physically intimate relationship (but one without sexual intercourse or even remotely sexual acts and trappings, nor really any romantic ones either) with this person. I guess you could call it a very deep, intimate friendship with kink benefits if I had to give it a name. It just developed out of nowhere and it was like I had known him all of my life, even though I had never met him before, and from his point of view I think my asexuality fascinates him, and also suits him since he said he was looking for such a partner w/o the sex. Even though he is without question a sexual.

It just blows my mind that I have stumbled upon such a thing, and I wake up every day thinking that perhaps it was all just an amazing dream and couldn't be real. But it is real, so I know that it is possible.

I would venture to say that finding the emotional intimacy with another person isn't as hard as finding someone with whom you can have both emotional and physical w/o sex, but it isn't impossible. I also had a very best friend who was like a sister to me, and I had a great deal of emotional and mental intimacy with her as well - I could tell her just about anything, way more than I could tell even my closest relative, my mom. So yeah, it's surely possible. No idea on how best to get it - all I did was to attend a local event that was listed on Fetlife and that's how I met this guy - it just happened. He was also surprised at how it just happened.

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Cereal Tendencies

I appreciate all your answers, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who's looking for that special connection.

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Marshmallow Tree

I too desire an intimate platonic relationship. I've got very close friends whom I am emotionally intimate with but none that are physically intimate with me. For me, sleeping with someone involves just lying next to each other possibly cuddling. I've done this once with a friend and it's a very fulfilling feeling. But of course people out there would suddenly spout "Lesbian!" if they ever heard me tell this to them. Having an intimate platonic relationship is extremely rewarding especially when your desires for bonding aren't being fulfilled in other relationships.

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I don't mind platonic intimacy like sharing interests and going places together but that's as far as it goes

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Totally possible.

I have a few friends that I'm emotionally intimate with, both female and male. There's no romance involved, but we're comfortable with sharing more private thoughts and feelings, and hugs/snuggling/falling asleep on each others' shoulders. It's true that others mistake these for romantic relationships, but since we know what it is, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

In a way, I like to adopt my close friends as surrogate family members. ;)

Aside from the hugging/cuddling thing (we aren't local to one another) I'd say this describes my relationship with my friends. We aren't afraid to talk about very personal issues with each other. As one of my friends put it: "Our bond transcends friendship." I feel this is very true. Almost like a family that chose themselves. I wouldn't trade this relationship for anything! I'm not sure if I'd call it romantic, seeing as physical intimacy doesn't exist within the relationship, but I can say for sure the emotional intimacy is there.

Then again, my definition of what is romantic or not varies. It seems to vary for everyone from what I've read so far. It's quite a confusing orientation to pinpoint because of that. I feel sex is a separate part of a romantic relationship. Being physically close and emotionally close to someone (excluding sex) constitutes romantic attraction to me. Only showing emotional closeness feels like platonic attraction to me. There are only my opinions on the subject of attraction, so please take it as is. I don't know a lot. :P

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Cereal Tendencies

Then again, my definition of what is romantic or not varies. It seems to vary for everyone from what I've read so far. It's quite a confusing orientation to pinpoint because of that. I feel sex is a separate part of a romantic relationship. Being physically close and emotionally close to someone (excluding sex) constitutes romantic attraction to me. Only showing emotional closeness feels like platonic attraction to me. There are only my opinions on the subject of attraction, so please take it as is. I don't know a lot. :P

I agree, on the surface being physically close and emotionally close appears as a romantic connection. For me personally I define it the same way you do except both people involved experience limerence for each other-or have chemistry and a completely unique bonding experience with each other. So in this case the physical closeness would involve kissing and different form of sensuality-hand holding,etc- where as with platonic intimacy physical would mean light cuddling, sharing the same bed, here's an example out of the blue- I went to a moroccan bath house with a close friend one time and at some point we had to trust each other to be nude around one another (it was too steamy to see anything anyway) and we scrubbed each others backs- and so on.

Kissing wouldn't be involved because kissing for me draws the line between platonic and romantic physical intimacy.

Again there's a very thin line between romantic intimacy and platonic intimacy as a whole for me, considering my aromanticism.

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I've had several very close friendships that involved tons of cuddling and falling asleep snuggled together, though it was more so when I was younger than now. I tend to be quite physically affectionate with people I feel close to though so it could be that those friendships formed the way they did because I lead them that way.

It is true in my experience as well that people will often see that sort of relationship as romantic from the outside. Snuggling on the couch quite happily with your bestie can really be ruined by someone walking in and repeatedly declaring that you're a cute couple despite the both of you calmly and firmly asserting that you're not.

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I guess, that must be why I am less cuddly now than before :( too many people reading into it!

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I guess, that must be why I am less cuddly now than before :( too many people reading into it!

Same. I avoid much of it for fear of confusing the people around me, or the people I want to cuddle with viewing it as more romantic than I necessarily view it.

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I think for me, platonic intimacy would have a big focus on emotional and mental connection but also just innocent physical touch like cuddles. I find it a little hard to find someone who is also into cuddles, hugs, etc. in a friendship though. But it is nice to have that closeness. :)

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