Anorgasmia and sexual attraction

[newMasturbator]

I've always been worried about my inability to achieve an orgasm (or even ejaculation) through masturbation or sex. I didn't have sex many times, but when I did I wouldn't come close to orgasm. I did, however, have orgasms in my sleep (during wet dreams) and I found them to be pleasurable. This means that I'm physically capable of having an orgasm, but it's somehow impossible for me to have an orgasm through normal sexual stimulation. I never had an orgasm through masturbation, not even in my teenage years.

Furthermore, I have a low libido. I rarely think about sex (I rarely have the desire to have sex) and I never feel the need to ejaculate or "release" myself. I find most porn completely boring and it mostly doesn't arouse me. I usually get bored after 10 minutes of watching porn I do find arousing, and then I simply move on to do something else.

Strangely, though, I do feel sexually attracted to women. I frequently see attractive women and then I have sexual thoughts about them, but I don't feel a strong urge to act upon those thoughts. In rare cases that I did act upon those thoughts I actually got bored quite quickly.

My sexual fantasies also revolve around implying sex, but not on the actual act of sex itself. Bluntly put, I find the thought and sight of penetration mostly un-arousing and it doesn't really work for me.

So my questions are:

-are there more guys here who never had an orgasm except during wet dreams?

-is my inability to achieve orgasm caused by a psychological indifference to sex?

-does this mean i'm greysexual, even though I feel sexual attraction to women?

I'm looking forward to hear about others' experiences :)

[Star Bit]

question 1: Its obviously not common, but I wouldn't put it past other ppl having. There are non-libidoists; which are ppl who find nothing sexually arousing, but you do have sexual thoughts so maybe a better description is a non-libidoist with sexual attraction. Haven't heard of that yet.

2: Probably not; even if you didn't care about having it, your body could still react to stimulus. I'd say its the other way around; you don't want it because you get nothing from it.

3: Gray-asexual could be a good fit since you have a sexual and non-sexual combination. But you could simplify it to asexual because of your relationship intent if you like. Its just like a bisexual having the right to identify as such or as straight or gay when the second attraction is rare.

[newMasturbator]

question 1: Its obviously not common, but I wouldn't put it past other ppl having. There are non-libidoists; which are ppl who find nothing sexually arousing, but you do have sexual thoughts so maybe a better description is a non-libidoist with sexual attraction. Haven't heard of that yet.

I definately find some things sexually arousing, but only mildly. And the weird thing about my sexuality is that my arousal level drops quick if I "get what I want". So, I get aroused by anticipation of sex (like, if a girl touches me sexually but I didn't penetrate or anything yet) but when I actually start penetrating or getting a blowjob my arousal level drops. The tension, the "hunt" so to speak, is over and at that moment I lose sexual interest. Because of that, I eventually just get bored during the act and I will not be able to continue. This is also the reason I like porn where people are not having actual sex but are working their way to it, as in foreplay. Thinking about it, this seems to me like a clear asexual trait.

2: Probably not; even if you didn't care about having it, your body could still react to stimulus. I'd say its the other way around; you don't want it because you get nothing from it.

Exactly, I get nothing from physical stimulus. Because I'm never sufficiently aroused (which is caused by my non-libidoism ofcourse). It's like touching your sexual organ while your mind is not into sex at all, it doesn't do anything. I might get an erection but if I keep stimulating my penis it will just start to hurt due to overstimulation and nothing will happen. This is also why everytime I got a handjob it would just start hurting eventually which made the girl have to stop.

3: Gray-asexual could be a good fit since you have a sexual and non-sexual combination. But you could simplify it to asexual because of your relationship intent if you like. Its just like a bisexual having the right to identify as such or as straight when the second attraction is rare.

Well, I'm also aromantic. So I've never been in a real relationship before. And I'm also pretty much incapable of falling in love with someone, as of yet. But that's a different topic of course :)

Maybe I'm giving too much information but I'm happy I can talk about this!

[Guest]

To your last question I will say: I feel a whooole lot of sexual attraction when I am in love, and during masturbation think about all sorts of crazy hardcore sexual things (also watch extreme amateur pornography, never staged stuff... staged stuff is waaay too fake heh)

But I still identify as fully asexual because I have no desire for, or enjoyment of, partnered sex, which makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to carry on a relationship with a sexual because they, as people who love and desire sex, require sex, and that is not something I am able to give.

