What do you think is the reason you are asexual?

[ItsALongHardRoad]

^Funny thing:I am repulsed by my own desires.

[averylongwalk]

I don't think sexuality can be caused, but just like tastes, likes and dislikes preferences can be formed. thinking someone is cute, genuinely caring or being drawn to a person (for whatever reason) are unconscious and beyond control. repulsion, disdain or fear are all reactions and are formed consciously, meaning they are not accurate representations of sexuality.

idrc, but it is funny to watch people justify it sometimes.

[Purnkin Spurce]

Obviously I can never say why I'm asexual. But if I were to pin point it exactly..I think it's because I was so sheltered growing up. At least that's what contributed to my repulsion of sex. haha I really don't know. since I was a child I always viewed sexual things as gross and unattractive. I've always thought the idea of me participating in sex was extremely disgusting and it hasn't changed since then. I've not once ever had the urge to screw a person or be screwed by them.

[Sally]

Its based off of a genetic defect " or mutation as some quite frankly idiotic Asexuals say"

Same as Homosexuality but a different variation of the defect

self preservation is written in to our DNA. And that includes preserving our DNA by mating and reproduction

And there is a part of our genealogy that is corrupted

So therefore, things like homosexuality and asexuality are born.

I don't think you'll find much sympathy here for calling asexuals idiotic or defective. This is a site primarily for asexuals, and no one knows yet why people have different orientations.

[eee]

Older ace here and I don't think I was born this way though I had proclivity to asexual mentality my whole life. I remember being a regular sexual with high libido and was on my sexual prowess and conquests. Sexuality to me is very fluid and I remember experiencing a biological change. I am still a high functional libidolist but something in my brain that operates the main frame of sexual attraction is completely gone. I am like a straight person that turned completely gay in some ways. I went from super romantic sexual or demi sexual to aromantic but affectionate grey asexual or asexual. I am one prime example of having experienced it all and know what carnal desires and bodily pleasures feels like. I don't know if it's psychological or biological because the distinctive feeling took change in my brain more than my body. Asexual seems natural to me and my former self seemed like a completely different person or a phase I went through. Maybe I was asexual who went through a sexual phase. I am at the age where other women are at their highest sexual activity but I seem to be becoming more and more asexual. I almost don't act on my sexual arousal. My brain can't really envision sex and sexual attractions anymore...........it's like making cement for me. Cuddles became the new pleasure ;)

[butterflydreams]

As with so many things, I'm sure it's a combination of factors. Little bit of hard wiring from birth, combined with unique parental pressures of being the oldest child, and just my experiences seeing love and relationships in my childhood.

I never remember seeing my parents as affectionate towards one another. And despite being fairly open minded, they (more my dad than my mom) were very conservative about sexual issues. I never had my own room or much privacy as a kid, so there was never a safe place to explore that stuff on my own. Having a relationship just wasn't worth the hassle, never mind that it didn't really occur to me until I was almost 18 anyway.

I definitely don't think biology alone could get me all the way here though. When I told my mom about it, she said it was because I was always very introverted and somewhat shy. I think that was a conflating factor at best. I'm still introverted, but my shyness has improved considerably since I was younger.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I am torn as to whether there is a nature or nurture reason, perhaps it is both.

My childhood was one of not seeing any affection or intimacy between my parents, and one where romantic interest in girls was discouraged and responded to with "concentrate on your studies and forget about girls." This suggests a nurture basis.

On the other hand, the desire for sex and physical arousal have never been there at the thought of sexual contact. This suggests a nature basis.

But whatever the reason, this is me and I have never gotten a girl pregnant during a session of casual sex, I have never had the horror of marriage/divorce, I have never contracted an STD :-) That goodness I am this way!

[Mona Lisa]

There is no divine "reason" for my asexuality any more than there is a "reason" I have five fingers on each hand when six might be even more useful. It's just in my genes. There's no evidence that it's a "defect." Asexuality doesn't necessarily interfere with reproductive instinct (I know plenty of allosexuals who don't want to reproduce, and I know of asexuals who do). Genes mutate because that's how nature works. How we interpret genetic variation, on the other hand, can be a cultural product.

I wasn't sexually abused. I wasn't traumatized. I don't come from a super religious family (my mom was on the board of Planned Parenthood and gave my sister and I condoms when we went to college). I don't have a sexual dysfunction (I have a libido). My siblings, who were raised in exactly the same environment, are allosexual. My sexuality doesn't respond to psychological or physical treatment. I don't have a "reason" to be asexual and yet, here I am. It's my orientation, not a product of socialization or some mysterious catalyzing event.

