Connecting with people more after understanding yourself better?

[Kitty Incognito]

I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this: Since I've started understanding my sexuality (or grey-sexuality) I feel like I've been connecting with people both online and IRL on a deeper level. Not sure how to explain it other than it seems easier to have actual conversations and bond over shared interests.

Maybe it's because I'm not trying to impress them or worrying about how sexual attraction fits in? Although, I didn't think these were affecting me before so I'm not sure.

Or maybe I'm just more comfortable in my own skin and therefore more open to other people?

[EmotionalAndroid]

Hi, Kitty!

I just wanted to comment that I have been feeling the same way. I have struggled for most (if not all) of my life with social anxiety and rock-bottom self-esteem, and therefore I have a hard time connecting with people. Since joining this site and discovering and accepting who I really am, I've felt so much more confident. As a result, my social anxiety has been less severe.

For me, I think it is really just seeing first-hand that there are people who think just the way I do and knowing I am not alone. It makes me feel like more of a real human being who is just as deserving and important as anyone else is. Confidence is really the key for me, and accepting my sexuality has really given me the boost I needed.

Along that same vein, I think getting the courage to even talk about my sexuality with anyone has helped take a load off my shoulders. It's kind of been something I've considered taboo, I guess, so I have been afraid of even mentioning it. Opening up, again, really helps.

Maybe this is the same for you. Perhaps a little self-discovery and acceptance is all you needed! :) Whatever it is, I am glad you feel you are connecting with others more deeply, and I hope you continue to feel good about yourself!

[MadRat]

It´s the opposite for me. Since I understood how dramatically different I am from the majority of people, I tend to hide in some safe places even more than before. I don´t try to fit in anymore where I can´t fit in.

[Kitty Incognito]

Hi, Kitty!

I just wanted to comment that I have been feeling the same way. I have struggled for most (if not all) of my life with social anxiety and rock-bottom self-esteem, and therefore I have a hard time connecting with people. Since joining this site and discovering and accepting who I really am, I've felt so much more confident. As a result, my social anxiety has been less severe.

For me, I think it is really just seeing first-hand that there are people who think just the way I do and knowing I am not alone. It makes me feel like more of a real human being who is just as deserving and important as anyone else is. Confidence is really the key for me, and accepting my sexuality has really given me the boost I needed.

Along that same vein, I think getting the courage to even talk about my sexuality with anyone has helped take a load off my shoulders. It's kind of been something I've considered taboo, I guess, so I have been afraid of even mentioning it. Opening up, again, really helps.

Maybe this is the same for you. Perhaps a little self-discovery and acceptance is all you needed! :) Whatever it is, I am glad you feel you are connecting with others more deeply, and I hope you continue to feel good about yourself!

Thanks for commenting!

I think you're right. I thought I had acceptance myself before, but maybe I didn't actually know me that well. There must have been some part of me that was aware of that and made me feel alone, undeserving of any kindness, acceptance, or even friendship. I always felt afraid that if I let anyone get too close, they might "find out" even though I couldn't even name what it was that I was afraid they would discover about me :D

There are times that it's a little overwhelming though. It's almost like I've suddenly gained another sense (like hearing or vision) and I don't know how to interpret it all yet.

[Kitty Incognito]

It´s the opposite for me. Since I understood how dramatically different I am from the majority of people, I tend to hide in some safe places even more than before. I don´t try to fit in anymore where I can´t fit in.

I guess I've always felt dramatically different from the majority of people, but just couldn't put my finger on what that difference was. I still haven't opened up about it outside of this website because it's obvious to me that my husband wouldn't understand so I don't feel 100% safe. I'm still hiding all of this from him.

There are still plenty of places that I don't fit in, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's more that I'm now recognizing and accepting other people's efforts to be my friend or to connect with me intellectually. I've accepted that sex doesn't have to be a part of it so now I'm more open to platonic relationships. Don't know if any of that makes sense or not, it's a little hard to explain :D

[Neurula]

No, can't say that I have.

It´s the opposite for me. Since I understood how dramatically different I am from the majority of people, I tend to hide in some safe places even more than before. I don´t try to fit in anymore where I can´t fit in.

I feel like this post is closer to my experience. I get weirded out thinking about how everyone around me is lusting after others...It's just so different from how I am. I go somewhere, and I couldn't care less if the people there are (sexually) attractive or not. But for others, it's very important. Of course, it's just what they do subconsciously, they don't always leave their house with a plan to find attractive people (unless they're going out to a party).

[butterflydreams]

The day I finally blew the lid off it and admitted it to myself (with a 4000 word blog post) I immediately felt better. I definitely looked at the world differently knowing that the inexperience I so frequently chided myself for was a natural (maybe even protective) result of who I was/am.

With others, I'm not constantly worried about conversations going to places that used to make me feel uncomfortable and inferior. It's easier to say, "hey, we're different, that's cool" and be done with it. I also feel I carry myself with more confidence in public spaces. Maybe because the mystery is gone?

[Enki]

It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle. - Sun Tzu

Intrepret Tzu's "enemies" as simple everyday trials of life.

The great swordsman is great because he intimately understands the strengths and weaknesses, power and limitations, of both himself and his weapon.

[Kitty Incognito]

The day I finally blew the lid off it and admitted it to myself (with a 4000 word blog post) I immediately felt better. I definitely looked at the world differently knowing that the inexperience I so frequently chided myself for was a natural (maybe even protective) result of who I was/am.

With others, I'm not constantly worried about conversations going to places that used to make me feel uncomfortable and inferior. It's easier to say, "hey, we're different, that's cool" and be done with it. I also feel I carry myself with more confidence in public spaces. Maybe because the mystery is gone?

I think the key might be the confidence. Even if other people don't know why, maybe they sense it? and maybe when we felt awkward the sensed that too?

Also, wow... 4000 words? I bet you DID feel better :)