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Pap smears and other fun things [TMI Warning]


100indecisions

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100indecisions

I'm 27 and a virgin, and I don't expect that to change any time soon--I figure I'm gray-A (maybe demisexual) because I'm not completely ruling out the idea of sex at some indefnite point in the future, but it doesn't rank on my priority list at all. For quite a while I figured that I didn't need to get a pap test because I was a virgin and I wasn't planning on becoming sexually active; I've heard different things from doctors/nurses, like the one I saw at my college health center almost certainly didn't believe me, so I took her recommendations with a hefty grain of salt. I only learned recently that while pap tests are primarily used to identify cervical cancer caused by HPV, they can also detect problems that aren't caused by or through sexual activity, so okay, I should get a pap test even if I probably don't need to have one regularly unless I become sexually active.

Thing is, that health-center RN convinced me to get one three or four years ago; it was so painful I had to tell her to stop, and I haven't tried again since then. (I think she was using her smallest speculum, but it's been long enough that I don't remember for sure, so I don't know if smaller sizes are available.) I already knew I had to have a pretty small vagina, because I've also never liked using tampons--I only use Playtex Slimfits because they're the thinnest I've found, and even those tend to be uncomfortable or even painful to insert and remove, so I never use tampons unless I'm going swimming. The RN's suggestion was to work my way up to larger tampons, and then maybe future pap tests wouldn't be as painful, and I just haven't done that, because again...I don't like tampons. I also have done almost nothing in the way of masturbation because I'm that incurious about my own genitals (I don't know if it quite rises to the level of revulsion, but...yeah, possibly), so just in general, I'm not thrilled about the idea of sticking anything in my vagina so that at some point I can have a pap test without feeling like I'm being ripped open. (I'm also not thrilled about the idea of, say, buying a vibrator and having to ask someone how to use it because I don't have a clue and I'm not that interested in experimenting, but I imagine that's another issue entirely.)

So, uh...if I accept that I really should get a pap test in the near future, does anyone have ideas for what would be the least uncomfortable way to try to prepare for it? Or something I should ask my doctor for, like a specific speculum size or a different kind of test that would accomplish more or less the same thing?

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I'm a 44 year old virgin female with my hymen still in tact so my pelvic exam was uncomfortable . I ask the nurse for a SMALL spectrum but it didn't help .. If you'er uncomfortable about a pap smear, can your doctor do an ultrasound to check your ovaries or see if you don't have fibroid . Sad to say,I don't think there is any alternative exam for checking for vaginal infection and cervical cancer

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Yeah, I think your best bet is to ask your doctor. Even a small speculum (there are different sizes) is going to be more or less the size of a tampon.

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I've been in the same exact situation you are. Unfortunately, I was so small that they could not safely check on my vaginal health without me experiencing extreme pain (much like you've described). The only alternative they offered me at the time was a hymenectomy (an operation to remove the hymen) and at the time I had not yet come to identify as an asexual. Looking back now, I'm not so sure I would have had the operation had I known.

However, I did want to let you know that this was another option available but an extreme one at that, and one that would require a lot of thought. More than anything, I just thought I'd share in case it's something your doctor happens to bring up. If you're curious about it or would just like to talk to someone who's been through something similar, feel free to shoot me a PM. :)

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I'm also a virgin and all that jazz (including the masturbation part! "Incurious" is such an apt word for it lol!), and I've had a pap test as well as internal ultrasound because of major issues with my periods (turned out to be a cyst on my ovaries--now THAT hurt!). For me though, the procedures weren't very painful, but you brought up a good point...I've always used tampons, and my periods were so heavy that I had to use the largest ones! So that probably explains why those tests weren't very painful for me (a little uncomfortable, but no pain). I'm sorry it's troublesome for you. : ( Ugh. I suppose talking to your doctor would be the best thing, but their idea about the tampons is a good idea (start out slim, then light, then regular, then possibly super?). It's just that if they are too painful/uncomfortable as is, I'm not sure if you should do it. Hopefully there can be another remedy to this! I wish you all the best!! :cake:

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100indecisions

I've been in the same exact situation you are. Unfortunately, I was so small that they could not safely check on my vaginal health without me experiencing extreme pain (much like you've described). The only alternative they offered me at the time was a hymenectomy (an operation to remove the hymen) and at the time I had not yet come to identify as an asexual. Looking back now, I'm not so sure I would have had the operation had I known.

