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Curious about Sex?


Steph Ace

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Hello everyone!

So I've recently entered into another 'soul-searching' segment of my life. I've had a few significant changes in my life these past weeks and it has really put a spin onto my perspective, my understanding and quite possibly sexuality.

I feel I might be drifting into demisexual. The only problem is my 'desires' with someone close aren't there, I just feel curious as I would be say; 'Hey, I want to try skydiving one day' or 'let's go skiing sometime!'. It's a minor, little voice in the back of my mind saying 'I want to try this one day' yet isn't screaming in demand such as 'I WANT IT NOW, I WANT IT NOW'. I'm obviously not going to act upon it, but it's present and I would like to hear opinions on the matter. Therefore;

My question for you is; do you also get these little curiosities also?

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Yeah. I sometimes find myself wondering what it'd be like to have sex with another woman. I also lost my v card due to curiosity about sex.

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I often think of what it'd be like having sex. I wish I could experience it without going through it though, because just the thought of getting sweaty and naked with another person and all that skin on skin contact, ugh. It's hard imagining it.

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I'd say just go for it really. But with someone who you've explained your feelings to and knows your situation. And develop trust and understanding. Go for it treating it as one of those experiences youd just like to try. Just like the idea of trying a strange food youve never heard of but think ah what the hell, give it a go. Might hate it, might be alright :)

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butterflydreams

I definitely relate to this. Curiosity is definitely how I'd refer to it. That and I've been "behind" and "inferior" for so long, I kind of just want to just so I can say I did. I feel horrible saying that, but it's true. People are going to dismiss me just for being asexual anyway, might as well not let them pile on older virgin too.

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Personally I'm not too curious about sex or what it would be like.

I don't feel like it would be enjoyable enough for me to put the effort and try it.

I get enough excitement out of seeing if I'm charming enough to get someone to date me lol

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I had an intellectual curiosity about sex as a teenager, it was quite abnormal, but I didn't know that at the time, I really thought that intellectual curiosity about sex was all that there was.

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I don't have a sex drive or anything and have a sexual partner and sex can be really boring for me so I find myself wanting to try new things so that I can just know what it's like and make it slightly less boring. I don't feel any different when I do, but I still want to try things and all that. I had sex in the first place because I was curious what all the hype was about. It doesn't make me not asexual and you don't sound not asexual either.

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Dude no other way to suffice your curiosity other than doing it.

Try it, go slow, put your cards on the table, say what you feel, open yourself to the experience, to the possibilities.

Honestly, I had my curiosity sufficed and for me it wasn't that big shit. Might be different for you, who knows? ;)

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If you would be comfortable trying it go ahead. If you are capable of pleasure 'down there' its possible you may like it some. Or maybe not, only you can say. :)

I'm not comfortable so I will never do it. But I also do not feel pleasure 'down there' so what would be the point anyway. If I did I think I would be more open to trying it some day if I had a very trusted partner.

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Yeah, I definitely know what you mean, I've also thought about sex as another experience to go through, like going clubbing for the first time or playing a different sport. But as soon as I imagine myself actually doing it and getting sweaty and disgusting and that physically to someone else, I react negatively.

I think it's natural to feel curious about something everyone else seems to be insterested in, but that doesn't make you necessarily likely to go through with actually doing the thing. I mean, sure, I think sharks are amazing and interesting creatures that I'd like knowing more about, but i sure as hell am not about to go swim with them to learn about their feeding habits, haha.

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I feel I might be drifting into demisexual. The only problem is my 'desires' with someone close aren't there, I just feel curious as I would be say; 'Hey, I want to try skydiving one day' or 'let's go skiing sometime!'. It's a minor, little voice in the back of my mind saying 'I want to try this one day' yet isn't screaming in demand such as 'I WANT IT NOW, I WANT IT NOW'. I'm obviously not going to act upon it, but it's present and I would like to hear opinions on the matter. Therefore;

My question for you is; do you also get these little curiosities also?

Sure, I get curious sometimes. Especially when already aroused, I sometimes find myself thinking 'well I'd try that, sure, why not?' I've always found it a bit difficult and scary thinking about stuff (random activities, like skydiving) and thinking I might NEVER try them. So I like to remain open to possibilities too. :)

If it ever feels like the right moment and you want to try it, why not? Just make sure you're safe and everyone involved knows what everyone's feelings and intentions are.

Also, might be worth mentioning that I wouldn't consider what you described to be demisexuality. You say that the 'desires' with someone close are never there. That probably means you're not demisexual. Wanting to try sex doesn't make you demisexual. Being sexually attracted only to people you already have a strong bond with does.

What you're describing, to me, doesn't require a change of label. You still sound rather asexual to me. ;)

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From the way you spoke about having sex it sounds exactly like skydiving - I'd sort of like to do it but I'm not interested in making any effort in that direction and I think I'd be terrified if it actually came down to it.

