asexuals with sexual siblings

[starcatcher]

I've wondered if he's asexual, too, but I casually brought up the subject once in the car (I'm not out to anyone yet) and he said he wasn't sure if asexuals were real. But then again, he's never done any research on the subject and he's not the type of person to form a solid opinion on something without putting a lot of thought into it (he's a very intelligent, cautious person). It's possible he IS asexual but just doesn't realize it.

There was a time when I said that to people who asked me if I thought maybe I was asexual. It was before I'd done much research and was strongly in denial due to the fact that I didn't want to be broken. It was something I had to come to on my own; perhaps he's the same way?

[thatotherguy57]

I have a brother who is 2 years younger than me, and is sexual. We aren't close, nor have we ever been very close, as we are both very different from one another.

[Amy Ghost]

I talk and meet only one of my siblings. One of my brothers. We aren't really close. We don't talk about many things. And certainly not anything sexual, thank goodness. But he used to ask me "Have a girlfriend?....Or maybe a Boyfriend?" I always hated that. First, since when is that anyone business? Secondly, why stereotyping? I hate stereotyping. Why does it have to be given whom I'll like? Why do people assume that?! And thankfully he dropped it after a while. I hated those times. And we don't talk about anything similar. Which I'm very grateful for. I talk about it only with people who don't assume, and understand me.

[jksummer]

An older half sister, and a younger brother. This never was an issue, never even came up. I presume they were secure in themselves and had no need to badger me. They've both passed away, but were not consciously aware of my asexuality. I don't believe they would've given it much thought had I told them.

[A Perfect Square]

If you are not counting stepbrothers and stepsisters, I am the eldest of three. Otherwise, I am the second eldest of nine, and it kind of goes like this...

Stepsister C (27): Gay, fairly sexual. Seems to have a new partner every month or so, but don't tell her I said that.
Me (24): Outright aromantic asexual :D PARTYYYY.
Stepsister M (21): Straight, expecting second baba soon.

Stepbrother C (22): Straight, has three kids. Fourth on the way.
Sister J (20): Pansexual, in a 7 year strong relationship. Very sexual.

Stepsister S (19): Bisexual and transgender, in a two year relationship. Can take sex or leave it.

Stepbrother M (18): Straight, and probably more sexual than he lets on, but we encourage him to be safe.
Stepsister L (16): Unsure of herself, has a girlfriend.
Sister L (14): We haven't got a clue yet, and we better hope she isn't sexual yet.

So one could argue we are a somewhat diverse family. They all know I am asexual. It took me ages to be honest to myself, as I was stuck between that sort of black and white mentality that if I didn't like men, then I must be a lesbian and that was the end of that. I lacked exposure to asexuality, and when I discovered the term mid teens, it immediately made sense to me. The only ones who aren't good with it are the ones who are 16 or younger.

Nobody really bothers too much about it in my family any more, if I am honest. It used to come up all the time, but only because the other people in my family were on the complete opposite end of the scale and my parents genuinely wondered if there was something wrong with me. I do sometimes feel fairly isolated, but despite none of us being particularly close, we all keep an eye out for each other. All they ever joke about (if anything), is how I am going to be the one sibling who lives life to the very end with their finances in check... :p

[cali87]

I have 1 slightly older brother, he is sexual but outside of that he's hard to explain lol. He's been so many completely different things i don't even bother trying to label him. He currently lives as a guy, but doesn't date or go out at all..ever.. we go places together and he walks his dog, thats the only reason he ever leaves the house and he's happy sitting in his room behind his ridiculously fancy computer designing computer programs lol. But thats a newer thing, last year he spent all his time travelling the world with friends, year before that he lived as a woman in new York with his boyfriend, year before that he was a macho guy with a (female) Fiance.... oh and he has a 9 year old son with another woman, he doesn't see him though, moms a bit of a nut(we've had tocall the cops on her several times). Ya...I'm not the "weird" sibling lol my lack of interest in anyone is barely a blip on the radar compared to my brother!

I have not come out and said anything to my brother about being Ace, I don't feel its necessary, we get along really well but we're not similar people, its a running joke in my family that my brother and i each got 50/50 from each parent...the opposite 50% From each lol we dont even look related!

[WünderBâhr]

Moved to Asexual Relationships forum.

Byanyothername

Asexual Q&A Mod

[ranting ferret]

i'm the youngest of 4, and as far as i'm aware, they're all sexual and straight. nothing off beat about that to my knowledge. but then, i've said nothing about my asexuality. though one sister, who i've always been close to, has known and has support me growing up. never dated or was interested in it. she may have been the only one totally comfortable or believed me in that endeavor.

we're all married and the 2 older couples are being "good" and have had kids. myself and my sister (the one i'm close to) have no intentions of ever having kids. much to my parent dismay...i've not had to have that conversation with my mom and dad on that yet, but i give it maybe another year or one strategically placed unfortunate conversation.