However, I did want to let you know that this was another option available but an extreme one at that and one that would require a lot of thought. More than anything, I just thought I'd share in case it's something your doctor happens to bring up. If you're curious about it or would just like to talk to someone who's been through something similar, feel free to shoot me a PM. :)

Holy crap--yeah, I sure hope I don't have to do something like that. Thanks for the offer, though, I'll definitely keep that in mind if my doctor mentions it!

I'm also a virgin and all that jazz (including the masturbation part! "Incurious" is such an apt word for it lol!), and I've had a pap test as well as internal ultrasound because of major issues with my periods (turned out to be a cyst on my ovaries--now THAT hurt!). For me though, the procedures weren't very painful, but you brought up a good point...I've always used tampons, and my periods were so heavy that I had to use the largest ones! So that probably explains why those tests weren't very painful for me (a little uncomfortable, but no pain). I'm sorry it's troublesome for you. : ( Ugh. I suppose talking to your doctor would be the best thing, but their idea about the tampons is a good idea (start out slim, then light, then regular, then possibly super?). It's just that if they are too painful/uncomfortable as is, I'm not sure if you should do it. Hopefully there can be another remedy to this! I wish you all the best!! :cake:

Sigh. Yeah, I imagine you're right. They're not awful as is, just sometimes painful and I don't like them, but I suppose I just need to suck it up and start using tampons more. I do wonder if a small vibrator or something might be a better idea because it might be more flexible and therefore more comfortable, but again I don't really know anything about vibrators etc. and I wouldn't really know where to start (either in looking for one or using one). Or a dilator, maybe? I just heard about that on another post here, although I guess all the same issues apply.

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Holy crap--yeah, I sure hope I don't have to do something like that. Thanks for the offer, though, I'll definitely keep that in mind if my doctor mentions it!

Sure thing! Wasn't meant to scare you, just to let you know it's something that could come up if you start asking your doctor for solutions. Best to be prepared for what they could say after all!

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  • 2 weeks later...

This interests me since I'm also in a similar situation. I just turned 21 a few months ago, so I keep getting anxious that my mom will make me go and get one or even the next time I go to my GP they'll tell me to get one and just the thought of anyone putting anything up there makes me uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that whenever I've tried using tampons in the past, I'd always end up psyching myself out and never getting anywhere. I keep hoping I can hold out on getting one for a few more years, ah.

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Beyourownspotlight

I'm a 44 year old virgin female with my hymen still in tact so my pelvic exam was uncomfortable . I ask the nurse for a SMALL spectrum but it didn't help .. If you'er uncomfortable about a pap smear, can your doctor do an ultrasound to check your ovaries or see if you don't have fibroid . Sad to say,I don't think there is any alternative exam for checking for vaginal infection and cervical cancer

Can I just say before I reply to the OP, that your hymen doesn't break. It's not supposed to tear, or break, it's supposed to remain intact. Please, please, please if you have a vagina, please don't think your hymen should be broken or popped, or torn. In simple terms it's a bit of skin, or membrane, that partially covers the opening to the vagina (in most cases, in some vagina owners, it covers more or less the whole opening, but this can be treated surgically), but typically it's a partial covering. You don't need to use force to break it to allow access to the vagina, it should move. I say move, I mean sort of 'stretch' bend, whatever term you want to use, but if one is relaxed enough (I'll admit an increase in blood flow, associated with arousal helps) it shouldn't be an issue for something to slip past it, if enough time, and care is taken, along with enough lubricant. But it should always be there naturally. If you have sex on a regular basis (where you are inserting a penis, or fingers, or a phallic shaped object into your vagina, or even a tampon) it should accommodate that stretch. But if you stop having sex or using a tampon it'll revert back to being 'tight' or tighter. I'm a little drunk, and I'm not sure if I'm making total sense, but if someone has anything to add, or to ask, please feel free. But just know 'popping the cherry' is bull shit. 'breaking a girls hymen' is bullshit.

Now, the OP.

I'm 20. I don't consider myself a virgin, but that depends on your definition of sex. Have I had a penis in my vagina? No. So, make what you will of that. I have not had a pap smear. I refused my last reminder. Purely for the fact, I can't insert a tampon with my finger because it makes me feel ill. I've been in sexual situations where other peoples fingers have been inserted, and it's not made me feel ill. But I'm not sure I could cope with a pap just yet. They usually recommend a pap when you hit 18 and every two years from then or, or from the year you become sexually active. I know that sex can increase the chance of cervical cancer, and I think it must be the stimulation. The touching, rubbing motion of something entering the vagina causing an abnormality in the cells. So I assume that includes if you insert anything into your vagina on a regular basis. Fingers, toys, penises, tampons. But that's just an educated guess, ask your GP. I would recommend a pap if you can stomach the idea and sit through it, even though that makes me a hypocrite, but I'm willing to take that risk right now. I'll have one when I'm more comfortable with the idea. But if it causes you distress, I don't see the point (by distress I mean an emotional response, crying, shaking, throwing up, panic attacks).

