anyone else who did NOT think there was something "wrong" with you before you knew about asexuality?

[stayfrosty]

While I'm not entirely sure where on the asexuality spectrum I fall, I'm fairly certain I do fall on it. I've come to this conclusion when reading up on stuff on AVEN and elsewhere. However I never felt that there was anything "wrong" with me. I never realized that the way I felt wasn't the way most others feel when it comes to attraction. I never realized there was something I didn't experience the way others did.

I've seen talk about people who felt there was something wrong with them before they knew about asexuality, and now I'm wondering if there are others who like me didn't feel that way?

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

I can't say I ever did, if anything I thought everyone else was faking their huge level of interest and they'd soon calm down!

[stayfrosty]

I think the fact that I always found sex-related jokes funny and therefore made them and laughed when others made them might have contributed to the whole thing.

[Syphon]

I have never thought that there was something wrong with me. I realized that I was a little bit different than the people around me, but that never sent off a buzzer that something was inherently wrong with me.

[Chewy]

I never thought too much about it since I didn't date. I always felt it is a need for male and not a need for female due to our biological constructs. I didn't really have any other female to compare with.

[Poots]

I never thought anything was wrong with me :)

[Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion]

I thought I was a little odd perhaps. Or maybe the world was. Wasn't sure, had bigger problems :)

Now that I know though, the world makes so much more sense!

[The Wreyck]

Umm, for the longest time I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I thought I was just a late bloomer affected partially by my conservative upbringing. Then as I got older, the feelings persisted. I made attempts at romantic situations and continued to feel just utterly and completely wrong in them. Then I did start to think there was something wrong with me (well, I always thought there was a lot wrong with me, but now also on another level). I thought I was broken and incapable of "real" love, and that this was likely due to trust issues. But as time went by nothing ever changed in this way, even when I trusted people. And when a friend on AVEN suggested I may be aromantic, I considered it, thought about it, and it made sense. Much better answer than my brokenness for sure.

[Amimere]

I never really thought about sexual atraction before i discovered AVEN, tbh i thought my friends just had really dirty minds and were joking. i guess i would have felt broken if i hadn't figured out my sexuality ar age fifteen tho ^_^ but now that i HAVE figured it out everything makes sense! btw it's kinda good to know i'm not the only one who did not feel broken too

[Dethsdream]

I had friends that weren't very interested in talking about sex, so I assumed that all girls were basically demisexuals that would eventually find a guy to turn on their sexual desire (yes, I was pretty naive). It didn't help that my mom would always tell me that I'd meet the right guy and my feelings on romance and sex would magically change... I think she's probably a demi so her opinions are a little skewed in that direction.

I was pretty much oblivious and didn't think about it very much. The thing that made me realize that I was different was when my best friend got a boyfriend and described things that I just had never experienced in my brief relationships. I never thought anything was wrong with me, though, until I went to a therapist that told me that I was just repressed (but that's something I won't go into here).

[Vyanni Krace]

I thought I was normal. Then when puberty struck I thought I was a late bloomer, before later just deciding that there's nothing wrong with having no interest. I was still curious about WHY I am the way I am though, which is what led me here.

[Scottthespy]

I honestly didnt even start noticing every one talking about sex untill I was seventeen and almost out of highschool(I graduated early). One of my friends got pregnant, and suddenly I was tuned into a world of people discussing all the finer points of intercourse and what ages to start it at. I was honestly a little concerned for my friends. Sex? At seventeen? What the heck was wrong with them? I very quickly realised that that thought was a little off. After all, what age were you SUPPOSED to start at? Twenty seemed too late for 'average' but seventeen seemed way early untill I thought about it. I eventually grasped that I was odd man out, but by that point in my life I was used to being a genetic hipster, so It didnt bother me. As long as I can live healthy, happy, and more or less functionable in my society, I don't consider any of my quirks "something wrong".