[PatheticGirl]

I feel all are moving ahead in life and I'm so much behind all

[Arl]

I have an older brother and yeah, he knows about it. He was pretty shocked when I came out to him(he thought I was bi) but accepted it pretty quickly!

[girltwink666]

One of m friends who has good intentions but is not really good at making them happen outed me to my sister at like an anime convention and she was like "oh okay that makes sense" and she never asked me about it after that nor did she tell my parents, who are not aware yet. I did notice she stopped making jokes about me having a crush on various friends of mine (jokes on her I still like one of my friends a lot sigh)

But yeah m sister is a straight girl but she's been really supportive like shell correct my parents whenever they are talking about this no binary person we know and use he/him pronouns instead of they/them. Like yes. She is understanding of things

[Whispearl]

My brother and I get along just fine, and he's very much straight. Our relationship didn't change at all when I told him I was asexual, and while I can tell he couldn't quite wrap his head around why I felt the way I did when he gets so much gratification from those feelings that I don't experience, he didn't judge me for it because I can't control that and he gets it. Nothing would be different regardless of whether I was asexual or not.

[Teavana]

Well I have a younger sister and an older sister who are very sexual straight girls. My baby sister, I don't know.

I don't feel anything about it. They keep it all to themselves.

[coyote55]

Second youngest of four siblings, and the only asexual in the family. My 2 sisters and older brother all got married during their 20s and early 30s and their lives are pretty conventional. We get along OK,, but don't talk much, and live in widely different areas. They came to accept my asexuality with time, although there wasn't a term yet to describe it.

My youngest nephew has never had a serious relationship, but I can't tell if he's asexual or merely shy.

[Burgundy]

My sister knows about me being asexual, and she's been fine with it. She said she may be demi herself but she's not sure, and she's happy for me to talk about it, is happy that I've recently joined this website and tells me about asexual stuff she's read on tumblr. xx

[Truth and Lies]

My family does not discuss things like sexuality and sex and anything pertaining to it for the most part. I have an older brother, but he does not know about my being ace nor does anyone else in my family. I have not known him to be particularly interested in either sex and have never observed anything that would suggest one way or another, so I have no assumptions as to whether he is heterosexual, homosexual, bi, pan, etc. etc. and I am quite fine with it being that way. That is just how my family works. Whatever his sexuality is, that is his business, and my sexuality is my own business.

[WuNsChKiNd89]

I'm the middle child, have an older brother and younger sister. My sister is more like me than my brother in this department. I don't know if she's ace (or somewhere on the spectrum), and I've never brought it up to her. She has had a few relationships, none of which have lasted very long, and I don't know how far she went with them. She's been single for the last few years and seems happy with it, but I know she basically mimics everything I do. I am reluctant to tell her I'm asexual because I don't want her deciding she is too just because I am. I think it's more likely than her ACTUALLY being asexual, what with the 1% statistic and everything (obviously if she really is ace I'd not have a problem). I don't want her to be something she's not, and I don't want her to remove the chance to have something that could potentially make her happy.

My brother is another story. He has had a steady girlfriend forrrrrrr probably close to 1.5 years now. She's 9 years younger than him, and was one of my sisters good friends. Slightly creepy to me. He's had a few girlfriends before, though most didn't last very long, if at all. I know he's having sex with the current girlfriend, and that kind of weirds me out, but I don't think too much on it and don't judge him for it. All three of us still live with our parents (though I've lived away for school for 4 years before moving back temporarily) so we're all in close proximity with each other. For me it is EXTREMELY awkward when he and the gf are together.. even if they're not doing anything. I prefer not to be in the same room if they're the only other ones there. I always end up feeling the same with my close friends.. I may like their SO's and not have a problem with any of them, but for some reason being around them when they're together makes me uncomfortable. I just really don't get relationships (much the same as a lot of people on AVEN feel about sex I guess).

Strangely enough, my parents have never really said much about my lack of relationships or interest in them. My mom has made one or two comments over the years, but lately its always been "don't rush to find a man, you are clearly enjoying being single [which I kind of am, little bit conflicted about it but I have never known any different] and don't need anybody". My dad is pretty uninvolved with us for stuff like this so he's just totally oblivious. My extended family has never really made comments about my single status, though a few of my cousins thought I was gay for a while lol.\

Wow I feel like I just typed an essay O.o

[FiSci]

My older brother (He's 17 years older than me, so there really isn't much in common between us anyway!) is most certainly sexual! I am forever hearing about his antics with multiple women, which I must admit I've always found rather disturbing. I haven't told any of my family about me being asexual, but I don't imagine them having a problem with it per se.