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100indecisions

You could also try the perineal massage. It's usually used to prepare for childbirth but I've heard it's helped other women with pap smears too.

That's probably worth trying. Tbh it kind of goes under the same general "I don't want to do this because I'm not interested in my own bits or anyone else's" thing, but at least with that, even if it's awkward and uncomfortable, I wouldn't also feel stupid or guilty for doing it wrong/unsuccessfully, which I can pretty much guarantee I would if I tried masturbating. Because I've tried that just enough to get uncomfortable and bored.

This interests me since I'm also in a similar situation. I just turned 21 a few months ago, so I keep getting anxious that my mom will make me go and get one or even the next time I go to my GP they'll tell me to get one and just the thought of anyone putting anything up there makes me uncomfortable. So uncomfortable that whenever I've tried using tampons in the past, I'd always end up psyching myself out and never getting anywhere. I keep hoping I can hold out on getting one for a few more years, ah.

Yeah, thing is, waiting a few years is pretty much just going to put you in my situation, which is that it's a few years later and you're still not ready. >_< However, I just learned that there are pediatric speculums, typically used not on kids but on any woman who's a virgin or who has a narrow vagina, and now I'm wondering if I'd be able to handle that any better. Of course, I actually have no idea what specific size was used on me back in my school's health center, so maybe that was a pediatric speculum.

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100indecisions
I'm 20. I don't consider myself a virgin, but that depends on your definition of sex. Have I had a penis in my vagina? No. So, make what you will of that. I have not had a pap smear. I refused my last reminder. Purely for the fact, I can't insert a tampon with my finger because it makes me feel ill. I've been in sexual situations where other peoples fingers have been inserted, and it's not made me feel ill. But I'm not sure I could cope with a pap just yet. They usually recommend a pap when you hit 18 and every two years from then or, or from the year you become sexually active. I know that sex can increase the chance of cervical cancer, and I think it must be the stimulation. The touching, rubbing motion of something entering the vagina causing an abnormality in the cells. So I assume that includes if you insert anything into your vagina on a regular basis. Fingers, toys, penises, tampons. But that's just an educated guess, ask your GP. I would recommend a pap if you can stomach the idea and sit through it, even though that makes me a hypocrite, but I'm willing to take that risk right now. I'll have one when I'm more comfortable with the idea. But if it causes you distress, I don't see the point (by distress I mean an emotional response, crying, shaking, throwing up, panic attacks).

I'm curious to know what other things are detected in a pap smear? Literally all the information I could find was that it's used to detect a form of cancer which is caused by virusses transmitted through sex. So no sex = no pap smear, right?

As I understand it, most kinds of cervical cancer are caused by HPV, and since that's an STD, the emphasis with pap smears is to check for cervical cancer in people who could potentially have contracted an STD. I'm not at all sexually active and I never have been, so obviously HPV isn't an issue, but apparently 1) not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV and 2) pap smears are still useful in checking for other problems. So even though it really hurt the first time I tried it (for me it was much more a physical problem than an issue of emotional distress, although it did sure make me aware that if I ever do get raped, it'll be agonizing, and if I ever have consensual sex, my partner will need to be real patient), at some point I should really have it done anyway. :unsure:

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Beyourownspotlight
I'm 20. I don't consider myself a virgin, but that depends on your definition of sex. Have I had a penis in my vagina? No. So, make what you will of that. I have not had a pap smear. I refused my last reminder. Purely for the fact, I can't insert a tampon with my finger because it makes me feel ill. I've been in sexual situations where other peoples fingers have been inserted, and it's not made me feel ill. But I'm not sure I could cope with a pap just yet. They usually recommend a pap when you hit 18 and every two years from then or, or from the year you become sexually active. I know that sex can increase the chance of cervical cancer, and I think it must be the stimulation. The touching, rubbing motion of something entering the vagina causing an abnormality in the cells. So I assume that includes if you insert anything into your vagina on a regular basis. Fingers, toys, penises, tampons. But that's just an educated guess, ask your GP. I would recommend a pap if you can stomach the idea and sit through it, even though that makes me a hypocrite, but I'm willing to take that risk right now. I'll have one when I'm more comfortable with the idea. But if it causes you distress, I don't see the point (by distress I mean an emotional response, crying, shaking, throwing up, panic attacks).