[23DN4L]

I didn't feel "wrong". I'm used to being the odd ball, but a lot of the time the odd ball in one group is just like everyone else if you change the setting. So I always was thinking..."there are people somewhere that don't find me weird at all". No one ever really made my being less sexual and boring a real problem. There had been the "are you gay?" statements, but after a little frustration I kind of got over feeling upset about their questions. People started being sexual pretty young where I am from. Around 14 most people had a sexual experience to brag about, or porn to describe to their friends. I think I was not that bothered because I had a lot of friends in High School, so when the topic turned sexual I could just go to another lunch table and chill with other people. I was the "innocent" one of my friends, and they accepted that. I actually found out about asexuality because one of my friends told everyone at our table (after a girl asked me if I was gay for the thousandths time) , "Yeah, D is either asexual or just doesn't like people. Definitely not gay." I was pretty happy about not having to answer, and I googled it afterward cuz I was like..."wth is an asexual? I must know more."

[butterflydreams]

I definitely didn't notice I was different at first, and for the longest time. I guess I blamed it on just about every other possible thing. Social anxiety, unattractiveness, "academic/career" focused...etc. (Pro tip, self: any social anxiety I had was basically negligible by the time I finished my freshman year in college. I'm no stunner, but I'm far from unattractive. Academics? I honestly did most of them with my eyes closed, I had plenty of other time).

I had a strong hunch when I was a senior in high school that I wasn't feeling something other people were, but I didn't know what it was. I guess I thought it was kind of everything?

I've always been a really introspective person, and have written a ton over the years. Looking back on some of that writing now, it's painfully obvious I was really struggling looking for what the difference in feeling was.

But yes, other than feeling that something was...off, I didn't feel like there was something explictly wrong with me.

[doctorbluebox]

I only recently realized that my assumptions about what people meant when they said "attractive" were wrong. I never thought there was something wrong with me, I was just confusing "liking someone" and "attractiveness" with finding someone nice to look at.

[Chardog]

I knew I was different. I found AVEN when I was searching to see if there was an explanation for my feelings (or lack thereof). It was good to know I'm not the only one like this.

[WhenSummersGone]

I assumed I was sexual in my late teens but when I tried sex for the sake of having it I knew something was off. I joined here thinking I was asexual but now I feel I'm Demisexual.

[deleted_account]

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[Janus the Fox]

I wasn't even aware of the sexual world to think there was anything 'wrong' in any sense. I feel nothing, I can't see anything wrong in that, it isn't going to kill me is it. ;)

[Sundance_]

I didn't think there was anything particularly wrong, although I knew something was different for me. It didn't bother me much. I think my friends noticed it more than I did; I was pretty unaware of how sexual they were. After I realized I was asexual though, I had a lot of depression for like six months. It was difficult for me to accept for myself. I'm a big people pleaser and I wasn't looking forward to being on the outside of the sexual world for the rest of my life.

I'm pretty okay with it now. AVEN is a great place to go when feeling alone.

[Guest Cairne Bloodhoof]

Yesh, I am the lasht one am like this.

Now seriously. I've never thought that I am broken. I've just lived my life- go to school, learn, do homeworks, play games, go out with friends.

It was at the beginning of this year that I started to think about relationships. But as always, I did not take the way that other people usually do when they want a relationship- find a boyfriend/girlfriend. Instead, I began to think about myself, what can I give to the other person and what I want from the relationship. I thought about my personality, of who I am. In this holy quest, I discovered(or rather rediscovered) asexuality and AVEN. I started to read posts on this forum, realized that I am also ace. Then I wanted to be part of this community. Not just read, but also contribute. So I created an account and here I am, telling you this story about why I've never felt broken because...

[JKacyl]

I never thought there was something wrong with me. I though I was just not the greatest straight person, or that everyone else was just exaggerating their feelings, or that I was a late bloomer, and other excuses like that. I knew I was a little different maybe but never enough for it to make me question my sexuality. I just sort of accepted myself as being a little quirky. But then I stumbled onto AVEN on the internet and was like, holy crap this is describing me exactly and I felt so much more at ease in my body knowing that there was more people like me and I fit in somewhere and I wasn't just a little quirky, I actually belonged somewhere

[Rabger]

I never thought there was anything wrong with me. I did, however, think that most other people had somehow lost their minds.

[WhenSummersGone]

I never thought there was anything wrong with me. I did, however, think that most other people had somehow lost their minds.

Same for me. I still think people are nuts because they are getting excited over things that I can't see or care for.