I've always been compared to my brother a lot and I think I feel rather bad about being asexual some times, because he's bound to give them grandchildren and a daughter-in-law and I'm not! My mother is always commenting about me not having ever been in a relationship, and always tells me that "one day you'll meet the right person and fall in love, just like your brother". I totally find it hard being the younger sibling of a sexual brother, but I guess I'll get used to it ^-^

[kelico]

I'm super close with my (older) brothers. Buuuuut we're all really private when it comes to stuff like (a)sexuality, so they don't know I'm ace, and I'm not totally sure what they are! Well, my oldest is heterosexual (been in a wonderful relationship for 7 years), but my other brother? No idea. I keep wondering if he's aromantic...but I don't think he's ace. You'd think I'd know by now (they are 8-10 years older than me, in their 30's) lol! But it just shows how little we talk about those things. My brothers have no issues with saying I'm a lesbian though (just because of my hair, expression, lack of boyfriend)...I try to tell them I'm not into anyone like that without using the word asexual, but they neeeever listen. So anyway, I guess I don't feel so out of place since it isn't something we mention...?

[Cassara]

How do you feel about it? Are they younger or older? Do they know about your asexuality?

Discovering that my own sister and brother (2 and 4 years younger respectively) are so different from me has been hard. There was always the obvious visible stuff, like my sister pretty much always being in a relationship since 2005, and my brother having a set of fewer, but longer term girlfriends since 2008. That stuff always made me feel inferior, since I've never experienced any of it, and being older only compounds the feeling.

I'm not really close enough (or comfortable enough) to just ask either of them about their sexual exploits (my brother would probably talk about it, he's been really supportive of my asexuality), but I have a good idea about the things my brother has done, and have recently found out about things my sister has done. I guess I always kind of "knew", but really hearing it for sure is just different.

If I felt inferior before, this is like being blasted into low earth orbit. I mean, we were all raised together. We went to the same schools until high school. How could I be so different? I half-jokingly told my mom it was because she breast-fed me and not them. She disagreed with my assessment.

I don't know. I guess if there's anyone in the world you'd expect to be like you, it would be your siblings. Feels a bit isolating to find out they're not.

I've only got one sister, who's older than me. She's really pretty and generally desired by the opposite gender so she has lots of guys who tell her they like her or want to date her. She also gets her way a lot of the time at the bar because she uses it to her advantage ...

I actually told her that I was ace even before I told my mom -- I've always been quite close with her, and although it's harder because we don't live together at home anymore and therefore don't talk as much, I still love talking with her. She was the second person to know, after one of my best friends. She took it one of the best out of anyone, and is really supportive despite the fact that she is ... extremely heterosexual.

Actually one of my indicators that I was asexual was when she told me about her ... sexual exploits, and although I like to think I had a pretty good poker face, I was blown away. She's only a few years older than me, and the idea that she had done these things, and WANTED to do them was totally baffling.

We get along really well, but we're definitely different in many ways. She's very curvy and I've got the body type of a skinny adolescent boy (tall, skinny, no curves), she's an extrovert and I'm an introvert, she tends to listen to feelings more than rational thought like me ... the list goes on. I kind of thought that that was why she got asked out all the time but apparently being ace means I don't appear available to guys ... why am I romantic but not sexual???

But we're really close, so I would always make her explain sexual type things to me even before I knew I was ace.

...

That said, we're super close and she's the first person I came out to (and still the only person I've told in my family). She was super understanding and awesome, and I'm so thankful that even though we're different in that respect we're still best friends

This, exactly. My mom had a ... less than desirable reaction, but my sister was totally understanding. I'm really happy she accepted me even though she's waaaay more sexual than I am.

When my younger brother, who is five years younger, had his first kiss before me (by then I was 21), I started to realize that hey, maybe it's not that I'm somehow undateable/undesirable/unable, but that I'm simply not interested.

THIS. I struggle with this so much. I mean, I've been told by people that I'm really pretty and smart and funny and I have a lot of interests that guys tend to have (particularly relating to video games and computers), yet NOBODY ASKS ME OUT. Not even like I don't talk to guys or anything .... I wondered (still wonder) if it's because I'm ace, if you can somehow tell, if being ace somehow makes me undateable/undesirable, as you said.

It was actually harder for me to accept that my two best friends in high school are sexually active!

SO TRUE except it was overall baffling for me to discover that about my sister, since she was the first person to tell me. That's part of what made me think "Hmm, maybe I'm different ..."

[WuNsChKiNd89]

When my younger brother, who is five years younger, had his first kiss before me (by then I was 21), I started to realize that hey, maybe it's not that I'm somehow undateable/undesirable/unable, but that I'm simply not interested.