I'm curious to know what other things are detected in a pap smear? Literally all the information I could find was that it's used to detect a form of cancer which is caused by virusses transmitted through sex. So no sex = no pap smear, right?

As I understand it, most kinds of cervical cancer are caused by HPV, and since that's an STD, the emphasis with pap smears is to check for cervical cancer in people who could potentially have contracted an STD. I'm not at all sexually active and I never have been, so obviously HPV isn't an issue, but apparently 1) not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV and 2) pap smears are still useful in checking for other problems. So even though it really hurt the first time I tried it (for me it was much more a physical problem than an issue of emotional distress, although it did sure make me aware that if I ever do get raped, it'll be agonizing, and if I ever have consensual sex, my partner will need to be real patient), at some point I should really have it done anyway. :unsure:

I'm 20. I don't consider myself a virgin, but that depends on your definition of sex. Have I had a penis in my vagina? No. So, make what you will of that. I have not had a pap smear. I refused my last reminder. Purely for the fact, I can't insert a tampon with my finger because it makes me feel ill. I've been in sexual situations where other peoples fingers have been inserted, and it's not made me feel ill. But I'm not sure I could cope with a pap just yet. They usually recommend a pap when you hit 18 and every two years from then or, or from the year you become sexually active. I know that sex can increase the chance of cervical cancer, and I think it must be the stimulation. The touching, rubbing motion of something entering the vagina causing an abnormality in the cells. So I assume that includes if you insert anything into your vagina on a regular basis. Fingers, toys, penises, tampons. But that's just an educated guess, ask your GP. I would recommend a pap if you can stomach the idea and sit through it, even though that makes me a hypocrite, but I'm willing to take that risk right now. I'll have one when I'm more comfortable with the idea. But if it causes you distress, I don't see the point (by distress I mean an emotional response, crying, shaking, throwing up, panic attacks).

I'm curious to know what other things are detected in a pap smear? Literally all the information I could find was that it's used to detect a form of cancer which is caused by virusses transmitted through sex. So no sex = no pap smear, right?

As I understand it, most kinds of cervical cancer are caused by HPV, and since that's an STD, the emphasis with pap smears is to check for cervical cancer in people who could potentially have contracted an STD. I'm not at all sexually active and I never have been, so obviously HPV isn't an issue, but apparently 1) not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV and 2) pap smears are still useful in checking for other problems. So even though it really hurt the first time I tried it (for me it was much more a physical problem than an issue of emotional distress, although it did sure make me aware that if I ever do get raped, it'll be agonizing, and if I ever have consensual sex, my partner will need to be real patient), at some point I should really have it done anyway. :unsure:

The swab they take, tests for abnormalities in the cells they collect. But I'm sure they can pick up a range of things, a friend of mine once found out she had thrush from a pap.

I don't want to say that you should subject yourself to that kind of pain, but I feel perhaps there might be way to ease the pain. Perhaps sit down and talk to the person who is going to perform the pap, and tell them your concerns. They may allow for extra time, so they can proceed slowly, and they might prepare extra lubricant, and a smaller instrument. But please don't feel as though there isn't anything you can do, that you have to go completely without exams, or else suffer the extreme pain. Talk to different professionals capable of providing such health care, and seek their opinions, even if you have to go to five or ten different practices, I think it'd be worth it for a painfree exam that eases your mind about potential issues down stairs.

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100indecisions
The swab they take, tests for abnormalities in the cells they collect. But I'm sure they can pick up a range of things, a friend of mine once found out she had thrush from a pap.

I don't want to say that you should subject yourself to that kind of pain, but I feel perhaps there might be way to ease the pain. Perhaps sit down and talk to the person who is going to perform the pap, and tell them your concerns. They may allow for extra time, so they can proceed slowly, and they might prepare extra lubricant, and a smaller instrument. But please don't feel as though there isn't anything you can do, that you have to go completely without exams, or else suffer the extreme pain. Talk to different professionals capable of providing such health care, and seek their opinions, even if you have to go to five or ten different practices, I think it'd be worth it for a painfree exam that eases your mind about potential issues down stairs.

Yeah, that's more or less what I've been thinking--I don't know if I can get to the point where it'll be actually painless, but if it's at least bearable, I could do it. That's the main reason I posted here; I was hoping I could find people who might have advice from being in a similar situation.

