Am I asexual or is it just to early to tell?

[Marmalade]

About halfway through my 7th grade year, all of my friends stated identifying there sexual orientations and being the overprotect but not overprotected kid that I was, I was still surprised people actually kissing already. So about half a month after school ended, I finally decided to look up all of the sexual orientations and there definitions. It was then that I found this thing called asexual. For about 3 days after that, all I did was look up asexuality. Of course after a while I realized that I should probably wait until I'm around people my own age again.

I've been back in school for about 6 weeks and I still feel nothing. My friends are saying things like "I'd hit that" or "He's HOT" and I'm just like "Wait, what?" then, "Oh, yeah, sex."

Yaaaaaaay intro time:

Hi there, a female who is about to be 14. I think I'm a Repulsed/Nuetral-I-Guess Asexual and I'm begaining to question my romantic orientation, but I'm pretty sure I'm Hetero-romantic.

So;My question:

Am I really asexual? Or is it just to early? If so, should I start to come out to people or would it just be weird?

[Lychee]

Hello! I'm personally new in the AVEN community so I don't think my advices would be much help - they might be wrong as well.

You're indeed young, but if you feel this way while your friends don't, then I guess you might be asexual.

Sexuality is a fluid thing, it changes, it varies, but if you feel like "asexuality" describes you, if you feel confident under this label, then I think it is safe to say that you're asexual - it is up to you. Though, I'd recommend you to wait before coming out, there is a high chance that people would tell you "you're too young to know", "you haven't found the one yet", and stuff like this. If you feel like you can take it, then come out, but be sure that's what you want, it isn't really an easy decision to make (I do hope it would go alright if you come out!)

I wish you good luck ^-^

[sharpie_mini]

Honestly, I had people telling me at 25 that I "hadn't found the right one yet" and if I tell them I'm still a virgin and haven't had sex with my boyfriend, they asks what's wrong with us. A large reason I joined this forum is so I would feel more comfortable expressing my gender identity to people without getting self-conscious and embarrassed at reactions like this.

I went through a lot of labels- identifying at some point of everything but trans* (even questioning that about myself at one point) but I always came back to asexual.

My recommendation is to do research and ask yourself how you feel. Don't compare yourself to other people if you can avoid it- look to others for advice, but their experiences do not dictate what yours will be. If you feel asexual, own it - and if you question yourself later, don't be afraid to change how you identify. If you do switch at some point, I'll tell you that it IS scary to tell people that you were wrong about yourself, but whatever you do, don't lie to yourself about your feelings.

You're the only person that can really label yourself, and no label is permanent.

[Burnt_Phoenix]

I think that it is totally possible (and likely) that you are asexual, and you will probably get plenty of comments saying that. However, I feel the need to point out that sometimes on this forum people will have a bit of confirmation bias (Not you, the commenters likely will). This is because this site fosters the idea that asexuality is not a choice, is natural, etc. Which, of course, it is. However, I would just like to note that it is entirely possible that it is too early to tell, or there is another reason that you are feeling asexual besides being asexual. Here on AVEN, we very frequently choose to ignore this possibility because we are constantly told that "it's not a hormone problem", "it won't come with age", or the like. Even though those comments can be insensitive at times, there are occasions where they are true, and we all need to be reminded of that ever now and then.

Honestly, at 14, I would imagine that you know what you are and you probably are asexual, but I just decided to take the opportunity to point out that sometimes, people are wrong about it and really do have hormone problems/are too young. Don't mean to sound like an asshole, just playing the devil's advocate a bit.

[I'd rather be in band.]

Hello! I am also a young asexual, so I suppose that my input may not be exactly what you were attempting to discover, however when I saw this thread, it hit home.

If you feel that you are asexual at this point in your life, you can identify as such. No one can say that your (a)sexuality is invalid simply because of age; sexuality is fluid, and while it doesn't change for many, it can change. That statement isn't only true for asexuality, either. In fact, someone I am related to used to identify as bisexual, however she now identifies as heterosexual because she is no longer attracted to women. That doesn't mean that she was never a bisexual or that all bisexuals will change, however it does prove that sexuality is fluid and can change over time. So, if you feel asexual right now, you have every right to identify as such. It's your body and your feelings, so you have complete control over what words you label yourself with. I hope this helps! :)

[butterflydreams]

Honestly, at 14, I would imagine that you know what you are and you probably are asexual, but I just decided to take the opportunity to point out that sometimes, people are wrong about it and really do have hormone problems/are too young. Don't mean to sound like an asshole, just playing the devil's advocate a bit.

When I found out (at 26) that people at 14 and younger were already thinking about this stuff, and thinking in that way, I shot milk out of my nose. Which was surprising, because I wasn't drinking milk at the time.

I say identify however you like whenever you like. Just having looked orientations up and thought about it at 14 is more than I ever did. That said, you are pretty young. Don't feel like you have to rush into this, or anything else. You know about it, that's great. Just work on being you, and let things work out how they will.