THIS. I struggle with this so much. I mean, I've been told by people that I'm really pretty and smart and funny and I have a lot of interests that guys tend to have (particularly relating to video games and computers), yet NOBODY ASKS ME OUT. Not even like I don't talk to guys or anything .... I wondered (still wonder) if it's because I'm ace, if you can somehow tell, if being ace somehow makes me undateable/undesirable, as you said.

I'm in the same boat - I get along great with guys because I love video games and sports among other things, but never get approached about dating/relationships. It's like ok am I putting out some esp signals or something??

[oldgeeza]

You are who you are, asexuality isn't a disease, it's an orientation you're born with, I have an older sister who had quite a few relationships, married, divorced, had 2 kids with her husband at the time, my father had many children by different ladies as he was in the forces, I have many half brothers & sisters that I don't know of, I do know of a half brother & half sister although we'll never be in contact, I do know that the half brother has 4 children (by his current wife), if he's anything like my father, he's probably got others as well, but that's their orientation, their nature, I don't think them strange or myself broken, it's just a part of who we are, I still look, just don't touch, I have absolutely no sexual interest, I guess I'm shallow as I do look at attractive ladies, I'm not very good at talking to ladies, they tend to get put off by my looks, but even seeing an attractive lady, I still have no sexual desires toward them.

I know that my father & his side of the family see me as being gay, my father always drummed into me that he is a "real man" from as far back as I can recall he always said I wasn't his (I'm talking back as far as possibly 2 years old) that I was a disgrace to the family for being a queer, but that's just his & their nature, I'm nearing 50 now, I'm still the same person I was then, just a lot older, I still have no sexual desires, I am still happy to be me, I also accept others' desire to have sex, after all, if they didn't, I wouldn't be here, I also wouldn't have my wonderful godchildren who I wouldn't be without now, sexuality or non sexuality, we're all individual, I have no problems with it either way

[AceInhibitor]

Well, neither me or my siblings have ever been in a relationship, although my sister's a little on the young side for that anyway. I assume my brother's probably sexual, we talk about which girls are attractive sometimes but he doesn't like talking about that kind of thing in too much detail with his big sister, which is fair enough. It's too early to tell with my sister but she does at least know about asexuality so I'm hoping that if she's ace as well then she doesn't have to deal with all the confusion about not knowing the difference between sexual and romantic attraction. She's prettier than I was at her age so she gets a bit of attention from boys but I don't think she likes it. But she's only recently discovered the world of aesthetic attraction, and sometimes I wonder if she puts it on because I'm very vocal about people I find aesthetically attractive and she's always seemed a lot less interested. Although she might be aromantic as well, who knows at her age? She could be anything. To be fair, so could my brother. I guess we'll see when they're both a bit older. I don't think my parents know what to make of my sexuality, I talk about a lot of girls being pretty as well (I mean, Natalie Dormer is just lovely) but my mum just brushes aside the idea of me being bisexual/biromantic (she's not overly convinced about asexuality at present, but I think I can talk her round. My dad will take more convincing but neither of them will care) even when I pointed out that sexuality is fluid, and that even though I've only had crushes on boys so far there's every chance I could fancy a girl or someone non-binary in future. I don't think it'll affect my relationships with my siblings, I'm really lucky in that I'm pretty close to both of them, and frankly my brother will probably be relieved because I don't think he wants to think about it. Likewise with my dad.

[Styx-the-Gargoyle]

I'm the oldest of 5, 3 half-siblings, 1 full, they all know my orientation, except maybe my half-brother who lives in Virginia. Once I found out I was asexual I told my family pretty fast. I'm not really sure how the 2 youngest feel about it, they're just about reaching the age where the hormones start kicking in, but I don't think they really care all that much. I'm pretty close to my sister whose oldest after me, and she's pretty cool with it. I'm really happy to have siblings that support me for who I am.

[Kellam]

My brother is younger by a couple years but we are very close. He does know I'm asexual and is very supportive, sort of paying me back for supporting him when he came out a bit bi. I think learning about it answered almost as many questions for him as it did for me. Me coming out got us back on a level playing field. Or it felt like that. The only problem is that when I think too long on his family, wife and kids, I begin to feel guilty for letting my family down. My folks wanting grandkids and my brother wanting cousins for his kids. Feeling ashamed that I can't do what he has done so happily and be what my parents expected 36 years ago when they brought me into this world. But heck, that stuff only comes up in brief moments of depression and is quickly whisked away with the other dark and self nullifying thoughts. In reality it is great that my brother is who he is and that I can get to be me. It dials down the competitive noise he's always on about and lets us be different people. We basically raised one another and are very similar types. We often have the same haircuts when we haven't seen each other in a year or more. We both wore the same color scheme to his wedding with no prior discussion. Our genes, shared childhood and close bond almost made us twins separated by years. Our differences maintain those three facts, gluing them forever together. I love my brother and wouldn't change him for anything.