Well, and then I started Googling around for suggestions for getting a pap smear as a virgin, figuring that was the most relevant search term, and mostly I discovered that a lot of people (other women, even) are SUPER gross and dismissive about painful, traumatic experiences with pap smears, particularly in this thread and this one. So if nothing else I certainly feel validated in my choice to ask about it in a place where people at least know that asexuality is a thing. :/

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I'm 23 and every time i go to the doctors since i was 16 i have been asked to have a pap smear. i have never had sex, nor been kissed i have been immunized against hpv which my current doctor took as a ok ill let you off the hook this time. my mum had cervical cancer, so im a bit worried. as many of you have said, the thought is just gross uncomfterble and i think it would feel like a violation. (i also hate tampons why cant they make them smaller.) also i have cronoic health problems so i have to see my doctor monthly and i would never want to see her again after THAT. my mum is really starting to put alot of pressure on me for this whih of course scares me, but i understand that a pap smear saved her life. I'm incredably confused and i didnt even know that they could hurt before this.

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Beyourownspotlight

From my understanding they are looking for 'abnormalities' which can be a range of different things. Just ask your GP to explain it. Ask a buttload of questions. Take part in your healthcare.

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I honestly think it's very brave that you went in for it in the first place. I am a very tough gal, I don't shy away from pain or discomfort, but I could never let a doctor touch me down there, especially not insert things in either of those regions. I just can't do it. I've never been able to use tampon because it terrifies me. I personally feel like I should not be punctured and have things inserted into me. That goes from needles to penises. While I don't mind needles as much, I still never like getting blood drawn or getting immunizations. Being asexual, I refuse to be penetrated, whether it be with a penis, dildo, or anyone's fingers. I find it un natural since I was born without the urge for sex. If you didn't need to eat, why would you do it?

I'm sure there are other options. I've read that you can say you're very religious and that can open up some doors for you. I guess that's not the best solution since that would be considered lying but I wouldn't ditch that idea. People wont hesitate to tell you to just get over it, just like how they tell you that you need to have sex in order to be happy. I wish you the very best of luck with everything! If you discover a way out of the exam, do let me know as I am too trying to escape the horrors.

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Certified Cake Decorator

Yeah i just turned 18 and had to fill out some medical info on the insurance thingy and it told me to go get a pap smear. And my mom was like, "yeah" and i was like "nooo"

In the long run, does anyone think that it would just be better to get a hysterectomy(one that removes everything. Everything including the vagina) and then not have to worry?

Like the pain of that is not that long lasting, and then there is no risk for cancer. Because cervical cancer runs in my family, and i never plan on inserting ANYTHING into my vagina anyway. Does that seem like a good idea?

Idk, it's like, i can dread a pap smear every 2 years, or i can dread the surgery to get everything removed once and then not worry.

Another pus of this is that then i'd have an excuse to use a low dose of Testosterone! Because using T while also having a vagina increases the risk of cervical cancer too, so without one there should be no problems.

I have no relevant advise....sorry :(

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Yeah i just turned 18 and had to fill out some medical info on the insurance thingy and it told me to go get a pap smear. And my mom was like, "yeah" and i was like "nooo"

In the long run, does anyone think that it would just be better to get a hysterectomy(one that removes everything. Everything including the vagina) and then not have to worry?

Like the pain of that is not that long lasting, and then there is no risk for cancer. Because cervical cancer runs in my family, and i never plan on inserting ANYTHING into my vagina anyway. Does that seem like a good idea?

Idk, it's like, i can dread a pap smear every 2 years, or i can dread the surgery to get everything removed once and then not worry.

Another pus of this is that then i'd have an excuse to use a low dose of Testosterone! Because using T while also having a vagina increases the risk of cervical cancer too, so without one there should be no problems.

I have no relevant advise....sorry :(

As far as having a hysterectomy and removal of your ovaries (BTW, they don't remove the vagina under normal circumstances since they figure women still want to be able to have sex), I'd imagine it would be quite difficult to find a doctor who is willing to do that, especially to someone who is otherwise healthy (as for cancer risk, if your mom got cancer at a very young age - like under 40 - some women do elect to have the ovaries removed if the risk is really high, since ovarian cancer is difficult to detect, unlike cervical cancer). I guess doctors figure that most women who don't want to become pregnant will just get their tubes tied rather than taking that drastic of a step. Now if you are talking about gender re-assignment surgery, that would be a whole different reason to have your stuff removed.

