asexuals with sexual siblings

[butterflydreams]

How do you feel about it? Are they younger or older? Do they know about your asexuality?

Discovering that my own sister and brother (2 and 4 years younger respectively) are so different from me has been hard. There was always the obvious visible stuff, like my sister pretty much always being in a relationship since 2005, and my brother having a set of fewer, but longer term girlfriends since 2008. That stuff always made me feel inferior, since I've never experienced any of it, and being older only compounds the feeling.

I'm not really close enough (or comfortable enough) to just ask either of them about their sexual exploits (my brother would probably talk about it, he's been really supportive of my asexuality), but I have a good idea about the things my brother has done, and have recently found out about things my sister has done. I guess I always kind of "knew", but really hearing it for sure is just different.

If I felt inferior before, this is like being blasted into low earth orbit. I mean, we were all raised together. We went to the same schools until high school. How could I be so different? I half-jokingly told my mom it was because she breast-fed me and not them. She disagreed with my assessment.

I don't know. I guess if there's anyone in the world you'd expect to be like you, it would be your siblings. Feels a bit isolating to find out they're not.

[Totally Schwuaat?]

My brother came home one day smelling STRONGLY of, well, vagina. Knowing he had sex with some weird co-worker from his restaurant made me feel a bit grossed out, but I'm also at the point where I'm not about to belittle or judge him for it. In addition, hearing about my sister being on birth-control for the first time made me have some less positive thoughts about her relationship she's been in for a while. They are likely to spend a good amount of there lives together, my sister and his SO, not my bro and his awkward one-night stand, and I should also hold my judgments because he is quite good to her over-all.

Gotta remember, my siblings have unique perspectives shaped by their experiences in addition to the consequence of there birth, just like me. I hope they see the same, but I'm fairly certain I'll be regarded as the weirder of my sisters two brothers when referenced in 3rd party, and I'm mostly okay with that.

[Amatista]

I'm older. I don't like it, because my younger sister (who is a sophomore in h.s.) has looks, relationships, smarts, etc. Its frustrating being compared to her (you'd think they'd compare her to the older one, but nope.) So I'm already deemed a prude. She talks about hooking up (which means making out to younger grades nowadays) and being with guys. I know that when she gets older she will actually have sex and that's when its going to get really awkward. Once she starts, everyone will wonder why I'm still a virgin in college. No one in my family knows about my asexuality yet, but I think its pretty obvious. They should suspect something once I'm in a 4-year college instead of community college, especially if I decide against commuting.

[ShyFeather]

It did cause some conflict with my older sister. She became pregnant and didn't know who the father was (and we still don't know). Back then I still assumed everyone felt the way I did. I was really angry with her because to me it was like she deliberately put herself in situations where sex was involved and brought the pregnancy on herself. I never really thought of her as getting carried away by biological desires.

It has been a long time since then. I used to feel a lot of guilt over my initial anger, but now that I know I'm asexual it helps to ease my feelings. I had no frame of reference for what she was going through and, although it wasn't fair for me to judge her that way, I knew no other way to rationalize her situation. Maybe one day I'll bring it up to her, but for now I'll just use it creatively when writing characters going through similar situations :)

[The Great WTF]

All of my biological siblings are sexual, as is the adopted older sister. My adopted brother is grey-a. And, honestly, it doesn't affect me one way or the other. As I've never made a secret of not getting the whole dating thing or being attracted to people, so they all know I'm ace and it hasn't changed the way we interact. Dad raised us all to be very live and let live. They're usually the first people I call when I need to figure out how to explain something or have it explained to me when it comes to relationships and sexuality.

[butterflydreams]

I'm older. I don't like it, because my younger sister (who is a sophomore in h.s.) has looks, relationships, smarts, etc. Its frustrating being compared to her (you'd think they'd compare her to the older one, but nope.) So I'm already deemed a prude. She talks about hooking up (which means making out to younger grades nowadays) and being with guys. I know that when she gets older she will actually have sex and that's when its going to get really awkward. Once she starts, everyone will wonder why I'm still a virgin in college. No one in my family knows about my asexuality yet, but I think its pretty obvious. They should suspect something once I'm in a 4-year college instead of community college, especially if I decide against commuting.

That's interesting. My parents never really treated me as thought they expected I was sexual, which is kind of weird I guess. My mom used to always get weird when I mentioned that I was hanging out with some girl in college (purely as friend), and my dad asked her to not push me that way. This was years before I realized I was asexual.

I never really thought of her as getting carried away by biological desires.