If you'd like a personal opinion then I don't hate it or even really mind it but I can think of plenty of things I'd rather do. It might also be worth working through a list of sex acts to see if there's anything that is a real no. I have some limits that sexuals and the media suggest are hardly sex at all but completely repulse me personally.

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I've acctually conducted this experiment. A few years ago, I got curious. Simply a 'whats it like?' and a 'lets see what I acctually am missing' situation. I lucked out. A highschool friend had a thing for me, but also had reconciled that I would never be his girl. He had a girlfriend of his own at the time...but it was a long distance relationship while she was away for job training, and they had decided together that as long as there was no emotional cheating, they could find one night stands to get their physical gratification in. I got in contact with the girlfriend to talk about it, and she said it sounded fine to her, and gave me some 'first time from a girls perspective' tips. For me, it turned out dull. Just so much friction, no real rise or hormonal responce. Not BAD, just borring. He had a great time at least.

If you can find a partner you trust, who isnt going to make an issue of the experiment, and you do it safely, and you stay true to yourself, there's no problem doing this. All it is is an experiment...another experience to try. If you'd try skydiving or bobsledding or whatever else just to see what its like, why not sex? This is the kind of thing one should only do for ones self, not because others are hounding you to 'try it and see', but if you have legitimate curiosity of your own, I figure there's no harm in looking into it.

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Thank you everyone for the responses!

While I was originally writing the poast I had considered submitting it to the Demi/Grey Discussions.

I recently entered into an Ace-Ace relationship and while I have emotional feelings for them, there is still no sexual attraction. In the back of my mind however I'm slightly curious about sex. This thoughts have only began recently since I started the relationship so I thought they may have a correlative cause. I may attempt and experience it one day (which the consensus has been supportive of) however I don't see in the visible future!

Thank you everyone! It has been awesome reading the replies and knowing I'm not alone in my curiosity!

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littlepersonparadox

Humm sexaual curiosity I think is something a lot if us have had.

Like you said there is no sexual attraction but there's curiosity.

As far as my sexual experiences go it isn't much but there was some (minor) intimacy. When I was in my first year of collage re. Last year, I met a guy for the purposes of anonymously well call him Derek. (He's the same guy in my scratchback post you saw awhile back)

Derek and I didn't date but would cuddle and do some making out (his shirt off) and a little touching in what I like to call a series of one night cuddle stands. It was nice. he asked me for sex once but the intimacy of making out and cuddling already put me half to seep, so I just murmured no before passing out. That and the desire/attraction still wasn't there.

The idea if having sex at this point in time makes me a little apprehensive. But I know I like physical intimacy to a degree. I'm more sensual if anything. So Mabye you and your date mate can start off just cuddling and build up to stuff by trying kinky things? In any case I know for a fact your date mate likes pets (running fingers through the hair) and you like giving them so already on the same track.

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Sometimes I feel like I might want to experience it, but I worry that I'll regret doing it. Then I hate myself for thinking that thought, because I'm sex-repulsed. I get confused about it a lot and worry about it too much. But right now I'm at a point in my life where I don't need to worry about it.

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I do wonder what it'd be like to sleep with a boy that there were feelings on both sides for, or a woman (no feelings, just wonder.) But I know my conditions as to when to do or not to do.

As for you, consent and safety are number 1. Remember that, no matter your decision.

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verily-forsooth-egads

I'm curious about sex. I kind of do feel like I'd be missing out on something if I never tried it, even though other than that I want to avoid it at all costs. Even trying it twice with a guy and a girl sounds like a lot, so I'll have to see about that. The curiosity is definitely there, though.

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Sort of, but for me it's not a little voice saying "someday." I know that I will have sex one day.

I know that I'm technically asexual since I do not experience sexual attraction. However, I could be gray-a or something. I do want to try a relationship and see if I enjoy having sex with my partner. I know there's a lot of people on AVEN who are positive they're asexual without needing to try out sex. I don't feel that sure though.

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oh I've been bi-curious indeed ;) but ive never needed to fulfill that with actual sexual activity, nor is it connected with any desire for another person.

The curisoity of mine has long since gone and replaced with mostly... Fetish fantasy stuff. :)

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Remember though: for every one skin cell on the human body there are ten bacterial ones. And humans shed hair and skin cells. And it's a scientifically proven fact that when people go to the bathroom and wipe they never get rid of all of it. So imagine that combination: bacteria meeting bacteria and the possibility of an extra cellular matrix developing (mutations and cell crosstalk happen all the time so you never know.) Shedding human on shedding human. And the bathroom remnants.....all of that either on your bathroom remnants or in your mouth.

Life's pretty disgusting on a micro level when you think about it, but apply all that and think about this one and yeah...

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