That said, unless you are wanting gender re-assignment surgery, I doubt you will be able to have everything removed just to avoid pap smears (and for cervical cancer they probably won't want to remove the ovaries).

But since you are an adult you don't have to get any medical procedure you don't want to have done, regardless of what your mother thinks.

As for how to deal with getting one for those who are going to do it, I managed to solve the problem (or almost nearly so) when one doctor told me he had a hard time examining me because I have a retroverted uterus (when I complained about the exam being painful). So, every doctor I've seen since then I have told them the same thing and that puts them on notice that they need to take care when doing the exam. I don't even have to bring up the "v" word either. I just tell them my cervix is hard to see because of that and would they please take it easy and not prop it open hard like they are trying to jack up a car or something. so far that has worked just fine. Paps aren't pleasant, but they aren't agonizing either. Even if you don't have a retroverted uterus (or don't know if you do), you might say something like "I think I have a retroverted uterus so please be careful"....that wouldn't be lying but would put the dr. on notice for your first exam. That will avoid you having to put your "v" card on the table and have to deal with all the grief that comes from disclosing that.

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ranting ferret

i have read a few different schools of thought on pap smears. as a whole, non-sexually active teens don't need them at all. but even older women who are non-sexually may not need to have pap smears. it may not hurt to have one in the early twenties, but otherwise, unless there's sex or something else going on down there that has you concerned, doctors seem to lean towards not needing a pap. after my 2nd pap, my doctor mentioned this to me as well.

having said that:

talking to your doctor as has been mentioned and asking question, considering that you may have a differently shaped hymen, uterus, physical parts and all.

as much as any forms of masturbation or perineal massages, using your fingers, and all, while maybe not something you are eager form may prove as a helpful tool to relax and gradually stretch the hymen before a pap smear if you want to try again.

there are also a thing called kegels. some find them helpful, other not. basically, you contract and relax the muscles of your labia/lips. similar muscles to when you're peeing and hold it mid-way (don't hold the pee as any regular thing though).

as for emotional parts of this, make sure you take the time to talk with the gynecologist about you concerns. be sure they understand, ask for smaller sizes, lube, etc (as mentioned). when i went for my first (and second) time i took a very close friend with me who understood my fears. they stayed in with me for the entire visit. there was not problem with them being in there. it also gave me a chance to mentally prepare better prior by going over things i wanted to talk about with my friend before going to talk to the doctor.

pap smears are hecka uncomfortable and awkward. and yes, you are brave and smart. i think you will make the right decision.

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So I literally just had my first Pap two days ago. Talk about great timing?!?

I'm 25 and a virgin which is part of the reason I out off seeing a gynecologist for so long. Even if you don't plan on ever having sex, it is still important to go just for your general health. My exam (and I am to understand that most exams) include a thyroid check (feeling of the neck) and a breast exam. Important to check at any age. /semi off topic health promotion.

If possible, I would recommend going to a OBGYN office instead of a primary doctor. My primary doctor was supposed to give me one a few years ago, it didn't happen for reasons, but I was not nearly as comfortable as I was with my gyno. The exam was primarily painless. Uncomfortable and small amount of pinching but not as bad as I imagined it to be. (My doctor joked that using lube instead of water is what made it easier than if used to be). Glad if is just once a year though.

I have a lot of anxiety problems and I was lucky to get a doctor I felt comfortable with. If possible, ask friends/family/internet reviews to see what they think of their doctor. Even the office staff made me feel better just by being friendly when I made the appointment.

I'd stress the importance of discussing concerns and precious experience with the doctor. Mine took a few minutes before I even had changed into the gown to go through what to expect since I was very nervous. During the exam itself she made sure I was comfortable with what was happening and reassuring me.

Like I said not really pleasant but if was a positive experience. Not that I'm an expert on the pap with my one experience. But hopefully it being fresh in my mind give some insight and wasn't just over sharing.

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I remember the first time they tried to do an internal ultrasound of my uterus. Let's just say I was unable to get it done because it felt like childbirth (not that I've ever had a child. I told the women's clinic nurse that I had extreme bleeding (let's be honest, it was actually hemorrhages) and terrible pain. They told me it was normal and sent me on my way. I went to an actual gynecologist with a doctor's degree, and he tried to do a pap smear, but that was NOT happening. Fortunately, he listened to me and eventually ordered a laporoscopy. During the surgery, they had to break my hymen (which was no big deal, it's not something I really miss). They found out that I had endometriosis and pelvic congestion syndrome/ varicose veins on my uterus. Knowing this, I cannot take the risk to skip another pap smear, even though I'm still a virgin. Good part is, I was never able to wear tampons before, but now I can at least wear the small kind.

