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Help me identifying myself


PatheticGirl

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I'm asexual, I'm certain. But what category, I'm confused.

I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, for that matter I'm not even aesthetically attracted to anyone, I don't go on looks or physique of a person. I think I get attracted or should say attached to those who care for me. So, they are all my friends. And if I think, I just want them to care for me in return. Be there for me in tiny mini moments of my life. In short, I like to share things by talking. I even like to listen to what they have to share. I liked to be held close and hold other person close when we share things that are deep inside us.

I think of getting married and have a family. When I think about my relationship with my husband, it is of best friends. It is how he will take away all the pain I've experienced in past, how he will understand me. I do think of giving myself to him sexually. But, I can't think of actual act of intercourse even in my imagination. I even tried to watch and read about sex and never had desired of touching myself.

On physical touch my body parts do respond i.e. the physical signs of arousal can be seen. But, within me I don't feel anything, everything is just normal to me. If someone fondles me, I can just go with it. Yes, but I love being hugged lovingly. I like spooning but don't like front hugging when breaths cross. I don't have desire to kiss or being kissed. Even I don't want my genitals to be touched or touch my partners genitals.

I've done few acts of intimacy because my partner enjoyed it (just to tell you, I had three partners and all were my close friends who were sad in life because of some or the other reason). My experiences aren't good and I was neutral during the acts. But, when these guys left me I started feeling like being used by them. And that is what hurts me.

I can tell I'm not repulsive of sex. I haven't had intercourse because none of my partners were committed to me, they had other girl friend, fiance or wife. I consider myself as lewd but intercourse still isn't accepted by me in such low state too. I'm not sure how I'll feel after my first experience, but may be I'll feel ok if my partner wouldn't leave me and wouldn't be frustrated by my lack of interest. So, it has to be my legally wedded groom to whom I'll allow to have intercourse.

Do you think I could be Gray A or may be there is chance that I'm demisexual (I've not come across any relationship where I loved someone or I was in committed relationship, so this is unexplored category for me)?

I'm sure I'm hetero-romantic and asexual. But further categorisation is difficult for me.

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To me you seem to be what you said, hetero-romantic asexual, leaning towards the sex-positive end of the spectrum, although that seems very mild. But it's how you want to label yourself. If you think you may be gray-a or demi-sexual, then you can label yourself that unless you find out otherwise, it'a all p to you friend! :cake:

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To me you seem to be what you said, hetero-romantic asexual, leaning towards the sex-positive end of the spectrum, although that seems very mild. But it's how you want to label yourself. If you think you may be gray-a or demi-sexual, then you can label yourself that unless you find out otherwise, it'a all p to you friend! :cake:

Why up to me? Aren't there certain signs that help us identifying which segment we belong to? Is there any quiz that can help me know which segment of asexual I belong to?

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Will labels let you be in peace! Will labels solve your issues? Will it change anything?

For some people and personalities the first question can be 'Yes, peace of mind' and that can lead to a yes for the second question.

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To me you seem to be what you said, hetero-romantic asexual, leaning towards the sex-positive end of the spectrum, although that seems very mild. But it's how you want to label yourself. If you think you may be gray-a or demi-sexual, then you can label yourself that unless you find out otherwise, it'a all p to you friend! :cake:

Why up to me? Aren't there certain signs that help us identifying which segment we belong to? Is there any quiz that can help me know which segment of asexual I belong to?

There a bunch of quiz stuff you can take on the internet, but for one they can't exactly be taken seriously, and for two it's based off of information you already have. In your post you've said that there was some attachment to people, but nothing you'd actually call sexual, but that you wouldn't mean that you'd be on the sex positive side of the asexual spectrum (I've observed that people in this spectrum are either doing it to make their partner happy, or because they actually enjoy it, neither of which are initiating for the most part). However, only time and the right circumstance will tell if you actually belong in either the gray-a or demi catagories. However, if you're adamant about taking a quiz, you can just search them on google or any other preferred browser. There's one on okcupid that figures out what kind of asexual you are. I took it and I got asexual fetishist, if you cared to know

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To me you seem to be what you said, hetero-romantic asexual, leaning towards the sex-positive end of the spectrum, although that seems very mild. But it's how you want to label yourself. If you think you may be gray-a or demi-sexual, then you can label yourself that unless you find out otherwise, it'a all p to you friend! :cake:

Why up to me? Aren't there certain signs that help us identifying which segment we belong to? Is there any quiz that can help me know which segment of asexual I belong to?

There a bunch of quiz stuff you can take on the internet, but for one they can't exactly be taken seriously, and for two it's based off of information you already have. In your post you've said that there was some attachment to people, but nothing you'd actually call sexual, but that you wouldn't mean that you'd be on the sex positive side of the asexual spectrum (I've observed that people in this spectrum are either doing it to make their partner happy, or because they actually enjoy it, neither of which are initiating for the most part). However, only time and the right circumstance will tell if you actually belong in either the gray-a or demi catagories. However, if you're adamant about taking a quiz, you can just search them on google or any other preferred browser. There's one on okcupid that figures out what kind of asexual you are. I took it and I got asexual fetishist, if you cared to know

I agree with you, only when I'll get the right person I'll know if I'm gray-a or demi... till that time I'll live as I've lived till date

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