This. This so much. It's been so strange to suddenly realize that, especially about a sibling.

[Ace of Cakes]

Yeah, while she deny it my little sister is pretty much perfect haha. Gorgeous, funny, smarter than she'd like to admit. It's hard not to compare myself to her. She's had more boyfriends than me and gone further with them than I've gone with my current/only/first, but still not had sex for religious reasons. It still makes me uncomfortable to think of her doing some of that stuff, but I have to remember that the ace in me is just adding onto the overprotective big sister, and that at some point I need to give her a bit of a break.

But we're really close, so I would always make her explain sexual type things to me even before I knew I was ace. She's not that much younger and it would never be anything too inappropriate, but I always thought that was weird - the little sister being the one explaining.

That said, we're super close and she's the first person I came out to (and still the only person I've told in my family). She was super understanding and awesome, and I'm so thankful that even though we're different in that respect we're still best friends

[pma01]

I'm older. I don't like it, because my younger sister (who is a sophomore in h.s.) has looks, relationships, smarts, etc. Its frustrating being compared to her (you'd think they'd compare her to the older one, but nope.) So I'm already deemed a prude. She talks about hooking up (which means making out to younger grades nowadays) and being with guys. I know that when she gets older she will actually have sex and that's when its going to get really awkward. Once she starts, everyone will wonder why I'm still a virgin in college. No one in my family knows about my asexuality yet, but I think its pretty obvious. They should suspect something once I'm in a 4-year college instead of community college, especially if I decide against commuting.

dont think your a prude, nothing wrong with still being a virgin. and if you remain a virgin nothing wrong with that either. never let anyone tell you otherwise

[Skycaptain]

You've just hit the nail on the head for me here. I've had exactly the same experience. At no time have I been asked by my parents, or any other relative why I am still single, and have never even mentioned the thought of relationships to them. The seemed to determine and accepted that I'm asexual from a fairly early age, just no-one thought to tell me so I carried on pretending (lying to everyone that I just hadn't met the right girl, when the truth is that I'm simply not interested).My younger sister has been married for 18 years and they have a 17 year old son.

[Guest]

My brother and I are not close, so it hasn't really impacted anything. I know he's sexual, but we're polar opposites in just about everything, so what is one more thing.

[doetem]

None of my siblings know and i dont plan to just blurt it out there if the conversation isnt in the air

It's nothing im ashamed about

[100indecisions]

Yeah, my younger sister thinks I'm weird. She convinced me to set up a profile on a dating site, which I then ignored, and in general she has pretty conventional attitudes toward sex and relationships and doesn't really comprehend the fact that I mostly don't care. But hey, it also means my parents can depend on her for grandkids and nobody's bugging me about that, which is nice.

[AWhiteGyrfalcon]

My sister is very much my opposite in every way lol including she is sexual to my asexual..in fact VERY sexual if take my meaning..

But she has been very supportive and understanding of my asexuality - in fact im out to my parents, a few close friends and my therapist - and all of them take the annoying view point - that I'm just broken that way as well and that I've yet to find a boyfriend im sexually attracted to and try sex - i waver between outrage, hurt and anger that they all keep thinking that despite my arguing on the contrary.

But my younger sister has been awesome about it - she sticks up for me against everyone else and she is so supportive, including that i'll find myself a nice demiromantic Ace man someday. She was the one who first suggested I was asexual actually..then I saw that doco on asexuals and yeah, few more years of research, literal and not so literal - confirmed her suggestion..

[starcatcher]

I'm the oldest. Both siblings are clearly heterosexual and neither know that I'm asexual. My younger sister, who's 20, has been married for half a year. She's totally into purity culture and wore the ring until her wedding when she gave it to her husband after making a speech about it in front of everyone. My brother is still in high school, but my sister already predicts that he'll get married before me.

My brother was still a kid when I moved out, so he was never really an issue for me growing up, but growing up with someone who was so verbally into True Love Waits was pretty frustrating. At first I couldn't understand why anyone would brag about saving themselves for marriage or why they felt the need to constantly talk about not having sex. Once I realized everyone else was feeling things I wasn't feeling I just felt abnormal. I did a lot of research on sex and sexual desire in high school trying to figure out what the big deal was and why everyone was going crazy except me.

Now that she's married and no longer a virgin, my sister seems to try to lord it over me that she is now "experienced" and knows so much more than me, which I find amusing since even without experience I probably know a lot more about sex than the girl who wouldn't allow penis shaped pasta at her bachelorette party because "she shouldn't be seeing one before his".

