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anyone else who did NOT think there was something "wrong" with you before you knew about asexuality?


stayfrosty

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at school I thought I was different from everyone else because I was not able to get a girlfriend like all my other friends (they seemed to find it easy)... I thought I was shy and awkward

some bullies at school had destroyed my confidence in myself which didn't help

guy "friends" (the bullies) often talked about sex but I could never allow myself to join in chatting about that with them... but looking back on that I think I was just worried everyone was going to ask me questions and find out I am bisexual so I would just try and avoid/get away from those conversations

I would get frustrated that I always seemed to get into the "friend zone" but I didnt realize why this was

about 15 years it took me to realize I have to get to know people first which is why all the people I have felt closer to were friends

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Never thought there was anything wrong.

Knew I didn't like sex, so just stopped trying.

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I definitely remember watching shows where they were like, "I haven't had sex for more than 3 months!"

As if it was such a big deal, because back then, I didn't think that people had sex that often because it is such a peculiar act (to me). I didn't realise that sexually active couples do it a few times a week, especially around this age... when I heard how often my friends were doing it, I was pretty shocked. In my mind, I thought it was something that was only done once or twice a year hahaha

But, with age comes knowledge... I was living in such a naive frame of mind. When I realised the truth, I became even more scared of relationships. Not because I don't like the idea of a relationship, but because I knew what was to be expected in a relationship.

tldr; IGNORANCE IS BLISS

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I was raised in a conservative Christian environment, so there was a lot about purity and "true love waits" and all that stuff, so for a long time it seemed pretty natural to me--I just sort of figured that maybe sex would be a temptation if the opportunity arose, but it hadn't, so it wasn't an issue. Well, and I also sort of thought I was better at staying "pure" than a lot of the people I knew, when the truth was that I just didn't care. It did start to seem weird as I went through college and it occurred to me that yes, the opportunity for sex (or even romance or kissing) hadn't presented itself, but also I'd done nothing to pursue it, which did seem to be extremely unusual for my age group. Obviously there's a difference between choosing not to have sex and not having sex because you just don't care, and although it didn't exactly bother me when I started realizing I was in the latter category, I was kind of relieved when I learned about asexuality because then at least I wasn't a mid-twenties virgin just because I was abnormal or something.

Of course, now that I do identify as gray-A and I'm okay about saying so, other people think maybe there's something wrong with me, like "well you just haven't found the right person yet" (sure, that's possible, that's kind of how demisexuality works) or "are you SURE you're okay not being interested in sex?" or "yeah that's normal for girls who aren't sluts" (...okay), but knowing this about myself makes me a feel a lot less weird. It's okay! Asexuality is a thing! I'm not broken!

I was raised in a christian environment as well. I didn't think anything was wrong since I was never interested in sex but then I got engaged and thought what the heck is wrong with me
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I was raised in a conservative Christian environment, so there was a lot about purity and "true love waits" and all that stuff, so for a long time it seemed pretty natural to me--I just sort of figured that maybe sex would be a temptation if the opportunity arose, but it hadn't, so it wasn't an issue. Well, and I also sort of thought I was better at staying "pure" than a lot of the people I knew, when the truth was that I just didn't care. It did start to seem weird as I went through college and it occurred to me that yes, the opportunity for sex (or even romance or kissing) hadn't presented itself, but also I'd done nothing to pursue it, which did seem to be extremely unusual for my age group. Obviously there's a difference between choosing not to have sex and not having sex because you just don't care, and although it didn't exactly bother me when I started realizing I was in the latter category, I was kind of relieved when I learned about asexuality because then at least I wasn't a mid-twenties virgin just because I was abnormal or something.

Of course, now that I do identify as gray-A and I'm okay about saying so, other people think maybe there's something wrong with me, like "well you just haven't found the right person yet" (sure, that's possible, that's kind of how demisexuality works) or "are you SURE you're okay not being interested in sex?" or "yeah that's normal for girls who aren't sluts" (...okay), but knowing this about myself makes me a feel a lot less weird. It's okay! Asexuality is a thing! I'm not broken!

I was raised in a christian environment as well. I didn't think anything was wrong since I was never interested in sex but then I got engaged and thought what the heck is wrong with me

I wonder if being raised in a Christian environment kind of shaped our thoughts to what they are today somehow (perhaps unconsciously). Because I too have been surrounded by a Christian family (and I also have a very deep devotion in God) but I am also aware that married couples have sex like any other non-religious married couple, so I do understand that sex is not a bad thing. But I was just never interested in it either.

And if you learn about psychology, you start to realize that people behave the way they behave because of inner drives, and one of the most common drives (most of the time non-consciously) is sex. And that's probably why many people in college are presented with those kind of opportunities, but we aren't, because we behave in a way that doesn't bring us to those situations. I'm just speculating here, but I know that I was not in any situation where sex was possible because I always made it clear to everyone how conservative I am. And I guess I just made sure that I'd meet the right type of people (and partners) to understand that.

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Nobody thought there was anything wrong with me before I looked deeper into asexuality four months ago. Unfortunately, what kept me from realizing my asexuality until recently was that everyone else who wasn't asexual themselves and/or had little to no knowledge of the orientation vastly overshadowed the people who actually ARE asexual and/or know a lot of the orientation. I still find it amazing how many people think stuff like "Yo that guy can't be asexual because he masturbates!" or the infamous "This person is broken for not wanting to date!".