This question seemed as ridiculous to me as asking a straight or gay person the reason they're the way they are. No wonder we can't be taken seriously. If you think know of a reason you in particular are asexual, that's perfectly fine, as long as you don't assume that every asexual person had something happen to them that "turned" them into asexuals.

[henshin]

I don't know why I'm asexual anymore than I know why I'm homoromantic. Neither are evolutionarily logical but they still exist in nature seemingly at random. From what research I've read there is likely a mix of chromosomal, hormonal and cultural factors at work.

I would question anyone that says genetics play a part though as surely that would make sexuality a heritable trait? which afaik has not been show. Although having typed that I do seemed to remember some twin studies about homosexuality. Going to look up.

[MossyOwl]

The moment I was born, I was asexual, I just didn't realize yet. Well actually, the birth of my asexuality probably occurred sometime during my development in the womb, but for all intensive purposes, I was asexual from the beginning. I don't really know how it came to be, but it did, and now I'm me. It makes perfect sense in the context of biology that most traits exist along a spectrum with a Gaussian distribution (the normal bell-shaped curve). Some traits (heterosexuality) are more common than others (asexuality/homosexuality/etc).

[Fire & Rain]

I honestly have no idea. I used to consider myself as "very sexual" but innately and isolated. I just have high libido and wild imagination that doesn't involve me or anyone I know irl.

[defaultuser]

Childhood trauma I suppose, I was about 4 or 5 when I watched anime called "Space Cobra" or something... (honestly don't remember correctly), this pathetic peace of a cartoon traumatized me for the rest of my life. It even had funny side effects, after that I wasn't able to watch other cartoons (even not anime) without feeling disturbed . Damn... these anatomically wrong, psychedelically made cartoons still haunt me. How's that linked to asexuality? I'm afraid my level of English isn't that good to explain that. But I can use somewhat familiar analogy. What if you uncovered some shocking truth like... hmmm.. like every meat you can buy from the shops is made of people, or all vegetables were nourished by rotten people (probably isn't that disturbing, but you get the idea).

Well of course this isn't enough to make someone into asexual. My other traumatizing experience was in the early childhood too, when I felt this damned hormone thing working, and I didn't like that, it's like your own body is trying to brainwash you. It's not like, it's something wrong you know, we need these things in order to grow right without any horrific pathologies, but still this doesn't make experience any more pleasant.

Oh and then within years I developed myself into what I am today. It's really a long story, besides that's not even what topic asks. Do I technically represent any gender? Well yes, I am male. Do I accept that? NEIN, NON, NEJ, NIET, NO. We are not just sum of our parts, we are what we believe ourselves to be.

Well, thanks to whoever have read that. This was rather big first message.

[WhenSummersGone]

...

[Chewy]

Could be born that way. Or that it's just imprinted in me that you have sex only after marriage. I never planned on getting married. Other factors might be 1) the amount of HIV/AIDS awareness ads in the 80's, 2) the amount of complains I hear from my mom about dad hassling her for sex.

So, not a big fan of sex. As to the lack of sexual attraction towards another person, I don't know. Guess I was born that way.

[jksummer]

I also have no idea why, but my inclination is that it is innate in me. I never felt like something was wrong with me - in my 20s when I first remember hearing the term 'sexuality', my thought was that I didn't have one. And I didn't consider it a problem. Sex doesn't disgust me, and I do get most of the sex jokes, it just doesn't interest me. I just didn't have a word - asexuality - for it until recently.

[blueokapi]

When I came out to my parents, their immediate reaction was to ask if it had anything to do with this tiny bit of sexual trauma I went through around age eight. I feel like that might have a little to do with it, but I also really think it might be genetic in my case. My mom has never been super into sex (I mean, obviously she does it with my dad, but she's told me that she could live without it and would never just want to sleep with some random man). And when I came out to my brother, he told me he felt really similarly. My dad, on the other hand, definitely seems to just be straight, and my littlest brother, at age 10, it already way more interested in relationships than I ever was. So I'd say it's something heritable for me, that my oldest brother and I both got from our mom. Maybe.

[Lychee]

I'm not certain about my sexuality yet (though I am certain that I'm homoromantic), but as the sexuality spectrum, I think the causes are also grey.