I do not identify as Grey-A or Demisexual because both of these imply that a person is able to desire and enjoy partnered sex under certain circumstances: Something I personally am categorically unable to do.

There are many other asexuals here who also feel sexual attraction, yet identify as fully asexual because they are unable to enjoy, or at least have no innate desire for, partnered sex.. under any circumstances.

But of course, what you identify as comes down to what you feel most comfortable with at the end of the day :)

[Philip027]

-are there more guys here who never had an orgasm except during wet dreams?

As far as I can tell, yes, this is me. However, I've not exactly tried, nor would I know how to go about trying.

I also don't find sexual dreams (which I do get, to my dismay) pleasurable at all; rather just very awkward and annoying.

I don't have any answers to your other questions. Those are more of a "judge for yourself" sort of thing

[Star Bit]

failed idea, skip to next paragraph So you can masturbate but you cant come... maybe your sexually-lithsensual. (lithsensual being having sensual yearning but sensual contact being a turn off, indifferent to, or being repulsed by-- which can apply to sexual, romantic, or platonic, but typically refers to romantics) Though maybe that's not quite right. Although sensual means any kind of physical contact and includes sexual, in the asexual community it means everything else but sex because there's not much of a difference between the other types until it comes to sex. I would think sexually-asensual would mean that the only physical contact during sex wold be with the organs. I'm not sure it should include not even intercourse because then its not sexual. Though if I use the word sensual under its proper definition it is the right phrase that applies to your case. nvm, failed idea.

In that case, maybe erotic fiction could work? Also, maybe your stimulus doesn't work after so long and you need another kind; like another sex position on the porn or another part of your body stimulated or switching to erotic literature after you've been stimulated. We had someone post that they couldn't come without physical pain (the masochism wasn't his choice but its the only way he can get it). Maybe try strongly pinching a sensitive area or step on your foot. I heard about urethra masturbation from Wiki's masturbation page (was curious what they'd put on it) but it sounds a bit dangerous. NVM, IT IS DANGEROUS, DO NOT DO. (but its interesting so I'll keep it in the comment lol) You can also enjoy anal masturbation and not be gay. So maybe masturbating in a different way would work. Though if you want wet dreams then having a full bladder can increase that.

[newMasturbator]

So you can masturbate but you cant come... maybe your sexually-asensual. (asensual being sensual contact being a turn off, indifferent to, or being repulsed by-- which can apply to sexual, romantic, or platonic, but typicly refers to romantics) Though maybe that's not quite right. Although sensual means any kind of physical contact and includes sexual, in the asexual community it means everything else but sex because theres not much of a difference between the other types but that one being sex. For example, the term sensual attraction does not include sexual attraction. So sexually-asensual would mean no romantic oriented action while having sex. I'm not sure it should include not even intercourse because then its not sexual. Though if I use the word sensual under its proper definition it is the right phrase.

In that case, maybe erotic fiction could work? Also, maybe your stimulus doesn't work after so long and you need another kind; like another sex position on the porn or another part of your body stimulated or switching to erotic literature after you've been stimulated. We had someone post that they couldn't come without physical pain (the masochism wasn't his choice but its the only way he can get it). Maybe try strongly pinching a sensitive area or step on your foot. I heard about urethra masturbation from Wiki's masturbation page (was curious what they'd put on it) but it sounds a bit dangerous. NVM, IT IS DANGEROUS, DO NOT DO. (but its interesting so I'll keep it in the comment lol) You can also enjoy anal masturbation and not be gay. So maybe masturbating in a different way would work. Though if you want wet dreams then having a full bladder can increase that.

Yeah, I like wet dreams. Thanks for the tip :)

No, I actually like being touched. For example, I really love to have an erotic massage. It's just that my libido and arousal levels are really low. I never had a libido, not even when I was like 14 years old. But some sexual touch and sexual visuals still arouse me. I guess I'm going for a physical check to see if I have hormone abnormalities or something.

Actually, I don't mind having no libido. But I'm just curious to experience what having a real libido feels like ;)

[Star Bit]

-_- Oy, i hate when i write stuff tired, and despite rereading it i still talk garbled or wrong. Ok, i made an error and i fixed it. (making this post because you read and replied to wrong information and thought you should know) (changed asensual to lithsensual) Though i guess it doesn't really matter since the first paragraph was useless. Well, at least i properly informed you of an orientation, even if it wasn't your own.