My advice to you is to pretty much do what they do when stretching ears, graduate sizes of tampons very slowly. A little pain is okay, but do not try to stretch too much, or it will become inflamed. And definitely use the type with the rounded applicator (it also helps to lay down with your bum hanging off your bed). I know it's gross, but it will help when it comes time for the annual pap smear, and will make it less painful. And if it's still a problem, you can ask your gyno to use petroleum lotion to help the train get through the tunnel XD

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100indecisions

I'm sure there are other options. I've read that you can say you're very religious and that can open up some doors for you. I guess that's not the best solution since that would be considered lying but I wouldn't ditch that idea. People wont hesitate to tell you to just get over it, just like how they tell you that you need to have sex in order to be happy. I wish you the very best of luck with everything! If you discover a way out of the exam, do let me know as I am too trying to escape the horrors.

My GP is actually at a Christian place I started going to years ago, so even if she doesn't really know asexuality is a thing, she's a lot more likely than, say, the nurse at my college health center to believe me when I say I'm a virgin. So at least there's that. And I think I'm probably getting more to the age where most doctors aren't going to go "pssh, whatever, you're just saying that" if I say I haven't had sex.

as much as any forms of masturbation or perineal massages, using your fingers, and all, while maybe not something you are eager form may prove as a helpful tool to relax and gradually stretch the hymen before a pap smear if you want to try again.

there are also a thing called kegels. some find them helpful, other not. basically, you contract and relax the muscles of your labia/lips. similar muscles to when you're peeing and hold it mid-way (don't hold the pee as any regular thing though).

Yeah, as much as it really doesn't sound fun, I'll probably just have to try perineal massage...and I suppose kegels at the same time, because if I can't tell for sure I'm using the right muscles, I'm pretty sure I will just be contracting the muscles around my urethra. Unless those actually are the same muscles? I should probably know a little more about my own body but again...never had much interest in my vagina or anything around it (I don't know how much of that is due to being ace and how much is just repression or whatever from growing up in a conservative Christian family).

I was also thinking about getting a dilator--I don't suppose anyone here has tried one of those? If I can get more or less the same results with a perineal massage, though, I guess I should really go for that first and save my money.

My advice to you is to pretty much do what they do when stretching ears, graduate sizes of tampons very slowly. A little pain is okay, but do not try to stretch too much, or it will become inflamed. And definitely use the type with the rounded applicator (it also helps to lay down with your bum hanging off your bed). I know it's gross, but it will help when it comes time for the annual pap smear, and will make it less painful. And if it's still a problem, you can ask your gyno to use petroleum lotion to help the train get through the tunnel XD

The original nurse did use lube, though, so that wasn't the issue, it was just that I'm really really tight. :/ (Although for whatever it's worth, I used to use KY jelly on my tampons when I was first learning to use them, and I eventually stopped doing that because it seemed to be causing a mess without really helping much.) I'm not totally sure, now, of the logistics of using tampons for stretching purposes--I only have a heavy enough flow for tampons maybe two days each month, three at the very most, so I don't know how much good it would do to use a tampon or two during that fairly short period. Like, even if I did use a bigger tampon than usual (which is kind of meaningless anyway because my "usual" for tampons is maybe two Playtext Slimfits a year), would having that in my vagina for however long I can tolerate it (probably just a few hours) actually have any lasting effect?

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"The original nurse did use lube, though, so that wasn't the issue, it was just that I'm really really tight. :/ (Although for whatever it's worth, I used to use KY jelly on my tampons when I was first learning to use them, and I eventually stopped doing that because it seemed to be causing a mess without really helping much.) I'm not totally sure, now, of the logistics of using tampons for stretching purposes--I only have a heavy enough flow for tampons maybe two days each month, three at the very most, so I don't know how much good it would do to use a tampon or two during that fairly short period. Like, even if I did use a bigger tampon than usual (which is kind of meaningless anyway because my "usual" for tampons is maybe two Playtext Slimfits a year), would having that in my vagina for however long I can tolerate it (probably just a few hours) actually have any lasting effect?"

