Amy Ghost Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I have asked this in the chat, but I'd like to see more point of view. So what happened? Well, me and my datefriend were skyping as usual, and everything went okay. But when we finished she told me she felt aroused the whole time we were talking, more than usual. And after reading it I went cold, and upset. And after a little while of talking to her a went even more upset. Thing is, I kinda overreacted I guess. We talked about it, but I nevertheless think that it was unfair, and kinda wish I could react differently. And I'm not fully sure if me going cold after reading it really means I'm so scared of sex and anything sexual. I keep thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Link to post Share on other sites
Amy Ghost Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 it's strange to hear someone tell you they felt differently about a conversation than you did... I don't think it would be a marker of asexuality or sexual repulsion. I suppose it may be more common in someone asexual or sex-repulsed... but the thing is, that there are a lot of things that asexual people struggle with that allosexual people also struggle with regarding comfort with sex. myself, hmm... I guess, there was someone who was flirting with me, and I was OK with it, but after awhile I started to realize that he wanted to be sexual with me, and I started getting nervous. I didn't mind the flirting as long as I thought it was just the two of us teasing fun y'know? I'm sorry, I don't really get your first paragraph Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 Link to post Share on other sites
Amy Ghost Posted September 25, 2014 Author Share Posted September 25, 2014 Oh yeah. I see now. It's just so frustrating. I'm so afraid that if I won't be able to I will ruin everything and lose her Link to post Share on other sites
Mycroft is Yourcroft Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I used to feel the same way sometimes, you're not alone. It's strange knowing that *you* exist in other people's minds in a different way to how *you* see and feel about yourself. For me, I found that the feeling of discomfort tended to wear off after a couple of days, I'd 'calm down' if you will. It doesn't really happen very often to me any more, so maybe I just got used to the idea. :) Hope you're doing okay Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I'm all for harmless flirting but it also freaks me out a bit that I can arouse some people in a sexual way. That just feels so wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
The Wreyck Posted September 25, 2014 Share Posted September 25, 2014 I've recently entered a similar type of situation of relations. I just recently entered a relationship of romantic sorts with a sexual. It's odd, because he thinks of me in a way I don't even think of me. And I can't think of him in a similar manner. I dunno, it's odd cuz like if I dream about him it's totally NOT sexual in the slightest, and it's odd for me to SAY that even if he does already know that I'm asexual. And his dreams about me or just thoughts in general totally go in a sexual direction, though he is pretty respectful about what he does or does not say. I try to just not overthink it. It helps a bit. For me I can handle teasing him about this stuff so far. But then again there is also no chance of our actual actions turning sexual anytime soon, so it's kinda a distant thing that I don't worry much about. But I wonder if I will come to avoid turning him on in the future after our physical relationship goes further. Link to post Share on other sites
Amy Ghost Posted October 1, 2014 Author Share Posted October 1, 2014 Hayden and I were talking yesterday. We talked about you know sex. How we feel about certain things and what are we afraid of and also what could happen.Our views differed quite a bit. And I didn't really understand some stuff. It's like if she got pleasure by me she'd like to give too. To her view that's how it should be. But I don't know if I'd like that. I mean, I'd like to give her, but I don't think to receive. Like if I imagine it I don't really like the thought of anyone touching me in such way.Our views differed in many way. She's also scared of hurting me. It's been really sweet of her. But I don't think we have to about that. I'm more afraid that I might not even be able to pleasure her, and might lose her. And she she'd lose me when it'd make me feel like I'm useless.It's kinda worrisome. She even asked me if it'd be easier for me with another Asexual. I really didn't like that, and voiced it. I don't think she'd like to either. She's just scared she might hurt me like she was hurt once, and has a trauma.It really upset her. I tried to make her feel a little better, but not really successfully. She kept wishing she were Asexual too. She said she hates being sexual. Idk. It seemed to me the same as if I wished to be sexual as everyone else. I wish I knew what to say, or do. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 One can not control how others feel. Sometimes people get aroused out of the blue. The body reacts to things differently . I find my self asking the person I am chatting with how they are feeling almost every hour. I just do not want to miss understand something. I often ask my friend about how she is feeling. She does the same. We both want to make each other happy. We end up spending our nights together chatting. We are very open about how we feel. We must be honest with each other. I am highly romantic. I so feed off of her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 1, 2014 Share Posted October 1, 2014 Bottom line: she told you that because she trusts you, not because she wanted to hurt you or make you feel inadequate in some way. That's not the sort of thing most people would just tell anybody. Keep communicating, and try to make sure you both know that you don't have to love each other in exactly the same ways. Everyone feels and expresses this in different ways. At the end of the day, it's still love. Link to post Share on other sites
Amy Ghost Posted October 2, 2014 Author Share Posted October 2, 2014 Bottom line: she told you that because she trusts you, not because she wanted to hurt you or make you feel inadequate in some way. That's not the sort of thing most people would just tell anybody. Keep communicating, and try to make sure you both know that you don't have to love each other in exactly the same ways. Everyone feels and expresses this in different ways. At the end of the day, it's still love. Oh I know she didn't. I didn't mean to make it sound like she did. It's been just uncomfortable. But I know she does. And I had my answer right away Link to post Share on other sites
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