Sexual but not attracted to much of anyone?

[slh12280]

So I have been struggling with what to call myself since I know I am not completely asexual, as I can occasionally be attracted to people (it's rare), and I am occasionally romantically attracted to the opposite sex. Problem is, I feel a lot of this stuff is more in my head than what I actually feel in real life.

I like the idea of being in a relationship but in reality I don't really like dating and lose interest quickly. I love to cuddle with people and miss it very deeply but I need a special connection with someone to enjoy it and can't seem to find it. I only felt real, deep sexual attraction to someone once and that was because I felt a deep connection with him. I can't seem to find those feelings for anyone else but I want that back. So, yes, I do know what it is like to be sexually attracted to someone but it just seems like it doesn't happen in real life hardly ever, but more in my mind. I have a desire to have sex with another person but it isn't directed at anyone specifically, which is frustrating. So the idea that I desire sex with another person and can enjoy sex makes me seem more sexual but the fact that I rarely experience attraction makes me seem asexual.

It frustrates me that so much of society seems focused on the soonest point that they can get someone to have sex with them, whereas I focus on building a connection. Some people say I just haven't met the right person or I am being too picky. I honestly don't know if I am a demisexual sometimes but it fits for the most part with how I feel in real life but then again I do admit I do have a fear of commitment and intimacy, which may actually be the real culprits here but I honestly don't know. A lot going on and I wish I could figure out what it is. Maybe if I addressed those other issues it would clear things up.

[Arf]

If you're not sure, you could identify as gray-asexual. That label is just for when you identify strongly with asexuality but don't feel like asexual is quite write.

This article has information on how to tell if you're demisexual, so you might find it useful:

www.demisexuality.org/couldibedemisexual.html

[slh12280]

4. You like the idea of sex or want to have it, but can’t think of anyone you’d do it with.

This experience is particularly common for demisexuals. You might be fine discussing sex with other people, or maybe you also watch porn and masturbate. Maybe you do get excited by sex scenes in movies, and maybe you’re excited by things like sex toys and lingerie. You don’t really feel like you think about sex differently than other people.

However, there’s just one problem. When you think about who you’d have sex with, you draw a blank. It’s like when you’re hungry and you open the fridge only to find nothing appealing. Maybe you go to parties and people watch, expecting one person to stand out as Sexually Attractive, but no one does, no matter how much you look.

^This!! I find it frustrating and other people seem to find it strange. Thanks, that was what I was trying to say.

[Arf]

Ahhhh, I can completely relate to that. It's the most obnoxious thing. My friend and I would go to parties in college looking for "hot boys to hook up with," and she often found someone, and I never did! I knew I wanted to have sex but it was SO mysterious to me why I never found anything attractive in the least. I chalked it up to being picky or going to a school which lacked attractive people but then I discovered demisexuality and everything made sense.

I would let the label sit for a while, if you're not sure. But it sounds like you could be demisexual or gray-asexual, so if you find those labels useful, go for it! :)