Some people might have a certain sexuality (or lack of it) for a precise reason (such as a trauma), some perhaps because of a social/cultural environment, some because of a disease (though it isn't sure which is the cause and which is the consequence), some might have no real reason and were just born this way... *plays Lady Gaga in the background*

In my case, I'm unsure, there are hints but no defined facts. It is suspected that I have a psychotrauma in a corner deep inside my subconscious, and it is also suspected that I might have Asperger - but none of these two have been proven. So who knows? I don't think the reason really matters though.

Though, I do like to think about orientation (whether it's romantic, sexual, aesthetic or sensual) just the same way I think of tastes. You like/dislike a gender the same way you like/dislike, I don't know, cakes.

[marki]

How I was born.

[Sally]

Does anyone question sexuals as to why they're sexual?

[Squawk]

I think people are naturally driven towards reproducing, assuring the safety of the species. Therefore, everyone 'should' theoretically be born being sexually attracted to the opposite sex, and that not happening could be due to a number of things:

1) Hormone imbalance;

2) Something unusual in the 'wiring' of the brain, which stops us from being able to perceive someone as sexually attractive - notice that I used the word 'unusual' rather than 'wrong'. It was intentional. I don't perceive asexuality as wrong, or as bad, just... not logically natural, as it goes against the perseverance of the species. This does not constitute a problem given that the asexual population constitute about 1% of the general population and if we don't contribute to the growth of the numbers it'll hardly diminish out survival chances...

3) Psychological/developmental issues.

4) Also, I think that people who strongly value rationality and independence could possibly be more prone to being asexual, as they don't value or don't see sense in a lot of social 'trends' or 'customs' or 'societal norms' - I'm a little unsure about this one, to be honest, but just a thought. Could be, I suppose.

5) ASD.

And my own case, extreme introversion and disinterest in just about most things related to people in general. I don't care much about people who mean nothing in terms or material/tangible gain, and anything outside of that realm is of no importance to me, so I don't get the need for sex.

I mean, rationally I understand that by having sex I could help maintain a satisfactory relationship with someone I felt could be useful to me, but that's about it.

[Guest]

Does anyone question sexuals as to why they're sexual?

In my head, I sometimes do wonder that about sexuals... because being sexual is just so alien to me.

But I'm certain their answer would be the same kind of "dunno, dude, that's just how it is!?" that I'd answer in regards to my asexuality. So I consider it kinda pointless to ask the question out loud. I'll just go with "probably something genetic and/or early childhood environment related"; I doubt we'll ever get a more precise answer than that, anyway. Brains and personalities are iffy that way. ;)

[lanm1192]

When I was visiting my aunt a while back, I woke up and inadvertently heard a conversation between her and my uncle over skype. My mentioning of asexuality on facebook had come up, and she decided, since it was so rare naturally, that it might have something to do with me being on the streets as a teenager.

This pissed me off to no end, though I'm not really sure why. I did have sex with older men, not always particularily happy about it, but ALWAYS consensual. I've always been of the opinion that age difference doesn't particularily matter if you're sexually aware and consenting, what people percieve as a difference between younger men possibly using you, or older men, I'll never understand.

Another thing is, I've never felt the same as others in regards to attraction or sexuality. Fucking someone because their hot has always seemed idiotic in my eyes, and even in grade school, there was no comprehension as to what people's obsessions were over how hot so and so is, blah blah blah. I never felt it. I recognized asthetically attractive people, but otherwise, nothing. Libido, fantasies, but who gives a shit in regards to partners.

I am much more bothered by sex now, but that started with my voices (I'm schizoaffective bipolar). They started playing what was essentially porn in my head, when I first became sex repulsed, and I decided it was so disgusting, I would be celibate. That ended around 19 or 20 I believe, but I did relose interest, or willingness more exactly, in having sex with others. Part of this is the voices, part is just dealing with assholes, part I'm just realizing I'm much more comfortable taking care of myself if the need arises.

I can't honestly watch kissing or sex on television, and even noticing complimentary physical feelings is awkward, because these damned things seem to enjoy hassling me to no end anyway they can (this bit didn't happen until after I conclusively decided I was asexual *sigh*), but I don't feel there's much psychological cause from "abuse". I may be wrong, but to me, other than the repulsion, the lack of attraction/interest has been prevalent for too long to have been caused by it.

