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derenai

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Hi!

So um I don't know what to say exactly but well, I'm a 24 years old female from Switzerland and studying to become a librarian.

I've identified as ace for about a year, mostly because I never heard of asexuality before I stumbled upon a few posts on tumblr. Sex has always baffled me but always thought that, well, that's what people do so it must be good and I should do it too because that's what people in love do. Which led to... not too pleasant moments with the only boyfriend I had (and is long gone). I've never been good to stood up for myself, you see, especially not when I was so young and lost.

It's better now that I know there are people like. And also that I can actually say what's different with me because I feel like before knowing about asexuality I never realised I didn't feel sexual attraction. I just thought I was prude or shy. I still struggle to accept my asexuality sometimes though. I read about it on tumblr, follow a few blog but I never actually got involved in the community and I think I need to, to feel less isolated. Also I feel that getting involved is a way to learn to better stand up for myself and talk about asexuality if I need to.

I'm not out, mostly because I don't want to draw attention to myself and because I'm afraid people won't understand or laugh at me. There's also not really anyone that matters enough for me to want to overcome that fear. It's all very well to talk about that on the internet, less easy in person. I think also not to take part in the community was a way not to think too much about my identity because I felt it was easier. The thing is, ignoring it won't help me accept myself so here I am.

What made me change my mind too is that there's a LGBTQIA film festival near where I live that's just published their program and in their intro they say they're "proud to have added an A to their name for Allies, Friends and Others" (they all begin with an A in my language). I was so happy when I saw the A and so disappointed and hurt when I saw myself relegated in the "others" (it does feel a lot like "not worth mentionning", doesn't it? and also doesn't help visibility at all). I'm very shy and lack self-confidence, so involving myself in visibility has always made me afraid, in a way. But I also realised that if I didn't say anything, it might be that no one else did. So I decided to write to them and explain about asexuality and aromanticism and why it's important to acknowledge them. It turns out they actually knew about it, just didn't think important to actually say out loud that ace and aro are included in the festival. They don't seem eager to change that either, although they at least realise it might have been a faux-pas, but said they'd like to meet me anyway. All that to say that I somehow got myself involved in visibility anyway and it felt strange to keep away from the community in these conditions. I also want to do this the best I can, even if it's not much.

Anyway, this turned into a novel so I'm going to stop here. I hope I didn't bore you already :)

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welcome! i really do feel you with your first part. That's exactly what I thought (excpt, i've never had a boyfriend, so it was "this is what adults who hang out with other adults do") going through my stuff. Feel free to hit me up, send a message or something. I'll be here! :)

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EmotionalAndroid

Welcome to the community, derenai! I hope you find it helpful and empowering!

I am very shy as well and have never wanted to get involved in any visibility groups or anything in real life. That's awesdome that you got the courage to write to your local group and ask them about including asexuality! (That's one thing that bothers me, too, that such groups generally ignore asexuals.)

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Aw! Thank you both for your hearty welcome!

welcome! i really do feel you with your first part. That's exactly what I thought (excpt, i've never had a boyfriend, so it was "this is what adults who hang out with other adults do") going through my stuff. Feel free to hit me up, send a message or something. I'll be here! :)

Yeah, it's so weird, like everyone's doing it and you're just like, what? why would I want to do that? Anyway, feel free too message me too :)

Welcome to the community, derenai! I hope you find it helpful and empowering!

I am very shy as well and have never wanted to get involved in any visibility groups or anything in real life. That's awesdome that you got the courage to write to your local group and ask them about including asexuality! (That's one thing that bothers me, too, that such groups generally ignore asexuals.)

Thank you very much for your encouragements! It means a lot to me. I really understand why you wouldn't want to get involved into anything in real life too. To be honest, I'm freaking out about meeting them already and regretting the whole thing a bit but well, I can't go back now so I'll try my best.

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Welcome to Aven! I hope you enjoy your time here. This reminds me of when I first discovered Aven...

Ahh...

But don't be afraid to message myself or anyone else. We're very friendly and happy to help.

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Hi and welcome to AVEN! I think you will enjoy being part of this awesome community...it's a great place to come and chase away the isolated feelings you have. I think it's awesome that you are going to meet them and I really hope it goes well. I was also disappointed that the A stood for allies (but I think it did before asexuality was gaining visibility). I hope you love being a member! :)

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Thank to both of you!

I think it's awesome that you are going to meet them and I really hope it goes well.

Thank you for the encouragements! It's much needed :)

I was also disappointed that the A stood for allies (but I think it did before asexuality was gaining visibility).

Yeah, honestly I thought they simply didn't know about ace/aro that's why I chose to write to them and talk about it and I couldn't have blamed them for not knowing seeing the low visibility that ace/aro have in my country. In fact, I'm more disappointed now that I know they actually know about ace/aro but just chose to ignore us. Let's hope I can convince them to change that.

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Welcome! :cake:

I hope that festival will explicitly include ace/aro, and it's disappointing that they didn't, despite knowing of them. I know that it was hard for you, and I've felt that mindset of "If I don't do this, then no one else will", and having to go through something despite anxiety. You took the initiative by asking. I hope that meeting between you and those group members goes well!

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Welcome to AVEN! :cake: You've found the right place for support and awesome people. : ) I love this community, as do many others, so I hope you'll enjoy AVEN as well! We have to keep working on visibility so that the A is associated with asexuality (congrats to you on taking a stand!). I mean, sure, allies are great...always great to have allies, but they aren't a minority group that needs be represented. Anyhoo, best wishes to you!

pumpkin-cake.jpg

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Thank you to both of you!

kelico - That's exactly what I'm trying to tell them. Yes, allies are great and it's definitely important to include them in such events but not to the detriment of minorities. They didn't seem very receptive but we'll see when I meet them. Thanks for the encouragements!

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