Asexuality as a result of trauma [trigger/tmi warning]

[Vector]

Hey!

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I don't have much advice, because it's not an experience I can relate to, but I did want to drop this link. It's a tumblr dedicated to providing resources to ace survivors of sexual trauma. There's quite a few personal experiences and an ask box and it may be helpful to figuring out what you're experiencing.

As for the asexual label, I think there's a bit of a kneejerk reaction to the suggestion that someone's asexuality has a cause or is fluid because it's one of the arguments we constantly hear used to invalidate us. But, honestly, I'll echo other people in saying that if it's the label you feel best describes your experience you should use it and you should feel comfortable exploring and questioning your (a)sexuality without feeling like you need to make yourself fit the label.

[Angeliss]

Frankly, it took a lot of us a good deal of time and soul-searching to figure out that we were asexual in the first place, and to add anything psychological, whether it be trauma or depression or social anxiety... It makes it even more difficult to figure out what is caused by what. Especially when they're all twisted together inside of you.

You could be demisexual. You could be asexual, and you're just starting to feel safe enough that your body can actually react. It's amazing how stress (that "I don't know if I'm okay with this" that's engrained from the trauma is plenty) can completely switch off your sex drive. You might have thought you were non-libidoist (sp?), which is a thing, and are discovering that that may not be the case. And that's okay. It's all okay.

Even if the extreme happens, and you decide you're not really asexual after all, it's still okay.

We all need cake. :cake: :cake:

[interpol]

Sorry to be the devi's advocate ( actually not sorry at all)

But no. I do not think youre asexual if you have had abuse in your past be it in any form/

AFTER you go through therapy and AFTER the psychiatrist says you're alright. THEN you can make the decision. Otherwise, no.

This. It's fine if you are, but don't say you are when you haven't worked through what happened.

I certainly haven't worked through what happened to me, so how can I label myself?

[Sally]

I think that again, as it often is, sexual repulsion/lack of libido due to traumatic experiences is being confused with asexuality. Those kind of experiences can cause sexual repulsion/fear in sexuals.

[Angeliss]

Oh, it definitely can. And it can help move someone along the scale to being more demi than sexual, because of learned caution. The mind is an incredibly complex thing, and we still haven't even come close to figuring out how everything works.

I don't think that it really matters, though. If I feel ace today, I feel ace. I don't need to justify it to anyone but myself. It's such a personal thing; even more than coming out as LGBTQ because it isn't against most religions, and it isn't readily apparent once you start dating. It will only deal with your partner, if you even want a partner. Other than that, who needs to know?

The OP can feel however she feels. She's seeing someone, and working to making herself be the best self she can be. And that's good enough. I don't think we need to expect any more from her. We certainly don't need to debate with her on whether or not she's ace. It's on this site all over the place that only YOU can decide if you are asexual or not. And right now, I think the "or not" is the most important part of that.

[WünderBâhr]

The OP can feel however she feels. She's seeing someone, and working to making herself be the best self she can be. And that's good enough. I don't think we need to expect any more from her. We certainly don't need to debate with her on whether or not she's ace. It's on this site all over the place that only YOU can decide if you are asexual or not. And right now, I think the "or not" is the most important part of that.

Agreed. I would even suggest that anyone wanting to debate asexuality and trauma or any other issues are free to do so in Hot Box or in a new thread, as this would not be the best place to facilitate that discussion.