[Celes]

I'm the second of four.

My older brother started dating fairly young, around 13 or 14. I saw him with girls and assumed I would be similar around his age. Obviously, that didn't happen, and I began to feel insecure/inadequate. Plus at that point my body image/eating disorder issues were quite severe, so my lack of romantic/sexual experiences was caught up in all of that.

My younger sister, meanwhile, started having romantic experiences a little older, when she was 15/16. At that point, I was 17, and still hadn't had anything, so I felt insecure.

When my younger brother, who is five years younger, had his first kiss before me (by then I was 21), I started to realize that hey, maybe it's not that I'm somehow undateable/undesirable/unable, but that I'm simply not interested.

I guess seeing my siblings have "normal" sexual/romantic experiences guided me to realize that my own experiences were going to be different.

[butterflydreams]

When my younger brother, who is five years younger, had his first kiss before me (by then I was 21), I started to realize that hey, maybe it's not that I'm somehow undateable/undesirable/unable, but that I'm simply not interested.

I guess seeing my siblings have "normal" sexual/romantic experiences guided me to realize that my own experiences were going to be different.

Moving from "I'm not undatable/undesireable/unable" to "not interested" has been one of the most difficult things for me personally to do. I beat myself up for years for thinking I was in the former group. To this day I can't let it go, so I still say I'm interested, just not quite interested enough.

Hopefully you don't feel as insecure/inadequate anymore. Maybe eventually I'll get to that point as well.

[ZombiesAsAMetaphor]

I'm the youngest of three, so I guess it hasn't really been that hard for me to accept that, yeah, my siblings like sex. My sister (the eldest of us) has been in a relationship for something like 8 years now, and is getting married this November, so it was pretty easy to accept that. My brother has never had a relationship or anything, but I know he wants one. It's just difficult for him because he's autistic (don't ever let people tell you that autism spectrum people are always asexual, because lemme tell ya, that is a lie lie lie).

It was actually harder for me to accept that my two best friends in high school are sexually active!

[LadyPariah]

I have 2 older half brothers and one older biological brother. My half brothers are both sexual as far as I know (one is almost too sexual). My biological brother doesn't like to talk about these things, but I think he's grey A (he has a job where he is always away from his girlfriend, and seems to manage alright). My mom is also at least demi, maybe leaning more to the ace side like me though. I always find comfort knowing that she understands some of what I feel. But she always gets suspicious when I want to hang out with a guy friend, even though she knows I'm ace! XD

[littlepersonparadox]

My brother and I are not close, so it hasn't really impacted anything. I know he's sexual, but we're polar opposites in just about everything, so what is one more thing.

Same here. Lou (for a cover name) and I are worlds apart in everything almost, she started dating in high school when I only started a ah let's see here 4/5 months ago? Lou is my older sister so it makes sense that she'd start dating first. I remember her telling me that because she's older she wants to be the one to have sex first because "that's how it's supposed to go." Well no worries about that... I haven't come out to here though she's clear across the country so no odds of her messing with my life,

[BluebirdOfHappiness]

I am the oldest, and I have a younger brother and sister. My brother is gay, my sister is straight, and I'm pretty sure both of them are sexually active, which I try not to think about too much. It makes me weirdly happy that we make a "set." When my brother came out, it was just like...okay, now we have one of each. I haven't really discussed it with them, but we just sort of let each other be. I don't think it matters having sexual siblings, at least not for me, because I don't like thinking about any of my family members having sex, so I just pretend like it is not happening.

[Guest]

I have 4 younger siblings, the youngest is only 14 and prefers gaming to girls (my other brother, now married, was exactly the same at that age). The ones who are old enough are all clearly sexual (all 3 have had more relationships than me and im 26 haha) .. however, I couldn't care less.. it's never bothered me.. we are all very different people anyway and yes both my sisters are blonde, attractive, neither experience mental illness (whereas my list of 'issues' is extensive hah) they are smart and of course very, very popular heh .. but I'm just like.. meh. I'd rather be me any day. I like not having friends, I like being the person I am. I'd personally hate to have had multiple short term relationships.. short term is not my thing.. and casual sex? hell no! haha. I had one previous 5 year long relationship and it was not a good relationship at all, but I'd take that over casual short term partners like my sisters (and mum) have any day.

anyway, I left my ex in 2011 and was single until jan 2014 when I officially entered into a distance relationship with the most amazing ace guy I have ever met :).. I personally feel sorry for my sisters (and my mum) requiring sex to be able to have a relationship heh. it's so much less effort to just sit on the couch with your sweetie and eat cake haha. well.. like I said, we are in a distance relationship ehe, so we have all that couch cake eating to look forward to in the future. for now, like I said, I'm just happy to be the person that I am (though just going to put it out to the universe now that having enormous piles of money wouldn't hurt at all hehe)

[AceTiff12]

My two siblings are both younger than me. My brother is heterosexual and my sister, the youngest, is demisexual. They know about my asexuality and accept it, though my brother was confused about it at first.