I just realized I've rambled and not really answered the topic question. Well, that's what I don't think caused it. What could have caused it, other than naturally just being it? Far be it from me to know, my memory of my childhood circumstances is utter shit at this point, and I do not have the necessary psychological understanding to even begin trying to reason anything out there. I wasn't neglected per say, but my mother (and father, but not so horrible) was an alcoholic, and had her moments, but I've almost never linked sexuality to emotional connection, unless you count just assuming that's what couple did/were for as that -_-. I don't know it matters what caused it, its not a bother me either way, so who cares.

[Lenika]

Well for ages I thought everyone was like me and I still have no idea what the general population is going through. Lol

I'm capable of emotional companionship. I have come to find I hold my friends much more dear than normal, they can be lik family to me, but it stops at giving someone a hug. There are personality's I just click with and I feel a connection with the person, but nothing sexual. I always thought that's what 'attraction' was. Until I learnt it wasn't.

I just like people I can be my self around and have common interest, its unconditional, I just enjoy companionship and feeling a person is safe to be around. Like a family

[edward135]

I'm asexual for the same reason I have toes where my thumbs should be...

I'm not really human :p

[Exanimis]

I'm just wired this way, I think. I've felt this way ever since I can remember. I don't have any conditions which could make me "assailable" (ex: abuse, disability, etc.)

And what really makes me think I'm just wired this way is that I do enjoy sex as much as the next non-ace, but I don't usually feel sexual attraction. So the not feeling sexual attraction bit is what's REALLY mysterious. I can't imagine any reason, apart from genetics/nature, why I would enjoy sex but not feel the attraction.

I relate to this imensely.

Besides my experiencing being a bit different.

Have you ever eaten something that you do not actually like but you are able to know when it tastes good? Same stuff here.

As to why I feel this way? No clue:

" I don't have any conditions which could make me "assailable" "

[Amber5886]

For me when I was growing up I had the kind of mom who was overly sexual. I learned about it at a young age, she ha many many boyfriends and it wasn't a taboo thing in our house.

But it never made her happy.

She tried to fill this void in her life with men, marriages and relationships. She's 50 now and I can honestly say I don't think she's ever been single. And I don't judge her for it, everyone is different and I respect her choices but I am and always have been a logical person. I saw her pattern of behavior and I saw that she was never any happier.

I learned at a young age that sex and relationships don't make you whole. They don't enhance you or fill voids so instead of focusing on those things as a kid and as a teenager I focused on the things that did make me happy and made me whole.

I can also note that I have a violent history with sex. I wot detail it because the last thing I want to do is trigger someone but sex in my experiance wasn't always by choice or without regret and that left a bad impression on me.

Whenever I get caught in the act I clam up, I get nerovuse and all I want to do is go away. I don't feel attraction for anyone to begin with which doesn't help matters either but I react to being approached in a sexual way like someone would react to being naked in front of a crowd.

That's just my experiance with it.

[Amber5886]

What really gets me though is that I really don't find people attractive in that way. I know what a nice body looks like, or a kind smile and I can tell when someone is good looking but to imagine having sex with that person or to even want to imagine that is beyond weird.

Even if I do like someone in that way doing anything aside from kissing has always been awkward and I feel out of place. It's not that it doesn't feel good it's just that I jump back and forth from "I have better things to do" to "I really don't belong here."

[AlbeanDaJellybean]

Well, i think it's probably to do with the way i was brought up. I was brought up as a christian, and even though i didn't stick with it, i kinda downloaded "everybody is equal and so should be treated as equal" into my head. so, i've Thought about it alot, and decided, gender doesn't matter either. so yeha. that's how i'm asexual

[Kurgarra]

I am pretty sure my reasons stem from a traumatic childhood in a christian cult church. As kids, we were harangued during youth group for having a "spirit of lust" among us. Girls were taught that we had to police ourselves, lest we tempt a man (any man, single, married, our own age, younger, older, whatever) to think sinful thoughts. Because "As a man thinks, so is he".. Meaning, if you tempted him to think about adultery with you, then it's just as if he had committed adultery with you. Watch what you say, watch what you wear, watch how you sit or bend over or hold your arms when you're standing at church... It was never ending.

Most sermons were about submission, sin, the flesh. Men who questioned the pastors in any way were singled out for sleep-deprived overnight prayer sessions with the prophet on the phone from England, accusing them of having molested family members. This happened to at least three men I know of.

There's so much more that went on. But I'm sure that's the biggest factor in my asexuality.

[rdos]

I think the reason for asexuality has to do with planned reproduction. Before the age of contraceptives, it was pretty functional to be asexual as this meant you could decide when to have sex and reproduce, something sexuals cannot as sex is a kind of compulsive behavior they cannot do without.