Ummm.....

[matrix36]

So on my journey to find the true me I kind of hit a question that had been going through my head lately. I have decided I am asexual and really I am perfectly okay with it...sometimes. So I find the same gender attractive in what way I have no idea. I can tell the difference between someone being attractive in a aesthetic way and a sexual way; however, I can also see the somewhat sexual attraction. **Warning** Do I get an erection when around certain people or just by looking at them...No. But I feel like I can get the jest of someone being sexually attractive to other people(Abs, Pecs, Biceps, etc.) but yet when I see that I get this weird mixture of emotions, emotions like questioning, and like as if it really doesn't matter along with me not really caring or wanting that in a person that I would want to be in a relationship with. I feel as if I do have some sexual attraction but I am not even sure if that is sexual attraction. I would like to experience intercourse with someone that I love but yet that is partially because of curiosity.

I have this class with this really cute kid who sits in front of me, he plays football so he looks really beautiful(I hate using this word because it makes me feel like if I am trying to be in a twilight world but its the best one I can use to describe this person so...) but the thing is if we were to ever to be in a relationship(If he plays for the same team), hugging, cuddling, and MAYBE kissing would be as far as our physical intimacy would go. When in class all I pretty much can do is stare at him which sounds kinda creepy but its not in a sexual way its in a way that I can't describe but it feels very different than looking at the kid to the left or right of me. **Warning** As I said before I don't get and erection thinking about this kid but just more of admiration like a crush. Can I forget about this kid easily? Yes I do it all the time, most people define crushes as being all flustered when talking about or with this certain person along with non stop thinking about them with what you love about them but in reality all I think about him is how we are kinda friends, how I am to indecisive to decide wither I would like to be better friends with this guy, and sometimes maybe him and his body, but the thinking of his body doesn't happen often and usually its not how beautiful it is but mainly things I didn't notice before or the skin tone(is it closer to orange, red, brown, or any other color). I have been really struggling a lot with this. At times I do wan't intercourse but I question if that is even sexual attraction or me being me and thinking about everything in life, and at other times its something that is at the bottom of my list in goals in life. It's something that I think about everyday not that I want it but if I might want it someday and if me experiencing "sexual" thoughts is a result of hormones, libido, or any other contributing factor. I really am super bad at understanding my life in this certain topic. Please help, tell me everything you might be thinking, message me if you don't want to post to I would be perfectly okay with answering questions. Thank you for your time.

PS: The closest thing to getting flustered around this guy is me having a panic attack but that wasn't his fault he just said "Hi" to me at the wrong place and time

[Guest]

Hi and welcome. Give your self time.

[Hooded_Crow]

Hi there!

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. It's a lot harder to label yourself when you're not on the extreme end of the spectrum (ie. asexual, aromantic and comfortably single, no libido).

I've experienced that kind of thinking towards one or two people in my life (I'm 24). They were never what I would call 'conventionally sexy', nor did I ever think of them as sexy. But there was something that I recognised in those people that drew me to them. And by 'drew', I mean made me curious about them, made me want to know them better, made me want a priviledged relationship with them. But, then again if nothing like that ever happened (which it did not), well, I could live with it easily (which I did).

There was never anything sexual about those feelings. I would say that your 'cuddling, hugging, maybe kissing' rule applied perfectly there. I did find them beautiful, and I did like looking at them, and it did feel different from looking at other people. But still, not sexually.

I do wish to find a romantic life partner and I think I might want to try having sex with them, out of curiosity and as a way of feeling close to them. I basically think that if I loved them, then I would feel honoured that they want me to share something that intimate with them.

It sounds to me like you are indeed asexual and you don't need to second-guess yourself. Whenever doubt hits me, I try to concentrate on how sure I felt the day before and to refrain from over-thinking it. Or, you know, I might post a huge thread on here to complain. :P

[matrix36]

I still question whether me liking them is sexual attraction or romantic attraction, I don't feel the need to have intercourse with this guy, even though I do find him to be quite fit and beautiful I don't think of him as you said "conventionally sexy" but yet having intercourse with him would be something that would worry me, i would have mixed feelings of happy and scared, along with being bored, but personally would never be the reason for having sex. Can someone please describe to me how you feel when you are sexually attracted to someone besides the physical signs because I don't get the physical indications of sexual attraction.