In my experience with tissue stretching, once it's stretched, it can take years to revert depending where it's at. Earlobes aren't very elastic, so they stay stretched, but very vascular areas do tend to revert faster, especially if they're internal dermal layers. So I estimate that it would take about 6 months for it to revert back all the way. I see what you're saying about the tampon every month being an issue, I would not insert one unless there's enough moisture (yikes!) You could just use an applicator without inserting the actual tampon, maybe once a week until that size glides in without pain, then graduate. A dilator may be a better option, I've never used one, so I'm not sure how painful it would be >_<

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Breathing....

I'm not sure I want/need to start a whole new thread, but on a similar note.. I am kinda having a mini freak out (didnt sleep at all last night and a bit panicky today).

Where I live pap smears dont start until at least 25 years. I am 24. But I think I've found a lump in my labia, I think its new, had a shower last night and noticed it when washing. I'm not looking for medical advice as I know I just need to go to the doctor and I will try and do that at some point this week. But for now I'm freaking out!! I'm not sure I can deal with anyone near my vagina let alone someone having a poke around (the thought makes me feel really sick). I'm not sure I can discus this with anyone in real life... no one knows I'm asexual and while people know the idea of me having sex freaks me out I dont think they'd understand at all that the idea of anything in me freaks me out probably more than the idea of having an unknown lump. (I'm desperately hoping it disappears in the next few days and I dont have to do anything at all.)
The only reason I will go to the doctor is because I know on an intellectual level that I HAVE to.

Sorry if I'm hijacking this thread... just needed to freak out somewhere that I'm pretty sure someone will understand.

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I'm not sure I want/need to start a whole new thread, but on a similar note.. I am kinda having a mini freak out (didnt sleep at all last night and a bit panicky today).

Where I live pap smears dont start until at least 25 years. I am 24. But I think I've found a lump in my labia, I think its new, had a shower last night and noticed it when washing. I'm not looking for medical advice as I know I just need to go to the doctor and I will try and do that at some point this week. But for now I'm freaking out!! I'm not sure I can deal with anyone near my vagina let alone someone having a poke around (the thought makes me feel really sick). I'm not sure I can discus this with anyone in real life... no one knows I'm asexual and while people know the idea of me having sex freaks me out I dont think they'd understand at all that the idea of anything in me freaks me out probably more than the idea of having an unknown lump. (I'm desperately hoping it disappears in the next few days and I dont have to do anything at all.)

The only reason I will go to the doctor is because I know on an intellectual level that I HAVE to.

Sorry if I'm hijacking this thread... just needed to freak out somewhere that I'm pretty sure someone will understand.

This sucks: it's even worse because at that age doctors just assume you're sexaully active and that this is routine for you.

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I'm not sure I want/need to start a whole new thread, but on a similar note.. I am kinda having a mini freak out (didnt sleep at all last night and a bit panicky today).

Where I live pap smears dont start until at least 25 years. I am 24. But I think I've found a lump in my labia, I think its new, had a shower last night and noticed it when washing. I'm not looking for medical advice as I know I just need to go to the doctor and I will try and do that at some point this week. But for now I'm freaking out!! I'm not sure I can deal with anyone near my vagina let alone someone having a poke around (the thought makes me feel really sick). I'm not sure I can discus this with anyone in real life... no one knows I'm asexual and while people know the idea of me having sex freaks me out I dont think they'd understand at all that the idea of anything in me freaks me out probably more than the idea of having an unknown lump. (I'm desperately hoping it disappears in the next few days and I dont have to do anything at all.)

The only reason I will go to the doctor is because I know on an intellectual level that I HAVE to.

Sorry if I'm hijacking this thread... just needed to freak out somewhere that I'm pretty sure someone will understand.

This is going to sound really weird and gross, but have you tried squeezing this lump? Sometimes I get ingrown hairs that can get pretty far under the skin, or have even had zits down there. If it's a big lump, I'd say get it checked out, but a small lump should try to be squeezed. If you're sure it's not a zit, or feel uncomfortable about it, please don't be scared to see a doctor, even if it's a obgyn's nurse.

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Breathing....

Thanks for the replies Ficulnean and LadyPariah.

I think my doctor will believe the not sexually active (really hoping). Just not sure they'll get the phobic and terrified bit. :/

I've done a lot of googling (I know not the best idea) but I'm fairly able to disregard bad medical information. I think I'm gonna have to invest in/find a mirror as I've realised I don't own one and can't actually see down there. I can't tell if it's big or not, it really isn't a place I explore often I was just uncomfortable and thought maybe thrush or something.... But don't think so.

I'm just gonna have to fight my fears... I didn't realise I was this phobic until this, it has come as quite a shock to me.

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