[Lychee]

I think the "you're too young" argument isn't really about hormones, but more about the fact that we build ourselves through experiences. I'm not saying "you need to have sex to know if you like it or not", but I guess that, as a generally rule (I'm trying to be careful here), you know you're asexual when you realize you've never (or rarely) felt sexual attraction, and you would know about your sexual attraction only by meeting people, meaning having social experiences (by that, I also include "walking beside a total stranger" or "talking to a friend", not only experiencing sex).

At the age of 14 I think it would be safe to say you've encountered enough social situations to know how you feel about them, but since we all have different lives and experiences, there's no way to know. Either way, I do think that if you feel safe under this label, nothing prevents you for using it.

As for the hormonal issue, well, I guess it would be safe to recommend every person with no sex drive to see a professional - to know if it is an hormonal thing or a sexual orientation (more like a lack of it).

Again, I do hope I'm not offending anyone.

[parkourbird]

Hey, Yeah... so I'm 16 and in the standard public high school situation where everything is evolved around sex. My friends are all drooling over the other sex or having boyfriends/ girlfriends, flirting, wearing showy clothing... ect. ect. ect. Me, I'm nonchalant. I have wondered if I'm gay because I am a girl and I don't really want to make out or have sex with a guy, but I don't want it at all with a girl either. I don't want anything sexual and I never have. I think everything through as a practical matter. I wonder if I'm transgender too because although physically I am a girl, mentally I am a girl and a guy... if that makes any sense at all. I prefer to describe myself as genderless. You know? But the lable transgender still doesn't seem right. Basically in my life though, I get along with everybody on the same simple basic human connection. I do not have or want the kind of love that is composed of wanting, yearning, desiring, needing anything from anybody. I share the kind of content happy love with everyone. And I feel that the simple love I share is better and stronger, because there is no sexual attraction to fade out. We are people that share a bond and connection as friends. Yeah... so I have always been like this but in recent years I have begun to try to make sense of it. And I always thought I'd grow a sense of sexuality but by now I'm not so sure. I used to want it so that I'd fit in, but now I see my asexuality as a strength. Because I am not clogged or diverted by an irrational sense of sexual attraction. I just see everything through simple and practical matters. I get along with guys and play sports and hang out and I go shopping with girls and dance and try out make up for fun and it's just nice. I'm only beginning to understand what the asexual label means and I feel like it pretty well defines me, but not completely. A better name that I prefer to use is genderless. That's what I say if somebody asks me if I'm gay or what.

[Guest]

A general rule of thumb is if you have hit puberty yet, generally if you have hit it, and still feel nothing yet, then you may be asexual. I gave it about a year after hitting puberty before deciding, but I took my time out of confusion.

[Amoeba-Proteus]

I don't think it's too young, simply because I totally knew when I was 14, I just didn't have a term for it and thought there was just something wrong with me.
I'm in my twenties now, and I never changed. Probably was pretty evident way before that. I remember being a little kid and thinking "That's stupid. Why would I want that?" when kids started talking about boyfriends and girlfriends and kissing... Pretty much ANY "couple stuff." Learning about sexual matters only grossed me out even more. :P

[ven]

OK, so I'm 70. I'm still fairly sure it's too early to tell. I weigh a bunch and can't "please myself". So if I want satisfaction, I'm going to have to find a partner. I love sex. I just can't figure out why someone would want to go through all the pain and woe of a partner to have it. In my life I've had two partners, they each lasted less than two weeks. I'm had two one night stands and one rape. I can't rule out that the rape has been instrumental in my no partner/no sex attitude. I also can't rule out my DD cups at age 9, and JJ cups by collage; or my monthly miscariages (polyp on my uteris) for 14 years.

It is obvious to me that I wasn't "born this way" but at this point I just see them as a means to an end. (An ostreperous dildo). So, am I Asexual, or just screwed up?

<_<

[unknown89]

I am having the same issue. I just do not know if its too early to tell or not. i fell like i just need someone to talk to about it, but it is hard to find someone.

[Tyrnis]

Hi EoC,

For myself, I just assumed I'd become interested in relationships at some point -- I was a year younger than many of my classmates, so thought that might play into it. By your age, I'd started to notice as well, though I didn't actually identify as asexual until much later. I would just say to keep an open mind -- for instance, I could easily have assumed I was aromantic prior to my senior year of high school. It wasn't until then that I had my first real crush (squish? Not really up on that part of the terminology, I admit.) That said, I don't think you're too young to identify as asexual if it feels right to you, and if it ever doesn't feel right on down the road, you can always change how you identify.

[verily-forsooth-egads]

My friends are saying things like "I'd hit that" or "He's HOT" and I'm just like "Wait, what?" then, "Oh, yeah, sex."

You put it so well. I might quote this sometime.

[CNGB]

It definitely isn't too early to tell . . . I'd like to point out that if you said you are homosexual then no one would tell you it's "too early to tell." Unfortunately this is a problem with asexuality, in that of course a six year old isn't going to be experiencing sexual attraction (uh . . . right???) and so THEN it might be too early to tell . . . but you're in high school now. If you haven't felt anything by now then there's a chance you won't in the future.