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Same as others, I guess. I never really thought I was broken, just different. But that also related to the fact a lot of things happened when I reached puberty that also made me feel different (like drinking and going out).

But yeah, I had crushes on people and laughed at sex-related jokes as well as made them so I guess I didn't really felt odd. It was only the random queasiness I got when people got too detailed about their sex life (in my late teenage years) and many other similar things that resulted in 'Hey, I might be ace.'

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I've always felt different because of my lack of interest in sex with other people, but I never felt wrong, damaged, inadequate, sick, or something like that. I felt confident in myself. My preferences were so clear to me.

Some people have been quite hostile to me about my lack of sexual responsiveness, but I divided the world into three types of people: me, people who were sexually different from me but accepted me, and people who were sexually different form me and were jerks about it. The third category were the damaged ones in my mind. Why should it matter to them? They were just frustrated and had sensitive egos. Their problem, not mine.

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I never really felt broken before. I didn't know anything about the types of attraction. I only knew about romantic attraction and thought that Bisexual meant that you could be attracted to 2 or more genders. Kind of wish I still didn't know about asexualty because I'm very uncomftorble changing my lable to something else. It's something I've had for a long time.

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I honestly didn't think much of it at all and that anything was wrong with me until I got into a relationship (my first and only) that became abusive and she'd scream at me how "F*ed" up I was, that it wasn't natural, I'm doing it to hurt her on purpose, etc. Needless to say that entire situation (6 years) impacted my view of myself in relation to asexuality/aromanticism. However, I have since gotten out and recovered and even gained more self-confidence back than I had before! I am back to saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with me for being asexual/aromantic! This is who I am and if it changes in the future, so be it, but at the moment (and has been for 27 years) this is me....so I doubt it'll change lol.

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I never thought there was anything wrong with me. I do, however, remember thinking that there was something very wrong with everyone else, with their stupid little "crushes". I thought they were faking it or over acting or something. Lol, I thought I was the only normal one in a sea of weirdos!!!

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FemmeFatalista

I was definitely one of the ones who wondered what was wrong with everyone else, lol. I always thought that people were indeed strange when it came to sex. It was always made out to be this amazing act that one just had to engage in/enjoy. I'm just kind of like, "Huh?"

I finally realized that they weren't insane; I'm just wired differently.

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me? i always thought something was wrong with the people around me for f*cking eachother like rabbits. my train of thought was that sex was overrated, cringe worthy and shouldn't be celebrated as much as it seems to be

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hdfskjfsdshdsajfhaksd

I didn't really think anything was wrong with me. I didn't really dwell on my lack of sexual attraction that much. I think it may have been part of my autism; I just perceive things differently, and apparently, other people talking about sex wasn't really something I compared myself to, or even noticed all that much.

I did have a hard time accepting my romantic orientation, though. I wanted so bad to be romantically attracted to someone. I'm good with being aro now though :)

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House of Chimeras

The thought of romance and sexuality just never came to mind even up into young adult years. Nothing was suspected to be wrong, nor was everything thought of as normal. It just never came to mind or was thought about. It wasn't until adult years that we came across the concept of asexuality and it clicked.

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Truth and Lies

Certainly, I did notice the difference between me and others in regards to how we experienced attraction. In other words, others experienced it and I didn't (both romantic and sexual). However, I never felt that there was anything "wrong" with me or that I was broken. Even before I had discovered the term asexuality, I had already decided to be celibate for life. And that was when I was around thirteen or fourteen, I'd say.

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I used to think that it was just because I wasn't experienced in relationships. Eventually I decided I was the way I was I just didn't know how to explain it to people. After I found AVEN I thought "oh wow. Now I know what it is!"

So I guess in a way I didn't think anything was wrong with me, I just didn't know how to explain my orientation very well before I knew.

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NomadicStardust

I never felt wrong....
I lived in a very open home as far as sex was concerned and was always glad to share what I learned with friends.... when my friends started getting into sex, I mostly thought they were just curious at first, later I shrugged and decided their enthusiasm would get to me eventually (I thought all mine was being used on anime). So while I didn't feel wrong... I did feel behind (even at 20! lol)

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As almost everyone in this topic, I too never thought there was something "wrong" with me. I always thought that I would meet someone, someday, that would make me feel an urge to have sex, or that someday some sort of hormone would make sex become some sort of need foe my body. But, time went by, none of these things happened to me and now I'm here. Though, I must say that there are MANY PEOPLE who think that there's something wrong with me.

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I love the community and I think I'd be a bit sad to not 100% fit in if I turn out to be sexual. :P

I know. :( If I turn out not to be asexual, I think I'll still hang around here just to read everything people post, and to maybe offer advice/analogies, but I won't really feel like I'm validated in establishing myself as a member of the community, ish. I mean, my only reason for being here would be "Um, I thought I was asexual once, and this place is cool." :P

I still new to AVEN, but I think that even if neither of you were/are/turns out to be asexual, you two would still be welcome around here...

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