[Totally Schwuaat?]

Well, in my infinite narcissism as an angsty teenager, I thought there was something wrong with everyone else... Or at least I got to there after swinging back and forth between being terribly confused/ashamed/oblivious. College put me straight into the confused bin for several years, complete with ill-attempts at projecting a "normal" sexuality on my self. Of course that didn't work so I've found a happy-medium between obliviousness and self-assured adequacy peppered with, perhaps, a dash of anxiety.

Eh... It's a work in progress, important thing is that, no, I don't think there is anything wrong with me and I never really did. Like many others, I knew I was different, but I didn't yet get why.

[Dawg4280]

i definitely felt like I was entirely different, sort of outside of "humanity". But it was more like I felt like sometime was wrong with society rather than me. However i did expend a lot of effort trying to be "normal".

[Goody]

I thought i was straight but just not into that shit, but im proud to be asexual, fuck sex.

[Chilbo_Baggins]

I might have thought the way I thought about certain things was odd, but I never saw it as wrong. I mean, I didn't understand why I never thought about sex when most of my peers had, but I really just thought everything was normal until I reached high school and realized that everyone else was so absorbed with the idea. I really never have and never will think something is wrong with me. I love being asexual, even if I don't completely comprehend the sexual world.

[Glyn]

I never realised there was anything wrong with me. Of course, there were little hints - for example, my then-boss would frequently ask "If you masturbate, why don't you have sex?" (I couldn't give him an answer as I didn't have an answer as I hadn't heard of asexuality before then). He would frequently try setting me up with another member of staff, believing that he was doing me a favour - he even suggested chipping in for a visit to the Red Light District in Amsterdam for me.

And of course, there were those who thought I was gay etc.

But by and large, I thought I was straight. After all, I had a sex drive, I had to deal with it privately and I understood sex jokes - and made some pretty filthy ones over the years.

It wasn't until I came across AVEN back in 2008 than my outlook changed. Reading the text on the opening page - it was like someone had described my sexual preferences intimately, as though they had known me better than myself. It was then I started wondering if indeed I was asexual.

Fair enough, I still have questions there even now about my sexuality, but AVEN has given me a great deal of inner peace. For so much time after discovering AVEN, I felt alone, so very alone, as I was questioning my sexuality. It was clear that even the most supportive of friends didn't quite understand how I felt while I was questioning. There's nothing worse than having problems and feeling alone despite some good friends. At the time, I felt like an island surrounded by a sea of friends - surrounded by "water" but feeling alone and isolated with no-one there to talk to who can understand.

This may sound cliche, but it was such a relief to find a group of people who actually had similar experiences to me. Through posts, I could tell there were those who felt the same way, and understood where I was coming from.

I may not have all the answers to my sexuality at the moment, but the knowledge I am not alone any more gives me tremendous personal strength and an inner peace that I lacked before.

And for that, I am very, very grateful.

[100indecisions]

I was raised in a conservative Christian environment, so there was a lot about purity and "true love waits" and all that stuff, so for a long time it seemed pretty natural to me--I just sort of figured that maybe sex would be a temptation if the opportunity arose, but it hadn't, so it wasn't an issue. Well, and I also sort of thought I was better at staying "pure" than a lot of the people I knew, when the truth was that I just didn't care. It did start to seem weird as I went through college and it occurred to me that yes, the opportunity for sex (or even romance or kissing) hadn't presented itself, but also I'd done nothing to pursue it, which did seem to be extremely unusual for my age group. Obviously there's a difference between choosing not to have sex and not having sex because you just don't care, and although it didn't exactly bother me when I started realizing I was in the latter category, I was kind of relieved when I learned about asexuality because then at least I wasn't a mid-twenties virgin just because I was abnormal or something.

Of course, now that I do identify as gray-A and I'm okay about saying so, other people think maybe there's something wrong with me, like "well you just haven't found the right person yet" (sure, that's possible, that's kind of how demisexuality works) or "are you SURE you're okay not being interested in sex?" or "yeah that's normal for girls who aren't sluts" (...okay), but knowing this about myself makes me a feel a lot less weird. It's okay! Asexuality is a thing! I'm not broken!