not wanting sex, but getting aroused?

[Kylinoir]

I know there's a thread about it (i was surprised to see it) but i figured i should make a new one to clarify. I didnt want to interrupt the flow haha

so im pretty sure im a sexual sadist. In those situations and those situations only, i actually get aroused. Not the 'i wanna jerk off' sort of arousal but actual 'i want to do this on someone' sort of arousal.

But... I still do not want sex.

for clarification, it's mostly hurting (with consent, obviously) by scratching, biting, etc... sometimes kissing and cuddling. But NO genital contact. At all.

So i'm wondering... can this be sexual attraction, if i want to do this with someone?

Thanks in advance. If you need me to elaborate on anything, just ask. And sorry if i could've posted this in the bdsm thread </3

[Guest]

I am sure you can find someone. You can still be asexual even if you self pleasure at least in my point of view.

[Kylinoir]

Sorry, i didnt mean it like that.

I'm just wondering if I could be a sex averse sexual. Or if I would be considered grey a. Or if I could fit the definition of plain ole asexuality itself.

I know you guys cant tell me, but I guess I'm asking for opinions here.

[The Wreyck]

I'll lay this down rather simply. Do you want to do anything actually SEXUAL? You said you wanted nothing to do with genitals, so it sounds likely not, but I'm not in your mind. But many asexuals are able to be aroused by kinks, and this sounds like a kink from my POV. Many asexuals are very sensual and love cuddling, even making out. There are varying degrees on the asexual end of the spectrum, just like there are many varieties on the sexual end.

I'm a sadist, I like domination, I even enjoy self pleasure. And I enjoy playing my sadism out in real life, potentially heavy making out and groping (I'm experimenting right now). But I don't desire the actual action of sex, genitals and all that. Although, I would also like to point out that any old plain asexual can enjoy sex, physically, find pleasure in it. It's more that they can just sorta live with or without it. They don't actually desire or feel a need for it in their life.

So, obviously it's up to you to decide, but from what little information you did give, you sound like potentially an asexual with a kink.

[Kylinoir]

I don't know what actually is... well, sexual, you know?

And I'm aware an asexual can enjoy sex, but this is an actual desire. I'm just not sure if this desire actually sexual attraction.

Someone told me that sexual attraction didn't have to necessarily include sex, and I guess I saw where he was coming from. Like, for some, cuddling is sexual, so for them, it could be sexual attraction. But for me, cuddling isn't sexual.

I'm just not sure how to determine whether something is sexual or not. I don't want sex, but I'm not sure if I feel sexual attraction in other ways, either. It's difficult to explain.

[The Wreyck]

I think with sexuals cuddling feels sexual to them because well, it's something that often becomes a part of sex, or preludes it, or comes after, and so on. It can make them horny so to speak. But for me cuddling doesn't mean any of that. It's just an intimacy that brings people closer. You cuddle with your children, your pets, sometimes your friends, not just your sexual partner.

It was a long and difficult path to determine what was sexual in my mind and what wasn't. For a very simple reason. I didn't understand what sexual was because I wasn't feeling it, except for that I have a libido, which could confuse things. And that's not to say you aren't experiencing sexual attraction, but feeling sensual attraction is not necessarily sexual, so consider that.

And, the biggest thing to remember is, don't push yourself. Take your time and explore yourself and your mind, your feelings, your desire. And in the end you will come up with an answer. And that answer may or may not change for you as you learn more about yourself. And that is okay. Just, make sure you're comfortable with whatever you land upon in the end.

[Kylinoir]

Yeah, I will continue exploring and researching. Thanks a bunch.

(but if anyone else has opinions, you can post them too)