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How do you ignore flirting and not take it as what it is?


CakeMonster64

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CakeMonster64

I noticed that my asexual/aromantic best friend has a flirty personality only toward me. At first I thought her flirting meant something like she has a crush on me, so I asked her and she told me she only sees me as a friend.

Well, one day I started to feel even more close to her and attracted to her, she continued her flirty playfully toward me. I started to like the attention she gives me and began to crush on her. So I flirted back in a more platonic playful way. And we just naturally bounce off each other, I love making her laugh, giving her attention and letting her tease me back too because she loves to push my buttons. (her own words btw)

I told her my feelings for her but she doesn't want a relationship, I told her that her flirting confuses me and she said that she wasn't aware that she was flirting to me because she is oblivious to her actions. However she still flirts with me. And no matter what I do it still continues and i know for sure she doesn't do it with anyone else.

So how can I not let her flirting get to me? I want to move on and look at her as a friend, I mean I know I am not imaging things because our friends noticed it too.

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

The way I deal with flirting is to deliberately interpret it in a way that they didn't intend. For example:

(Me): I really want to ride that trolley after we close the shop, do you? We can take turns pushing! :D

(Sexual friend): You can ride me!

(Me): Hmm I think the trolley'd be more comfortable!

Or, I simply pretend I don't hear. Presumably she wouldn't be flirting in that way though would she?

I would simply let a flirty comment go over your head as much as possible. Maybe you could gently point out to her that you're finding her manner flirtatious?

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Anime Pancake

I read a thread exactly like this some time ago.

I think it's good that you let her know how you feel. If her flirting confuses you and is messing with your feelings and thoughts, and if she doesn't seem considerate of how it makes you feel, you may choose to spend some time away from her or distance yourself. Or just try to tell her again that you don't want to flirt if she doesn't have feelings for you.

It would be awesome if she took into consideration what you said and became more conscious of your feelings, but if she still flirts after you have told her how it affects you, if she isn't willing to change, you may want to just distance yourself so that your feelings aren't toyed with.

It's important that both of you are comfortable, not just her.

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When people verbally flirt with me, I just change the topic, it's usually very ackward, but then I put the person on my "ignore and avoid" list.

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CakeMonster64

I read a thread exactly like this some time ago.

I think it's good that you let her know how you feel. If her flirting confuses you and is messing with your feelings and thoughts, and if she doesn't seem considerate of how it makes you feel, you may choose to spend some time away from her or distance yourself. Or just try to tell her again that you don't want to flirt if she doesn't have feelings for you.

It would be awesome if she took into consideration what you said and became more conscious of your feelings, but if she still flirts after you have told her how it affects you, if she isn't willing to change, you may want to just distance yourself so that your feelings aren't toyed with.

It's important that both of you are comfortable, not just her.

5 months ago I'd ignored her for 4 months right after I express my feelings and thoughts about her actions again. It was hard for me to not talk to her via text message as often or invite her to some summer events. Well just 4 or so weeks ago we hung out together for some catch up with each other. And well nothing had changed. Her flirting made me fall for her again.

It's hard to avoid your best friend even a text message from them, because I am the only (that I know of) closet friend she's got. But I am trying my best as in keeping busy and trying to not hang out with her as much.

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I have never had the problem you described, but I have been on the opposite side of this. Like your friend I am also aromantic and asexual, and sometimes I'll find myself flirting with someone I have absolutely no romantic feelings for. I don't do it to hurt the other person, it just happens naturally because I care alot for my close friends, and flirty behavior can overlap a lot with friendly behavior. I usually don't even realize I'm doing until someone else points it out to me.

Since you say your friend claimed to not be aware of her actions, maybe she is like me and genuinely has trouble telling when friendly behavior crosses into flirty behavior. If you haven't already, try giving her specific examples of things she does that come off as flirty so she knows what to watch out for. It may not make the flirting stop completely, but if she knows specifically which if her actions is hurting you, it help her catch herself and cut down on it. I know if someone I cared about told me specific things I was doing came off as flirty and asked me to stop, I'd do my best to cut down on those behaviors.

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Anime Pancake
5 months ago I'd ignored her for 4 months right after I express my feelings and thoughts about her actions again. It was hard for me to not talk to her via text message as often or invite her to some summer events. Well just 4 or so weeks ago we hung out together for some catch up with each other. And well nothing had changed. Her flirting made me fall for her again.

It's hard to avoid your best friend even a text message from them, because I am the only (that I know of) closet friend she's got. But I am trying my best as in keeping busy and trying to not hang out with her as much.

I know how you feel. Same thing happened to me.

I stopped talking to a close friend a while ago for reasons that I thought were very good, but she ended up talking to me again at some point and I ended up getting caught up in old memories again. It can be tough. Just do your best, communicate how you feel, and if she still isn't looking out for your feelings, look out for them yourself.

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CakeMonster64

I can understand that her flirting isn't intentional. We always had a playful flirty relationship ever since we met each other. I mean that is what made us become friends. I was the one that made her laugh so hard and she continued her flirty games just to have a laugh and enjoy making me drive up the walls! I guess it is what we do to bond with each other. If she wants her flirty to mean something she will do it but if its nothing but fun and games then I should look at it that way.

I will move forward from this and I will find my true love.

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You respond to her flirty behavior which is why she flirts. You said she only acts like this with you. Observe how those she doesn't flirt with act around her and adapt those behaviors. The bottom-line is that you get treated how you allow others to treat you.

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CakeMonster64

You respond to her flirty behavior which is why she flirts. You said she only acts like this with you. Observe how those she doesn't flirt with act around her and adapt those behaviors. The bottom-line is that you get treated how you allow others to treat you.

I am now trying to do that, ignore her and don't take her seriously.

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I dunno, I flirt with the people I'm close to, I think. I'm not exactly sure if I'm reading it right, but when I feel like I'm very close to someone, I'll... it just feels like I am flirty? Mind, I'm ace, so it's not flirting with any intention. It just is. If your best friend doesn't have too many other close friends, then she probably "flirts" with you as a way to, Idk, show her appreciation for you or whatever.

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