He's the only one of us who wants to have a child someday. I remember being shocked when I found out he hasn't had sex, but then I learned even sociable, confident people like him get nervous about it too. And he's in his 20s like me so it was a nice surprise to know he hasn't behaved like a stereotypical macho guy.

[Per Aspera Ad Astra]

I have a big sister (she's 23), with whom I don't really have any kind of relationship. She is a despicable human being, with despicable friends. So we barely talk, and I have never, nor will I ever, confided in her.

And she is very sexual. She's had many boyfriends, never staying single for more than a couple of months (even after she broke up with her boyfriend of two years, which supposedly left her broken, depressed and devastated). She's also had many one-night stands unprotected, which caused her to caught herpes and to have to abort twice (that I know of, it might be more for all I know). So, she would definitely not understand my asexuality, and she would think that there is something wrong with me (she already thinks so since I don't have any boyfriend).

[TeddyMiller]

I have a younger brother and a younger sister, and I've talked to them about my asexuality. They're both married long-term, with two kids each. Neither my brother nor my sister seemed very wild sexually to me; no big sex-related events, and both might well have been virgins when they got married, for all I know.

[Hooded_Crow]

My younger brother is heterosexual, but he is very (and I mean *very*) discreet about his love life. We're very close, though, and nothing has changed between us since he knows I'm asexual. Love him.

[Guest]

Younger sister who is heterosexual (as far as I can tell). It's complicated because she's been suffering from chronic, severe schizophrenia since the late 90s (she's currently hospitalized/ingroup living, and not likely to be able to live alone again for a long time, if ever), which is the reason why I've never bothered to "come out" to her in any detail; I don't wanna confuse her when the voices in her head are already more confusing than I can probably ever imagine. :(

I'm glad that I can talk to her at all, basically. Don't have to churn around the big identity issues in front of her, there are times and places for that, and I think talks with her aren't any of those.

[Winnie_A]

I have younger brothers who are all heterosexual. I only wish they were older than me since, as the oldest, I am expected to be the first to marry and have kids. So now my parents keep bugging me about when they are going to get grandkids. Unfortunately, they will have to wait.

[Fire & Rain]

Asexuality part didn't bother me or my sis that much. It was my aromanticism and my romance repulsion. She's hopeless romantic and we don't see eye to eye in some matters. I don't want to go into detail but we kinda fell apart because of that.

[ShadeFox]

I have an older brother. I don't actually know what his sexuality is and he doesn't know mine. Not that we don't trust each other, we're pretty close, it's just never come up and we're both fine with that. I'm really lucky because he's totally open minded and would be perfectly okay with it if I did come out. I'm also pretty lucky because when I came out to my mum she said she had always wanted grandchildren, or actually "always assumed she would have grandchildren." I don't want kids but my brother does so she seems to have accepted that more easily.

[Boo Cat]

My two younger sisters have ALWAYS been boy-crazy. I never understood it. I assumed I was just more mature because I was older or something, and they would calm down as they grew up. But they haven't yet. They are nothing like me and they never have been, and I'm SO GLAD I'm not them because they're always getting into trouble for having secret "boyfriends" and stuff. They're kind of attention whores (that's a terrible thing to have to say about your owns sisters, but it's so true). They'll do anything to be friends with anybody and feel like a part of the crowd. I can't comprehend why they feel that way.

My older brother is more like me - he's only ever had a crush on a couple of girls, but it was more about their personality than their looks. He isn't interested in traditional beauty and he thinks short girls are cute. ^_^ I've wondered if he's asexual, too, but I casually brought up the subject once in the car (I'm not out to anyone yet) and he said he wasn't sure if asexuals were real. But then again, he's never done any research on the subject and he's not the type of person to form a solid opinion on something without putting a lot of thought into it (he's a very intelligent, cautious person). It's possible he IS asexual but just doesn't realize it.

Anyways, in my experience, I can't say I feel inferior to my sisters because I'm asexual. They're not happy with themselves and I am, so they're the ones I feel sorry for! I am not ashamed of my lack of interest in dating.